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Guys with daddy issues?

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1036627

Hey guys,

I was wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar and could give me some advice. I’m a normal guy, 26 now. And I feel like I have terrible daddy issues. I identify as straight but I have a yearning for the protection of an older man. I would like to spend time him maybe have his arm around me or lead me by the hand. I would like watch him shower or shave or pee even, but not have sex. I don’t really want to be touched sexually, I just love the idea of being a beta to an alpha dad type and while it turns me on, I don’t want to have sex or be touched by him in a sexual way.

I have spoken with 2 therapists about it and they just try to convince me im gay which isn’t the case because my attraction to them isn’t sexual, I again, don’t want to have sex with them at all. I like dads, coaches, doctors etc. but its debilitating because my urge for them is sometimes greater than it is for women even though I don’t want sex or a relationship with one, I really just want a dad.

I’m young and single and would like to deal with it and get on with my life but I cant find anyone that can tell me how. Any stories or advice would be great.


Thanks,

Mike
 

pwrdick

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Hey Msmith2014, I can relate to some of what you describe. When I was young, I also fantasized about a man who would be protective of me. He'd be masculine, strong, be a gentle guide for me and willing to go to great lengths to rescue me from whatever predicament I might fall into. Essentially, I wanted to be the 'Robin' for a 'Batman.' As a young gay man, that manifested into me being attracted to generally older and more mature men. It never worked out, however, and I ended up investing more time into dealing with things on my own.

What I realized by the time I reached my early 30's was that I was much more competent to handle life than I had ever imagined that I could. I had faced some pretty amazing challenges on my own and realized I could and would defend myself. And I knew I could figure out how to make success out of what I initially thought would be my 'failures'. I had become strong physically (thanks to the gym), and I also became quite strong emotionally - I could feel very deeply but also knew how to manage my emotions to leverage them into productive action. I was admired by many others - and had unknowingly become a 'hero' to them.

It's now 20 years later. I have fully matured into my own ideal 'daddy'. I have battled AIDS-related illnesses three times, and survived. I've faced death and realized that the biggest fear I had is not doing all that I want to get done in life. So I've said 'fuck it' and cleared my bucket list (including some great time in porn, fully activating my role as a 'daddy'). I'll fight to protect myself as well as others who I love. I provide gentle guidance, with love, to myself when I make mistakes, and also do the same for the many younger people who I have mentored over the years. I remain physically and emotionally strong so I don't have to rely on someone else to 'rescue' me because I know I can do it myself. And, if I fail and it kills me, I'll die knowing I had one hell of a life.

So maybe it is time you focus on how you can be that special 'daddy' to yourself. Treat and care for yourself the same way as you might imagine your ideal 'daddy' doing that for you. The characteristics that you crave from another man can also be developed within yourself. Recognize your accomplishments that reinforce your manifestation of becoming the daddy that you need in your life. And in the process, you'll probably become the idealized daddy that many other men look for as well.

My best wishes for your journey, my friend.
Marc
 

pwrdick

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I think I've found the pyschology section of the site! (Though I still don't know why the site diverges from large penis)
OK, I'll add to the above:
Having a big dick makes it easier for me to be a good "Daddy" <grin>
 
1

1036627

Hey guys thanks for the responses. I grew up with 2 parents in a traditional American household but my dad apparently has his own issues and is very cold and emotionally closed off. Ive never been hugged by a man, cared for protected, seen another man changing clothes etc. I’m assuming that is the origin for my fetish if that is what you would call it.


I like what pwrdick said about being my own daddy of sorts and I have been kind of following along those lines aswell. I have self-parented in many ways, and also have found myself parenting my parents, and taking on their responsibilities for more than their child should, so taking responsibility for myself is definitely something im for. I just wish there was another avenue to make the yearnings go away, as if I could get it out of my system before I physically turn into a daddy myself.

I guess I just want a dad to care for me, to take an interest in me in a way my father never did. I would love to hear more opinions, and any advice on how to make a dad type care without him thinking its about sex?


