Guys seem not to like me

[invisibleman]

i'm not gay, or want male attention. But just curious as too why so many guys take a dislike to me most of whom i never talked to. I'm nice, handsome, masculine friendly, not at all aggressive, im kinda shy and thats about it. but for some reason guys dont seem to like me , i get way better on with females then males.

They may not like you because of a lot of things: If you are handsome, some men may cockblock you with women. Some hate you on the basis of envy and jealousy issues. Especially, if you are hung and don't act like other straight guys.

Do you say the wrong kind of things to people in conversation without regard if it is insulting or not? Men will hate you if you are insulting.

Maybe you aren't like them, so they don't like you. If it matters a lot to you to fit in, you have to decide for yourself that it is good to be around them. It is always your choice to do what is necessary and to what extent to fit in the clique.

 

[invisibleman]

ya my point was that unless you're able to navigate, understand and compete within the social hierchy of the male of the species, you'll never get to the upper echelon and become an alpha male.

What is in the upper echelon of alpha males that is so special? Does every alpha male get to be in the upper echelon?

alpha male = dominant male

Or in some contexts, alpha male=recessive male.

the OP doesn't exude dominant traits, he retreats to the sanctuary of the female's world, too inhibited to engage other males.

you don't get to be the alpha male by going shopping with the females

That depends on what you are shopping for.

, you get there by dominating the other males

For every dominant male, there is a recessive male. By your theory, only one gets the spoils.

, without that socialization you might as well be neutered.

but hey, if you wanna delude yourself that having more in common with women makes you an alpha male, knock urself out.

Respect is a hard thing to obtain from anyone. You either get it or you don't. :smile:

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

i'm not gay, or want male attention. But just curious as too why so many guys take a dislike to me most of whom i never talked to. I'm nice, handsome, masculine friendly, not at all aggressive, im kinda shy and thats about it. but for some reason guys dont seem to like me , i get way better on with females then males.

Guys taking a dislike to you and you getting along better with females are 2 seperate and distinct issues.

You don't really say *why* you think guys take a dislike to you. What makes you think that? Do they take 1 look at you and turn and run? I doubt it.

You say you never talk to them; well, that is probably the first reason another man has no reason to talk to you. I find that most men won't talk to me either unless I talk to them first. Generally, I find that women seem more open to casual conversation with a stranger. However, if you can pass a guy and start "sports" talk you would probably have a fast friend.

If you are shy as you say you are, most men (and many women) will, um, shy away from you. You have to get over your shyness and just be yourself. Self-confidence (without being cocky) is a great attraction for both men and women, whether or not they are sexually interested.

I try to say hello or make a comment about the weather or say "How's it going?" or something to each person I see each day, female and male. If someone wants to talk, they will. Some people are having a bad day and you quickly have to decide if you want to say anything to them or not. Some people are simply assholes and you have to forget them and move on.

You have to be able to stand up and speak your mind or people won't respect you.

Shyness is your worst enemy. Find a way to get out of your shell by being friendly and being yourself.
:smile:

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

ya my point was that unless you're able to navigate, understand and compete within the social hierchy of the male of the species, you'll never get to the upper echelon and become an alpha male.

alpha male = dominant male

the OP doesn't exude dominant traits, he retreats to the sanctuary of the female's world, too inhibited to engage other males.

you don't get to be the alpha male by going shopping with the females, you get there by dominating the other males, without that socialization you might as well be neutered.

but hey, if you wanna delude yourself that having more in common with women makes you an alpha male, knock urself out.

Hey I'm merely going by what scientists have observed about human behaviour and behaviour in other higher apes, there's no need to try and establsih this dominance your so keen on here.


Infact alpha does not mean dominant in terms of actual behavioral science, it means successful. In chimpanzees violent male dominance or aggressive posturing only really create hierarchy within male groups, certainly some males who achieve dominance within these male power groups do go on to become Alphas, but not all, and frequently social skills which are useful in a wider context including the ability to interact comfortable with females is the actual key to Alpha status.

More males who are both physically fit and healthy, able to defend themselves, who are risk and aggression averse, and who are skilled at interacting with all members of their troop, male or female, are likely to become Alphas and remain Alphas longer than the more aggressive and male-oriented males. Cunning and social skills and the ability to persuade females and make them comfortable with your presence are far more important than having the males of the troop cower in fear.

In humans similar patterns are observed, though whether or not being good at shopping is a plus or a minus I can't really say.

 

[D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn]

Shyness is your worst enemy. Find a way to get out of your shell by being friendly and being yourself.
:smile:

easier said then done.

 

[LongandBigSub]

I think it's probably more of an approval thing. In my teens I didn't get along that great with guys, but after I entered my twenties, I started to work on my self esteem. I know this sounds cliche, but I learned to like me, and I also learned to give less of f--k what others thought about me.

I noticed too that when I felt more comfortable about me, I attracted more men in my experience (gay/straight). It was when I wanted approval, I didn't attract men in my experience. But when I didn't give a fuck if others liked me, then I started attracting people that wanted to get to know me.

I know this sounds weird, but when you don't want the approval I think you actually approval. But when you try to get approval, you just attract more disapproval. Seriously - at least that's what I've learned.

I think it's the way you feel that starts conversations with others, and less on what you say. If you're trying hard, it means you're really working to get approval, and I say stop worrying about whether the other person likes you, and just know you don't need them. They're just showing you about you react to people, and you just got to work on your vibe, and learn to like yourself more.

And when you feel good about yourself, guys start liking you, but when you feel less approval about yourself, guys don't really dig you. People sense your vibes.

