Guys: Giving Up Control?

[TheEqu]

Stop tempting me. :wink:

Mebbe I want to tempt you lol

Hopefully if my next hookup seem a bit kinky, I might pluck up the courage to test the water, thank you

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Oooohh... a lot! Most of it actually, apart from the standard - Oh yeah man, we did it! Hell yeah! Ha ha... bla bla...

In fact, from my experience, guys prefer talking about their sexual life with their female friends.

Wow, I am disturbed by that. Why can't men explore their sexuality freely?
Have you ever felt that you were dating someone with whom you could not share your intimate life?

Mebbe I want to tempt you lol

Hopefully if my next hookup seem a bit kinky, I might pluck up the courage to test the water, thank you

That's only because I shared a pic and you know what I look like. You're hooked and haven't even seen the boobies yet. :biggrin1:

 

[TheEqu]

That's only because I shared a pic and you know what I look like. You're hooked and haven't even seen the boobies yet. :biggrin1:

I'm liking the use of the word 'yet' in that sentence

None of my male friends know what I like or get up to. It's just something we don't do. I know some blokes love to brag, but I'd rather not discuss what I got up to last night with my best mates.

They don't even know I post here!

 

[ArchKnight]

Wow, I am disturbed by that. Why can't men explore their sexuality freely?
Have you ever felt that you were dating someone with whom you could not share your intimate life?

Hmm, you shouldn't be really, it's just the way we're "built". It's always a competition among guys, and I guess it has a lot to do with evolution (regardless of how "washed-out" that phrase might seem).
Once you step out of the "ordinary" you're stigmatized in a way. I'll give you a simple and stupid example. I was out with some mates, a real "jolly boys outing" if you'd like, we were laughing and talking about all sorts of things. Conversation turned to sex at one point, and I commented on how my GF at the time liked my shaved balls. Do I need to tell you it was a subject of subsequent jokes for months?
See how silly it can be? Even though most of them probably either shave or trim, but it's just one of those things that aren't ment to be "admitted" out loud.
As a guy, you're first and foremost supposed to be masculine and tough. Shaving balls is for sissies, you know...:wink: To explore one's sexuallity among other men is - gay. No offence to anyone, don't get me wrong.

As far as your second question is concerned, I wouldn't say I've dated anyone I couldn't share my intimacy with, but there've been situations where I felt I'm not able to express myself fully. In a sexual way, if you know what I mean.
I'm not a native speaker of English, so it's kind of difficult to clearly express myself, so sorry for that.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Hmm, you shouldn't be really, it's just the way we're "built". It's always a competition among guys, and I guess it has a lot to do with evolution (regardless of how "washed-out" that phrase might seem).
Once you step out of the "ordinary" you're stigmatized in a way. I'll give you a simple and stupid example. I was out with some mates, a real "jolly boys outing" if you'd like, we were laughing and talking about all sorts of things. Conversation turned to sex at one point, and I commented on how my GF at the time liked my shaved balls. Do I need to tell you it was a subject of subsequent jokes for months?
See how silly it can be? Even though most of them probably either shave or trim, but it's just one of those things that aren't ment to be "admitted" out loud.
As a guy, you're first and foremost supposed to be masculine and tough. Shaving balls is for sissies, you know...:wink: To explore one's sexuallity among other men is - gay. No offence to anyone, don't get me wrong.

Great points! I think what I find disturbing was the thought of how the pressure to act or present a certain way stifles male sexuality, and forces it, for lack of a better term, underground. I mean, not every guy likes prostate stimulation, however, for those who do, if the partner is not open to it or they feel it best not to even bring it up - does it become this secret thing? When it should be easy to say something like, "baby, can you stick your finger in my ass while you blow me?" Just something that occurred to me.

As far as your second question is concerned, I wouldn't say I've dated anyone I couldn't share my intimacy with, but there've been situations where I felt I'm not able to express myself fully. In a sexual way, if you know what I mean.
I'm not a native speaker of English, so it's kind of difficult to clearly express myself, so sorry for that.

