Handling Exes

[goodwood]

Okay - please opine. How do you handle your exes when they contact you and you don't want them to?
My ex (the one in the pics.) called me over the weekend. Caller I.D. alerted me to the fact it was her and I decided to take the call. "Hello" I amswered. In her best come hither voice she said "Hi you...".
I said "I have no idea who this is. Michelle?"
Of course the ex hung up promptly.
It pisses me off that she persists in calling me every month or two despite making it extremely clear that I do NOT want to hear from her. I hope that this latest call will be the last. Do you think handling it in the way I did will do the trick? Thanks gang! I have to head out for work for the week. I will check back in over the weekend.
- Chris

 

[goodwood]

* BTW Michele was not her name.

 

[Sixofspades]

Well, good for you for standing your ground. So many women get away with murder because of their general attitude of 'he'll always be around, and even so, I can get whoever I want, double yawn." The fact that you're not succumbing to her again is possibly making her doubt herself, which is a good thing - means you're in the driver's seat here. She obviously holds your opinion of her in quite high regard, because she's letting your unwillingness to talk to her affect her self confidence. This might be an odd thing for her, and strangely appealing in a breath-of-fresh-air type of way, especially if she's used to getting her way with guys. Everyone wants what they can't have.

All you can really do is write her a clear, concise e-mail of a few lines, saying how you appreciated her back in the day but how you're not into any renewed interest on her part. I wouldn't get into phone conversations because that's the equivalent of her getting her foot in the door.

 

[goodwood]

Thanks Sixof Spades.
Alas, she does hold my opinion of her in high regard and wants to be back in my life somehow.
You are good. She is used to dating whoever she wants and is used to having her way.
I have sent her many e-mails as you suggested but she just doesn't seem to either listen or believe me. Oh well.
The phone thing was just because I was in a mischievious mood and wanted to have some fun. But of course no actual conversations. Thanks again.

 

[Not_Punny]

I have no idea of how the whole thing went down, but from other posts I've seen, the break up was pretty hard on you. It was probably hard on her too.

Sometimes people reignite things. Maybe that's what she's hoping for.

But if you've closed the door on it, the only KIND thing to do on your part is to let her know the door is closed.

So, no, I don't agree with what you did. It would have been kinder to have just said, "You're a fine person, but it's over. Please stop calling me like this," and then hung up.

Sometimes people don't get hints.

I don't know how many times you'll have to say this before she gets it. But it has to be said.

 

[Whopper-lee]

Well partner...that should pretty much do the trick & send the messeage.
If not...next step...change yo phone #...

Me..I still service one of my ex, when her new husband is out of town...she requires it says she gots to have it...I know...dangerous...but she's hooked still on my bed skills, sorta speak...she's also the mother to 2 of my kids...what can I say...just this way...I say what the hell...why not as long as I don't get catched:wink: the pussy's good... nicely broke in by me
Her present ole man aint hittin right!:tongue::biggrin1:
I'm a dog! Bark..Bark! Woff Woff !

 

[goodwood]

Hotmilf - it was a very difficult parting of ways for both of us. I have written letters and told her that she was wonderful, wished her the best, but that it was really over, etc. and had no contact with her at all to encourage hers. I think she would very much love to get back together but not happening in this lifetime.
If it keeps happening I may have to change my number. Sigh. Whopperlee you are a naughty, naughty boy. lol.

 

[EagleCowboy]

Nah.................
Don't change your number. You have caller I.D. When she calls and you can see that it's her, don't pick up and unplug the answering machine.
Also, no more emails to her or letters. To her, it will seem like you fell off the planet. Then it will be the "out of sight, out of mind" thing and she will eventually go away.

If that doesn't work, find some single guy that you know she couldn't resist and throw him at her!!

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Writing is always good because they can't reinterpret what you said to their own ends. Your previous letters to her seem to have been of a friendly nature, perhaps it's time for one that more simply stated 'our time was over a long time ago, I do not want you to contact me in any way and I do not want you in my life in any capacity - as friend, as lover, or as someone who occasionally pesters me on the phone'. Changing your number is an easy fix but it wouldn't be that hard for her to find it or to kid herself that you changed it for some other reason than to evade her calls.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

If my ex called me... I'd probably be a bitch about it.

"Do you have cancer? Are you dying some horrible death? No? Then why are you calling me?"

I'm just that way though....

 

[Principessa]

Nah.............

Don't change your number. You have caller I.D. When she calls and you can see that it's her, don't pick up and unplug the answering machine.
Also, no more emails to her or letters. To her, it will seem like you fell off the planet. Then it will be the "out of sight, out of mind" thing and she will eventually go away.

