Guys, how much do you care about how size affects her pleasure?
- Thread starter Trott.lint
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This whole thread is a lesson in why a man should never ask a woman about the size
of her ex's cocks.
OP - I hope you and your missus work it out. Tbh, you have more patience and understanding than I do. If I was with a woman who wasn't into having her pissy eaten and saw it as unhygienic AND on top of that she had told me, in not so many words, I wasn't as good in bed as her ex, then I think I would have ended the relationship a long time ago. You're obviously a decent guy and also, it seems, pretty secure in yourself to be able to be told these things and maintain your desire for her
of her ex's cocks.
OP - I hope you and your missus work it out. Tbh, you have more patience and understanding than I do. If I was with a woman who wasn't into having her pissy eaten and saw it as unhygienic AND on top of that she had told me, in not so many words, I wasn't as good in bed as her ex, then I think I would have ended the relationship a long time ago. You're obviously a decent guy and also, it seems, pretty secure in yourself to be able to be told these things and maintain your desire for her
Edit:
"pussy", not "pissy". Lol
And it should be "exes'" cocks and not "ex's cocks" as that suggests her ex had more than one penis! Again, lol
"pussy", not "pissy". Lol
And it should be "exes'" cocks and not "ex's cocks" as that suggests her ex had more than one penis! Again, lol
At.your.cervix
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I care that my partner is finding it pleasurable when she's having sex with me. Period. In my case, and I'm sure for some others reading this, having an unusually long and thick dick is a double edged sword: in the right situations, when we're in total sync with each other's bodies/sensations being able to totally fill a woman often results in really satisfying sex for her; but if the woman I'm with has a shorter than average vagina, or that I get carried away with my thrusting and poke straight against her cervix OR if she's really tight and that night it's just taking me forever to cum (I've never cum quickly, even when I was young) my significant girth can start making the woman I'm with say "take it out" instead of "don't stop." So I'm glad when I can use the size of my cock to heighten the pleasure for the woman I'm with, and feel quite bad when my added size winds up inadvertently creating discomfort or pain. I have felt this way pretty much from the start of when I became sexually active.
Nosuportneeded
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"You wanna know the truth? You can't handle the truth!"
I have asked. It is an exercise in self security and an invitation to polite lies and/or misgivings. It is asking for a host of problems or the slim possibility of shallow validation. If you get the answer you want, will you accept/believe it? If you get the answer you don't want, what will you do/say/feel?
It's not whether to ask or not. It is to genuinely not care enough to ask. That is the goal. I have not achieved it.
The best solution is to find a woman with a small vagina. (Insert silly emoji here)
Really? I can't get any bigger. When I fuck I don't think about what if I was bigger. I think about using the tool God gave me to make her one happy woman. And she is! And I feel amazing when her pussy takes my cum. I never feel like is "shorted" her.
I could honestly care less so long as she seems into it.
If she is letting me fuck her more than once then I can deduce A I'm satisfactory B I'm not satisfactory but I'm so fucking awesome she wants me in her anyways.
both seem to be wins. If she's had better, then well lol good for her. IDC. I'll be as good as I'll be. I'm not going to compete. I think in a way if I was to compete I may actually perform worse *shrugs*
If she were to tell me that I wasn't as good out of malice. I'd leave the next day, seems like a massive red flag. :3 I'd fuck her before I left though.
If there was no malice and it somehow just cropped up. I'd let it go. Assuming I'm A and/or B. If it repeatedly cropped up. I'd leave. Seems like another red flag.
I'm not going to bother asking.I'm probably not the biggest she's had. Even less likely to be the biggest she has seen, and not the biggest she can have or see. There's nothing to gain. She isn't going to give me 1,000$ for being number 1. Probably won't give me anything tbh.
It seems like a very fruitless question that only has the chance to give you rotten produce.
