StillSmall
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WAIT! Chat with me! It's not sleazy, and neither are you or I! My husband and I have been in an open and honest relationship for almost 30 years. We chat with other men, and we fuck with other men. The only thing we don't do is fall in love with other men. Sometimes we're sleazy by choice, though.
Thinking about couples I know who are in an open relationship, it seems to me that their emotional and sexual energies are mainly focused outside that relationship. They'll talk feverishly about their latest crush, always busy planning their next fuck, and kind of ignore the person they are with. You ask how their partner is and they say oh he's fine I think, distractedly. Then it seems to me that there are other reasons why they stay together, usually financial or convenience or companionship. And often one is more 'open' than the other. Nothing wrong with that but it looks a bit unrewarding imo. Love that's turned cold and a bit stodgy.WAIT! Chat with me! It's not sleazy, and neither are you or I! My husband and I have been in an open and honest relationship for almost 30 years. We chat with other men, and we fuck with other men. The only thing we don't do is fall in love with other men. Sometimes we're sleazy by choice, though.
StillSmall
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HH30, I'm so sorry that's been your experience. It sounds, actually, like you're describing my parents' 54-year monogamous relationship! I know some great ones, including my own. I wonder if there's something generational at play here. I'm about 20 years older than you, and in part that means that the majority of m/m couples I know in my age group are in open relationships. So maybe I know the ones at have lasted a long time.
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Lol, you have a point!HH30, I'm so sorry that's been your experience. It sounds, actually, like you're describing my parents' 54-year monogamous relationship! I know some great ones, including my own. I wonder if there's something generational at play here. I'm about 20 years older than you, and in part that means that the majority of m/m couples I know in my age group are in open relationships. So maybe I know the ones at have lasted a long time.
If you think it's cheating then chances are it's cheating. If you can't tell your partner what you are doing then it is definitely cheating. Not cheating would be both you and your partner playing by the same rules. If you can't agree on the rules then find someone else to be your boyfriend.
malakos
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My primary sexual partner (who is also a close friend) and I have a strong connection in many ways. We've been fooling around with other guys occasionally (maybe a few guys a year) for the past couple years. Recently we had our first and then second 3ways together. But our sexual connection is still really strong because the quality of our sex still blows everyone else out of the water. Actually we've had a few fucks just in the past couple weeks that could probably rank in our top 20 together. I imagine what you describe happens when a couple does not have an exceptional sexual connection, and that is the true problem.
WAIT! Chat with me! It's not sleazy, and neither are you or I! My husband and I have been in an open and honest relationship for almost 30 years. We chat with other men, and we fuck with other men. The only thing we don't do is fall in love with other men. Sometimes we're sleazy by choice, though.
HH30, I'm so sorry that's been your experience. It sounds, actually, like you're describing my parents' 54-year monogamous relationship! I know some great ones, including my own. I wonder if there's something generational at play here. I'm about 20 years older than you, and in part that means that the majority of m/m couples I know in my age group are in open relationships. So maybe I know the ones at have lasted a long time.
Water seeks it's own level. "Most of the couples I know" are in exclusive, monogamous relationships. Funny how that works.
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Ive been with my boyfriend for 3 years now, never cheated or had another guy join us in the bedroom. We have a great sex life, but I agree its just nice to chat and get horny, as long as its looking and never touching I dont ever see the issue.
I chat and enjoy fantasies with other guys, but I never talk about my intimate life with my partner and I would never consider even meeting anybody from the site. Basically it's an outlet for some of the wilder corners of my imagination, without ever leading into anything meaningful. This feels OK to me.
Sometimes a good offense is a good defense. Having a good fantasy life is nothing to apologize for.
I have nothing to feel guilty about - we have a "Not IRL, no problem" policy - online chats or even snapchat with friends isn't a threat to our relationship. He knows the sites I'm on, and I show him if I get an exceptionally hot chat - and he does the same for me. We've been married 5 years, and we talk openly about it; everything is above board, so there's no hurt feelings or need to feel guilty.
If you feel like you can't have that in your relationship, maybe you need to consider the source of that feeling. Either you, your partner, or your relationship need to mature at least enough to have that conversation.
After all, the only person who is going to know if it "counts" as cheating to your partner is him. And if he doesn't think of it as cheating, you can free yourself of the unnecessary guilt. If he *does* think of it as cheating, then you can make the most informed decision about your behaviors as they relate to your relationship.
If you feel like you can't have that in your relationship, maybe you need to consider the source of that feeling. Either you, your partner, or your relationship need to mature at least enough to have that conversation.
After all, the only person who is going to know if it "counts" as cheating to your partner is him. And if he doesn't think of it as cheating, you can free yourself of the unnecessary guilt. If he *does* think of it as cheating, then you can make the most informed decision about your behaviors as they relate to your relationship.
StillSmall
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@Kdeimos Yet another wonderful flavor variation. Very cool. Maybe my husband or I will run into you or yours online sometime! ;-)
My partner and I are polyamorous, and we're actually currently dating another guy together, and we've interacted with guys together/alone and even other couples. I wouldn't ever try to proclaim our situation as "perfect", and it has it's own set of problems just like monogamy does, but we care about each other deeply, and that's why being open-minded about the things that we may not be able to fulfil for each other, and the fact that a lifetime of monogamy is likely unrealistic, it's better we permit each other to explore more safely, and with the love and support of the other, rather than create tension and risk.
YMMV on what works better for your life and relationships though.
YMMV on what works better for your life and relationships though.
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