Hate Being Gay :(

sh0n

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I dont know if it is because I am in South Ga or if there are other factors that are contributing to me feeling this way. But as you can see from my brief stats to the left Im 25 & Blk. Now for quite some time I have been really attractive to white masculine men, but finding someone has been futile to say the least. All dating sites and Apps are plagued with, "White Only" or "Not into blacks - just my pref." WTF ?!?! All I want to do is meet someone that is not going to automatically dismiss me just because of the amount of melanin that my melanocytes produce.

With all of this being said, I just want to be straight so that I dont have to deal with all of this pre-rejection before I can even say hello.

So any advice??
 
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Darkbruno

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Mate if you are finding things tough, the best thing to do is leave - break out on your own. A lot of young men do, and fulfill themselves. It may be tough to leave your family, that is something only you can decide. Get yourself to a city. Southern GA sounds, also, quite a conservative and religious spot to be in.

I am Canadian, but visited Chicago and found it to be a bit more open to the interracial scene. My city here in Canada is massively diverse and all shades and stripes team up. At least a big city will give you some anonymity - but also some loneliness that you will have to deal with, by making your own circle of friends. It's the case of being with, well, 'birds of a feather'.

I was the only one to leave my family (they are six hours away). I found a man and made a life. If you have desires for men (of whatever colour) you have to come to terms with that first. For God's sake don't torture yourself, please. You are innocent and young and your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of, whichever side you choose to play on.

Take care of yourself -

DB
 
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55032

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Yea, surprisingly enough, there in an innate institutionalized racism even amongst gay guys. I don't get it. And for a "class" of people that demands acceptance, for this to be such an issue, dumbfounds me and really implies more of an exclusive group as opposed to an all accepting one. Don't count on anything changing tho. Lol. Dem gays be stuck in their ways. Sounds like an old sultry haggard bastard, kinna.
 
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Joeblowya2012

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Well I think you are hot and obviously a good person with a heart to have those feelings. Just a shame I am not there. Nobody can tell you how to feel, but sometimes a change of scenery does wonders.
 

DustinGregg

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Buddy I can tell you the South (no offense intended, Southerners) is STILL fucked up about this. I'm from Northern MO and came out & started going out back in Columbia, MO. There were quite a few hot black dudes that, I'll admit, I had fun with and after I joined the AF I did then too. I never ran into anything like this until I moved to the South.

Down here -- sometimes it seems like its still fucking 1860. "Whites only, sorry" on white guys' shit "Bros only" on black dudes' profiles. It's bad like that down here. I had no idea things were still like this.

But I'll say this -- I get what you're saying, but please trust me:

There are LOOOOOOOOTS of hot, Str-8 acting, white bottoms who would love to, love to, love to (did I mention would really love to?) fukin LOVE to hook up with, NSA fun, date, whatever -- guys like you. And by that I mean *HOT*. Not to *mention* equipped.

I just don't get it -- to me, hot is HOT. And hot comes in all kinds of shapes, sizes, colors, races and ethnicities, and even in the other sex.

& dude, anybody that makes some fucking checklist like that (must be white/black, must be short/tall, must have blond/black hair) is a TOOL and not worth the time anyway!
 
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KuronoB

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I'm 25 and black too, but I'm in NYC. You see the same kind of messages up here too, but there are so many guys around that you might be able to find someone.

I recommend that you move to a big, diverse city. NYC, and SF would (obviously) be great picks, but if you want to stay in the south or closer to home, then maybe Miami, Houston, Atlanta or Austin.

Finally, I hope you aren't rejecting men of color the same way those white guys reject you. I feel like so many men of color complain about racism against them, but then refuse to date or seek out non-whites.
 

someperson

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I dont know if it is because I am in South Ga or if there are other factors that are contributing to me feeling this way. But as you can see from my brief stats to the left Im 25 & Blk. Now for quite some time I have been really attractive to white masculine men, but finding someone has been futile to say the least. All dating sites and Apps are plagued with, "White Only" or "Not into blacks - just my pref." WTF ?!?! All I want to do is meet someone that is not going to automatically dismiss me just because of the amount of melanin that my melanocytes produce.

With all of this being said, I just want to be straight so that I dont have to deal with all of this pre-rejection before I can even say hello.

So any advice??

Look who's talking.
 

tallguypns

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If you would open your eyes, you would also find that profiles say nobody over the age of 30, nobody fat, nobody hairy, nobody fem, nobody "str8 actin", no asians, no latinos, papi's only, etc etc etc. It comes with the territory of belong to a group of people whose primary concern is getting laid by whomever they find attractive. Are all men like that? No. But it is certainly a problem for anyone that doesn't look like whomever graces the cover of whatever fashion magazines (or underwear website) is popular in the mainstream community.
 
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spoon

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I dont know if it is because I am in South Ga or if there are other factors that are contributing to me feeling this way. But as you can see from my brief stats to the left Im 25 & Blk. Now for quite some time I have been really attractive to white masculine men, but finding someone has been futile to say the least. All dating sites and Apps are plagued with, "White Only" or "Not into blacks - just my pref." WTF ?!?! All I want to do is meet someone that is not going to automatically dismiss me just because of the amount of melanin that my melanocytes produce.

With all of this being said, I just want to be straight so that I dont have to deal with all of this pre-rejection before I can even say hello.

