I can't claim to be an exhibitionist (one bulge pic posted to date) but yes, this site has helped me BIG time! I literally grew up in a house full of women..a single Mom and sisters.
I had a sperm donor for a father that pretended as if his company was relocating him, he moved my Mom and sisters to another part of the country - I hadn't been born yet - and then somehow forgot about his obligations to his wife and children and proceeded to "lift his leg wherever he found a tree". Information overload!
I hardly had any contact with men in even the simplest forms of undress yet grew up either undressing in front of my Mom/sisters or vice versa so I could and still can get undressed in front of a woman without much effort, but up until I joined this group, I literally froze if it happened in front of a guy.
To complicate matters more, with all the emotional baggage left by the sperm donor, when I reached puberty, my Mom told me that if I ever had sex with anyone and she found out, I would be kicked out the house. No questions asked. She ruled the house with an iron fist and I know it was because she was fighting for our survival. She had to raise six children on her own with no child support etc. and her family didn't know what we were going through so were really had to fend for ourselves. As a teen I resented her for that threat, today I respect her because it taught me that respecting women is synonymous with every other dimension of life.
Oh yes, to put the cherry on the cake of all my already mounting pile of issues relating to sex, at the age of around five, I needed to be circumsized - I cannot remember the exact reason, but I know that it was "medically related".
My Mom must have realised that there would be some kind of emotional/psychological effect on me and tried to console me by referring to my penis as "her little button" - note to parents DO NOT NICKNAME PARTS OF YOUR CHILDREN'S ANATOMY.
I don't know which part of the nickname was most damaging to me the reference to size or the circumcision. It resulted in me being highly aware of both issues right up until I joined this group.
The guys at school didn't help much cos once the realised they were bigger, I had to deal with comments like being asked if I jerked off with a microscope and a pair of tweezers.
Once I moved out from home I became extremely obsessed with penises. I'd get porn not for the sex acts but to compare the goods, which helped so much (oozing with sarcasm) because porn really goes for the smaller or average guy to appear. You may wonder why I hadn't gone for counselling, I did. When stacked up against a childhood were I constantly would attempt suicide but chicken out from the age of about ten (non penis related reasons), my insecurity etc over my penis really wasn't as important.
To cut a long story short, I met my current wife who was also a virgin and well, now we aren't.
She knows about my issues, but I don't think that she has ever realised how deeply it truly runs. I for one do not believe in running away from emotional baggage cos it just bites you in the ass so I've tried to deal with an insecurity that has immense power over me to the point of feeling as if in that moment time has frozen. I've gone to extremes of drinking a couple of glasses of water and when the need arises, to go to the shopping centre and have a leak at urinal. On my own no prob, but even if there is someone on the far side and he isn't even facing me its as if the plumbing is blocked cos I just can't wee. Now picture this happening when the urinals are almost all occupied. I get glances and glares because most straight men in this country are very homophobic and they obviously must think that I'm gay and pretending to need the john but am there for other reasons. Admittedly, I would occassionally sneak a peek, but not to get my rocks off.
I realised that I was being ridiculous and stopped doing that. I joined a gym and loved it to the point of going twice a day, every day. I eventually decide to behave like most of the other guys and shower etc. bad move. Being around nude dudes made me feel very uncomfortable and since I'm a grower, I'd try to get myself slightly semi for the sake of size, but it didn't always work that way and I could see that I made some of the guys feel uncomfortable. Its a couple of years later, I'm still paying gym fees, but I've never been back. i felt like I was being selfish.
When I went on honeymoon, I decided to try to ease myself into a bit of exhibitionism and bought a speedo for when we were on the beach. On day one, it was concealed under board shorts for the entire day. I've never worn it again!
Are you guys still with me? (imagining chuckles, snoring and screams as people jump off buildings)
I wasn't looking for anything related to sex or nudity when I stumbled onto this sight. I can't begin to count my blessings that I did and that I joined.
I hadn't heard of let alone realised that some guys are showers and others are growers. I've spent most of my life thinking that my penis was a joke, and I've realised that I'm average, and if not quite, then at least I'm closer to being average than to small. I've learnt that being hung like a horse comes with its own set of issues.
Posting that pic was a gigantic step for me in the right direction. i'm now able to take a leak at a public urinal without freezing up and without consuming drinks before hand. There still is a slight apprehension as I go to the loo, but at least it all happens naturally.
My penis envy/obsession has diminished dramatically and I'm ready to in back to gym.
Once that bridge has been crossed, I hope to be in the place where I am comfortable enough within myself to post another pic and deal with your teasing.
The biggest lesson you guys have taught me is that its not the size of the cart, but the size of the heart that counts. I am blessed to be able to cross paths with you!
(getting of the couch) "Right doc, what's the bill and when's my next appointment?)