Thanks again guys,

Mike
 
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Black_Frost

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Hey guys,

I was wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar and could give me some advice. I’m a normal guy, 26 now. And I feel like I have terrible daddy issues. I identify as straight but I have a yearning for the protection of an older man. I would like to spend time him maybe have his arm around me or lead me by the hand. I would like watch him shower or shave or pee even, but not have sex. I don’t really want to be touched sexually, I just love the idea of being a beta to an alpha dad type and while it turns me on, I don’t want to have sex or be touched by him in a sexual way.

I have spoken with 2 therapists about it and they just try to convince me im gay which isn’t the case because my attraction to them isn’t sexual, I again, don’t want to have sex with them at all. I like dads, coaches, doctors etc. but its debilitating because my urge for them is sometimes greater than it is for women even though I don’t want sex or a relationship with one, I really just want a dad.

I’m young and single and would like to deal with it and get on with my life but I cant find anyone that can tell me how. Any stories or advice would be great.


Thanks,

Mike

One of the interesting and (IMO) good things that younger folks are doing, today, is challenging not only the gender role models, but also the assumptions our society makes regarding sex and intimacy. Much like they were being challenged in the "Sexual revolution" of the '60s and '70s.

You don't mention whether you're turned-on by women or not. Or if you have sexual relations with them, with other, non-daddy men, or with nobody at all.

First, I'd point out that you're in your head. The Therps trying to convince you you're gay aren't, as are none of us here. You know whom you're attracted to, and the rest of us can only guess. And, gods know, people will try like hell to put others into convenient pidgeon-holes, and slap labels onto them, simply to make their own lives more convenient, regardless of what's really going on.

If you're attracted to big, strong men, but don't want to have sex with them? Then that's what it is. Personally, I'm attracted to (some) men, but generally don't enjoy sex with them nearly so much as I do with women. (You should see the problems I've had over the years with people trying to insist that I'm really just gay and in denial. I'm not, I know what I like and don't like, from experience. But there'll always be people who find anything outside of a set of very narrow margins threatening and frightening.)

So: You want to be around big, strong men, and watch them during intimate moments, but don't want to be touched by or have sex with them. Cool. No worries, so far as I'm concerned.

Yes, although I'm not a licensed therapist, I'd opine that a lot of that has to do with the lack of affection you had from your father. There may or may not be a predisposition toward same-sex attraction there, I couldn't say and really it doesn't matter. What matters is what is, and you describe that, above.

I imagine it might take a bit of doing, but you might be able to find a man or men who're willing to indulge what appears to me to be a need for intimacy that's more voyeuristic than sexual. Especially if said older man is experiencing erectile dysfunction issues and also wants the intimacy but isn't so hot for (or able in) the sexual aspect. If knowing you're not going to be actually having sex makes you feel a bit safer, you might consider a bit of hugging / cuddling with yourself and / or the older / stronger man either half-clothed or nude. If that doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy, there's no need to go that road.

Basically, IMO, you have a kink. There's nothing wrong with kinks. Pretty much everyone has one or more, and so long as everyone consents, nobody gets hurt and the metaphorical horses don't get frightened, kinks are harmless. Personally, I'd advise experimenting with it, while sticking to what you want to do and adamantly not doing anything you don't feel comfortable doing. And never, ever let anyone pressure or guilt you into doing something you don't want to do, in that respect.

It may take a bit, to find someone who (a.) understands you're not looking for sex, and (b.) isn't so hung-up on their own expectations about you that they're unwilling to deal with you, rather than with the person they imagine you to be, but that's the way it is.

Any road, don't just assume there's something wrong with you, or bad, about you, because you feel this way.

Hell, if you lived in my area, I might just consider filling that role for you, at least on trial. I'm sure that, if you look for it, you can likely find someone else who would be pleased to do so as well.
 