Thank you, I know what you mean and your English is excellent! :smile:

I'm liking the use of the word 'yet' in that sentence

None of my male friends know what I like or get up to. It's just something we don't do. I know some blokes love to brag, but I'd rather not discuss what I got up to last night with my best mates.

They don't even know I post here!

Men. :09:
Unfortunately, I have introduced people to LPSG, so they know all of my freakiness. :08:

 

[rob_just_rob]

How easy is it for you to give up sexual control to your partner?
Not necessarily in a D/s manner, but for your partner to introduce you to something you wouldn't normally take part in (butt play, tying you up), or, guide you to an orgasm (jerk off instruction, for example), or some other play where you follow their lead?

Can you give in and go with the moment? Or, is there always something in the back of your mind that does not want to submit to their will?

If you can give in, is it more your natural submissiveness or partner's talent?

If you can't, is there just a preference for routine/tried and true or something else that stops you?

I'm terrible at it. I make a lousy submissive, frankly.

 

[TheRob]

I would never let a woman be in charge in the bedroom, sex is too important to have it get fucked up and I've seen so very few women make good decissions in general life that it's quite clear I should be the one in charge sexually.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

I'm terrible at it. I make a lousy submissive, frankly.

As would I, however, I am open to exploring my submissive side. I know it might feel strange to explore that part of your identity, but, if a partner requested it, could you? For even one night?

I would never let a woman be in charge in the bedroom, sex is too important to have it get fucked up and I've seen so very few women make good decissions in general life that it's quite clear I should be the one in charge sexually.

OK. If that works for your relationships and you find them fulfilling. :shrug:

 

[rob_just_rob]

As would I, however, I am open to exploring my submissive side. I know it might feel strange to explore that part of your identity, but, if a partner requested it, could you? For even one night?

Oh, yes, I've given that a shot. I was peripherally into the d/s scene for about a year and a half, some time ago.

Thing is, I can be fairly headstrong and opinionated - I'm terrible for 'topping from the bottom'. So the few times I *have* given up control, it hasn't lasted long unless she has something very specific in mind, and a game plan in mind to accomplish it.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

Oh, yes, I've given that a shot. I was peripherally into the d/s scene for about a year and a half, some time ago.

Thing is, I can be fairly headstrong and opinionated - I'm terrible for 'topping from the bottom'. So the few times I *have* given up control, it hasn't lasted long unless she has something very specific in mind, and a game plan in mind to accomplish it.

:08: I feel like you are describing my issues.
Totally understand where you are coming from, thank you for sharing!

 

[petite]

Great points! I think what I find disturbing was the thought of how the pressure to act or present a certain way stifles male sexuality, and forces it, for lack of a better term, underground. I mean, not every guy likes prostate stimulation, however, for those who do, if the partner is not open to it or they feel it best not to even bring it up - does it become this secret thing? When it should be easy to say something like, "baby, can you stick your finger in my ass while you blow me?" Just something that occurred to me.

I see these questions all the time, the ones that read, "How do I ask my partner to do this without actually asking them?" I feel like they're looking for the secret to telepathy! You have to just ask. There's no way around it if you want to have great sex.

As would I, however, I am open to exploring my submissive side. I know it might feel strange to explore that part of your identity, but, if a partner requested it, could you? For even one night?

I don't have a desire to be dominant and I have no hope of dominating TheBoyfriend. He would try it if I wanted to do it, but he'd be so awful at it, I just know it. I just want to tie him up and do what I want with him. Maybe tease him a lot first. :smile:

 

[coolhungluke]

In my current relationship the girl has the power in bed. It is the first time that I have submitted like this.. and frankly I am loving it. She rides me like no other. It is erotic and fun.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

I see these questions all the time, the ones that read, "How do I ask my partner to do this without actually asking them?" I feel like they're looking for the secret to telepathy! You have to just ask. There's no way around it if you want to have great sex.

True, there is no way around just coming out with it. However, from the questions often posed by men on LPSG, I am getting a better understanding about why there may be some trepidation.

