Guys: Giving Up Control?

[Lex]

Despite what most people would have you believe, the person being penetrated is always in control, even when s/he is allowing you to "be in control." My hubby and I swap control in bed all the time.

 

[Bbucko]

Despite what most people would have you believe, the person being penetrated is always in control, even when s/he is allowing you to "be in control." My hubby and I swap control in bed all the time.

Yup: been saying this for years. The bottom carries all the control because the top must follow and respect his/her limits: without that understanding there's a part of consent that's missing, but that explains why I hear so many horror stories about terrible tops (all in deference to me, of course )

I kinda answered this same issue earlier today in another thread, but I'll quote it:

You've just described the female equivalent to a gay "powerbottom"; personally, it's the only kind of dominance that I can tolerate, as I much prefer submissive (but not passive) partners in play.

I do, however, make exceptions for well-experienced powerbottoms when it comes to not being quite such a control freak, at least in bed :wink:

Much as I prefer to remain in control over the who/how/what/when, a proper and well-intentioned powerbottom can be a welcome respite. And, as I wrote above, I abhor passivity in my sexual partners; that's the main reason why bondage hold so little appeal to me.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Bbucko and Catnub, I love guys like you. What would us subs do without you? :tongue:

 

[B_New End]

It could be good. Did it with my ex a few times and it was hot. I must say, that being dominated is actually an area where one of my few unfulfilled fantasies still reside.

 

[TallHairyLatino]

proud powerbottom here. haven't read the entire thread, but definitely like what Bbucko has to say.

 

[MercyfulFate]

I love giving up control, but girl on top all the time doesn't always do it for me. I guess I like to control how it feels as it goes along. Other than just intercourse, I'm down for it to be out of my control. A tied up blindfolded blow job is always awesome.

 

[cherychoper]

How easy is it for you to give up sexual control to your partner?
Not necessarily in a D/s manner, but for your partner to introduce you to something you wouldn't normally take part in (butt play, tying you up), or, guide you to an orgasm (jerk off instruction, for example), or some other play where you follow their lead?

Can you give in and go with the moment? Or, is there always something in the back of your mind that does not want to submit to their will?

If you can give in, is it more your natural submissiveness or partner's talent?

If you can't, is there just a preference for routine/tried and true or something else that stops you?


Reason I ask:
I have discussed this in previous posts, but I like to take control on occasion (ok, ok, a lot!) and open my partner to new sexual experiences. In doing so, I have noticed a 50/50 split between those totally open to it and others where it seems to go against their natures, and wonder what's stopping them from letting me have my way. *stomps foot* :08:

I would say it would be easy, if I knew the woman well and had complete trust in her.
This is an exciting concept, that would surly enhance any strong relationship. Just think of all the discoveries that could be made!

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

I'd like to butt in and say the wrong stuff then Giving up control doesn't appeal to me, and my girlfriend has little interest in getting control either. We may be a little on the extreme end of the spectrum, as I don't even enjoy blowjobs much (only for brief foreplay), and neither one of us cares for woman on top positions. I don't think it's to do with any subconscious fears, it just doesn't match our preferences at all. She's really into light submission, and I'm very much into light domination.
[/Snip]
Concerning the compromise topic, we do that a bit differently. I'm moderately interested in anal sex, without it being something I can't do without. I don't feel I'm missing out without it, it's just a small bonus item on the menu. My girlfriend cares very little for it, but will do it for my sake. We tried it once and it was a turnon for me, but I didn't enjoy doing something that she didn't really care for. As such, it's stripped from the list.

There is no wrong answer, each couple finds their own equilibrium. However, as someone who is very "yeah, let's try that!", I was a bit disappointed in my partner's reluctance to explore with that same enthusiasm. I certainly could suck him into a state of bliss and then spring a new activity on him, but prefer a "let's do this!" to coaxing.

I would say it would be easy, if I knew the woman well and had complete trust in her. This is an exciting concept, that would surly enhance any strong relationship. Just think of all the discoveries that could be made!

That's what I'm saying! Not every partner has to be like MercyfulFate and enjoy sex when he's "out of control", but being in a vulnerable space where you can give up control and feel good/calm/excited/whatever is important. Imo.

I'm super dominant alpha. Never found a woman that can even come close.

Oooh, a challenge! It isn't like we're not thisclose. At least for a few more weeks.

PS Kitty. Shove a dildo in my ass while I get blown. Now were talking!!!

Teasing.

 

[D_22]

bump!

As someone who likes to be aggressive and hold them down and show my dominance, I LOVE being put down and losing my control. When I hook up with someone who is willing to fight me for dominance and not let me completely submit to me, I'm turned on the most. And usually I feel good enough to just let the person win and do what they please, sort of like they've earned it. My ex girl used to fight me for control and one thing was great was that different days we "took turns" being the aggressor and in full control. But there were of course those few days where neither of us wanted to be the one in control, so those moments were rather weird. :redface:

 

[D_Dick_S_Lapp]

Sexual control is like a game to me. Giving up that control or making a woman work for it is some of the best parts. Now don't get me wrong. I don't mean dildo play or anything like that. But i do mean constriction and verbal domination that establishes that control. Nothing too out there but nothing too dull either. If its your's say it or take it and i'll do the same. Course this does depend on time, place and mood. All of that does come with knowing your partner also.

Great now i'm thinking about some hot lady hand cuffing me to a bedpost and having her way with me.

 

[D_Sal_Manilla]

if men really want to please then they should always have a session of being submissive or passive, just for the sole purpose to learn from the experience. Learn what she likes, what she wants, and what makes her feet curl. Also guys have to be observant to things their partner does.

As a submissive bottom, I know what men in my life want. I'm not just sucking his dick... I'm listening to his breathing, feeling the tension build up in his legs, and looking at his body language. In turn I can give him a great bj without saying much and when i can do that, I get off.

 

[deleted3782]

I don't think I would like to give up control and dabble in new experiences...it could get awkward and break past of all the boundaries I've spent a lifetime cultivating.