Have you ever faced any sort of discrimination because you were gay?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by earllogjam, Dec 13, 2008.

  1. earllogjam

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    I am curious of other men's experience with discrimination and whether they have personally been discriminated against because of their sexual orientation however small or large an incident it may have been.
     
  2. NCbear

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    Yes. I've found, though, that if I expect it, it will come. Perhaps there's something in my body language or the way I interact with people that says, in those instances, "Treat me poorly." I don't know.

    Conversely, I've found that if I expect to be treated as just another human being, that usually happens as well. Case in point: Going to my mother's family reunion (two years in a row). Openly expressed homophobia? Nil. (Yes, in retrospect I was shocked. At the time, though, it was what I expected.)

    Maybe the way a person carries himself or herself might make a difference. I've never thought being gay was strange, weird, abnormal, or unusual. After all, if it were any of those things, why would there be so many of us?

    And having that attitude protects me now. As well as that same attitude in other out, proud gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning people.

    NCbear (who sees "gay" as an adjective, not a noun)
     
  3. CUBE

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    Yes, I will never be an administrator in my field because I am gay. I have to watch complete idiots pass me by. It is difficult. I do my job well and I just try to focus on the positive day to day but it is hard. I can't stand to hear them say they are concerned with equal rights blah blah blah. My frined sthink it is less about being gay and more about them just wanting other dumb people around them...who knows.
     
  4. NCbear

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    I'd like to make something perfectly clear: I'm not trying to blame the victim. Also, I know full well that plenty of people don't think gay, lesbian, bi, trans, queer, and questioning people are their equal--socially, legally, morally, whatever.

    But I will say that if you demand to be treated as an equivalent member of the human race, it's more likely that you will be.

    NCbear (who's in his mind's eye looking at a gay athlete on an Olympic stand doing a fist-in-the-air "gay power" salute :biggrin1:)
     
  5. NCbear

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    @ Cube: What is your field?

    NCbear (who knows a little about what you're experiencing)
     
  6. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    No, I've experienced discrimination, and scorn, and gotten into physical violence because people thought I was gay. I learned a lot about empathy at an early age, though, so it wasn't all bad.
     
  7. Deno

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    where do I begin?
     
  8. Florida Boy

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    it is about being gay, no doubt about it.
     
  9. Rikter8

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    Amen brothers and sisters.

    I sometimes come off as femmy..and I get taken advantage of often.

    I've even had counter guys laugh and snicker and walk away from the parts counter.

    Doesn't do much for self esteem, I can tell you that!
     
  10. Ethyl

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    Agreed. Whether we do it consciously or unconsciously, we teach others how we expect to be treated.
     
  11. D_Portelay Porquesword

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    I worked for a window company a couple years ago. Never had done that kind of construction before.

    They all thought because I was gay etc. (the usual crap) After a couple of months of training I got the hang of what was going on around me. I started out as being "the grunt" cleaning up the work sight, loading and unloading the windows, placing them in appropriate order for installation, removing old windows, setting the new windows, sealing and finishing them after installation, handling the 6' patio doors (by myself) on and on the list goes.

    After a time I had worked on all 5 crews and every morning they ALL asked "Are you working with me today?" There were even a few heated discussions about which crew I was going to be on. I was an asset on each crew I worked with. ALL straight men with girlfriends and families. ( I don't get into hitting on str8 men, that is a Pandora's box I care not to delve into.)

    I wound up becoming the manager of the warehouse. The only employee of the company to receive two (healthy) raises in one month. The only employee allowed (by the owner) to be his personal assistant. The only customer service liaison allowed to handle money and difficult customers. (I drove everywhere in So. California!)

    I wound up making anywhere from 200.00 a day to 400.00 in a day installing windows.
    I was never really close to any of the men from the crews and had no desire to be. It was their world I was just a guest in it, as such I respected their points of views and never forced anything gay on them. If they asked, I told them and trust me I was asked a lot!

    In the end it was about making money and I made great money. It was a bit intimating at first and after a pep talk from a friend, I was able to get through it just fine.