I don't have a desire to be dominant and I have no hope of dominating TheBoyfriend. He would try it if I wanted to do it, but he'd be so awful at it, I just know it. I just want to tie him up and do what I want with him. Maybe tease him a lot first. :smile:

Teasing is good! :biggrin1:

In my current relationship the girl has the power in bed. It is the first time that I have submitted like this.. and frankly I am loving it. She rides me like no other. It is erotic and fun.

Was it something you desired, or, never considered, but have found yourself pleasantly surprised?

 

[coolhungluke]

I always been turned on by the idea. However, I had no idea that a woman in control actually enhances the quality of the sex for both partners. When she is in control of the motions and thrusts, she is reacting to her own sensations-- she orgasms as many times as she wants riding my throbbing cock. It is incredibly hot to see and feel her cum this way. It is watching her cum that actually puts me over the edge and makes me cum.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

What is it with most of the men (and Petite) saying the right stuff in this thread?
I am officially all tingly, CHLuke. :08:

 

[petite]

True, there is no way around just coming out with it. However, from the questions often posed by men on LPSG, I am getting a better understanding about why there may be some trepidation.

Do you mean that you're understanding better now why men are afraid to just come out and say what they want? Yes, but the answers have confirmed my suspicions about the reasons why someone wouldn't just come out and ask. It seems that the reasons are the same for both men and women. Neither wants to seem to be doing something that is inappropriate for their gender, they don't want to make their partner uncomfortable, they don't want to be judged, and they're afraid that it would make sex awkward. These are all realistic fears. It's the reason why having a real adult sexual relationship is so hard, it involves confronting the possibility of an uncomfortable moment.

Teasing is good! :biggrin1:

Yeah, actually the fact that he's not naturally submissive is part of the fun of tying him up, that it would make him a little frustrated, that he'd struggle a little with the desire to take over. I think that's part of why I think it would be fun. :tongue:

I always been turned on by the idea. However, I had no idea that a woman in control actually enhances the quality of the sex for both partners. When she is in control of the motions and thrusts, she is reacting to her own sensations-- she orgasms as many times as she wants riding my throbbing cock. It is incredibly hot to see and feel her cum this way. It is watching her cum that actually puts me over the edge and makes me cum.

All of my favorite positions are woman on top positions but I've never thought that being on top means that I'm being dominant. He is most definitely active underneath me, thrusting with his hips, grinding, using his arms to grab me, moving my torso with my arms in time with my thrusting motion. He's as active under me as I am underneath him. It feels less like one of us is dominant and more like we're symbiotic, working together, regardless of whom is on top.

 

[D_N Flay Table]

I'm super dominant alpha. Never found a woman that can even come close.

 

[D_N Flay Table]

PS Kitty. Shove a dildo in my ass while I get blown. Now were talking!!!

 

[vibrator]

Don't do anything that makes me uncomfortable, gotta protect yourself and do what feels right. Why do anything else.

 

[Catnub]

What is it with most of the men (and Petite) saying the right stuff in this thread?
I am officially all tingly, CHLuke. :08:

I'd like to butt in and say the wrong stuff then Giving up control doesn't appeal to me, and my girlfriend has little interest in getting control either. We may be a little on the extreme end of the spectrum, as I don't even enjoy blowjobs much (only for brief foreplay), and neither one of us cares for woman on top positions. I don't think it's to do with any subconscious fears, it just doesn't match our preferences at all. She's really into light submission, and I'm very much into light domination.

The only scenario I could imagine where something like this would appeal to me would concern teasing where I eventually break free and ravish her passionately. And in that case, I'd probably prefer her playing with herself and giving me a show, rather than being focused on me.

Also, I actually did have an ex girlfriend shove her entire hand up my ass gradually during a long session. There wasn't anything dominant about that, and it was actually more similar to massage than sex. It was fairly pleasant up until the last finger, I asked her to keep going mostly out of curiousity The look on her face afterwards was priceless.

Concerning the compromise topic, we do that a bit differently. I'm moderately interested in anal sex, without it being something I can't do without. I don't feel I'm missing out without it, it's just a small bonus item on the menu. My girlfriend cares very little for it, but will do it for my sake. We tried it once and it was a turnon for me, but I didn't enjoy doing something that she didn't really care for. As such, it's stripped from the list.