I also noticed more women pay attention to me now. In high school, girls just thought I was just a sweet guy to talk too, but now, they want more than just some sweet guy, and more action (grin) which surprises me. Kind of flattering.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I think it's probably more of an approval thing. In my teens I didn't get along that great with guys, but after I entered my twenties, I started to work on my self esteem. I know this sounds cliche, but I learned to like me, and I also learned to give less of f--k what others thought about me.

I noticed too that when I felt more comfortable about me, I attracted more men in my experience (gay/straight). It was when I wanted approval, I didn't attract men in my experience. But when I didn't give a fuck if others liked me, then I started attracting people that wanted to get to know me.

I know this sounds weird, but when you don't want the approval I think you actually approval. But when you try to get approval, you just attract more disapproval. Seriously - at least that's what I've learned.

I think it's the way you feel that starts conversations with others, and less on what you say. If you're trying hard, it means you're really working to get approval, and I say stop worrying about whether the other person likes you, and just know you don't need them. They're just showing you about you react to people, and you just got to work on your vibe, and learn to like yourself more.

And when you feel good about yourself, guys start liking you, but when you feel less approval about yourself, guys don't really dig you. People sense your vibes.

I also noticed more women pay attention to me now. In high school, girls just thought I was just a sweet guy to talk too, but now, they want more than just some sweet guy, and more action (grin) which surprises me. Kind of flattering.

All of this is completely true, and makes perfect sense from a behavioural point of view. Not giving a crap about approval suggests you don't need it, which suggests self confidence and self assurance, qualities which men are coded to respond to.

It works for me :wink:

 

[B_aussie8in]

i think ur just insecure, men who aren't alpha dogs generally surround themselves with women, they just feel more safe in a maternal environment. guys can sniff that out in another dude, it's like a tiger smelling weakness on it's prey.

if you don't have a strong sense of you own masculinity you will naturally gravitate to a less threatening/less competitive social group. surround yourself with surrogate "mothers" and you won't have to deal with how you measure up as a man.

even the so called stud who's bangin a different chick every night and doens't have any guy friends has some serious mommy issues going on.

I could never have any respect for that kind of guy, and though i wouldn't be rude or call him out on it, i also wouldn't go out of my way to build a friendship with him either. maybe it's cuz i've always had 3 brothers and a hyper-strong father figure/role model, but hanging out and relating to guys is as natural as breathing air to me, it's easy and I don't even have to think about it.

lucky i never had a hyper-strong fatherfigure and 3 brothers or else i might of ended up gay. not that there's anything wrong with it. just alot of people can't respect a guy who fucks another guys ass or takes a cock up his own.

 

[B_aussie8in]

by the way, i don't surround myself with females and go shopping or any other 'girly' hobbies. i'm more of a lone wolf.

 

[thadjock]

just alot of people can't respect a guy who fucks another guys ass or takes a cock up his own.

and that would be their problem
not mine

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

easier said then done.

Anything takes practice that involves many "failures" or "false starts." That is where the "learning" part kicks in and you have to be patient with yourself.

 

[D_Pubert Stabbingpain]

I think it's probably more of an approval thing. In my teens I didn't get along that great with guys, but after I entered my twenties, I started to work on my self esteem. I know this sounds cliche, but I learned to like me, and I also learned to give less of f--k what others thought about me.

I noticed too that when I felt more comfortable about me, I attracted more men in my experience (gay/straight). It was when I wanted approval, I didn't attract men in my experience. But when I didn't give a fuck if others liked me, then I started attracting people that wanted to get to know me.

I know this sounds weird, but when you don't want the approval I think you actually approval. But when you try to get approval, you just attract more disapproval. Seriously - at least that's what I've learned.

I think it's the way you feel that starts conversations with others, and less on what you say. If you're trying hard, it means you're really working to get approval, and I say stop worrying about whether the other person likes you, and just know you don't need them. They're just showing you about you react to people, and you just got to work on your vibe, and learn to like yourself more.

And when you feel good about yourself, guys start liking you, but when you feel less approval about yourself, guys don't really dig you. People sense your vibes. . .

Good stuff but just 1 more thing I found that is a real turn off. People are also turned off by those who think they are helping but the person they are trying to help does not think they need help. Most would give a polite "I don't need your help" but others just run away suspecting ulterior motives or hidden agendas (e.g., trying to change their behavior). It is real difficult for many people to realize that there really are caring people in the world, people who just like to help other people because they can.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

lucky i never had a hyper-strong fatherfigure and 3 brothers or else i might of ended up gay. not that there's anything wrong with it. just alot of people can't respect a guy who fucks another guys ass or takes a cock up his own.

That's funny because a lot of people can't respect men who are so insecure in their own sexuality that it matters so much to them whether or not another guy fucks guys up the arse or takes cock up his own. Your hilarious. :biggrin1:

 

[invisibleman]

lucky i never had a hyper-strong fatherfigure and 3 brothers or else i might of ended up gay. not that there's anything wrong with it. just alot of people can't respect a guy who fucks another guys ass or takes a cock up his own.

and that would be their problem
not mine

That's funny because a lot of people can't respect men who are so insecure in their own sexuality that it matters so much to them whether or not another guy fucks guys up the arse or takes cock up his own.

Respect is a hard thing to obtain from anyone. You either get it or you don't. :smile:

That interplay proves my point.

 

[kooperfan]

probably because you're

nice, handsome, masculine friendly, not at all aggressive, kinda shy and thats about it.

Asshole
just kidding its probably because you're not aggressive, and macho so they see you as the omega of the pack and walk all over you.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

I think if you project what you want in others, they'll come to you. If you prefer kind and sweet guys to hang out with, then be that to others. Not all guys are alpha pigs. Most actually just want to be treated as equals with respect and some warmth. It's sort of like meeting girls. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet the princess.