Hard too long.

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by Imported, Dec 15, 2002.

  1. Imported

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    Late_Bloomer: Basic problem: It takes me far too long to come. I have to work on my girlfriend for about a solid half hour before I do. Considering sex is really painful for her anyhow, she'd much prefer if I came fast and got back to giving her the oral I'm so good at, and honestly I wouldn't mind either. Sometimes I get tired and don't even feel like finishing.

    Could it be because I'm out of shape? I haven't gotten to the gym in two weeks because of exams and I'm feelin it. I'm just not sure. Any thoughts on lasting too long? I've cut off masturbating and she's gone on a trip for three weeks so maybe when she comes back I'll be a hair trigger, but still!
     
  2. Imported

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    two_fister: For me it just depends on the situation, there are times when it doesn't seem like I'll ever cum, and then other times when I really have to hold back so that I don't cum to early. As I get older(29) though I've noticed that I've gained much more control over this.
     
  3. Imported

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    Donk: My experience is close to two_fister's and I have to say that I am lucky in that my current gf really enjoys my size and has no complaints when I go for a very long time, bringing her to intense multiple orgasms before I finish. (Though she sometimes remarks about soreness and her ability to walk the next day 8)) So I'm sorry for Late_Bloomer and his gf that she finds sex painful. That is a tough situation to start with. (And I assume that you have tried the usual attempts to address this problem such as plenty of foreplay, extra lube, consulting her doctor, etc.) My thought is your problem may be psychological--maybe you feel so concerned, even guilty, that intercourse is causing her pain that it distracts you and gives you an unusual type of "performance anxiety." Just like feeling pressure to get hard can bring on impotence in some men, maybe pressure to come quickly makes you less likely to do so.

    BEst advice I can offer is to have her bring you to the brink of orgasm before you insert into her. Have her stimulate you with her hands and/or orally until you are about to explode. Then orgasm should follow rather quickly after insertion.
     
  4. Imported

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    littlbigguy: The "hair-trigger" type ideas might provide a temporarily helpful tactic, but I don't think this would get to the root of the problem and really help you and her out in the most important way you need. The fact that you can last long ought ideally to be a big plus for sex rather than a minus, and I'd say that a deeper goal would be for you two together to learn to use it as such. Like Donk, I would guess that a number of interacting factors are possibly working here. The physical part of the problem that might have to do with your very considerable thickness is something that you by instinct and experience doubtless know better how to work with than anyone else could tell you from afar, even those guys on the board who have a comparable girth (which doesn't happen to include me) . You don't describe a specific problem in entering her and if that's the painful part as versus it being exhausting to her to have you inside over a relatively long period of time, with whatever degree of thrusting going on. It sounds overall like she's just not being able to relax enough, which might pertain to her physical construction or to psychological issues, or most likely some combination of both. I wouldn't be surprised if the best thing you guys can do for a while is to make it easier mentally on yourselves, by just hanging together with what you've each been experiencing in a way that's totally unpressured and devoid of any element of frustration or disappointment, with smiles and even some degree of levity and humor added to the communication mix. Maybe it'd be a good idea to keep the focus off of intercourse for a while, and basically just have a lot of both personal and sexual fun, sometimes just a "breather" can bring surprises and work unexpected minor miracles. One thing, though: I don't think you really need to go without masturbating for three weeks, if you can do this you've got even more lasting power than you spoke about :)! Wishing you and her the best, LateBloomer, maybe she'll surprise you and also be a late bloomer, only in the way that's desired here.
     
  5. Max

    Max New Member

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    Late_Bloomer,

    Just to add a little to what's already been said, all of which seems good to me. I wonder if you might do better to concentrate on alleviating the pain for her during sex, more lube, more foreplay etc. ... but maybe if she is a relatively new partner for you, some natural widening out and gentle stretching will ease the problem over time.

    I wouldn't mind betting that Donk and littlbigguy are right, and that anxiety about the pain you are causing is the root cause, and the delayed ejaculation (and consequent increase of the pain) is the result.

    Like two_fister, I have a range of experience on this one. From time to time, my problem has been coming far too quickly, even on occasion the act of insertion itself will bring me off ... but to be fair this has been balanced by my ability on almost all such occasions to stay hard, and the need to come again with the same erection. Yet another reason never to use condoms!

