Hate your sex drive?

Discussion in 'Show Off' started by Imported, Jun 11, 2003.

  1. Imported

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    like_a_UB_Bull: Have any of you guys ever hated yourself for your sex drive? I've been in a relationship with this girl for almost 2 and a half years, and she's terrific, everything a guy could ask for. But I'm 18. I go to parties and girls look at me, stare at me, and I know I could go and have some fun, but I don't. I want to marry this girl someday, but I need to satiate this desire to meet all kinds of women first. It's even more complicated than that, but it's an example of why I wish I had less of a sex drive. I feel like it's leading to the demise of what could possibly the best thing that will ever happen to me. There's no guranteeing we'll get back together once we're ready. Bah, damn this thing.
     
  2. Imported

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    DirkDiggler: Oh purleeeze,
    The idea is that you shag everything that moves from the age of16 to 25 then you think about marrage.
    Thats what it says in my big book of rules anyway.
    There is no correleation between the size of your dick and the size of you libedo.
    A friend of mine has what he says he thinks is a small dick and you cannot take him anywhere because you can be certain that he will try to get someone into bed.
     
  3. Imported

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    H8Monga: You know, once again I'm on the opposite end of the table. I hate my lower sex drive.  Other guys don't understand how it can be so easy for me to remain a virgin at 24 and not have this huge desire to have sex sex sex. When I explain to them that I have never been strongly attracted anyone meaning I have yet to have anyone give me an erection just by looking at them and that I can watch porn and look at nudes as much as I want and not get aroused, they are amazed or call me gay. Sex isn't constantly on my mind and when I wonder about it, I still flatline down there. I have often joked that of my two heads, one is brain dead and it's not the one that really matters.  But I do long to be normal.  

    I don't know what happened. It's a blessing and curse. A blessing because it has certainly kept me out of trouble... it doesn't run my life, sex isn't a number one priority, I don't get labelled a pervert,  don't have multiple partners/cheating and having them find out about each other, I avoid the risks of getting an STD or pregnancies etc... and it's a curse because I don't feel I am right. I feel left out and not able to understand what it's like to be what I deem a normal male.  People ask if I masturbate and I answer yes to that and all of a sudden to them I've discredited myself. But it's not like I do it everyday all day and when I do, I have to manually get myself up versus looking at porn or fantasizing and having it automatically happen.

    So I'm saying, you are lucky to have this normal desire. But too if you want to marry this girl, don't mess it up by sleeping around. Focus and concentrate just on her. Go wild with her and not the others.
     
  4. Imported

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    blo1988: Hmmmmm....hesitate to chime in but what the fuck.
    Bull, it is totally understandable to be conflicted. Most guys that I have known are ruled by their dick at least some of the t ime. I think that at your age it is the rule...not the exception.
    I have no important regrets for the times that my dick took the lead...but I regret some of the opportunities that I passed.
    At your age there is still alot to experience. Despite what you feel at this time you may not have found your life mate. Of course no one can say that you haven't....it just isn't statistically likely.
    I spent alot of my 20's academically/professionally focused, or in relationships. Not as much fucking around for the hell of it as I would ave liked. I can tell you now that it was great for me professionally, but didn't allow as much room for me to get to know myself.
    My take on it now is......enjoy a compliment when you get it, enjoy your dick as much as you can(safely), explore your sexuality as much as possible, accept intimacy where you find it without judgement.
    BTW, I am absolutely certain that size and libido have no relationship.
    But I discovered by accident that a large one does it for me.
     
  5. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    Well, here's something for you.

    Growing up, I have almost always been awkward with the opposite sex. On the one hand, in my teenage years, I definitely embodied much of what could be considered "geek." I didn't work out, play sports, or have a worthwhile body; I stayed skinny and stuck to my academics because they were my strong suit. That's not to say I didn't have my fair share of girlfriends, but I wouldn't say my "fair share" (in reality, only a few) could hold in comparison with my jockish and more popular counterparts.

    So I got laid around the time of my graduation, and seriously... it was fun, but it wasn't the most momentous and awe-inspiring experience of my life. It felt very much like my playboy of an older brother and popular media would describe: warm like apple pie, awkward, and maybe a bit too fleeting. Since then, I have been somewhat sexually active; though I hardly go out hunting for sex (really, it's such an unnatural thing for me -- this whole "hookup" business), I like what I can get, when I can get it.

    Four college Spring Breaks later, certainly my life isn't the stuff you would find on an MTV special.

    To everyone who's stated that dick size and libido really don't much to do with each other: right on. I can sympathize with Hapi simply because men inundated with sexual morés of Western culture, they expect and conform to notions that, yes, they have to stalk women down and succeed in landing them into the bed. To everyone else, so what? Not to scare anyone, but I would definitely agree that with all the scary shit going on out there -- STDs, unwanted pregnancies, AIDS -- maybe I'm none the worse for wear in being a little focused on my priorities than my dick.