1

1036627

One of the interesting and (IMO) good things that younger folks are doing, today, is challenging not only the gender role models, but also the assumptions our society makes regarding sex and intimacy. Much like they were being challenged in the "Sexual revolution" of the '60s and '70s.

You don't mention whether you're turned-on by women or not. Or if you have sexual relations with them, with other, non-daddy men, or with nobody at all.

First, I'd point out that you're in your head. The Therps trying to convince you you're gay aren't, as are none of us here. You know whom you're attracted to, and the rest of us can only guess. And, gods know, people will try like hell to put others into convenient pidgeon-holes, and slap labels onto them, simply to make their own lives more convenient, regardless of what's really going on.

If you're attracted to big, strong men, but don't want to have sex with them? Then that's what it is. Personally, I'm attracted to (some) men, but generally don't enjoy sex with them nearly so much as I do with women. (You should see the problems I've had over the years with people trying to insist that I'm really just gay and in denial. I'm not, I know what I like and don't like, from experience. But there'll always be people who find anything outside of a set of very narrow margins threatening and frightening.)

So: You want to be around big, strong men, and watch them during intimate moments, but don't want to be touched by or have sex with them. Cool. No worries, so far as I'm concerned.

Yes, although I'm not a licensed therapist, I'd opine that a lot of that has to do with the lack of affection you had from your father. There may or may not be a predisposition toward same-sex attraction there, I couldn't say and really it doesn't matter. What matters is what is, and you describe that, above.

I imagine it might take a bit of doing, but you might be able to find a man or men who're willing to indulge what appears to me to be a need for intimacy that's more voyeuristic than sexual. Especially if said older man is experiencing erectile dysfunction issues and also wants the intimacy but isn't so hot for (or able in) the sexual aspect. If knowing you're not going to be actually having sex makes you feel a bit safer, you might consider a bit of hugging / cuddling with yourself and / or the older / stronger man either half-clothed or nude. If that doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy, there's no need to go that road.

Basically, IMO, you have a kink. There's nothing wrong with kinks. Pretty much everyone has one or more, and so long as everyone consents, nobody gets hurt and the metaphorical horses don't get frightened, kinks are harmless. Personally, I'd advise experimenting with it, while sticking to what you want to do and adamantly not doing anything you don't feel comfortable doing. And never, ever let anyone pressure or guilt you into doing something you don't want to do, in that respect.

It may take a bit, to find someone who (a.) understands you're not looking for sex, and (b.) isn't so hung-up on their own expectations about you that they're unwilling to deal with you, rather than with the person they imagine you to be, but that's the way it is.

Any road, don't just assume there's something wrong with you, or bad, about you, because you feel this way.

Hell, if you lived in my area, I might just consider filling that role for you, at least on trial. I'm sure that, if you look for it, you can likely find someone else who would be pleased to do so as well.




Wow man what a great response thanks. Where do I find a dude like you? I’ve tried craigslist and honestly nearly every dude would meet with me but only on the conditions I sucked them off or some ridicules sexual element lol As you said even If I just find a voyeur who likes to be watched it would be beneficial. Where could I find a dude like you?


Thanks again,

Mike
 

halcyondays

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I've never had daddy issues (I had a great one) but I've met several young men who have.

My advice to them is that the daddy/mature male guide they want is nowhere outside themselves. It's certainly not me.

IMO you'd do better to journal this ideal, archetypal daddy than trying to find a surrogate on whom to project your ideal. Learn about who he is through the thoughts, feelings and expectations you put down on paper. He's you. Own your ideals and expectations of him.

Your father didn't meet your ideal and a surrogate isn't going to meet it, either.

Journal about your real father, too. Sounds like you have unresolved issues with him. There's something to work on in counseling.
 

SillyGayBoy

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I have let guys watch me shower and pretend not to notice. People gotta see it somewhere I guess. Some are younger and look way too happy to see me.

Just try to make guy friends that are good with nudity. If the circumstances were right it certainly wouldn't bother me but I wouldn't just get naked for no reason or want sex.

