Have you been cheated ON? How did it make you feel?

[helgaleena]

Yes I have been cheated on. I do not cheat myself ever, and give fair warning to those I am seeing when they are not my only.

I think the worst time was when I caught them in bed together, and I was not upset, I only ran quickly to take off all my clothes and jump in with them-- and they told me to go away. :bigeyes2:

We were in a foreign country so I had noplace to run, had to stay with my meal ticket.

It is never good. It's dishonest of the other person at the very least.

 

[Skull Mason]

I don't mind it at all, and in fact have told her that if she feels a need for something different, go right ahead, I just ask that I know about it. The only thing I was pissed about is that she still waited to tell me about it. The actual act I have no problem with. So many issues and so much stress would be relieved if people were more open sexually and more open to sex outside the relationship. Is sex all there is so that if someone has sex with someone outside the relationship should end? I know for me there is so much more than just sex, and just because there is sex outside our relationship doesnt mean our sex stops, far from it. I just think "cheating" gets blown up to a much bigger deal than it is or needs to be.

my view EXACTLY

 

[rothas]

My wife wants to fuck around again. This time she has let me know, but I'm not sure if I can handle it.

 

[deleted3782]

I am beginning to understand that there is a sliding scale for the act of sex. On one side...sex is simply a physical act that can be done with anyone - regardless of feelings or intimacy. On the other side...sex is an emotional act that is intimate and has meaning - and requires a deep connection, commitment, and exclusivity.

I'm somewhere in the middle. I can't have sex for the sake of sex, and I find the idea that my "partner" would have sex randomly with others completely foreign. On the other hand, I don't consider myself a hopeless romantic with expectations of marriage and growing old in rocking chairs while gazing longingly into each other's eyes.

I guess the trouble starts when opposites in this spectrum attract. For one side of the spectrum, Tiger Wood's actions might be completely acceptable. For the other, the idea of "one life, one partner" might be worse than a life sentence in prison.

PS: My "physical-emotional" scale is hastily put together, and can be improved upon. More input is valued!

 

[deleted3782]

Don't confuse not feeling cut out for a relationship with being in relationships with shitty people. It's a lot different. Believe it or not, there are other compassionate people in the world, but finding them is like scraping through a mountain of manure and finding a diamond. And about as rare too.

I hear ya, and I appreciate the sentiment, but I've been in enough relationships to know I'm not relationship material...in respect to this thread's theme...and soooo many others.

Besides...who wants to scrape through a mountain of manure??? NOT me. Someone else can have that diamond! :wink:

 

[dolfette]

I am beginning to understand that there is a sliding scale for the act of sex. On one side...sex is simply a physical act that can be done with anyone - regardless of feelings or intimacy. On the other side...sex is an emotional act that is intimate and has meaning - and requires a deep connection, commitment, and exclusivity.

PS: My "physical-emotional" scale is hastily put together, and can be improved upon. More input is valued!

i'm three feet to the side of your scale.
i'm cold hearted AND frigid.
ha!

 

[mako shark]

I felt pretty stupid at first that I never knew my ex wife was fooling around during our 23 years of marriage. The worst part is my grown daughter had to tell me that she caught her mom cheating... The "good" part is that I found out while we were getting divorced and it was one "one more reason" I left that pile of shit.

 

[ginger_qboy]

I don't mind it at all, and in fact have told her that if she feels a need for something different, go right ahead, I just ask that I know about it. The only thing I was pissed about is that she still waited to tell me about it. The actual act I have no problem with. So many issues and so much stress would be relieved if people were more open sexually and more open to sex outside the relationship. Is sex all there is so that if someone has sex with someone outside the relationship should end? I know for me there is so much more than just sex, and just because there is sex outside our relationship doesnt mean our sex stops, far from it. I just think "cheating" gets blown up to a much bigger deal than it is or needs to be.

:arms: i agree 100%

People have been conditioned to react negatively to sex and sex outside a relationship. to me, an emotional affair signals a problem but not sex - that's human nature.

