have to say this site has been a blessing

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by pornographicpoet, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. pornographicpoet

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    This site has really boosted my self-confidence. I now have minimal self-confidence instead of none. LOL.

    I went on a date with this girl at Habana Outpost in Brooklyn a few months ago. I was a little nervous about it being a real date so I asked her to invite some of her girlfriends along. LOL, maybe it's the little bit of queer in me, but I loved just talking with her and her girlfriends. It was like Sex and the City, LOL.

    Anyway, because I'm notorious for not knowing how to read women's signals (I thought a woman was flirting with me at the bar only to find out she was married...LOL) I don't know how she reacted to me.

    I called her a few days later and invited her to the Liberty playoff game (WNBA. She's a baseball fan, mostly. I don't really care for any sport other than basketball, though) and she said she was really busy with parent-teacher conferences this week. I think it sounded legit. I probably should have followed up soon after, but I didn't.

    Anyway, I sent her an e-mail inviting her to come watch me perform some poetry. She's a writer as well, and I said I didn't expect her to offer feedback on my poems without me being able to reciprocate (LOL, the symbolism.)

    I know she never checks her e-mail, but I'm curious as to what will happen. Mainly, when I think about her, I just think about how I want to go down on her badly.
     
  2. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Okay, dude, I haven't seen your poetry, but I'm just going to be honest with you: there's no bigger turnoff for me, and most women I know, than a dude trying to woo us through poetry. This is because 99.9999999999% of poetry is, unbeknownst to the author, BAD. I'm sure that you're convinced that you're the exception to the rule (and hell, maybe you are), but here's the other thing: even the good (which I've never seen, for the record) poetry is a turnoff. It's a cheezy come-on; it smacks of desperation. I know you've admitted to being desperate, but you needn't bleed that from every pore of your being.

    Another thing: WNBA games are prime hangout territory for lesbians. You'd better hope that this girl doesn't have any bisexual tendencies, because if you take her there for a date, there's a good chance that the person eating her out isn't gonna be you.

    It sounds like you need to step up your game a bit. My recommendation: relax, don't try so hard. I've known plenty of decent-looking, likeable guys who've lost bigtime with the ladies because every action they took screamed "I AM A VIRGIN DYING TO GET LAID!"
     
  3. pornographicpoet

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    Voyeuristic,

    I guess I fall into every trap imaginable.

    Also, have to agree that most poetry is simply god-awful. That's why I never wanted to experiment with that medium as a writer until I was prodded by my friend to write some (and his work is atrocious. he writes about owls for fuck's sake.) and then perform at his show. While most poetry is simply awful (because it's obscure, sentimental, and trite) - I hope mine - instead of being labeled awful - would just be called derivative (of bukowski)

    I guess I'm trying so hard because being relaxed around women never seemed to work. I just don't think women find me very appealing. I guess maybe if I get desperate I can see if I can find a guy and be a top. Dunno. The truth is the women I'm interested in are far smarter than I am and know every trick that I'd try to pull at a split second.
     
  4. nicenycdick

    Gold Member

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    I think you need some new guidelines. I offer these with the knowledge that men can never know what makes a woman's mind work:

    1. Stop with the tricks.

    2. Just be yourself.

    3. Don't worry so much about the rejection.

    4. When you ask a girl out...make it clear that it's a date. Say something like: "Ya know, I like you...can I take you out to dinner?" Say this only after you've spent some time talking/getting to know each other (it's not a great opening line.)

    5. Don't use great opening lines; they are never great and never work.

    6. Don't confuse the situation. It never pays to take a lady out under a friendship pretense if you want to get into her pants...it is confusing for her and frustrating for you.

    7. There are only two good outcomes to asking a woman out for a date: she either says "yes" and you know she is interested...or she says "no" and you know she is not. Those are both good.
     
  5. mtguy1972

    mtguy1972 Member

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    go with your 10% dude...i like nerdy guys with a natural bush and big dick ;)
     
  6. Leche por mi cafe

    Leche por mi cafe New Member

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    Geez, don't make us gay guys sound like we're the last thing on earth that would get you off! I'm sure we can arrange that, but then again, it may be your last reason to continue your search for answers! That 10% may become 90% ;)
    I have to agree with nicenycdick: Just be yourself! There is no need for the desperation...the drama! Things will unfold when need be. You also have to understand women can and will pick up on the "Men Seeking a Desperate Lay" routine. If you do want to just get laid, just be up front with it. You might be surprised.

