hard to believe that you are attractive?

fournineteenfiftynine

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I've always had low self esteem and body image issues from my childhood. As I've matured into a MAN there is still inside me that insecure boy who thinks his penis is too small and his body is not muscular enough...even though I've been dating many guys (in fact really everyone I've dated/had sex with) think's I'm sexy. Anyone else experience this phenomena?
 

fournineteenfiftynine

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Yes, me too. Same thing, must have to do with self worth etc.

Certainly the experiences I've been having with guys lately have really helped, but inside the little boy is truly still insecure.....it's a journey....but I guess what I'm really looking forward to is finding that man that not only finds me attractive but that also provides the affection that is probably what I'm really looking for. I'm guessing that as a child I was more seeking unconditional love and support for me being from my parents and convinced myself that I wasn't worthy of that because I wasn't "normal" (i.e. gay and they probably knew something was off with me) and instead convinced myself that it was because of my body. Or something like that...
 

Exbiker

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These things can be over analysed.

Almost everyone has questions about their own value, and their various roles in society. Are they managing those roles appropriately? Are they even the right roles?

People who appear confident, maybe even conceited or arrogant, also feel the same way sometimes.

It is not helped by our modern societies. We need to tell each other stories around the campfire at night. We need to really participate in singing and dancing. We need to grow and tend and cook our own food.

But we nearly all sit looking at glass screens for a lot of the day...

It is no surprise that some of us are alienated from each other.

I've written a novel about it... Or at least, some aspects of it. From a certain perspective.

But here's the deal. Absolutely every person contains a link to the power to overcome that feeling of low self esteem. The paranoia. Whatever happens, we can all find a way to walk on, heads held up. Arms around each other's shoulders. Looking forward.

:smile:
 

Golfbuddy

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It's called the Adonis Complex. Especially in the US, we have been conditioned by the media what a studly, manly, sexy guy should look like. If we don't conform to that sometimes our self-esteem takes a blow. Fortunately, a lot of people realize that the beautiful people on TV are not representative of 99% of humanity and, I hate this terminology, settle for less. You don't have to have ripped abs, a perfect smile, a large dick, or perfect hair. Just be yourself - and if there's something you don't like, change it as far as is practical. Weight, musculature, hair -- all fixable. Dick, not.
 

socalfreak

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When i was in school, I was always the scrawniest kid in class....& painfully shy... tormented by a bully or two, of course. Obviously,I hated it.
So, over the course of several years, I learned how to workout to build my body & went to the best martial arts school in the country. As a result,I looked better & felt better.
My honest assessment of myself right now: I have an average face, with a slightly above- average body.
My girl LOVES the way I look. She is forever looking, feeling, groping , kissing, SMILING..... :)
Pictures, compliments, the fact that I was able to get (lpsg'er) snarky_succubus to be mine... all those things tell me I must be doing pretty well..
But, somewhere deep in the back of a seldom- used storage area of my brain, the shy, skinny kid still exists. .....
I just do a better job of keeping him locked up.
 

rd62624

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^^ the same here. I always thought that i was skinny no muscle tone and shy.( just an averge body ). But when i entered college, that all changed. Somewhere along the line my physique changed. I was asked to be a model for some campus fashion shows and later on when i worked in retail i did some fashion shows. And i still do'nt feel that i am attractive.
 

fournineteenfiftynine

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When i was in school, I was always the scrawniest kid in class....& painfully shy... tormented by a bully or two, of course. Obviously,I hated it.
So, over the course of several years, I learned how to workout to build my body & went to the best martial arts school in the country. As a result,I looked better & felt better.
My honest assessment of myself right now: I have an average face, with a slightly above- average body.
My girl LOVES the way I look. She is forever looking, feeling, groping , kissing, SMILING..... :)
Pictures, compliments, the fact that I was able to get (lpsg'er) snarky_succubus to be mine... all those things tell me I must be doing pretty well..
But, somewhere deep in the back of a seldom- used storage area of my brain, the shy, skinny kid still exists. .....
I just do a better job of keeping him locked up.

Wow it is just amazing that a guy like you with a fabulous, and I mean fabulous body could in any way think that otherwise is amazing, but maybe that might be what makes you even more attractive that because you are still that vulnerable little boy it makes you more available and relatable. Good for your handsome!
 

hrdhatdad

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When i was in school, I was always the scrawniest kid in class....& painfully shy... tormented by a bully or two, of course. Obviously,I hated it.
So, over the course of several years, I learned how to workout to build my body & went to the best martial arts school in the country. As a result,I looked better & felt better.
My honest assessment of myself right now: I have an average face, with a slightly above- average body.
My girl LOVES the way I look. She is forever looking, feeling, groping , kissing, SMILING..... :)
Pictures, compliments, the fact that I was able to get (lpsg'er) snarky_succubus to be mine... all those things tell me I must be doing pretty well..
But, somewhere deep in the back of a seldom- used storage area of my brain, the shy, skinny kid still exists. .....
I just do a better job of keeping him locked up.

