Hanging out vs dating vs going together...

[naughty]

After reading Jovial's thread about when does one call someone their boyfriend it reignited that very question for myself... I wish we did have straight cut and dry steps that a person could take to avoid the usual confusion that ensues. I had always heard terms like dating and going together but didnt realize that they might have subtle differences... Well, they do...from what I could surmise these are the following differences:


Hanging out

Two people who go to an event together, meeting there with no stated or overt romantic intention. No kissing. etc. They may leave together or separately.

Dating

The two people go to dinner etc but no exclusivity is ever brought up they may stay in this stage for a while as they get to know each other . They each spend time in this stage deciding if they want to go further with one another.

Going together

This stage is where there is now an established pattern and some degree of exclusivity. THis may be an alternative to the term going steady.


As if this isnt confusing enough there are also side trips like Hooking up, Friends with benefits, FB.

Hooking up

Sex with a stranger or someone that you may know very casually for that purpose alone.


FB

Regular or semi regular sexual partner who agrees that this is merely for sexual relief of each participant.


Friends with Benefits

Has all the aspects of a platonic relationship with the addition of the FB clause of getting together for mutual stress relief...


Then there is COURTSHIP...

Courtship is the intention of getting to know the individual with the express purpose of seeing if the interaction could have the possibility of leading to marriage...


Weigh in. Are there other variations that I have missed here?

 

[Jovial]

Do people that don't know each other well ever just "hang out" at one person's home? Because I would think that would be sexual. Or does "hang out" mean in public? Or is hanging out in private "hooking up"?

 

[B_Hung Jon]

After reading Jovial's thread about when does one call someone their boyfriend it reignited that very question for myself... I wish we did have straight cut and dry steps that a person could take to avoid the usual confusion that ensues. I had always heard terms like dating and going together but didnt realize that they might have subtle differences... Well, they do...from what I could surmise these are the following differences:


Hanging out

Two people who go to an event together, meeting there with no stated or overt romantic intention. No kissing. etc. They may leave together or separately.

Dating

The two people go to dinner etc but no exclusivity is ever brought up they may stay in this stage for a while as they get to know each other . They each spend time in this stage deciding if they want to go further with one another.

Going together

This stage is where there is now an established pattern and some degree of exclusivity. THis may be an alternative to the term going steady.


As if this isnt confusing enough there are also side trips like Hooking up, Friends with benefits, FB.

Hooking up

Sex with a stranger or someone that you may know very casually for that purpose alone.


FB

Regular or semi regular sexual partner who agrees that this is merely for sexual relief of each participant.


Friends with Benefits

Has all the aspects of a platonic relationship with the addition of the FB clause of getting together for mutual stress relief...


Then there is COURTSHIP...

Courtship is the intention of getting to know the individual with the express purpose of seeing if the interaction could have the possibility of leading to marriage...


Weigh in. Are there other variations that I have missed here?

Whoa, Naughty, I'm completely confused by your question. Sorry.

 

[naughty]

Whoa, Naughty, I'm completely confused by your question. Sorry.

I asked are there any other variations upon this theme. People get caught up in the morass of trying to figure out where they stand along the spectrum of relationship and I find it fascinating that there are so many subtle and not so subtle variations and stages along the way. I just want to know if there are any other variations...that you might know about...

 

[naughty]

Do people that don't know each other well ever just "hang out" at one person's home? Because I would think that would be sexual. Or does "hang out" mean in public? Or is hanging out in private "hooking up"?

Those are good questions ,Jovial. I cant answer that for you. I think people often either dont use terms correctly or use terms as they best suit them at the time. Like the man who may be dating a woman or may have been dating her for a long time steadily in the presence of another attractive woman when first woman is out of ear shot refering to her as just friends! LOL! People seem to do all sorts of things along this spectrum with other subvariations in between depending upon their mindset at the moment.

 

[marleyisalegend]

I can't keep up with this shit, everytime I turned around there's a new terminology and a new condition. When I was growing up there was two things. You're either friends, or you're fuckin'. You didn't fuck your friends, it'd make for a terribly awkward wedding.