 

[bigjpgh]

Thanks ginger and skull for getting my back. This viewpoint seems to be in the minority, yet I think that if we weren't conditioned to strict monogamy. were open and honest about our desires, and realized that relationships of varying kinds are part of being in a social society, that everyone would be alot happier. I dont even think that being with someone besides your significant other emotionally is a sign of problems, while physical only is just fine. I am of the opinion that all relationships have some level of both physical and emotional connection. People don't get upset when their significant other has an extremely emotional relationship with their best friend, yet some best friend relationships are much more involved than alot of the physical "cheating" that goes on. My view, and I realize it is not shared by many, is that your significant other does not need to be your only physical or emotional partner, nor should they be because variety is both the proverbial spice of life as well as healthy for any relationship. If a system is closed to only 2 bodies, the ways that they can interact are finite, limited, and few. Add even one more body to the system and the interactions increase exponentially. It is this increase in interactions that can drive relationships to new and exciting places. As far as having a significant other, well, I think that should be the person that you have the strongest, most enjoyable, most desirable, longest lasting emotional and physical connections. Not the only one, just the best one that you come back to after having fun with others, whether that be physical, emotional, or some combination of the two.

 

[hesastar18]

made me feel worthless

 

[uniquename]

being cheated on made me feel like shit. it made me feel insecure, unworthy, unattractive, and especially betrayed.

Ditto, i suffered with insecurity, self loathing and depression after my wife ran off with a 20 y/o Albanian waiter she met in Greece,

2 weeks after divorce was finalised they were married in Albania

can we say VISA ???

 

[dolfette]

my ego doesn't allow for self doubt.

go team i'm-so-bloody-wonderful!!!

 

[D_Doe_Ray_Mi]

Betrayal hurts so deeply. Took a long time to get over it but a lot of beautiful 20-somethings helped ease the pain. Was with a young married dude with two kids who looked just like me when we had met in college. Cross off marriage # 1.

 

[Skull Mason]

Thanks ginger and skull for getting my back. This viewpoint seems to be in the minority, yet I think that if we weren't conditioned to strict monogamy. were open and honest about our desires, and realized that relationships of varying kinds are part of being in a social society, that everyone would be alot happier. I dont even think that being with someone besides your significant other emotionally is a sign of problems, while physical only is just fine. I am of the opinion that all relationships have some level of both physical and emotional connection. People don't get upset when their significant other has an extremely emotional relationship with their best friend, yet some best friend relationships are much more involved than alot of the physical "cheating" that goes on. My view, and I realize it is not shared by many, is that your significant other does not need to be your only physical or emotional partner, nor should they be because variety is both the proverbial spice of life as well as healthy for any relationship. If a system is closed to only 2 bodies, the ways that they can interact are finite, limited, and few. Add even one more body to the system and the interactions increase exponentially. It is this increase in interactions that can drive relationships to new and exciting places. As far as having a significant other, well, I think that should be the person that you have the strongest, most enjoyable, most desirable, longest lasting emotional and physical connections. Not the only one, just the best one that you come back to after having fun with others, whether that be physical, emotional, or some combination of the two.

I wish I knew women like you

 

[joybunny]

Yes. Made me feel like someone just punched me in the stomach. We eventually got back together but it never was the same. I've always been careful about my feelings so it was really bad because he was the first that I truly opened myself up to. It's been a while since we've separated but now my hope is to find the same but I doubt I will ever have the same level of trust that I had with him. Only time will tell.

Funny thing is the women he cheated with wasn't good looking. I always assumed that if a man cheated it would be someone either younger or prettier. I was so wrong. Oh well, as one of my elderly female relatives once said "pussy doesn't have a face."

 

[dirkjesje]

Ditto, i suffered with insecurity, self loathing and depression after my wife ran off with a 20 y/o Albanian waiter she met in Greece,

2 weeks after divorce was finalised they were married in Albania

can we say VISA ???

In Belgium women must wait 1 year before marrying legally after they divorce or are widow.
For men they can marry 3 days after the divorce or funeral.
Woman, even when they are 50+; it has something to do with non-birth children.

 

[Skull Mason]

Funny thing is the women he cheated with wasn't good looking. I always assumed that if a man cheated it would be someone either younger or prettier. I was so wrong.

How any man can cheat on a woman with such amazing hamstrings is beyond me.

 

[bigjpgh]

I wish I knew women like you

Yeah, except I'm a guy. Why does no one get the Vargas and WWII reference in the avatar?

 

[deleted3782]

I wish I knew women like you

Men have been stating this for years.

 

[D_Letha Weapons]

The sex part of cheating does bother me a little, but the lies and the betrayal are far worse. Seeing dreams come crashing down and realizing that you gave your heart to someone who obviously doesn't value you, care for your emotional well-being, or want a future with you, that's hard to take. This person that I thought that I loved didn't respect me at all.