    ...and another thing...You have to understand that rejections sucks! I don't think you're going to find anyone on this site that hasn't been through sometype of rejection. It can tear your self esteem apart if you allow it. Just know that rejection isn't about you. There is nothing wrong with you, you just can't expect to fit every one's needs.
     
  7. pornographicpoet

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    Leche....I have a real bad tendency to misphrase myself. Maybe I'm Joe Biden's hairy nephew. I didn't mean to offend the gay dudes here. There have been guys (not many, just two, honestly) who've gotten me hot and bothered. It's just when I'm walking on the street, and I see a guy, I don't normally become attracted. The guys I liked fulfilled the same criteria:

    #1 - they were very close friends of mine
    #2 - they were gay (not bi, and not straight but curious)
    #3 - they were femme acting, but butch looking
    #4 - they were husky
    #5 (this one i'm sure the women and the gay dudes on this board would appreciate) - they hinted they were packing.

    It's just that I wouldn't want to pursue a relationship with a gay dude because of the social stigma. Why would anyone want to pursue a homosexual relationship in a society that won't even pass Prop 8? Do I want to set myself up for ridicule and hardship? Get what I'm saying.
     
  8. Leche por mi cafe

    Leche por mi cafe New Member

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    Because that is one of the main ways to change the minds of others. Look what happened with African American people. You have to stand for your rights! As for a gay relationship: who gives a fuck what others say. Your relationship will involve your partner and yourself...no one else. So my question to you is, why lead a false life when you're not happy with it? I answer for myself, I'd rather live with 1 million insults for being gay than to live a life that is not real for me. I'd like to know where you get this whole perception of what you call "ridicule and hardship." I haven't experienced any that would make me go back into the closet. For the extremely few that I did encounter, it happened in Pittsburgh, Pa. These guys would not stand up to me. I however, got in their face. Most of them, I eventually slept with, because all of that animosity had to do with their own fears...their own issues of being gay. So don't beat up on yourself so much. has it been in your mind to posibly start a relationship with a guy?

    ...and I totally understood you regarding the finding a guy thing. I was hoping you would have caught my humor. Besides, You have the goods make a gay man proud to bed you! lol!
     
  9. pornographicpoet

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    Leche, that's a good point. People do have to stand for their rights.

    However, let me share an example. When I was in college, one day I was dressed in pajamas for class. A bunch of jocks walked by and one of them called me a "homeo" (obvious that they were calling me a homosexual.)

    I got right in the dude's face and pushed him to the ground and started screaming at him. I wasn't offended by him thinking I was gay, I was offended by the fact that he had a problem with being gay. So, I applaud you for getting right in the homophobe's faces.

    Also, it doesn't surprise me how you slept with a lot of these homophobes. I have a transgender friend who was always picked on in middle school on the bus. He was by the Chelsea Piers (queer hangout in NYC) one day and he found the same guy who tormented him there crusin' years later. So, your experience is very common.

    And for starting a relationship with a guy.....well, no guy has caught my fancy as of right now.

    I'm afraid you might be misinterpreting the 90/10 ratio on my profile. I think it is accurate. If so, the 10 might be a little high. Unless, people measure it differently than I do since I formed a crush on those 2 guys and maybe some of the other 90/10s just mean they wouldn't turn down head from a dude? I don't know. All I know is that 90+% of my serious crushes have been women so that's why I put 90/10.

    As for the compliment. Thank you very much. I'm sure that must be the case, LOL.
     
  10. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

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    prop 8 did pass. it outlawed gay marriage in california. the "no on 8" effort failed.

    just couldn't let this one go without posting. one has to admire those who endured tremendous
    hardship and ridicule to open the doors that are now open for everybody.
     
    #10 D_Rod Staffinbone, Dec 10, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2008
  11. pornographicpoet

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    oh, my mistake. i don't really keep up with the news.
     
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