If you wouldn't invite them to your wedding, then they're not really a friend, never were, and you were just too attached to your fuck buddy.

I understand the casual sex with a friend thing, but nowadays there's jumpoffs, skeezers, booty-calls, tricks, hoes, sugar daddies, boyfriends, fiances, domestic partners, it's enough to make a brotha go crazy.

 

[naughty]

Now we are talking, Marley. Please define the words you just used. I have always wanted to know what the term Skeezer meant. I figured it must have meant something bad...

 

[naughty]

Never mind...

Skeezer


1) A slang term for woman with low morals and poor hygiene. Derived from 'Skeezy', a variant of the word 'Skeevy', meaning filthy or stained with fecal matter, urine and/or semen.
2) A low-class prostitute; one who is diseased, ugly, prematurely aged and/or worn-out from hard work and rough trade.
3) An immoral woman with no pride; one who engages in humiliating and degrading sexual acts for little or no gratitude or reward.


1) "Man that skeezer smells pretty ripe."
2) "20 bucks!? For THAT? Man, for that kind of money you could buy four skeezers like her and still feel cheated!"
3) That skeezer did WHAT? With WHAT sports team? And she KNEW they were filming her? Man, if they have any compassion at all they should at least buy her dinner afterwards...or offer to hose her down before the next tour group came by..."


jump-off


A title given by one partner to another in a strictly sexual relationship. One or both partner's may or may not be in another legitimate relationship, while engaged in the aforementioned trist. In such a case a person is "jumping off-track" when he or she is with his or her "jump-off."


My girl's been runnin off her mouth too much, and she ain't been puttin out at all. So I get off with my "Jump-Off."


Booty-Call


1. noun: a person with whom one has sex at random times outside of a relation ship. 2. verb: the act of calling said person. 3. noun: the term used to refer to said phone call.


1. jessica is my boody-call. 2. i booty-called jessica last night. 3. jessica got a booty-call from me last night.

 

[marleyisalegend]

^LOL, some of those words I just used for color, but my point was that relationships seem so much more complicated. I think overall it's a lack of communication. One part assumes they're on one level (possibly because the other partner said so) when they're actually something different.

When we're in love with someone, we keep it to ourselves, we let them think they're just a jumpoff when really they mean the whole world. Then, when we do feel like confessing some shit, it's to the wrong one. The guy who sees you as a booty call, that's the one a person ends up professing their love for.

I think another problem is that people are trying to find excuses to sleep with as many people as possible. We have a million reasons for justifying it, in spite of the logic and common sense that tells us to exercise restraint. I easily see masturbation becoming obselete in the next 5 years and "Hey can I fuck your sister real quick" is going to become a common catch-phrase.

I'm starting to see more real-life Jerry Springer triangles, the situations that we'd sit and go "That's fake, that's scripted" they're becoming reality.

Check this out, true story,

It's me and two boyfriends, #1 and #2 (named in sequential order of who I dated first and second).

One day I'm hanging out with #2 months after breaking up with #1. #2 lived with his own ex and another roommate. Well #1 walks out of #2's house, apparently #1 was dating #2's ex/roommate. (Our exes were dating)

It gets worse.

Me and #2 later moved into #1's old apartment. #2 moved into the very apartment that #1 first fucked me in. #2 invited me over and as I'm walking through the complex I'm like "Geez this looks familiar." Then I get in and I think to myself, "Yup, #1 plowed the shit outta me in front of that fire place."

From then on I decided that I'm going to be a bit more thoughtful about who I sleep with.

 

[naughty]

^LOL, some of those words I just used for color, but my point was that relationships seem so much more complicated. I think overall it's a lack of communication. One part assumes they're on one level (possibly because the other partner said so) when they're actually something different.

When we're in love with someone, we keep it to ourselves, we let them think they're just a jumpoff when really they mean the whole world. Then, when we do feel like confessing some shit, it's to the wrong one. The guy who sees you as a booty call, that's the one a person ends up professing their love for.

