H8Monga: Well if you're splitting for college... why not? Relationships rarely survive that. So maybe she isn't the one... but time will tell...
sammygirly: That was encouraging Hapi. :-/
UB, you're scared and that's a good thing - leads me to believe that your feelings for her WILL last, and frankly I think your last post was the most honest display of the larger problem: You're afraid of losing her period, and since distance will play a factor soon, you're coming up with every which reason that might facilitate that.
Yeah, you're going to see other attractive women who are more available. Yeah, so she is going to be among a new group of available men...but, trust me, women are not all out for the better deal. Just because there ARE other men out there doesn't mean she'll be with any of them if she loves you.
I'm with Dee, I'd like to hear how she's reacted to your openess...and, what she's said about her own feelings.
I betcha she's having the same fears.
UB, you're scared and that's a good thing - leads me to believe that your feelings for her WILL last, and frankly I think your last post was the most honest display of the larger problem: You're afraid of losing her period, and since distance will play a factor soon, you're coming up with every which reason that might facilitate that.
Yeah, you're going to see other attractive women who are more available. Yeah, so she is going to be among a new group of available men...but, trust me, women are not all out for the better deal. Just because there ARE other men out there doesn't mean she'll be with any of them if she loves you.
I'm with Dee, I'd like to hear how she's reacted to your openess...and, what she's said about her own feelings.
I betcha she's having the same fears.
H8Monga: Sorry Sammy 
I just thought I'd look at it in another light, that realistically relationships rarely survive splits for school, but I also do know people who have been together for years and years. He had already planned a split and has thoughts of roaming. I'm missing his frustration I guess. Well being that my sex drive is chained and strapped down and locked away in a vault, I couldn't understand... so... :-x for me here.
I just thought I'd look at it in another light, that realistically relationships rarely survive splits for school, but I also do know people who have been together for years and years. He had already planned a split and has thoughts of roaming. I'm missing his frustration I guess. Well being that my sex drive is chained and strapped down and locked away in a vault, I couldn't understand... so... :-x for me here.
like_a_UB_Bull: I can talk about this as long as you guys can...when you stop posting, I'll stop replying...thanks again for the help. To expand on how she's reacted a little more, I'd say that yes, she feels all the same fears that I do. She's a little less secure in the idea that she'll be able to meet new people, and in addition she's a little bit dependent on me socially; meaning she relies on me for things to do, and often simply hangs out with me while she could be a) meeting new people or b) hanging out with the friends she has. So the split will be healthy for her as well, but knowing she has a facet of life to work on once I leave only makes it all seem that much more daunting. Essentially, yes, we're afraid of losing each other for the long run. But we're also afraid of what our lives may become without each other to lean on when we need it. She's been there for me when I had family problems, and I've been there for her with her social insecurities. We know we love each other, and so breaking up will hurt b/c we'll miss one another, but we feel like we need each other. And I know we need to disprove that to ourselves, in order to grow as individuals.
But I don't want to sell this off as, "We're just breaking up b/c of school." We went a year apart when she graduated high school a year ahead of me. It's not like we can't handle the distance. It pisses me off, b/c as much as I love her, need her, all that, I want to break up so I experiance the excitement of meeting new women. I don't just mean sex with new women, but the process of "hitting it off." That's why I'm frustrated. I have this beautiful girl who's perfect for me, and all I want is something else. I'll stop for now. I told you...I can blather on this alllll night, baby.
But I don't want to sell this off as, "We're just breaking up b/c of school." We went a year apart when she graduated high school a year ahead of me. It's not like we can't handle the distance. It pisses me off, b/c as much as I love her, need her, all that, I want to break up so I experiance the excitement of meeting new women. I don't just mean sex with new women, but the process of "hitting it off." That's why I'm frustrated. I have this beautiful girl who's perfect for me, and all I want is something else. I'll stop for now. I told you...I can blather on this alllll night, baby.
Nothing wrong with your admission in the slightest, UB.
A former co-worker of mine has recently ended his marriage of 12 years to his high-school sweetheart. Inseparable and probably very much in love, he went through with the marriage; they both worked and supported the household, had no children, but kept some pets around and went about their business. When I asked him why he decided to call it quits after so long, he replied that even after all these years he still loves his former wife very much... but... he wasn't happy anymore.
He was married at 19 years of age. (Hell, at that point, I had quit pre-medicine and struggled to find a second major that would fit.) She, even worse, was only 16 -- barely a woman. (I'm not talking pubescence; rather, life experiences on the whole.)
