Have you ever asked your significant other if they would allow you to have sex with another?

Fred90

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I'm happily married. There's a VERY attractive woman that is in to me and I would love to have sex with her. However, I will never lie to my wife nor do anything behind her back. So, I asked her how she would feel about me having sex with another woman. Well, she told me that if I needed to have sex with someone else to complete my life, then she would leave me so that I could do so. I told her that would not be necessary as I had no intentions of doing such a thing, at least without her knowledge and consent.

I presume many have been tempted to cheat on their partner, and I know that many have. I just wonder how many actually asked if it would be ok. Have you?
 
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Yes, I have. I've had monogamous relationships and polyamorous relationships. I've also had casual/friends with benefits too, so discussing relationship parameters and coming to an agreement isn't odd or unusual to me. The people I have been with know I've had a variety of different types of relationships too, so they aren't taken completely by surprise or are familiar with that kind of thing too.
 

Fred90

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Yes, I have. I've had monogamous relationships and polyamorous relationships. I've also had casual/friends with benefits too, so discussing relationship parameters and coming to an agreement isn't odd or unusual to me. The people I have been with know I've had a variety of different types of relationships too, so they aren't taken completely by surprise or are familiar with that kind of thing too.

I appreciate your perspective. Openness and honesty is best.
 
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I appreciate your perspective. Openness and honesty is best.

My partner and I were long distance for roughly three years. I was relatively okay with having long periods of celibacy, but I missed touch in general. We started out and have generally been monogamous over the several years we have been together, but I did briefly explore having a BDSM playmate that did not include sexual contact. I didn't end up finding anyone I really clicked with, but it was something my sweetie and I came to an understanding about. I'm much more kinky than he is. I have a very high libido, but I'm used to the people I'm with not keeping up. Not having BDSM is harder, because that's not a need that I really have met with him.
 
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EllieP

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I think it's important to be honest and frank with your partner. But I also believe that while I will never deceive him neither will I tell him everything, especially if it doesn't harm him or our relationship.

Does he need to know? Will it help? Will it hurt? If the answer to any of these is yes then I'll tell him.

But if I have a dream where I make mad passionate love with an old crush then believe me he will never know. My best friend might!

There are things I've shared here that I've never told him. Why not? Because it never seemed pertinent. Old lovers stories are just not pertinent to our relationship unless he asks me where I learned something. And even then I might be coy.

But your wife's answer has always been my answer. If you believe you need a relationship with someone else then please let me know, and I'll bow out and allow you to do what you want. I don't share, and I don't play well with others.
 

Fred90

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But your wife's answer has always been my answer. If you believe you need a relationship with someone else then please let me know, and I'll bow out and allow you to do what you want. I don't share, and I don't play well with others.

I absolutely understand and respect my wife's point of view. She is pretty easy going and is extraordinarily generous with me in many ways, just not that generous. ;) Ha ha! Seriously, I thought there was a chance that she might let me, or I wouldn't have asked. I appreciate that I could ask such a question. My ex-wife would have gone nuclear, and that's partially why she's my ex. :)
 

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Fred - you wanted permission and didn't get it. I am in a 25 year relationship and would love to find someone to "play" with, which sounds really fun and sexy. But at the end of the day you want to go home to someone you can trust and who loves you and knows you. Sex sounds fun at the surface, but dig deeper and there's not a lot there.
 
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gma26_4521

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I don't want to be in a "relationship" that involves multiples. In my youth, I was very random, one nighters, etc etc. As an adult after I was married, now divorced, I never strayed outside the marriage, and did not desire to. I had a family and would not disrespect them. I am a one woman man, hope the woman I am with is the same-she is presently. That's our agreement-she had a spouse who ran around all the time. What a kick in the gut that must be! I have no interest in that lifestyle.

If it works for another couple, so be it. But I feel strongly it should be discussed and agreed upon by both parties. Be an adult and have parameters on it though. Safe sex, keep it distant, private, etc.
 
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I think it's important to be honest and frank with your partner. But I also believe that while I will never deceive him neither will I tell him everything, especially if it doesn't harm him or our relationship.

Does he need to know? Will it help? Will it hurt? If the answer to any of these is yes then I'll tell him.

But if I have a dream where I make mad passionate love with an old crush then believe me he will never know. My best friend might!

There are things I've shared here that I've never told him. Why not? Because it never seemed pertinent. Old lovers stories are just not pertinent to our relationship unless he asks me where I learned something. And even then I might be coy.

But your wife's answer has always been my answer. If you believe you need a relationship with someone else then please let me know, and I'll bow out and allow you to do what you want. I don't share, and I don't play well with others.
My guess, --because it also fits my wife's answer-- This is the answer for most wives.
 
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No. A previous partner asked me that question - specifically if we could have an open relationship as we were living in different cities - and I didn’t like the idea of it. But it made me aware that he wasn’t satisfied and it felt like only a matter of time before things unravelled. Sure enough, a few months later I discovered that he was seeing someone else. If my present partner asked me that question I would cut to the chase and immediately end our relationship.
 
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Way way early in our relationship, we had the monogamy discussion. Before we decided to co-habitate. That's because it was especially germane to me as I'd been cheated on by two previous paramours with whom monogamy had been agreed.

I just wasn't gonna go there a third time. I think this is why Honesty and Trust are so important to me. In any relationship. Whether or not it's romantic.

Bottom line for me: Whatever floats your boat. Make sure you both are on the same page. But please don't cheat.

As someone who experienced that twice, it's a horrible feeling and terrible head space place to be. I remember how I felt like it was last week, even though both were more than 40 years ago. While I know better now, I hated feeling like I did something wrong and that somehow I was the cause. Nope. I know that's so wrong, on so many levels.