    (My hand hardly fails to disappoint. And hell, it's a tradition: my mom's a spinster!)
     
  6. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Whoa, like_a_UB-Bull!

    Are you committed to making this girl you've been devoted to for almost 2 1/2 years happy, or is the relationship so unimportant to you that you'd be willing to have it swept out the door because you screwed around on her?

    At just what point, my dear boy, are you going to decide that the time for dallying has passed?  After you're married?

    Believe me, Bull, if you give in to your baser instincts now, you'll continue to find excuses for unfaithfulness as time goes on.

    Search your heart.  If you, indeed, do love, and are devoted to your current girlfriend, you'll act like it.

    And you won't regret it.

    Pecker
     
  7. Imported

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    blo1988: At the risk of being the contrarian.....
    At 18 there was ALOT that I believed was universal truth that I KNOW now was wrongheaded. My opinion's were limited by my experience. I agree that true love is absolutely a worthwhile value that is worth sacrificing for. On the other hand I would offer that my ideas about true love and intimacy changed substantially between 18 and 28.
    I think that in our culture too much is made of sexual labels, "right", "wrong",etc. I think that the late teens and 20's are best spent (for most folks) with a fairly non-judgemental attitude exploring one's boundaries.
    I had a very narrow focus at 18 and was relatively late at understanding certain important things about myself. I was fortunate to be blessed in many ways, but psychosexually I had a bit of baggage to unload.
    If I could have written the script myself I would have "sewn my oats" when I was younger and it was more chronologically appropriate. A randy 20 year old who explores his options is in a better place than a 30 year old doing the same. Time brings increasing responsibilities...etc.
    I had to learn at a slower pace than many...and all of of my self-imposed prohibitions did NOT help. These pages are full of men who are exploring their options at a less convenient age than 18. If you have things to learn about intimacy and sex I think that you are ahead of the ball game to learn it when you are younger and less commited.
    I can only speak for myself, and it is slightly uncomfortable to write about this, but I was reared in a conservative environment. There was a truck load of self-judgement and I didn't even appreciate it's impact. I was fucking my girlfriends at 19, "in love" and married at 25, falling in love with my best friend at 28, sucking his dick at 29, depressed and divorced shortly thereafter, exploring my homosexuality at 30 and discovering the unexpected pleasure of large cocks a bit later. All of this juggled in the midst of a personal, academic and professional life that was otherwise successful by almost any measure.
    Bottom line, life is a journey, but some important things can be delayed by to much heavy lifting from one's superego.
     
  8. Imported

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    like_a_UB_Bull: While I described "cheat" type feelings, I wasn't asking if I should cheat on her. The question was whether I'd be able to live with those feelings, when I'm at a party without her, and a cute girl makes it a point to talk to me. To give myself a little credit, if the relationship meant little to me, I'd not have done what it took to make it last so long.
    Having said that, it was really more of a frustrated hypothetical question than a search for advice. The frustration stems from the fact that my cock is the only standing b/n me and having figured my lovelife out...for life. We will break up (hopefully temporarily) when I transfer schools, either at the end of the coming fall or spring semesters. I will meet other girls. The question is only when?

    P.S. It's quite obvious that penis size has absolutely nothing to do with libido, it's the male genitalia in any form that does it.
     
  9. Imported

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    H8Monga: I think people were still trying to tell you that you have the strength and power to resist acting on your feelings if you are devoted to one person. Don't blame your penis. It doesn't really have a brain and cannot make decisions. It seems to me you just want to go from girl to girl and even plan on it with your temporary break. It's all up to you, just don't be weak and give in to every woman out there if you are in a relationship and even if you have a "break" you still have intentions to stay with one person. Don't bring unnecessary people in the mix and make life more complicated as well as bring strain into your relationship. You didn't ask for permission to cheat, but you certainly made yourself look like you were setting yourself up for a life of adultery since you worry about not being able to control yourself. It is your choice. I suggest you learn some control and get a grip on these feelings before it makes your life miserable, for the sake of your future relationships.
     
  10. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    Think about this: what would you think of your girlfriend and her opinion of commitment if you found out she had been fucking around behind your back?
     
  11. Imported

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    ORCABOMBER: I think personally UB, that y'know, if you really love your girl as much as you do, you'll stay, just jerk off in Private about her if it bothers you.

    As to whether I've ever hated my sex drive, well yeah, to be honest I have, mainly because I'm not exactly going to be laid anytime soon and I have a serious amount of problems in my life at the mo, and my nuts going "FUCK EVERY HUMAN YOU CAN SEE" is not particularly helpful either. In the past I have wished that it was lower, but I see it as my own cross to bear... and heaven help my girlfriend if she's not flexible!!!
     