I looked at him quizzically, then said, "I bet you felt selfish, didn't you?" He lit up. "Yeah, that's exactly what I thought..." He replied further that he had been a little less than blissful with the marriage for the past few years, but that he knew how much his wife needed him and that he couldn't leave her to fend for herself. He felt terrible for having these "irrepressible" needs; he wanted a life outside of his marriage, wanted to meet other women, and totally dismissing adultery altogether... he just wanted to go out and have a good time instead of coming home to the same lifeless relationship day in and out.
The reason why I'm telling you this is that you have two options: (1) And by no means am I downplaying the love of your relationship, but if your desires to explore are left unrequited for too long, you could get yourself into some serious trouble. Perhaps it's crazy enough to work: having reached a mutual agreement on it, you two can separate and have your own lives for a while. If the love's still there, if you miss her, if you want her for more than the make-up sex, get reunited. Or (2), stay right where you are -- there's nothing wrong with caution...
A former co-worker of mine has recently ended his marriage of 12 years to his high-school sweetheart. Inseparable and probably very much in love, he went through with the marriage; they both worked and supported the household, had no children, but kept some pets around and went about their business. When I asked him why he decided to call it quits after so long, he replied that even after all these years he still loves his former wife very much... but... he wasn't happy anymore.
He was married at 19 years of age. (Hell, at that point, I had quit pre-medicine and struggled to find a second major that would fit.) She, even worse, was only 16 -- barely a woman. (I'm not talking pubescence; rather, life experiences on the whole.)
I looked at him quizzically, then said, "I bet you felt selfish, didn't you?" He lit up. "Yeah, that's exactly what I thought..." He replied further that he had been a little less than blissful with the marriage for the past few years, but that he knew how much his wife needed him and that he couldn't leave her to fend for herself. He felt terrible for having these "irrepressible" needs; he wanted a life outside of his marriage, wanted to meet other women, and totally dismissing adultery altogether... he just wanted to go out and have a good time instead of coming home to the same lifeless relationship day in and out.
The reason why I'm telling you this is that you have two options: (1) And by no means am I downplaying the love of your relationship, but if your desires to explore are left unrequited for too long, you could get yourself into some serious trouble. Perhaps it's crazy enough to work: having reached a mutual agreement on it, you two can separate and have your own lives for a while. If the love's still there, if you miss her, if you want her for more than the make-up sex, get reunited. Or (2), stay right where you are -- there's nothing wrong with caution...
Javierdude22: Im just jumping into this one, cause i couldnt get a grip on the initial posting. Now i see the problem, and i know what you mean UB.
I have a couple of friends who share youre feelings, not so much the sex part, but the 'flirt-date-etc' part. One of them has a 7 year relationship with abgirl (from 15-22 years, the other HAD a 6 year relationship (14-20). The first are still struggling with their feelings that they havent really experienced 'life'. They havent gone out and flirted like crazy, havent got those Spring Break, or summer vacation love things to tell, etc. They only know the life they have: with eachother. Both confided that sometimes they just feel trapped and wanna get out, but they cant bare to be apart, or to risk it at least, so they stay together. They moved in together recently, and the wind is laying down.
The other pair split up after 6 years. They started too young they felt, and started to have a feeling that they 'missed out' . The same you have. Eventually it just didnt work anymore, and they sold the house (they even went sao far to buy a house when they were 19 and 21.)
I dont really have a point with this ( :-/ ) but my own opinion is that love doesnt come around very often. I can relate to Hapi and Dee with the fact that my sexdrive...well...it hardly drives, lets say that. I dont have that 'hunt' feeling....but i can honestly tell you that sometimes i wish i did. I think thats the reason i started so late, age 18...and i havent been able to sustain a relationship for longer than 3 months.
Every 6 months or so i give it another go with the thoughts 'what the hell, ill give it a try again' running through my head. After 3 days i get depressed cause yet again the feeling (that should have been there even before the kiss) did not pop up....sex is almost a must...and well....after 3 weeks when i found the nerve to hurt someone again....it ends. No pretty sight...for no-one.
I'm not gonna stand here of course and tell you what to do, the info's there, everyone makes up their own mind. All i can say is that finding a good match, and having -that- feeling, is a rare thing.