A girl having bigger also won't deter me from wanting to fuck her. Take pornstars for example. Like Riley Reid.. I'd fuck her, knowing full well she's had at least 15 dudes way bigger than me. If we have sex on multiple occasions, again it must be because of A./B.
That's my view. I moderately care. At the end of the day. Me >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> them.
I'm not going to stress over it. I'll do my best to be good. If my best is not enough, I think it'd be good to part ways in order for both parties to find a superior match.
I hope that makes sense. I'm not a prick that is like, haha I came, that's all that matters. I just don't care enough to let it ruin my day if she thinks I suck or whatever on the negative side. There's billions of men and women... we both can find someone else.
If she is letting me fuck her more than once then I can deduce A I'm satisfactory B I'm not satisfactory but I'm so fucking awesome she wants me in her anyways.
both seem to be wins. If she's had better, then well lol good for her. IDC. I'll be as good as I'll be. I'm not going to compete. I think in a way if I was to compete I may actually perform worse *shrugs*
If she were to tell me that I wasn't as good out of malice. I'd leave the next day, seems like a massive red flag. :3 I'd fuck her before I left though.
If there was no malice and it somehow just cropped up. I'd let it go. Assuming I'm A and/or B. If it repeatedly cropped up. I'd leave. Seems like another red flag.
I'm not going to bother asking.I'm probably not the biggest she's had. Even less likely to be the biggest she has seen, and not the biggest she can have or see. There's nothing to gain. She isn't going to give me 1,000$ for being number 1. Probably won't give me anything tbh.
It seems like a very fruitless question that only has the chance to give you rotten produce.
A girl having bigger also won't deter me from wanting to fuck her. Take pornstars for example. Like Riley Reid.. I'd fuck her, knowing full well she's had at least 15 dudes way bigger than me. If we have sex on multiple occasions, again it must be because of A./B.
That's my view. I moderately care. At the end of the day. Me >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> them.
I'm not going to stress over it. I'll do my best to be good. If my best is not enough, I think it'd be good to part ways in order for both parties to find a superior match.
I hope that makes sense. I'm not a prick that is like, haha I came, that's all that matters. I just don't care enough to let it ruin my day if she thinks I suck or whatever on the negative side. There's billions of men and women... we both can find someone else.
Whew, some great posts overnight & I've got lots to say in response to them. No time now, but will answer comprehensively later today.
Thanks for responding, really glad for all the replies.
OK, here goes: I knew her ex, we were acquaintances & played on the same soccer team. EVERYBODY on the team knew he was very well hung because we showered together. In my early 20s that meant nothing to me - I stupidly assumed that if a woman was orgasming, it was like when we guys do - an orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. My gf didn't come outright & say he was better because he was bigger - that path took 15 years to get to. In the beginning, she merely said he hadn't been able to enter their first 4 attempts & when he did it was 'fucking' painful & put her off sex. But because she loved him, they carried on trying until he got in. And then after several attempts, she started to enjoy it.
The truth came out one day when a woman I work with who is a SQ said in a discussion in the office: 'Bigger is always better unless it's too big, and not many guys are too big.' I asked her to clarify & she said: 'Unless you're a woman who has had sex with a very well hung guy & enjoyed it, you just won't understand. It's sort of a conspiracy of silence among women who've had sex with huge guys.'
I was intrigued, and for the first time, I was curious about my gf's experiences with her ex. So I outright asked her & because I had NEVER before show any insecurity about size & performance, she just outright said: 'Yes, bigger is better. You feel more, it hits more spots, it stretches & makes you feel full, the friction is better & when he hits the back wall, it's like you've died and gone to heaven.' Were the orgasms better, I asked her, and she said: 'Yes, they were cervical. They caused tingling and goosebumps all over my body & left me 'out of it' for several minutes after.' Considering that after her clitoral orgasms with me, she gets straight up & makes coffee - well, that said it all.