    But as other lpsg guys with this need will know, I imagine, the second ejaculation often takes a very LONG time to happen, and there is likely to be soreness on both sides by the end. I tend to swell up beyond my standard erection size in these circumstances, and while that makes me feel good, it makes the length of time it can take that much more of a test for her. Sometimes, not often I am glad to say, we have just had to admit defeat, I will pull out and deal with it myself. I hate having to do that when it happens, but I wonder if you were willing to do it on occasion, it might defuse the whole situation for you.

    My other tangle with delayed ejaculation was way back at the start, and entirely psychological. It was bad enough to be almost total ejaculatory incompetence ... something in me couldn't "let go" enough to come inside a woman, all bound up not so much with my size as with the force and volume of my ejaculations. I suppose I felt that it was unspeakably gross to release that amount inside someone. Fairly quickly, with a lot of loving help, I got over it!

    Your problem might be like either of the ones I have described or different again. What about taking the anxiety out of the situation by withdrawing for a bit, maybe after she is satisfied, then relubing, reinserting a bit later? Or just being very still deep inside her, for a long time?

    A huge erection that won't go down can be a problem ... but believe you me ... there is no shortage of great ways to exploit it ;)
     
  6. Imported

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    Late_Bloomer: I am pleasantly surprised by the responses!

    We are very new to each other sexually, but our relationship is very strong in all ways. As far as preparing for sex, I am used to giving a lot of foreplay and using a good lubricant just because of past experience, and so far she's gotten to orgasm just in our foreplay. She enjoys my oral sex so much that I think she only continues with regular intercourse because she knows it feels good for me.

    Maybe you guys are right about the mental aspect. I'm not usually a worrier, but I definately care when I realize I'm hurting my girlfriend like this. She's taken to telling me it doesn't hurt, but in the throes of passion, it's hard to hide that.

    Add to that the fact that we are new to each other sexually (been about a week) and I suppose I may be jumping the gun or just nervous about a new relationship.

    I think the best solution for now, like you guys suggested, is just to have her work me basically to orgasm and then to finish off inside of her. It might be the best way of getting used to each other that way.

    As far as the pain goes, I don't understand it because it seems to be different from what I've had with girlfriends before. Usually it's because of my size, but I'm not sure if it is this time because she tells me it has always hurt her, even with exboyfriends. I have been using the same techniques that worked with other girls with her, but it still hurts her. I am a lot larger than any of her exes, but this time I just get the feeling it isn't so much the size as something else, especially considering she's stretched out quite well.

    Good thoughts, everyone.

    Oh, and littlebigguy, you would be surprised the amount of self-control contained within this mortal coil! ;D I tend to avoid masturbation when I have a girlfriend in any case, because it makes me all the more hungry for her.

    Still, I would like to avoid literally eating the skin off her bones when she returns, so I may polish the bishop a couple of times before then, if for no other reason than her physical safety. :-[
     
  7. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Late_Bloomer...please consider the possibility that it's not the size of the tool that's causing the pain you describe.

    You mention that she has experienced the same unpleasantness with all her sex partners.  Perhaps this girl is having an allergic reaction to the latex in condoms or the lube, or even the spermatacide.

    Well worth checking out...


    Pecker
     
  8. Imported

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    queenie: I'm with Donk and Bilbo on this one... if the woman states sex has always been painful for her, then she needs to see a doctor to eliminate any physical problem such as fibroids, cysts, PIDs, etc.
     
  9. Imported

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    Late_Bloomer: I've asked her if she's seen the doctor and she's said yes, but I doubt she's asked about this specific thing since she would no doubt find it immensely embarassing talking about anything of that nature with someone other than me. I'll have to recommend that she ask when she goes next month to get birth control. I've never seen/smelled/tasted a fresher, cleaner woman, but that doesn't mean there isn't something wrong inside, I suppose.

    Good point also bilbobagginsx on the condoms, but I don't think that's it either since it hurt even when we did it without them.
     
  10. nice_guy_here

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    I had a similar problem with my ex. Everytime we had sex, she would get what she described as "a painful, almost burning" sensation around her vagina. She went to the doctors and got tested and we got some different condom brands, and it went away for a while, but then re-occured. It turned out that, because she had a habit of going to the toilet before we started, it had something to do with it. All I'm saying is it could be something as benign as that. Just something to think about ...
     
  11. B_horribleperson

    B_horribleperson New Member

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    on what page was this almost 4 YEAR OLD thread on???
     
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