So any advice??

Well I get it, much like you I too am primarily attracted to fairer skin. I am multiracial and I've just come to expect it lol. I've been told "sorry no nigs" once. It depends on the area as well.



people can be horrible! being straight doesn't mean no problems.
 

D_Lee_Iacuckold

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I suggest moving to a more diverse city. I am from NYC and have only two white gay friends. And guess what, they love blacks and latinos. Ive never been to the south and going by what others have said, maybe they just arent as open to inter-racial relationships. The dating pool may be just too small where you live.
 

CuriousGuy

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It probably does have something to do with where you are. But trust me, there are tons of men who find you very attractive, though they might be easier to find in other locales. And I'm not just talking about finding you physically attractive. You seem to be a very thoughtful, intelligent young man. Just learn to be proud of yourself and love yourself and this will, no doubt, increase your chances of running into the type of man you're attracted to. I know it doesn't seem like it to you but you are so young. Enjoy getting to know yourself wholly and I bet you will meet someone sooner that you think.
 
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As a primarily straight guy who also finds men attractive, I thought I would add something here. I am white, and I have to admit that I am attracted to whites only (women and men). This doesn't mean that I'm racist. I'm just attracted to what I'm attracted to. I know a few white guy who are attracted to Asians, and have no interest in being with white women. Preferring the look on one race over another doen't automatically mean racism. Here is the dictionary definition of racism:

Main Entry:racism
Pronunciation:*r*-*si-z*m
Function:noun
: a belief that some races are by nature superior to others; also : discrimination based on such belief
–racist \-sist\ noun

Being attracted to a particular race doesn't mean that one feels one race is superior to another, it's just their preference, and that is cool. I think people are too quick nowadays to call racism.

Also, being straight doesn't mean a hassle free life - far from it! Before I got married, I had women shoot me down for a number of reasons that were beyond my control such as "being too short" (I'm 5'7" - hardly a dwarf). You just move on until you find someone who likes you for who you are. A successful relationship isn't about finding someone perfect (because no one is). It's about accepting each others shortcomings (looks and personality), and loving the person despite them. Even the most beautiful people have flaws.

BTW - I agree with other posters. Get out of your area and move to an area that is more open minded and has a wider diversity of people.
 
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dylz

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^ no. deciding to exclude an entire very large and diverse population of individuals (some of whom you'd almost undoubtedly at least acknowledge as attractive) based on something as arbitrary as their race is, at the very least, subconsciously motivated by some (perhaps internalized or culturally reinforced) racism.

dont get me started on the people who fetishize one race to the exclusion of all others.
 
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^ no. deciding to exclude an entire very large and diverse population of individuals (some of whom you'd almost undoubtedly at least acknowledge as attractive) based on something as arbitrary as their race is, at the very least, subconsciously motivated by some (perhaps internalized or culturally reinforced) racism.

dont get me started on the people who fetishize one race to the exclusion of all others.

That's your opinion, but I don't agree with you. Does this mean my white friends who are only attracted to Asians are reverse racists? That's what they like, and it's cool with me. You are attracted to what you are attracted to, and that's all there is to it. You can't force people to be attracted to another race out of fear of being called a racist. That is ridiculous! If you don't want to be with someone from another race because you feel they are beneath you, that's a whole different story.
 
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hungboy18

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First and foremost I hope that in time you can understand that there is nothing wrong with your skin color even if people judge you based on it and there's nothing wrong with being gay but yeah it's a lot harder to find people, but even if you were straight and liked white skinny blonde girls, it would still be hard for you to be with one because we can't exactly choose who we love and who likes us, your skin color could have something to do with that, I'm not gonna pretend we are not judged based on how we look, but please don't be sad about who you are, because one day you'll be lucky enough to find someone and this will only be a bad phase in your life, this might seem extremely hard for you now, but believe me when I say that everyone goes through something, and when I say this I don't want to invalidate your feelings in any way but instead I hope you just understand that it's their lose for not wanting to give you a change, people should be judged based on personality but everything we do and are also defines us.

Plus in a way by wanting that kind of guy, you are also saying no to many other guys who could love you much more.
 

luvmycock

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^ no. deciding to exclude an entire very large and diverse population of individuals (some of whom you'd almost undoubtedly at least acknowledge as attractive) based on something as arbitrary as their race is, at the very least, subconsciously motivated by some (perhaps internalized or culturally reinforced) racism.

dont get me started on the people who fetishize one race to the exclusion of all others.

lots of truth in this
 

kayman

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Your sentiments sounds like mine. I am tired of drifting from place to place at the moment and would rather be in a major city elsewhere. The South does seem to have this "no blacks" racial undercurrent with LGBTs. Yeah, it occurs with heterosexuals, but due to the smaller group that LGBTs are it is way more prevalent and greater negative effects on members of color. There is the US it is this desirability hierarchy where it is white, Hispanic (but preference on those whom are white or fair complexed), Amerindian (Native American), Asian, and finally black. Although I am non-specific on race or ethnicity, if do date a white guy it tends to be European ones more often than not because they don't possess this bias disposition as often as American-born ones.

I find this pattern quite troubling, but I hope you, OP, aren't turning down dating other black guys either. If you are then you are asking why are others doing the same thing you are doing exact same thing to fellow black guys.
 
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