Guys - need your opinion!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Tam_Ponds, Oct 8, 2010.

  1. D_Tam_Ponds

    D_Tam_Ponds Account Disabled

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    I am on the edge of a relationship with someone really special. 15 years ago I lived with his family for about a year - we were just kids, I was 15, he was 11 - and we were great friends then. Well, we reconnected maybe a year ago and had several reminiscing conversations at that point. Long story short, his wife left him (totally unrelated to me) back in the spring, and we've struck up a new friendship. He's quite heartbroken over his wife (who was his 1st gf basically), and she continues to play games with him, but is living with another man, now out of state, etc. Our friendship began very innocently, but has been progressing every so slowly into a relationship. He is beginning to understand that his wife is really not coming back to him, and he has recently started to more agressively persue me. I'm cautiously optimistic. I think he really may be the one - and he has been careful to this point not to get himself tangled up in a mess, which I very much respect and am impressed with his integrity in the matter. Now, I think he thinks he's ready to move on and consumate a romance with me, but I'm not so sure he is ready. I don't want to end up the rebound chick, and I want to know that he's decided that the ex-wife is really the ex-wife, regardless of whether she decides to come home, before I sleep with him. I have teased him pretty consistently for a while, telling him silly things about how great it would be and how much he'd enjoy it. So now I have a dilemma! I don't want to reject him, and he is fairly shy, so I imagine that when he makes his move, it's going to take all his courage. I think he's close to it, he's really started teasing me back about how much I will like it LOL. He's very old-fashioned and I don't want to look like a slut either.

    So there's the story. The question is, how do I time this just right so a) I don't look trashy b) I'm not the rebound and c) I'm not rejecting his advances now that I've teased him so much. Oh - and if you all think I must still wait longer - how do I control myself?!?! I want him really bad and I fear that if he kisses me, that will be the end of my willpower and clothes will be off - no turning back!
     
  2. tgirlsrgreat

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    sometimes i have been told that i oversimplify things, but i also think that many out there make things far more complicated than they need to be. so, here goes
    i would not do anything with him romantically until the divorce is final, period. it's a legal and emotional nightmare for both parties. i think you should be honest with him and tell him about your feelings and that you would like to see more of him and would like to see if the relationship can go deeper, but you

    don't(want to) look trashy b) (make sure you are not) not the rebound and c)(don't want to be) rejecting his advances now that I've teased him so much

    until he gets the divorce out of the way and has some time to reconcile his feelings about it i think you would be starting off on the wrong foot.
     
  3. closetbi

    closetbi New Member

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    I'm sure it's as much a dilemma to him as it is to you. If he does start to pursue you, I think you'd be right in giving him the benefit of the doubt, being optimistic and throwing caution in the wind.
     
  4. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    Well first of all I'd like to say (without prejudest) you are one of the most logical women who I have listened to (about issues of this nature) in a LONG time.... moving on...

    It is a touchie situation and I beleive it will be for some time to come. Dont let that discourage you. It sounds like you and this guy are great people. It also sounds like you both are into each other very much. It totally sucks but the ball is in his court and it has to stay there. Where you have an advantage is knowing that he is into you and he knows the same thing about you. It sounds like you have been there thru his divorce/break up and heartbreak. Continue to be there for him and there wont ever be a problem. As for the head games from his ex, well they have to stop but only he can realise that and put an end to them. If you start to get involved in that part it may only end up in him thinking that you are trying to sabitosh (spelling) him getting back together with his ex. Let it stay on the back burner and just continue on being yourself and being his "friend". If you manage to do this and not spreak ill of his ex, i beleive that things will work out in your favour. He will edventually see things more clearly and will be thinking of you 95% of the time.

    OK... making the move. Don't!!! like i said, keep the ball in his court. If he decides to make a move on you, go with the flow. You should'nt be concerned about him not being ready. Only he can make that decision and know if he is or not. If he puts the moves on you than i think it is safe to say that he is. He doesent sound like the type to have rebounds and if he is than he would have had one by now. I wouldn't think that is an issue after all this time. People are always looking for right timing when infact right timing always findes people. Try not to stress about that... if and when it happens, it will be beautiful.

    Next question, are YOU ready?..... If you are, then there should not be any questions or conserns about rejecting him... simple as that.

    Just enjoy yourselves and obsorbe everything that he is and he WILL do the same thing. These are the most fun and exciting times in a relationship, dont loose them in your worries and conserns.

    PLEASE let us know how it works out and E N J O Y ! ! !
     
  5. D_Tam_Ponds

    D_Tam_Ponds Account Disabled

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    Thanks for the tips! Ok - so the update is this:

    I think I'm really really falling for this guy. And I *think* he is me too. But apparently his soon to be ex-wife has played with his head a bit. She has him believing that he is too small, too quick, and not as good as other men in bed. And I'm beginning to think his "I'm waiting for my wife to come back" stance is actually just an excuse to cover his fear of getting into bed with me. From what he's told me, he sounds better than average. Now what do I do?
     
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