I think another problem is that people are trying to find excuses to sleep with as many people as possible. We have a million reasons for justifying it, in spite of the logic and common sense that tells us to exercise restraint. I easily see masturbation becoming obselete in the next 5 years and "Hey can I fuck your sister real quick" is going to become a common catch-phrase.

LMAO! That is really sick. But unfortunately it may be true. I tend to be clueless and pretty reserved so I probably never get past the friends hanging out and at most dating stage. Oh well, one day when I am older and greyer with a nice little lap dog and asked why I never got married i will merely say, "Poor social skills". and leave it at that....

 

[marleyisalegend]

No no no, you've been brainwashed! It's never your fault, blame it on a man! Just say there were no good men around that could arouse your intellect as well as your loins. It's rare to find someone who can do the latter, it's the Holy Grail if you can find someone who can do the former.

Instead, tell them that you refused to lower your standards and remained single by default.

 

[Jovial]

I've never know anyone in a fuck-buddy (FB) or friends-with-benefits (FWB) situation in real life. I mean if two people are single and want to have sex, they must like each other. Heck, there are plenty of couples that are miserable together but they still call each other boyfriend(BF)/girlfriend(GF). So why don't the FB's or FWB's just call themselves BF and GF, or just say they are dating? I wonder if these FB and FWB situations are just people in different leagues, where one thinks of it as temporary and doesn't want the commitment.


What are words for...
When no one listens anymore...

 

[marleyisalegend]

So why don't the FB's or FWB's just call themselves BF and GF, or just say they are dating?

It's not the same. When you're dating, you have a right to know why your partner didn't come in until 4 am. You have a right to wonder who that is calling them at 1 in the morning. Fuck buddies are much less formal, it's not their business what you do when you're not with them. They don't have to answer to you like a spouse or boy/girlfriend would.

Fuck buddies are often people who just want to whore around. I'm not saying that's always the case, but why else would you continually sleep with someone but not establish a meaningful relationship? I'm sure there are other cases like fear of commitment or "not having the time" for a real relationship (whatever that means) but I think, for the most part, fuck buddies is pretty much saying "You're cool enough for me to have sex with you, but I wanna keep my options open in case I get bored or something better comes along.

If you're dating someone and spontaneously decide you want to fuck someone else you met at the bar, it's bound to cause trouble. That simple semantics game means the difference between the proverbial ball and chain, and sewing your wild oats.

 

[Jovial]

It's me and two boyfriends, #1 and #2 (named in sequential order of who I dated first and second).

One day I'm hanging out with #2 months after breaking up with #1. #2 lived with his own ex and another roommate. Well #1 walks out of #2's house, apparently #1 was dating #2's ex/roommate. (Our exes were dating)

It gets worse.

Me and #2 later moved into #1's old apartment. #2 moved into the very apartment that #1 first fucked me in. #2 invited me over and as I'm walking through the complex I'm like "Geez this looks familiar." Then I get in and I think to myself, "Yup, #1 plowed the shit outta me in front of that fire place."

From then on I decided that I'm going to be a bit more thoughtful about who I sleep with.

I'm confused. #1...#2...Are you saying you're into golden showers and skat? :dunno:

 

[marleyisalegend]

I'm confused. #1...#2...Are you saying you're into golden showers and skat? :dunno:

LOL. I dated "Larry" first. Larry fucks me in his apartment. I break up with Larry and date "Bob." At the same time, Larry starts dating Bob's ex. Eventually me and Bob move into Larry's old apartment. It was creepy.

 

[Jovial]

Fuck buddies are often people who just want to whore around. I'm not saying that's always the case, but why else would you continually sleep with someone but not establish a meaningful relationship? I'm sure there are other cases like fear of commitment or "not having the time" for a real relationship (whatever that means) but I think, for the most part, fuck buddies is pretty much saying "You're cool enough for me to have sex with you, but I wanna keep my options open in case I get bored or something better comes along.

In practice, is it just one person that doesn't want the relationship? Otherwise, it's like both people think they can do better.