If that doesn't work, find some single guy that you know she couldn't resist and throw him at her!![/quote] Best advice so far!

If my ex called me... I'd probably be a bitch about it.

"Do you have cancer? Are you dying some horrible death? No? Then why are you calling me?"

I'm just that way though....

tee hee hee I love you Meg you think just like me. :smile: :biggrin1:

 

[The Dragon]

Live in a gated community, have two legal experts so vicious they should have been called Satan and the Anti Christ and have a heavy from "the family" to pay her a visit....(or not)

 

[DC_DEEP]

I've only ever had one truly acrimonious breakup, and ironically, that's the only one who ever tried to get back with me.

His line was, "breaking up with you was the worst mistake I ever made in my life; I would like to see if we can work things out..." My response was, "I wish you well, but I have moved on."

My response may even have been a little softer, something like "it would be OK to have you in my life as a friend, but nothing romantic" if he had apologized for the shitty, shitty, shitty way he treated me and the way he broke up.

I guess some of this sort of ties in with the thread by SpoiledPrincess about long-term relationships. Maybe some people see relationships as disposable/recyclable, but I don't. If I want to be with someone, I'm not going to break up with him. If someone breaks up with me, I conclude that he doesn't want to be with me. As far as I'm concerned, "getting back together" just is not an option. A good, healthy relationship is NOT a light switch that can be turned on and off at will.

Goodwood, I hope she's not planning to turn into a stalker. Maybe the next time "Michelle" calls, you should tell her that you don't want to get a restraining order, but you will if you have to. Maybe then she will understand that it's over.

 

[goodwood]

Ladies and Gentleman - thank you for your thoughtful thoughts on this matter. Let's see here...

EagleCowboy - completely ignoring her would be the cruelest thing that she could know. While I never want her in my life in any capacity again, I am not feeling that cruel.......yet. Besides, more fun for me to toy with her as I did. Before anyone thinks I'm more of an ass hole than I am, well...I suppose I am. lol.

Princess - I said everything you suggested. If my correspondence to her through the whole separation process were to be consumed and all of her communications were to be available for consumption the consumers would honestly be surprised that I was as tactful as I was and shocked by how out of control and shall we say, less than gracious in kind she was.

Dragonfly - I have in fact utilized legal experts which were most helpful and did precipitate the return of many thousands of dollars worth of my wardrobe in her possession. A heavy? She's not worth that much attention.

MEG! I should do as you suggest and say that! lol! I love it.

DC Deep - Not sure if you were joking or not, but a restraining order will be the next offering to her should she continue to attempt to be in touch and aforementioned legal experts will be most helpful in enforcing it.

IN the end (my end with her) it was the most profoundly sad thing to see that she decided to be ultimately selfish with her own issues and baggage and throw away the best relationship she had ever had in her life. Her words, not mine.

Oh well. To recap; all of you respondants are fabulous! Happy weekend to everyone. Thanks again.

- Chris

 

[naughty]

Goodwood,

Your kind nature maybe your own downfall in this situation. Often when the object of affection is kind the individual will deny any negatives they have heard and continue to push forward because they can not even comprehend the fact that you might not want them. I know it is difficult for you but perhaps you should take her call and say to her unequivocably that it is over and that she would do best to understand that. Ambivilence is the meat of stalkers.

 

[Lex]

...Maybe some people see relationships as disposable/recyclable, but I don't. If I want to be with someone, I'm not going to break up with him. If someone breaks up with me, I conclude that he doesn't want to be with me. As far as I'm concerned, "getting back together" just is not an option. A good, healthy relationship is NOT a light switch that can be turned on and off at will.
...

I agree. I have spoken to both of my ex-BFs on the phone and am very close friends with one (Eric, whom you met at the BBQ in the summer, DC DEEP). Eric and I chat by phone several times a week and are close friends. We had a decent split and we are both better for being fiercely loyale friends.

My hubby is close with one of his Exs (who I have met) And they keep in touch.

My ex that dumped me over email (Jeff) called last summer. We talked, he told me he still loved me. I told him that while I would always cherish our memories and still loved him, that we could not go back. I got to see him about 6 months later and we hugged and chatted. He does not call me, but he sends a quick note every once in a while.

I have never had anyone what I absolutely did not want to talk to again, but if I did and they called and refused to heed my wishes, I would have their numbers blocked. Both you home and cellular providers can do this. No reason to be nasty, per sea--just ignore and walk away.

I am a believer in trying to hold on to the positives, even in the wake of pain.

As Sorcerer once said "Carrying resentment is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill the other person." Not worth it.