Maybe what you need are married guys not looking for sex that are comfortable with nudity.

I get what you mean I think. I have wanted it too in a way.

We just need good male figures in our life without nudity hang ups.
 

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My family basically had 4 boys in 5 years because mom wanted it while dad was working or emotionally absent and mom made all the choices.

It was a weird situation but sometimes people have kids because only one of the parents want to.

If I ever had kids I would have a big interest in them and loving and supporting them, playing video games and other stuff, but not every dad is like that.

I have been jealous of people with better dads but we get what we get. Financially he was good mostly I guess but in other ways I am not sure why he bothered.
 

SillyGayBoy

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I live in Arkansas which has no nudity and all and I wish people got the hell over it but people can go their whole life here and not be around nudity once. Not even at the gym that by the way has only one private shower in a small locked room.
 

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I would imagine you aren't the only one with those sorts of issues. I'm not one of them but i'm sure you'll find some men here exactly like you.
 

Black_Frost

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Wow man what a great response thanks. Where do I find a dude like you? I’ve tried craigslist and honestly nearly every dude would meet with me but only on the conditions I sucked them off or some ridicules sexual element lol As you said even If I just find a voyeur who likes to be watched it would be beneficial. Where could I find a dude like you?

Thanks again,

Mike

Honestly? I've no idea where you'd look, in your area. I suppose you could keep posting in Craigslist, being explicit as to what you want and don't want. Possibly you could visit a gay bar in your area where the sort of man you're looking for is known to hang out and let it be known what you're looking for. Bear in mind that there are a lot of assholes out there (just as there are on here, sadly,) and you'll likely get a hundred responses you don't want before you get, maybe, one of the sort you do want.

The important thing would be to keep trying. You might have some luck, making friends at a local Pride event, or possibly through an organization such as GLAAD. Basically, if you put out feelers into the community, you may be surprised at the response.

I'm sorry, I can't tell you how to do it, because I've never tried to find that particular thing, and don't know of anyone else who has. Another option might be contacting the local BDSM community, if there is one and you have friends in it. They're probably not what you're looking for, but they would probably "get" the particular kink you have, and might have some decent suggestions.

Any road, I do sincerely wish you the best of luck with it. It's certainly nothing to be ashamed of, and I hope you get to fulfill your need for it, and that when you do it's as emotionally satisfying as you hope it will be.

Take care, eh?
 

mike16690

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Guys you’ve all been great thank you. I on your advice reposted on craigslist but im being rather vidulent about who I will meet up with this time. A lot of married bi guys are looking for side action it seems, but that is to be expected as it is craigslist lol. I’m just going to keep my eyes open and see what happens if all else fails.

Its sad that we seem to have lost the sense of inclusion with men these days, everyone is afraid to look out for younger ones at least that has been my experience. Im starting a new job in a few weeks so maybe there will be an older guy there and a relationship could happen organically.

Please keep in touch you’ve been wonderful, and I would love to continue to hear your thoughts and advice should you think of it later, especially from guys who have had similar feelings. Its seems odd because no one admits to them so I love hearing other experiences.

Thanks again guys
 
1

1036627

Guys you’ve all been great thank you. I on your advice reposted on craigslist but im being rather vidulent about who I will meet up with this time. A lot of married bi guys are looking for side action it seems, but that is to be expected as it is craigslist lol. I’m just going to keep my eyes open and see what happens if all else fails.

Its sad that we seem to have lost the sense of inclusion with men these days, everyone is afraid to look out for younger ones at least that has been my experience. Im starting a new job in a few weeks so maybe there will be an older guy there and a relationship could happen organically.

Please keep in touch you’ve been wonderful, and I would love to continue to hear your thoughts and advice should you think of it later, especially from guys who have had similar feelings. Its seems odd because no one admits to them so I love hearing other experiences.

Thanks again guys

Sorry guys that’s my long-time reading account. I made a new one to try and be more active on :) thanks again!