Has anyone here had a mid life crisis?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by DaveyR, Jul 3, 2008.

  1. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    11,908
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northumberland
    Just wondering. I hit 45 recently and it hit me big time. :mad: I seem to have gotten a bit crazy recently and feel like I have a point to prove. "Like there's still loads of life left in the old dog yet". I've been questioning everything about my life and so far have come up with no answers or solutions.

    Has anyone been through this?
     
  2. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    24,291
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,156
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    Yes I had one........and then I got over it...
     
  3. Riven650

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2006
    Messages:
    1,620
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    21
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Norfolk UK
    Definitely! I think it's been happening to me since I was about 40 and I'm not through yet. All the time that I have a sex drive and feel fit I'll have something to prove. I know a lot of younger people (men and women) think it's a bit sad, but unless they die young, they'll be there sooner or later themselves.

    I think the 'crisis', if there is one, comes when you start to lose confidence in your sex appeal. It's difficult to handle, but as I age I realise that I have become invisible to young people. I have had to reminded myself that I was always invisible to some people. But I'm still needy. I think we need to see ourselves reflected in the eyes of others. I guess we're here at LPSG because we need that interaction to keep us grounded some what.
     
  4. DC_DEEP

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2005
    Messages:
    9,029
    Likes Received:
    12
    Hi, Davey!

    I'll be 50 this fall, and no, no mid-life crisis yet. Maybe it means I'll live way beyond 100, or haven't hit mid-life yet?... :eek:
     
  5. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Davey and Indy still looks hot though. :wink:
     
  6. Industrialsize

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2006
    Messages:
    24,291
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    2,156
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    blush
     
  7. DaveyR

    DaveyR Retired Moderator
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    11,908
    Likes Received:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Northumberland
    Thanks for your comments guys especially invisibleman. I can assure you it's nothing to do with confidence :wink:. I just can't put my finger on it.
     
  8. b.c.

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Messages:
    9,267
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,675
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    at home
    There's nothing to put your finger on. It's a natural occurrence. You're growing older (physically) but your mind, your thoughts, your interests, and probably how you generally feel are still just as young as you've ever been. Something in the back of your mind knows that in time, that divide will only grow. Don't fight it. Enjoy.

    Go out and buy that little sports car you've always fancied, take that crazy vacation you've never had time for, get that "chopper" and ride the highways, buy that Fender and amp you've always imagined yourself playing... and enjoy the moment. There's no time like now.
     
  9. rawbone8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    Messages:
    2,864
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Toronto (ON, CA)
    A midlife crisis would seem to me to be a contradiction in terms to my quest for immortality.

    :mischievous:
     
  10. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    Yes, I got a mid life crisis at about 28 and I got out of the corporate rat race. That was over 10 years ago and another lifetime for me. I changed lives not because I had something to prove (that's how I got into the mess in the first place) but because I didn't want to be 50 and have regrets.

    Yet every once in a while I get that feeling that life is quickly slipping through my hands and I'm busy doing drudge work not enjoying life as fully as I could be. It does keep me up some nights. The useless mental anguish I've discovered is not really worth the lost sleep however.

    I don't know what the answer is though Davey. Why this at 45? Maybe it's just knowing that you have fewer days ahead of you than behind you. But I always felt one's true age as the sum of your life experiences rather than how many times you've been around the sun.

    Your life in Tenerife seems enviable to many, including me. Never underestimate the power of your friendships either. It works for me to get through an 'old dog' day. Eating well and laughing together with friends goes a long way for your sanity.
     
  11. SpeedoGuy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2004
    Messages:
    4,229
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest, USA
    I see it much the same way. I feel my physical youth slipping away at a rate that dismays me although I still feel as young in temperament as I ever was. Or, at least, that's what I'd like to think.

    That's exactly what all my neighbors seem to be doing: purchasing expensive distractions. Perhaps I should do the same.
     
