Have you been cheated ON? How did it make you feel?

[Pitbull]

How any man can cheat on a woman with such amazing hamstrings is beyond me.

Hamstrings?

I don't see any hamstrings.

Am I missing something?

Care to show us some hamstrings?

 

[rostrick]

I felt angry first. Threw him out, and pushed him around a little in the process. Then I went through a period of abject sadness and self doubt. I tried to accept responsibility and blame myself. I felt the need to change everything in my life, especially those things that reminded me of him. I really took a hit to my ego too, but I tricked out with the hottest guy whom I had been eyeing at the gym. I saw the guy at a bar and and he basically picked ME up; major boost to the ego (in some regard). I moved on, but was very hurt. What made it worse for me was that I had an open relationship prior to the cheater and I had decided I wanted a monogamous relationship. I explained this to the bastard way early in the relationship and that if he wanted to do something else to let me know and I would understand, we could work something out. He still chose to deceive me and expose me to stds, etc. People can be so shitty.

 

[ginger_qboy]

The sex part of cheating does bother me a little, but the lies and the betrayal are far worse. Seeing dreams come crashing down and realizing that you gave your heart to someone who obviously doesn't value you, care for your emotional well-being, or want a future with you, that's hard to take. This person that I thought that I loved didn't respect me at all.

I understand what you are saying and appreciate the emotional impact. However, why does extra-martial/relationship sex have to equate to an END. An end to the relationship, 'dreams come crashing down' as you said. I believe the problem is that we are socialized to place such value on sexual commit in a relationship. As a result, the 'victim' suffers emotional pain. I am not advocating free-love, go fuck who ever you want, I am just saying that perhaps too much value is placed on sexual commitment/monogamy. If you and your man have been together for 10+ years, and he had two random sexual encounter with another woman while on business, let's say, does that mean that you are worthless to him, or that he did not value you or your future. Sex and attraction are powerful forces that at times get the best of us. There truly are many other significant dimensions to a relationship, sex is only one of them.

 

[mako shark]

Where people get this wrong is that if you are in a marriage or even a commited relationship there is no room for cheating. That being said I have no issue with open relationships even if you are married as this is agreed to in advance by both parties. The word that needs to be used here is trust. That is why many of us felt betrayed, I do believe that Karma can be a real bitch...

I understand what you are saying and appreciate the emotional impact. However, why does extra-martial/relationship sex have to equate to an END. An end to the relationship, 'dreams come crashing down' as you said. I believe the problem is that we are socialized to place such value on sexual commit in a relationship. As a result, the 'victim' suffers emotional pain. I am not advocating free-love, go fuck who ever you want, I am just saying that perhaps too much value is placed on sexual commitment/monogamy. If you and your man have been together for 10+ years, and he had two random sexual encounter with another woman while on business, let's say, does that mean that you are worthless to him, or that he did not value you or your future. Sex and attraction are powerful forces that at times get the best of us. There truly are many other significant dimensions to a relationship, sex is only one of them.

 

[Jojo51623]

Yes I have been cheated on. It made me feel like crap, like as if I was below the other guy. It hurt like hell but it was a learning experience.

 

[Skull Mason]

Yeah, except I'm a guy. Why does no one get the Vargas and WWII reference in the avatar?

Dude, I know you are a guy. That's what I meant, a women who shares the same viewpoint that you (and I) share. Hence, like you, but a woman.

 

[RedDevilCock]

Yes. Made me feel like someone just punched me in the stomach. We eventually got back together but it never was the same. I've always been careful about my feelings so it was really bad because he was the first that I truly opened myself up to. It's been a while since we've separated but now my hope is to find the same but I doubt I will ever have the same level of trust that I had with him. Only time will tell.

Funny thing is the women he cheated with wasn't good looking. I always assumed that if a man cheated it would be someone either younger or prettier. I was so wrong. Oh well, as one of my elderly female relatives once said "pussy doesn't have a face."

That's an excellent statement about no faces (vagina or penis) & you'd hope they'd be better looking or at least it was better sex or size. My ex cheated with a fat fucking idiot and he was half my size.

 

[RedDevilCock]

Ok, there's been tons of threads asking if you have cheated, and what seems like some trolling around here about cheating fantasies, so here's the other side of the coin.

Have you been cheated on? If so, how did it make you feel? Like shit? Or it didn't bother you?

Excellent thread and questions.
Pretty much all three females ( that's my polite statement) I have children with fucked around on me and I found out.
They have horrible relationship with our children and the kids are with me 80% or more because they are crap.
All three of them were wowed and then seriously said they went elsewhere because I wanted to fucked to much and was too thick for them. Caught all three with uglier men and they were all SmAlLeR than me.!!
I can't stand the ex's and cheaters you'll never change them or stop it and it makes you a better judge of character when it happens.
Made me sick to my stomach enough I've vomited when catching them especially when they were in the act of fucking or sucking them off.
I laughed at first and after driving away had to pull over and vomit.
I love my children and love the fact I'm the stable one.

