Harassment - For Others that want to remain in the closet

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Primal_Savage, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    Short of hiding most of the details of your private life, how do you deal (or how have you dealt) with harassment and attempts by others to OUT YOU. As an example: First, the phone calls start. The first few at home in the evenings, then later at work, and then your cell. The initial ones are all hang-ups. Then it gets worst because you're paged at the gym during your workouts over the PA that you have a phone call at the front desk. Get there and again, no one’s on the other end. The missing piece of the puzzle is that you've never told anyone what gyms you frequent. After a few days of those hang-ups, someone on the other end. Each time it’s a different voice or at least disguised….”We want you out.” or “I’m calling you out.” or “Come on admit that you’re really gay.” or something to that effect. Then a few days later, the calls get worse....you're called a whole string of names. In the midst of all this, you start receiving harassing PM's generally by someone who has no posts, stats, etc. and disappears within 48 hrs. All of them are just about as bad if not worse than the phone calls and include what he/they would like to do to me. Moderators seem to be of little help, so help me out if you've been targeted.
     
  2. midlifebear

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    I've never had this sort of problem, even in the wild and woolly west of Nevada amongst the virtuous cowboys, because I've always been "out" since I was about 14. Doesn't mean I didn't get the shit beat out of me in high school which, at the time, seemed a bad thing but in the end made me improve my life by moving to a city where being gay meant being able to get a good-paying job. As for daily contact with the straight world, I make sure to introduce my legal, same-sex husband, as my husband when meeting new people. Definitely separates the assholes from the good folks real fast.

    As for the gym personnel saying you have personal phone call: don't you have a mobile that you use almost exclusively? Don't rush to the gym phone. Ignore it. Anyway, just ignore the assholes until you actually have to confront them and impress upon them "So, what is the big fucking deal?" If you are gay and are afraid to be out at work and in your community, then you're going to live in fear of a lot more things than your sexuality. If you're not gay and you're receiving these threats, go ahead and say "Yeah, I'm a BIG queer. Want to suck me off?" and make sure you're enjoying sex with women who understand that the world is full of mostly assholes.

    When I'm in the USA there is not a day I'm there that someone would like to kill me. Not just because I'm a confrontational asshole, but because I'm out and proud. Just like the neocon zealots that post on LSPG baiting supporters of a guy who has yet to be sworn in as president, I see those people for what they are: pathetic social cripples. If you've been reading the neocons (we are perfect and Bush didn't do anything wrong because he is God-like) have you, like one of them, had your house "egged" or wrapped in toilet paper?

    And if you're receiving death threats, immediatly contact your police department and file an official report. They probably won't don anything, but in the event you do encounter trouble you've left a paper trail that will help you substantiate any hate crimes and possibly gain some retribution in court.

    But as for wanting to remain in the closet: What in the Hell do you have to be ashamed about? There is nothing inherently wrong with you because you are gay. If you're friends and family cannot deal with it do you really want be around so much negative energy? It's bad for your health and continued spiritual growth.

    Good luck.
     
    #2 midlifebear, Jan 17, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2009
  3. Smartalk

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    Hey Primal Savage, Really sorry to hear that you are having having this type of harassment, nobody needs or has to but up with this, not even you. Who and what you are is soley your affair and nobody elses unless you choose to tell them. You do not say if the person/'s withhold there number. If you have numbers then contact your phone service, they have provisions for monitioring these calls and are able to trace the source, then you can get the police involved. All in strict confidence I hasten to add. The same with the mobile company they will be able to do the same and maybe block the calls and texts coming through. Do not delete the texts as they can be used as evidence so support your case.

    I should imaging you may have your own problems coming to terms with your sexuallity, if so you do not need this childish behaviour from simple minded morons, who are probably more closed than yourself, as well as being total cowards in not being man enough to make these nasty uncouth comments to your face.

    Be assured my friend that you are amongst others onthis site, who accept you as a gay person A male human being who through no fault of his own, is attracted to men rather than women. What harm harm are you doing........CORRECT none What so ever. It is the people who are hounding and harassing you who are the "freaks, weirdo's, sick.

    You are a victim of sexual harassment and homophobic abuse. I agree stand up to the low lifes and have then dealt with and put in their place by the proper authorities. We will soon see then who is the man and who are the wusses.

    If you want to chat or need any further advice and/or support please feel free to send me a private message

    Don't be afraid to be who you are, remember you part of the LPSG family and with any good family we are here to support you .