As soon as she told me this, she realized I was quite shocked & immediately started backtracking, saying even though he physically filled her, I emotionally fill her & emotional to her is far more important than physical. That just made things worse. I went into a downward spiral of negativity, not wanting sex, becoming ashamed of being naked in front of her & of regarding myself as less of a man to her, and all other men & women. It was really debilitating. But I slowly came round, accepting that was her past, although I have to say sites like LPSG have really helped me. I find it's far better for me talking to guys with the opposite problem. Guys who are small and accept themselves by going into SPH - well, I respect their decision, but it's not for me. I can't delight in being 'small average'.
As background, I should add that my gf is my soulmate. I love her more than anyone else I've been with. But I realized from the start that sex isn't her 'thing'. Despite her experiences with her ex, she sees sex as completely emotional. In the beginning of our relationship, I told her I was worried that she wasn't highly sexed like me, and she assured me she likes sex as much as the next woman. But the truth is I have never seen her truly lustful & that has left a void. I want to see her want me for my cock, and I'm haunted by the fact that she might have felt that way about her ex because of his size, but of course I will never know the truth now. She has completely clamped up about her past experiences.
I hope that gives you a bit more context.
Yep, that's me. I'm in the process of trying to find out how to 'let it go'.
Eat her pussy and fuck her like you're going to die tomorrow every time you have sex and your cock size will not be an issue.
I fall in the realm of average and have never found a hole that I couldn't work with. Sometimes you hit bottom and sometimes you don't. Some women like that and some don't. But if you use everything on the menu then everyone usually leaves satisfied.
I fall in the realm of average and have never found a hole that I couldn't work with. Sometimes you hit bottom and sometimes you don't. Some women like that and some don't. But if you use everything on the menu then everyone usually leaves satisfied.
Nosuportneeded
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She may not be into sex as much as you would like. That's been an issue for me before and it did foster self doubt. (How silly, right?) I would guess that sex is not a big deal to her and being better in bed will not change that, unless you are awful, which you, obviously, are not.
You are going to have to let up on her since she has "clammed up," if you are to have any hope in informative dialogue in the future. I think you are going to be ok. Keep trying. You know what to do.
- NEJS,
My partner prefers a semi-hardon when I'm actually inserting, she likes to have it grow once I'm in there. Sometimes easier said than done especially if we're playing rough and all our clothes are already off.
In my opinion women like to look at and hold big dicks in their hands, but as far as pleasuring during intercourse, it's all about how you use it, size makes little difference at that point.
In my opinion women like to look at and hold big dicks in their hands, but as far as pleasuring during intercourse, it's all about how you use it, size makes little difference at that point.
Guys equate bigger with better. As I understand it women don't place such a premium on size in general. However your GF has now let you know two things. One-the big size brings more pleasure. Her description sounds like some other comments women have made about what it is like. Two-she has been with you for 20 years. Put the two together and you know that what you bring is more important than what a bigger dick can bring to her overall happiness.
Don't waste your time trying to chase the ghost by doing the sex toy thing, unless that is what she wants, and apparently she doesn't. Do the best with what you have and develop skills, imagination and stamina. Play to your strengths instead of your weaknesses. (I say weaknesses only because you have deduced that the size of your dick is a weakness as compared to the other guy)
You can't change the size of your dick so obsessing about re-creating her experience with him should not be your goal because you cannot achieve it. You are you. You can do the job in ways that are unique to you. This isn't about caring about her pleasure-you obviously care. The question is whether to undertake a quixotic quest to prove you are alpha dog to this guy from years ago on his terms.
Apparently for 20 years you have done fine. Just step up your game and be the best you can be.
Don't waste your time trying to chase the ghost by doing the sex toy thing, unless that is what she wants, and apparently she doesn't. Do the best with what you have and develop skills, imagination and stamina. Play to your strengths instead of your weaknesses. (I say weaknesses only because you have deduced that the size of your dick is a weakness as compared to the other guy)
You can't change the size of your dick so obsessing about re-creating her experience with him should not be your goal because you cannot achieve it. You are you. You can do the job in ways that are unique to you. This isn't about caring about her pleasure-you obviously care. The question is whether to undertake a quixotic quest to prove you are alpha dog to this guy from years ago on his terms.