 

[naughty]

This is the very mentality that creates baby mama's broken hearts and keyed cars. Not to mention whole generations of young women exhibiting the signs of borderline personality disorder from the effects of severe fear of abandonment from sins commited one two and three generations back in succession. My parents said. if the person is good enough for you to sleep with then they should be good enough for you to marry. I know I may be a dinosaur in a space age but that is what I live by. Therefore I am celibate, and any interaction with a man has to be minus sexual activity.

In today's climate do I think this will ever lead me to a committed marital relationship. Perhaps or perhaps not. But I do know that I will not inflict the heartbreak of feeling used on myself or another to fulfill a temporary sexual urge. I am not preaching here. I know that sexual fulfillment is a very strong urge for most but I cant help thinking about the many people I know who have had their lives messed up because the tried to use sex to get that loving relationship that they really wanted and ended up with one
two or even three children who would never have their mother or father together because one or more could or would not commit before conceiving them. I see it rampant in the black community and we all see the effects of it .

 

[killerb]

In practice, is it just one person that doesn't want the relationship? Otherwise, it's like both people think they can do better.

I think there could be many reasons why 2 people would choose to have a sex-only relationship...I also believe that they can become messy when feelings become more intense than either person planned...

I speak from experience...I had a FWB for about a year...neither of us was interested in a relationship because the timing wasn't right...but we both had needs and decided that we'd take care of them with each other from time to time...unfortunately my FWB went a little psycho on me & I had to break it off...

my experience over the years combined with what I've seen happen with so many other people, has caused me to have great doubt as to whether anyone really knows what the hell they're doing when it comes to relationships...

It seems like all of the married, engaged, or supposedly exclusive couples I know have had at least one episode of cheating...whether it's the man OR the woman...some are repeat offenders...some have broken up or divorced because of it...others try to stick it out...

what I don't get is why people get themselves into "exclusive" relationships when it's CLEARLY not what they really want...why not just remain single and date whoever you want until you're actually READY to settle down?

Naughty, your assessment of those relationship terms is correct (in my opinion) but the way people conduct themselves versus what they call themselves doing is usually vastly different...

 

[Jovial]

I speak from experience...I had a FWB for about a year...neither of us was interested in a relationship because the timing wasn't right...but we both had needs and decided that we'd take care of them with each other from time to time...unfortunately my FWB went a little psycho on me & I had to break it off...

What does "the timing wasn't right" mean? And in what way did they go psycho? Did they want more from you and the relationship, or just psycho in general about life?

my experience over the years combined with what I've seen happen with so many other people, has caused me to have great doubt as to whether anyone really knows what the hell they're doing when it comes to relationships...

I agree. Sometimes it seems like everyone is running around like chickens without heads.

It seems like all of the married, engaged, or supposedly exclusive couples I know have had at least one episode of cheating...whether it's the man OR the woman...some are repeat offenders...some have broken up or divorced because of it...others try to stick it out...

Half the people are stuck with people that are below average (in whatever qualities are important) and they can't accept that.

what I don't get is why people get themselves into "exclusive" relationships when it's CLEARLY not what they really want...why not just remain single and date whoever you want until you're actually READY to settle down?

Naughty, your assessment of those relationship terms is correct (in my opinion) but the way people conduct themselves versus what they call themselves doing is usually vastly different...

My guess is that people feel like they have to conform to what society deems normal, so they try to live a certain way and make it work. In particular, women feel pressure to not date too many guys or they are called slutty.

 

[killerb]

What does "the timing wasn't right" mean? And in what way did they go psycho? Did they want more from you and the relationship, or just psycho in general about life?

the timing wasn't right because we both had recently ended relationships & didn't want to be attached to anyone at the time (at least that was the agreement)...the psycho bit was related to some really jealous, almost violent behavior...apparently there were more intense feelings being felt that were never verbalized...I call it psycho because how can you say that you're not in a relationship with someone & don't want to be, yet still get crazy angry when they go out with other people?

Half the people are stuck with people that are below average (in whatever qualities are important) and they can't accept that.

interesting idea...

My guess is that people feel like they have to conform to what society deems normal, so they try to live a certain way and make it work. In particular, women feel pressure to not date too many guys or they are called slutty.

agreed...