    Hugs

    Smartalk
     
  4. Young N Sassy

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    That is just awful. You have no idea who it might be? I assume its someone that you know from LPSG. Can you recall whom you've spoken to from here? Anybody thats given hints that they do not agree with your lifestyle? Had you told anybody where you workout? Or is there a member that possibly lives near you? I know these are questions you've probably already asked yourself, but that is just bullshit. Nobody should ever have to go thru such a thing. I would say contact your local PD as well, but they probably can't do much, considering you don't know who it could be. When did all this happen? If it was just harrassment on LPSG I'd say ignore it, fuck them. But if they're going as far to call your GYM and your work? Then something needs to be done. Does anybody outside of LPSG know or have a hint that you might be gay?
     
  5. Silvertip

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    I've never experienced the kind of harassment out in the real world that Primal Savage is relating, but it seems to me to be more a case of being associated with assholes than a case of sexual orientation. And, like all assholes one encounters in life, you just have to deal with them on a case by case basis. And I agree with MidLifeBear that any threats of physical harm need to be reported to the authorities, whether anything comes of it or not.

    I have, however, been flamed by many gays, over the 'net, who claim that I am in denial, have an identity crisis or otherwise don't know what I'm talking about when I claim not to be gay. I've even had those kinds of disagreements with a few gays face to face. And as long as they are just expressing a strong opinion, that I happen to disagree with, that's cool. It's all just a matter of semantics and labels anyway, so as long as they're not trying to "out" me there's no problem.

    I for one have no shame over the sexual interaction I have with other men, but I'm in the closet about it and will stay that way. Don't get me wrong, if I ever wanted to pursue a long term relationship with a guy I'd be out of the closet in a heartbeat. For me, being anything but totally honest about that would be to live a life not worth living. So I totally agree with MidLifeBear about that.

    But my sexual interaction with other men is purely physical, hedonistic and recreational. As relationships go is that pretty shallow? Damned right it is, but many of them become good friends and our friendship isn't diminished any by the fact that we like to trade blowjobs with each other. So if I were to come out as a bisexual anytime someone close to me would want to know more about my bisexuality i would have to get into more salacious detail than I care to share with my family and close friends. Besides, many of my family and close friends are far too puritanical to accept/understand my kind of bisexuality. I feel bad for those who are that way and wish that they could be more open minded, but their character flaw (from my point of view) doesn't disqualify them from being counted amongst those for whom I love and care deeply. So I'm better off just keeping my sex life private.

    I'm sure I'll draw some criticism for the foregoing opinion. But as I've already said, that's cool!
     
  6. CUBE

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    Primal, oh man, that is indeed an awful position for you to be in. You don't have your sexuality declared here on your avatar and (know matter how you see yourself) it is indeed your private business. My thought is the person calling is actually at the gym wanting to see you go through the motion of answering the call. I'm curious enough that I would ask the person for their help and to meet me just so I could see who it was...BUT I AM NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD DO THIS. I mean be safe at all costs. I was in high school years ago and had a stocker before the concept was "popular." I understand the angst of the situation. You seem like such a sweet guy, I just hate the fact you are going through this. I guess if it continues you need to get a number and chage your daily routine for a spell. Maybe this will shift this person's focus on to something else. Regards
     
  7. Rikter8

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    You need to give Limited details here, and call the police.

    There are many different methods of handling with this type of harrassment, which I will not cover here, as obviously it's being reviewed.

    Start with the police, and let them handle it. It's against the law to do what they are doing, and from what you told me so far, all of it is traceable. Stupid them.

    Stop posting, and start calling.
     
  8. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    Just a quick followup. Thanks again to all those of you that PM’ed me. Back to sleeping normally, changed my profile, gallery and my cell and home #’s as well as my daily routine. Still getting hang-ups at work. The front desks at both gyms where I workout have instructions not to page me. Trying to stay off lpsg, I’ve been re-reading a lot of books to take my mind off things. As to books, if you’ve not read “Holding the Man”, which remains one of my favorite re-reads, it's a great tragic love story. In retrospect, wish I’d know earlier that Rex2000 (former? member here at lpsg) had also been targeted. From what info I can gather, seems his stalking and harassment seems to have started about the same time as mine.
     
    #8 Primal_Savage, Jan 20, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 20, 2009
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