Apparently for 20 years you have done fine. Just step up your game and be the best you can be.
Good advice, but this here is going to sound weird, just bear with me: what sends her crazy is me going fast, furious & deep in her pussy. I can't feel anything (a bit like hotdog down hallway because although she's not a big woman, her vagina is deep). Apart from that she likes me twisting side to side at the pussy entrance, stretching the near inner vaginal wall. It's the only time she pants. Here's the thing - my cock feels nothing, it's numb. The only time my cock feels that exquisite joy of thrusting into her vagina is when she's on top & I go in super slow, with very gentle thrusts. She hates that, says it's like 'scratching an itch with a feather'. So while I agree with your advice - what would you do if she wanted your move that left you 'numb' & unsatisfied, but all you wanted was something she described as, essentially, unsatisfactory?
PS: Not sure why I feel numb on the fast & furious moves, but I literally feel nothing. I don't know if it's because I'm cut. All I know is that I may as well be sticking my cock into warm water. There's no friction, pressure or pleasure... just thrusting.
Well, I now realize I have to let up. I've said that many times in the past, like a non-reformed drug addict, but I feel I'm getting closer to that place. Next step is learning how to keep up desire for both my gf & for sex when I know she could happily do without it while it's constantly on my mind. That's tough & ceases to become a size issue, if it ever was. I get horny, above all else, by thinking about my gf enjoying my cock & desiring sex. Knowing - accepting - that both those things aren't on her priority list is disappointing. But my libido won't obediently just go away.
Thank you for your very wise & considered post. My gf is a funny one. I sensed 20 years ago that she wasn't as sex-oriented as my previous gfs, but I love her & so that was less of a worry. It took me many years to realize that her aversion to masturbation, toys, oral sex, anything adventurous, is not typical among women... that many women are in fact enjoying a non-Victorian form of sex.
Since insisting that our sex life needs to change, I have 'dragged' her along - she's agreed to participate but it's clearly not her thing or her comfort zone. Her comfort zone - and she has proved this time and time again - is 5 minutes of vanilla thrusting to get her to a clitoral orgasm, twice a week. She tolerates toys & dirty talk & still finds oral sex alien rather than normal. Do I have the patience to keep pushing these things? Time will tell.
You say 'be the best you can be'. I think what my gf wants is for me to 'be the best she wants me to be'.
Nosuportneeded
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of course, I want my wife to be satisfied, and she never had that satisfaction until she met me 39 yrs ago. in our 60's now and our sex life is not like it was. the best compliment my wife ever gave me was after she went out for an evening with the "girls" and their main "bitch/compliant" of the evening was that there husbands weren't getting the job done in bed,.... been months/years since an orgasm, etc . she told me she listened to them complain, and realized that she had a good thing. our sex life was so good she just took it for granted. we had quantity and quality. usually making love at least once a day, and both of us climaxing. the other gals soon realized that she wasn't saying anything and they asked her about it. she told them we had a great sex life and she had no complaints and of course, they started teasing her, and asking a lot of questions. my size, sex frequency, satisfaction????
she told me all this after she got home, snuggled to my side, told me the above, then gave me a nice BJ and rode it til we both orgasmed. when a woman tells you she loves everything about you and wouldn't change a thing that's pretty special. I'm thankful for all I have and that includes being hung. it's brought pleasure to my wife and me.
she told me all this after she got home, snuggled to my side, told me the above, then gave me a nice BJ and rode it til we both orgasmed. when a woman tells you she loves everything about you and wouldn't change a thing that's pretty special. I'm thankful for all I have and that includes being hung. it's brought pleasure to my wife and me.