I have a couple of friends who share youre feelings, not so much the sex part, but the 'flirt-date-etc' part. One of them has a 7 year relationship with abgirl (from 15-22 years, the other HAD a 6 year relationship (14-20). The first are still struggling with their feelings that they havent really experienced 'life'. They havent gone out and flirted like crazy, havent got those Spring Break, or summer vacation love things to tell, etc. They only know the life they have: with eachother. Both confided that sometimes they just feel trapped and wanna get out, but they cant bare to be apart, or to risk it at least, so they stay together. They moved in together recently, and the wind is laying down.
The other pair split up after 6 years. They started too young they felt, and started to have a feeling that they 'missed out' . The same you have. Eventually it just didnt work anymore, and they sold the house (they even went sao far to buy a house when they were 19 and 21.)
I dont really have a point with this ( :-/ ) but my own opinion is that love doesnt come around very often. I can relate to Hapi and Dee with the fact that my sexdrive...well...it hardly drives, lets say that. I dont have that 'hunt' feeling....but i can honestly tell you that sometimes i wish i did. I think thats the reason i started so late, age 18...and i havent been able to sustain a relationship for longer than 3 months.
Every 6 months or so i give it another go with the thoughts 'what the hell, ill give it a try again' running through my head. After 3 days i get depressed cause yet again the feeling (that should have been there even before the kiss) did not pop up....sex is almost a must...and well....after 3 weeks when i found the nerve to hurt someone again....it ends. No pretty sight...for no-one.
I'm not gonna stand here of course and tell you what to do, the info's there, everyone makes up their own mind. All i can say is that finding a good match, and having -that- feeling, is a rare thing.
AnonyMs: What a crazy world we live in when being with someone you love is not considered truly living, but instead engaging in repeated cycles of the mating ritual is.
This is not to cast any aspersions on anyone's choices whatever they may be... more a commentary on the choice of words we use to describe our behaviors. That's all.
I would only want to do my twenties over again if I could take all my wisdom learned with me....
I wish you well with your struggle, U B - may you be true to your highest self.
This is not to cast any aspersions on anyone's choices whatever they may be... more a commentary on the choice of words we use to describe our behaviors. That's all.
I would only want to do my twenties over again if I could take all my wisdom learned with me....
I wish you well with your struggle, U B - may you be true to your highest self.
blo1988: I think that Dee's thoughts on the power of the "road not taken" is precisely correct. It is NOT a problem for everyone, insofar as intimacy is concerned....but it may be for others.
Literature is repleat with accounts of the power of unrequited love, unfulfilled destiny, untaken journeys and the seduction of the road not taken. For some the decision to depart from the conventional course has been a brilliant decision; for others a disaster. Regardless, it is not possible to relieve someone of their dilemma by offering them one's own version of "TRUTH". One's own discovery of personal truth probably comes most quickly when you explore your options at an age-appropriate time. Having a variety of experiences in young adulthood can offer more confidence in the choices one makes later.
At the very least these decisions are the multivariant equations that make life interesting....sometimes enthralling, sometimes devastating.
After an undergraduate degree, two doctorates and a failed marriage to someone that I was convinced I loved.....(all by 30) I can tell you that I am certain of one thing. There is a lot to be discovered for some folks between 18 and 30.
Literature is repleat with accounts of the power of unrequited love, unfulfilled destiny, untaken journeys and the seduction of the road not taken. For some the decision to depart from the conventional course has been a brilliant decision; for others a disaster. Regardless, it is not possible to relieve someone of their dilemma by offering them one's own version of "TRUTH". One's own discovery of personal truth probably comes most quickly when you explore your options at an age-appropriate time. Having a variety of experiences in young adulthood can offer more confidence in the choices one makes later.
At the very least these decisions are the multivariant equations that make life interesting....sometimes enthralling, sometimes devastating.
After an undergraduate degree, two doctorates and a failed marriage to someone that I was convinced I loved.....(all by 30) I can tell you that I am certain of one thing. There is a lot to be discovered for some folks between 18 and 30.
blo1988: I am convinced of at least one other thing....I should re-check my spelling and verb tenses before I push "post"........
Well...gotta confess...probably won't.....
Well...gotta confess...probably won't.....
joe22xxx: Hey bud, I know the feeling of wanting to do it with every hot chick you see. I think that's ok, but after a while you start feeling more with your heart or guts than with your dick. I mean, you mature with time. All guys go through the phase of crazy horniness. Some never grow out of it. But most of us learn how to treat women as human beings, not just tits & pussies on legs. When that happens, the extreme horniness changes.
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