Well, it sucks.
The whole thing went through stages. There is the intial shock. That is the hurt. I literaly saw my whole future with her flash before my eyes. Everything that I had planned for in the future, everthing I wanted to do was an image flashing in my mind so fast. And the feeling that those things will now never happen. I really loved this girl. She was far from perfect, but who is.
I cried. I had not in years, for anything. It was more of a feeling of lost and unfairness then self worthlessness. It actually felt good to cry. It made me feel human. I was glad to see that I was still capable of showing myself in a most vuneralbe state.
I went through a range of emotions. The strangest was actually physical. I actually went felt phyically numb on one side of my body when I knew it was really over. I tried to work things out hoping there was some saving grace. All on the condition that she would be completely 100% honest and tell me everything. I did not want to go through the shock of finding out more and wanted to take the hit all at once and get it over with. Besides, the type of cheating she did was still salvageable in my mind.
But she lied. And others knew more about it than I did. When I found this part out, that is when I felt the physical part. And I didnt find out from her. A feeling I never want to go through again. But I just hope I wont. Then I find out that it was at least two different guys. Yeah, she did the bad kind of cheating. Its who she is and I am not going to expect that she is going to change. Besides, I want better for myself.
The best part about this was that I found out a lot about myself. I really grew from that as a person and I am most proud at how I handled it all. I am better off without her anyway in so many ways. Then I find out that my family and friends didnt really like her at all, and were just being polite because they care about me.
So I feel it worked out for the best in the end.