    As a result I discovered a side of me that I never knew existed. I am proud of myself for that. I was very lucky to have had this experience and was able to turn it around for myself.
     
  12. earllogjam

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    thanks Oh Yeah for you lengthy response. i've had similar experience on my job. i work in the construction field too. i always seem to fit in fine at first but months or weeks into a job they find out that i'm gay and they become sheepishly quiet around me sometimes cold and uncooperative but it has always been my ability to just do the job well that makes them come around and just accept me or tolerate me. lol. i have a feeling though that even if i wasn't gay i'd have to prove myself working with a bunch of macho guys anyways. i've never faced outward discrimination for any jobs being gay but i never flaunt or make a big issue of my sexuality at work. i even try to make jokes about it and it usually helps to make guys feel like i'm not gonna be raping them. lol.
     
  13. D_Portelay Porquesword

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    I try to see the human side first and understand we're all there to make money.

    So let's make it and leave the rest alone!

    This does not always work, only the quality of a job well done. They understand that and money!
     
  14. invisibleman

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    I understand that. I get the same invisible treatment. Straight managers not wanting to give me a break. Some gay people not giving me the proper respect I extend them.

    I look at them and think:

    "Fucker, why aren't you giving me a chance? Are you going to hire some girl with big boobies the job? (The guy at SEARS hired the girl with the big boobies the job. :mad::frown1: But both aren't working at SEARS anymore.)"

    I just smile and watch the Titanics go down. I am the first given a lifeboat peddling in with the other perceived undesirables. SEARS in my locale is like a ghost town store in the mall. So, I don't consider rejection as a curse but a blessing. If people want to be discriminating, then they should not wonder why when things get bad for them, people aren't for them.
     
  15. invisibleman

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    Well, if they only knew what you had in penis size and the toys you got to work with...
    the :rofl:s will fade into :eek:mfg:s and :eek:s. And maybe :mischievous:s

    You be yourself. Femme or otherwise. There are people that like who you are. If you had to be everything to every person in the world, you would have to be bonkers.
    Be honest. And you will sleep nights.
     
  16. invisibleman

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    I was an asset on each crew I worked with. ALL straight men with girlfriends and families. (I don't get into hitting on str8 men, that is a Pandora's box I care not to delve into.)

    Me either. I avoid it at all costs.

    I wound up becoming the manager of the warehouse. The only employee of the company to receive two (healthy) raises in one month. The only employee allowed (by the owner) to be his personal assistant. The only customer service liaison allowed to handle money and difficult customers. (I drove everywhere in So. California!)

    I wound up making anywhere from 200.00 a day to 400.00 in a day installing windows.

    :eek:mfg:
    I was never really close to any of the men from the crews and had no desire to be. It was their world I was just a guest in it, as such I respected their points of views and never forced anything gay on them. If they asked, I told them and trust me I was asked a lot!

    The art of invisibility. :smile:

    In the end it was about making money and I made great money. It was a bit intimating at first and after a pep talk from a friend, I was able to get through it just fine.

    That was the way I see it as well.

    As a result I discovered a side of me that I never knew existed. I am proud of myself for that. I was very lucky to have had this experience and was able to turn it around for myself.

    Good for you, buddy.
     
  17. D_Harry_Crax

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    Wait, Sears is still in business?
     
  18. open501s

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    yes; to start with; my husband and I had to go to another country to get married.
     
  19. NCbear

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    I think it helps to avoid apologizing in any way for being gay. Or lesbian. Or any other alternative sexuality that allows consenting adults to, well, consent. :tongue::cool:

    That's what the "gay pride" movement was (and is) all about: being proud of who you are as a person, and loving who you are, and making sure others know you love who you are.

    After all, it's more difficult to continue to be judgmental and asinine when the person toward whom you're directing all that mean-spirited energy is essentially oblivious (shielded by his or her strong sense of self and love for self).

    NCbear (who's not trying to sound like a preacher, really :rolleyes:)
     
  20. invisibleman

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    :rofl: I remember when SEARS sold IBM Think PC desktops with DOS system for two thousand dollars.
     
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