  12. naughty

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2004
    Messages:
    12,837
    Likes Received:
    14
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    If gaining weight and hair thinning are a crisis, then I am having one! Don't freak out, babe! You still look good! Most of you boys are holding well!
     
    #12 naughty, Jul 3, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2008
  13. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2006
    Messages:
    8,498
    Likes Received:
    18
    Who was it sang I get by with a little help from my friends?
     
    #13 D_Bob_Crotchitch, Jul 3, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2008
  14. vince

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2007
    Messages:
    14,785
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    540
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Asia
    My mid-life crisis came and I got over it by moving my ass out of life's routine ruts. It wasn't an aging body or slowing sex drive or slower mental capacities, those aren't much of a problem. It was more like, 'Is this all there is?' Life was slipping by so fast and every day was the same same routine. I was forty and and it felt like yesterday that I was twenty.

    It still does, but I found that moving out of my comfort zone and tossing my life had the effect of slowing the passing of time down. When my days are full and challenging, they last longer. I can't explain it any other way.
     
  15. whatireallywant

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,587
    Likes Received:
    7
    Gender:
    Female
    I've had something like this for a long time. For one thing, I didn't enjoy my youth, for various reasons. I now have this desire to "make up for lost time", basically do all the things now that I wish I could have done in my twenties. (I also want to look like I'm in my twenties, and I actually can still pass for late twenties, although I do need to lose a bit of weight...and yes, I'm working on that, too!)

    I also nearly died 5 years ago, and it really changed my outlook on a few things, although sometimes it's hard to see on the surface what those things are. I know what they are, though. I think my outlook has improved on those things since then!
     
  16. earllogjam

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Messages:
    5,027
    Likes Received:
    21
    I'm always amazed when I hear talk radio when a caller sounds like she's 35 just in the way she talks and what she says - but turns out to be 65. Happens more times than I can count.

    BTW - Good to see ya back Speedo. :smile:

    Isn't having a kid a pretty expensive distraction enough?

    Charles Manson? Scooter Libby?

    The laws of inertia apply to people as well? Bodies in rest tend to stay at rest and bodies in motion tend to stay in motion. The passing of time for me isn't constant. It actually goes faster when I'm busy and active and slower when I'm bored and inactive.

    Would you want your candle of life to burn twice as bright but last half as long or burn half as bright but live twice as long?
     
  17. SpeedoGuy

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2004
    Messages:
    4,229
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Pacific Northwest, USA
    Thankee, earl. U2.

    Not really very expensive but I like how vince phrased it: moved me out of my comfort zone. There's really something to be said for that. Part of the decision to adopt a child was, in fact, self preservation.

    Call me mundane and boring, many have, but I actually prefer the twice as long option. I've always been afraid the twice as bright option would slip by just too fast.
     
  18. vince

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2007
    Messages:
    14,785
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    540
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Asia
    Yes, the hours pass more slowly when you are bored and inactive. But if I look back on say, a week in which I did nothing much, it's like it never happened. A total waste of time.

    For example. Go on a two week all-inclusive holiday to Mexico. You just get up in the morning, have breakfast, go to the beach all day, have a nice dinner, maybe go dancing and then to bed. Do it every day and never leave the hotel. It's going to be boring as shit after one week and at the end you'll go home saying, 'man that was too short' and feeling like you may as well of stay home. At least that was my experience.

    One the other hand if you rented a car, drove around the country, got stopped and search by the Federales, visited Chichén-Itzá, got lost in Mexico City, etc, etc, it wouldn't be boring. You pack more living into a given period of time and it feels extended afterwards.

    I don't agree with the premise, but in answer, I'd rather my candle burn brightly for half as long, than die bored. Boredom is a sure fire way to go down quickly. I've known healthy people who die five years after retirement. I've also known people who continue to work or be very active and live into their 90's in pretty good health. I have a good friend who is 89 and works daily on his business. He says the day he stops is the day he dies.

    Fuck going slowly slowly.
     