That shy skinny kid was probably a very cool guy. You look great btw.
 

someperson

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I've always had low self esteem and body image issues from my childhood. As I've matured into a MAN there is still inside me that insecure boy who thinks his penis is too small and his body is not muscular enough...even though I've been dating many guys (in fact really everyone I've dated/had sex with) think's I'm sexy. Anyone else experience this phenomena?

a lot of people do not like how they look

just like me I look like I had a face lift and don't look my age
people say you'll like it when your older but I'm all ready older and still unchanged in the last 11 years.
 
D

deleted3782

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I don't think it has anything to do with self worth. I have value, I do good things and people appreciate me for what I do in the world. That's not a question for me. But I do not see myself as attractive. I'm realistic. I am not a pretty guy. I see pictures of myself, I see myself in the mirror every morning. I know I'm not a monster, but I'm not Rob Lowe either. Never was, never will be. And that's ok.

When I was a kid, I was awkward looking. I was never the guy getting dates or being fabulous. I didn't go on one date through college. I had terrible acne...and it was kind of disgusting. I didn't grow out of the acne until I was around 26-28. By then I older and had accomplished things that gave me self esteem in different ways beyond my appearance. Now, I'm older...and looking back on life my appearance is not one of those thing I think fondly on. And as for people saying "Oh come on ex, I think you are hot!" well of course they would say that...they aren't going to say "Ya, ex, you aren't all that." And for everyone that makes a charitable comment, I get people saying negative stuff too, so it all evens out in the end.

So...attractiveness? Bah. The best stuff is on the inside, so don't worry about whether you are externally attractive or not. Its not like you can change it.
 

luvinlife83

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I've always had low self esteem and body image issues from my childhood. As I've matured into a MAN there is still inside me that insecure boy who thinks his penis is too small and his body is not muscular enough...even though I've been dating many guys (in fact really everyone I've dated/had sex with) think's I'm sexy. Anyone else experience this phenomena?

You are not alone. Im a bigger guy and I still feel like my penis is small (Im 6inch long and 6 inch girth) even though I have been told the opposite about my penis I don't feel it. I don't even feel like Im that attractive but again, I've been told otherwise. And honestly, I do think they are just saying it to be nice. But just remember we are our own worst critic.
 

Snarky_succubus

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Wow it is just amazing that a guy like you with a fabulous, and I mean fabulous body could in any way think that otherwise is amazing, but maybe that might be what makes you even more attractive that because you are still that vulnerable little boy it makes you more available and relatable. Good for your handsome!

He does, indeed, have a fabulous body... But that whole available thing... Not so much. Pretty sure he mentioned his girlfriend (that'd be me) in his post... And quite a few others. Maybe time to get your spidey senses calibrated... Bro.
 

pcghabsy

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I find it fairly easy to be completely objective. I have a very good sense of my strengths, weaknesses etc, and completely comfortable with it. The trick is, of course, to override your hardwire instincts (which btw, is in almost all of us) with rational logic.
 
D

deleted300444

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Funny Thing....I know I am attractive. A late bloomer...my sister used to tell me how ugly I was...then in my twenties....she told me she was wrong!!!

I went to five HS Proms. Easy. But yet....I found it difficult to get a normal routine date.

Later in life, Educated, clean white teeth, I know that I am lucky to be height weight proportionate, salt pepper thick full head of hair, blue eyes, with thick soccar leggs. But damn it!!!! I cant get a damn date!! Because I dont ask. But they dont ask me either.
 

deano-uk

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I think that physical attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder - Yes there are drop dead gorgeous people but take the whole package of a person. I have had guys and women find me attractive - i am sure its no for my looks - but wouldn't say I am ugly or muscle tones ... One guy told me I was well defined hopefully that was a good thing - well he seemed to like it anyway. I am a friendly guy with a good sense of fun - can be romantic -tall with nice eyes - my cock works not the biggest but its what I have, So enjoy what you have if you are over weight do something about it, tone up if you like but accept yourself and others will too
 

maturanga

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I have never been attractive and the people have let me know ignoring me or directly with insults.

Some time ago, I loved a girl, she refuse me saying that I was intelligent and funny... and literally "so ugly that I was nauseating for her"
Perhaps you think that was a teen-aged attitude but she was 25 year old in that moment.



 
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