 

[MancmanMatt]

I don't mind it at all, and in fact have told her that if she feels a need for something different, go right ahead, I just ask that I know about it.

What you've described is the opposite of cheating though. If you've had a discussion, even if very short, about how you're cool with them having sex with others, then it's not cheating.

Cheating is when they go behind your back and do something they are explicitly prohibited from doing. Couples usually make a declaration of fidelity to one another at one point (when things get serious) and it's the breaking of that declaration that's the main issue. The breaking of said trust between you. That's what hurts.

When couples cheat it is rarely for the sex itself but for other reasons, one of which is feeling like they are in control. By violating that trust, it gives them a sense of power and by doing something that is considered taboo it also creates a sense of excitement. When people start feeling lost during midlife, like their life is lacking meaning, or teetering on depression due to general ennui, cheating is one thing people often turn to for a spark.

It does depend on the person though. Some do cheat just for sex and love their partners no less for it. Usually because their partner isn't giving what they need to be sexually satisfied. The wife may even know and not care because the love is still there. They should really have a discussion and just have an open relationship.

Sex and relationships are complicated things. Open relationships are complicated too. Most open relationships come with rules you both have to follow and if you want to create a spark it's usually easy enough to break one of those rules. Open relationships are just a thing people do to try and remain sexually satisfied. They don't inherently prevent cheating they just help reduce the risk of it occurring.

 

[HungBtmVegas]

Just found out he was cheating 2 days ago

 

[brandon38]

Yes unfortunate two times by ex wife it hard I move on now she try get back with me but done .

 

[amazzzed2]

My first wife, who was very sexual, had an affair, and I was very hurt and angry about it.
As time went on though, when I thought about it, it started to turn me on. I think I'm a natural cuckold.

 

[DavidAlmeria]

When I was in my early 20s it was like the end of the world. Now it would turn me on.

 

[shIgreen123]

Like shit...yes like shit.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I think being cheated on was one of the most formative moments of my life. Prior to it, I had a very naive view of women and their mentality, rose tinted really, which was contributing to an ongoing mental struggle I had with abuse from women in my adolescence. When you get cheated on by the woman that left her man for knocking her up and cheating on her, it opens your eyes to the reality that a lot of women, like I had known about men for yrs, are shit individuals, independent of how you treat them.
It hurt at the time, and I wasn't strong enough at the time to immediately sever the relationship, but it was a valuable learning experience and definitely empowered me later on.

 

[DiamondJoe]

I think being cheated on was one of the most formative moments of my life. Prior to it, I had a very naive view of women and their mentality, rose tinted really, which was contributing to an ongoing mental struggle I had with abuse from women in my adolescence. When you get cheated on by the woman that left her man for knocking her up and cheating on her, it opens your eyes to the reality that a lot of women, like I had known about men for yrs, are shit individuals, independent of how you treat them.
It hurt at the time, and I wasn't strong enough at the time to immediately sever the relationship, but it was a valuable learning experience and definitely empowered me later on.

Anecdotal experience, however formative or disturbing, cannot be construed as proving any deeper "universal" truth.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Anecdotal experience, however formative or disturbing, cannot be construed as proving any deeper "universal" truth.

I never said it was deep, it was just a removal of blinders. It's a lot easier to live in peace when your vision isn't obscured.

 

[DiamondJoe]

I never said it was deep, it was just a removal of blinders. It's a lot easier to live in peace when your vision isn't obscured.

It's a bit like saying "a conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged."

?

 

[Sagittarius84]

It's a bit like saying "a conservative is just a liberal who's been mugged."

?

And yet there is a marked difference between a mugged liberal and someone whom takes a tragic event as an excuse to screw people over.
I got mugged, learned how to defend myself, and became more interested in bettering the neighborhood that got me instead of erasing it.

 

[tolsty17cm]

Yep - my ex cheated. My perspective - he didn't cheat ON ME - he cheated on himself. He lost the best thing he will ever have. I loved and supported him - unconditionally. I was there for him 100%. He lost my friends and family who loved him. His life imploded and he is now all alone and has to live with his actions and tell everyone going forward why our relationship ended - because he is a liar and a cheater. Most of his friends have left him and many of them want to be friends with me. And as a parting gift from the person he cheated with - he's now HIV+. (I've tested a couple of times and I'm fine) He has to live the rest of his life knowing what his actions did to our relationship and to his own life. I feel sorry for him. He is a very damaged man and all alone in the world.