  19. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    I had my midlife crisis right before my 25th birthday. I have always been advanced for my age, such a gifted child I was. :tongue:

    I had been a maid-of-honor twice and bridesmaid once in an eight month span of time. One friend had a baby and another had recently gotten a promotion at work and a major raise.

    I was still living with my parents, working a full time and part time job to pay off credit card debts, and when I looked at my life in comparison to others I didn't like what I saw. I was in a dead end job, I had an on again off again boyfriend and O had no prospects for a better life or the things I really wanted like a husband and children. So, I applied to a local state college where I completed my bachelors degree.

    I also had a kick ass party. I used to believe in drowning ones sorrows in champagne back then so the party was really a coping mechanism for me. :cool:
     
    #19 Principessa, Jul 4, 2008
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2008
  20. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA
    My midlife crisis is occurring as I write this. I lost my job two years ago, have spent my life savings down to nearly nothing, and have wondered why I'm terrified of doing what everyone else says I can do. The mail goes ignored, my bills go unpaid, I'm living with my father at age 42, and yet I'm paralyzed by fear of attempting to do anything else. Even with the support and love of the people I hold closest to me who are certain I can achieve far more than I ever have, I feel inadequate for even a retail cashier job. I'm pretty close to rock bottom, wondering when the repo guys will come for my car. A friend even handed me an opportunity to make a LOT of money and yet I haven't done anything with it for fear that it won't work out.

    My self-esteem has always sucked. No two ways about that. My father is abusive and largely a stranger to me, my mom is controlling and neurotic. I smoked pot through most of high school and college, flunking out of the latter so I don't have a college degree even now despite the fact I have a very high IQ. Compared to most college graduates I'm over-educated, most of it autodidactic.

    I'm a man controlled by fear and the sense that whatever I do will result in failure. Despite that awareness, I can't seem to overcome it and the more I refuse my abilities, the safer I feel. It's so much easier to go just another day ignoring the increasing pile of things I need to address, and it's only because I don't want to be seen to fail at something yet again. Right now I have a handful of people who seem to be able to influence me. When my mom or my sister or nearly everyone tells me I can do something, I smile and nod and assume they're just saying what they are because they're obligated to. The two or three others who have no such familial obligation I do listen to and they make all the difference. They help me fight my extreme tendency to inertia and for that I'm thankful to the point of genuflection. No man deserves such friends as I have who have given of themselves so much for so little in return. One of those people wrote me recently saying he was concerned. I haven't had the heart to tell him the truth.

    I'd like kids, I'd like to have love, I'd like a house, I'd like savings, I'd like to afford some nice things in life. Increasingly it appears I'll have none of those things, not because I'm incapable of them, but because I believe I'm incapable of them. My objective mind tells me there's nothing in the way yet the subjective mind has such degree of control that my attempts to break it have failed.

    Yet I don't seem to mind hitting bottom all that much. It appears to be the only way to force myself to be the man everyone says I'm capable of being. Either I will succeed in this attempt or I will fail finally. I hope it will be the former.

    You are a dear and kind man Davey. You've got Paul, a slice of paradise, and a burgeoning business. Please listen when I say that all that's worthwhile in the world is to have some security and some excellent friends who will stand witness to your worth in the world. It's really all it comes down to. I'm biased because I'm a pastoral person by nature. I went out to pee off the porch tonight and marveled at the delicate tracery of the trees against the sky, the sound of raindrops, the delightful scent of milkweed blossoms, and the spectacularly beautiful, exceptionally precious light of fireflies shining into the night. I had a friend from Idaho visit me two years ago and I took him down to the stream to show him the fireflies and he thanked me for it far beyond any other hospitality I showed him. Don't lose sight of the marvels of the world surrounding you. They are remarkably important.

    There is nothing more important in this world than to love and be loved, Davey. There really isn't. It's all we can hope for and from all accounts of the final hours of those who have passed before us, is all that matters. It's an unremarkable realization, yet one that escapes so many people until the very end.

    Be happy Davey, for you are loved.:smile:
     
Draft saved Draft deleted