This defintional issue pops up all of the time. I think the only workable definition is one that considers sexual activity as the relevant benchmark. Attitudes such as I don't feel any emotional attachment to me, I'm only into the dick, etc. may reflect an anxiety about own's desires. Many gay men have experienced these same feelings before accepting themselves. As it is not uncommon to go through a stage of denial before accepting one's homosexuality, many react skeptically to proclamations of, for example, identifying as 98% straight when you have a sexual fetish for a huge penis as a form of denial. I am of the view that any man who obtains a sexual charge from another man has homoerotic feelings. It's not a big deal and should just be embraced. It is the inability to come to terms with those feelings (by identifying as straight) while at the same time expressing one's homosexual desires that puts some people off. Although we frequently acknowledge that gay is a social construct, I think the stronger social construct is the definition of straight. It is this construct that causes so much anxiety about male desire- that I am less of a man if I have homosexual desires. In the end, I don't care because it is not my life to live. However, I do not find the usual arguments (it's only a big dick that turns me on, I only really love women) convincing.