  12. jonb

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    I agree with Orca. There's too much riding on that time with someone else to do it. (Oh, wait, that didn't come out right.)

    Oh, and Dee, you're right: Unless you're ABSOLUTELY monogamous, don't have sex.
     
  13. Imported

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    like_a_UB_Bull: DMW, that idea isn't the eye-opener I think you were hoping it would be. Nothing has happened behind anyone's back, including these feelings, she knows all about them. And for the second time, I'm not asking permission to cheat. I was simply asking if you guys could identify with the frustration of desiring to have slept with more than one woman in your entire life. I've gotten a couple responses that were helpful, a couple that weren't. Thanks to all for trying to help out.
     
  14. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

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    [quote author=like_a_UB_Bull link=board=youth;num=1055313420;start=0#12 date=06/12/03 at 22:20:41]Nothing has happened behind anyone's back, including these feelings, she knows all about them...[/quote]

    Awesome. That's what I like to hear, open lines of communication!

    Care to share with us what was discussed? How did she feel and what did she say to you in return?
     
  15. Imported

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    AnonyMs: I know a guy who married the first woman he ever slept with - they were madly in love but after about a year, our culture's siren call of having sex with a lot of people beckoned to him and he began to fool around on her. Eventually, it broke up their marriage. Not so very long ago, it was our cultural expected norm that you would only have sex with one person and you would be married to that person. Not so much anymore. And I am not really sure if that was actually what happened in practice as I have met many people who were born at "7 months" weighing 8 pounds! But as one poster said some time back, while single sex is great, it doesn't beat married sex built over years of loving and knowing one another.
     
  16. Imported

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    sammygirly: Amen sister.

    I think we can all say that we've had that moment, that "Oh my GOD is this the only person I'm going to have sex with FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?!". That's human - but listen to these people.

    That emotion can be frightening, startling, a little unbelievable to imagine - especially at a young age...but there is nothing to compare to making love TO the one you love.

    Good luck.
     
  17. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    Yep. There's sex and there's love. They're both good by themselves, but when the two meet, the combination is unbeatable. I'm the type that thought he could never settle down with just one person and forsake sex with all the other available partners out there. However, when I met the right one, staying faithful was no chore. One is all you need if it's the right one.
     
  18. Imported

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    H8Monga: [quote author=AnonyMs link=board=youth;num=1055313420;start=0#14 date=06/13/03 at 11:04:41]I know a guy who married the first woman he ever slept with - they were madly in love but after about a year, our culture's siren call of having sex with a lot of people beckoned to him and he began to fool around on her.  Eventually, it broke up their marriage.  Not so very long ago, it was our cultural expected norm that you would only have sex with one person and you would be married to that person.  Not so much anymore.  And I am not really sure if that was actually what happened in practice as I have met many people who were born at "7 months" weighing 8 pounds!  But as one poster said some time back, while single sex is great, it doesn't beat married sex built over years of loving and knowing one another.   [/quote]

    I wish we could go back to the olden days... but even then, they weren't completely Puritan, but far from Sodom and Gomorrah than we are.
     
  19. benderten2001

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    This page too, is rapidly filliing with replies (all good ones!) that reflect the challenges of "living with our sex drives".

    I certainly have no better insights than the ones already shared here.

    Too bad life's pathways and the choices we make are not more "clear-cut" and to the point which will only lead us to sheer bliss and happiness forever. Sooner or later, we all learn our life's courses don't necessarily always work out that way.

    What I do know now, after years of agony and fretting over many of the same issues discussed in this thread (and the many, many others) is that our sex drive should be viewed as a gift....a precious, VERY PRECIOUS gift.

    I also think it's purpose is certainly more than for mere procreation.

    The pleasure of personally experiencing our sex drive's "mesmerizing" power over our whole emotional being at times is nothing short of absolutely awesome!

    Instead of "hating" or despising it (even during the difficult times when my sexual drive can and does complicate my life!) I hope I will always still, nonetheless, remember to celebrate it and be thankful.

    For me, I'd rather have a healthy sex drive (and all the challenges it brings!) than NOT have it at all.
     
  20. Imported

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    like_a_UB_Bull: Well Dee, we discussed, at great length on many occassions over the last few months, everything that I've been talking about. Basically, that I feel trapped, and that I kind of wish I hadn't met a girl I'd like to marry so early in life. Her reactions to this are obviously not favorable. She takes it pretty hard sometimes, sometimes she's fairly cool about it, but it still hurts her. That's part of the reason it tears me up that I still feel this way. At this point, a few days after the initial post, I've determined we're going to try to stay together until I transfer. Then I'll live the single life a while, and I'll just have to take the chance that she'll find someone else to marry. As a beautiful pre-med she shouldn't have too hard a time finding guys interested in long-term.
     
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