Phil Ayesho
Superior Member
i was never much of a lady killer....
Only dated a few women in high school... a few more in college.
Married by 21...
Then I was suddenly thrust into an environment where women rather suddenly started finding me attractive.
Some success as an artist... the resulting self confidence... public appearances and shows...
I had never received this kind of attention from so many women before... and did not really know how to handle it. I did not yet have a good set of sea legs...
I ended up having a one night stand with a woman when I was on a business trip... I was 22 years old.
Because every other woman I had had sex with was a long term affair... by comparison, the sex was mediocre; the only thrill involved was the thrill of some woman who didn't even know me finding me desirable enough to bed.
I didn't like it. Didn't like having done it... Ethically... I just could not wear that suit comfortably.
Unfortunately, I was troubled by it and sought forgiveness from my wife. I realize now that that was a selfish act on my part. A man carries his own water.
The betrayal was something my wife, although professing forgiveness, really never got over. It festered into resentment and anger and dislike... even though I never again cheated on her.
14 years of exemplary behavior could not redeem the actions of a single night.
And we ended up divorcing.
I have no idea how much her shattered faith in me contributed to her own developing alcoholism... but I certainly do not hold myself blameless.
For 30 years I have not cheated. Its simply not worth it.... no matter how exciting, thrilling or attractive a potential liaison might be... I can see the future...
Our actions have consequences... and I must face that man in the mirror each morning without disappointment.
Only dated a few women in high school... a few more in college.
Married by 21...
Then I was suddenly thrust into an environment where women rather suddenly started finding me attractive.
Some success as an artist... the resulting self confidence... public appearances and shows...
I had never received this kind of attention from so many women before... and did not really know how to handle it. I did not yet have a good set of sea legs...
I ended up having a one night stand with a woman when I was on a business trip... I was 22 years old.
Because every other woman I had had sex with was a long term affair... by comparison, the sex was mediocre; the only thrill involved was the thrill of some woman who didn't even know me finding me desirable enough to bed.
I didn't like it. Didn't like having done it... Ethically... I just could not wear that suit comfortably.
Unfortunately, I was troubled by it and sought forgiveness from my wife. I realize now that that was a selfish act on my part. A man carries his own water.
The betrayal was something my wife, although professing forgiveness, really never got over. It festered into resentment and anger and dislike... even though I never again cheated on her.
14 years of exemplary behavior could not redeem the actions of a single night.
And we ended up divorcing.
I have no idea how much her shattered faith in me contributed to her own developing alcoholism... but I certainly do not hold myself blameless.
For 30 years I have not cheated. Its simply not worth it.... no matter how exciting, thrilling or attractive a potential liaison might be... I can see the future...
Our actions have consequences... and I must face that man in the mirror each morning without disappointment.