Have you ever had this happen?

[Jonesy98]

Thanks again for all the responses. To address the last post:

SUCCESS: I've found that a TON of foreplay (30 minutes+) really helps me out. In the end I'm still nowhere near close to orgasm, but I am closer than normal.

FRUSTRATIONS: The "lady squeeze" is fun, but it doesn't excite me any more than without. Just feels a different kind of good for a bit until the squeeze wears off.

Right now, and for the past 3 or so years, the only way I can climax is to pull out and masturbate (back, tummy, wherever), but even then it's not like doing it alone. I still have to move mountains to get my rocks off. To be honest, it's really starting to wear on me.

Every bit of info helps. I know this is an old thread, but I'm glad people are still responding every so often.

Thanks for contributing.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Thanks again for all the responses. To address the last post:

SUCCESS: I've found that a TON of foreplay (30 minutes+) really helps me out. In the end I'm still nowhere near close to orgasm, but I am closer than normal.

FRUSTRATIONS: The "lady squeeze" is fun, but it doesn't excite me any more than without. Just feels a different kind of good for a bit until the squeeze wears off.

Right now, and for the past 3 or so years, the only way I can climax is to pull out and masturbate (back, tummy, wherever), but even then it's not like doing it alone. I still have to move mountains to get my rocks off. To be honest, it's really starting to wear on me.

Every bit of info helps. I know this is an old thread, but I'm glad people are still responding every so often.

Thanks for contributing.

I have the same problem as a female, i have tried what i can. Nothing has worked. It sucks.

 

[helgaleena]

The fact that you keep multiple posting and bumping the thread says to me that you are thinking about this far too much. There is more to sex than coming. In fact, it is wonderful that youare able to refrain, from a population control standpoint!

Concentrate on giving your partner enjoyment and the sight of her really digging your touch and presence. Thank the powers that be for every second of pleasure you yourself experience, and don't hold yourself to some artificial concept of how sex should go. Have more fun.

 

[Jonesy98]

The fact that you keep multiple posting and bumping the thread says to me that you are thinking about this far too much. There is more to sex than coming. In fact, it is wonderful that youare able to refrain, from a population control standpoint!

Concentrate on giving your partner enjoyment and the sight of her really digging your touch and presence. Thank the powers that be for every second of pleasure you yourself experience, and don't hold yourself to some artificial concept of how sex should go. Have more fun.

Ma'am... I have been sexually active for 3 years now with a woman I want to marry. I have prepped myself since middle school to be a man that focuses on a woman's pleasure, but it gets really hard to look at the possibility of a lifetime of not knowing what it's like to function properly.

She wants nothing more than to be a loving mother and wife. As it stands right now, I would be unable to make the former of those wishes come true. I personally find the thought of beating off into my love's vagina to create with her absolutely pathetic. I don't mean to attack you, but do you have any clue the questions that arise from this? What kind of a man am I that my body won't show it's affection for her when she bares her soul to me? How will we ever raise a family? How long can I keep fighting the desire for a "normal" sexual experience before it consumes me and ruins my relationship? etc etc etc

I am not over-thinking this. Nor am I elated from some overpopulation stand point. I am completely shocked that a human being would even wish that on another... but that discussion is outside the scope of this thread.

And as a disclaimer, I know all about adoption firsthand, and while I'm personally grateful for it, it's not for me.

I have a problem that doesn't appear to be going away on its own, and I need to find answers. My relationship and my future may be at stake.

 

[helgaleena]

Beating off into a turkey baster is not illegal and also kinda kinky.

 

[Jonesy98]

Update... after 4.5 years it just got to be too much. We started messing with toys... it helped her a lot. She decided she wanted to sleep with a bigger dick, so now I have to deal with all the bullshit that comes with that.

We're done and I just want to drown my memories of her in a night with a total stranger. Doesn't look like that's gonna happen anytime soon... I've blown all my recent attempts at what seemed to be "shoe-in" lays.

I finally had an orgasm from sex... but it's not easy. I have to pound away, tighten every muscle in my body, give myself an aneurysm, etc. It's happened maybe 20 times or so since September of last year. I usually just get a crippling migraine and have to call it quits.

I just wanna lay on my back and be brought to ecstasy for once in my life... is this a pipe dream? Can any of you just relax while your partner brings you to orgasm?

This shit is really old. I'm bout to lose my mind. Still searching.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Update... after 4.5 years it just got to be too much. We started messing with toys... it helped her a lot. She decided she wanted to sleep with a bigger dick, so now I have to deal with all the bullshit that comes with that.

We're done and I just want to drown my memories of her in a night with a total stranger. Doesn't look like that's gonna happen anytime soon... I've blown all my recent attempts at what seemed to be "shoe-in" lays.

I finally had an orgasm from sex... but it's not easy. I have to pound away, tighten every muscle in my body, give myself an aneurysm, etc. It's happened maybe 20 times or so since September of last year. I usually just get a crippling migraine and have to call it quits.

I just wanna lay on my back and be brought to ecstasy for once in my life... is this a pipe dream? Can any of you just relax while your partner brings you to orgasm?

This shit is really old. I'm bout to lose my mind. Still searching.

I really feel for you and for your partner/s. This is a hard thing to deal with. My ex had the same problem (including the migraines). In the four years we were together I could probably count the number of times he came on one hand - and I was the only girl he'd ever had an orgasm with. Our problems were compounded by the fact that he had a very low sex drive. The fact that he didn't cum used to make me feel terrible - it felt like it was my fault. I think this feeling could have been overcome if he wanted to have sex with me often - then I don't think it would have felt quite so personal - but with a low sex drive, sex wasn't often on the menu. So I suppose my advice would be to make sure you go out of your way to make your partner feel desirable, even if you can't cum during sex. Sorry I can't help you more, but I wanted to let you know that I've been there and I feel your pain.

 

[Drifterwood]

Migraines caused by ejaculation can related to high blood pressure; have you checked that out?

Do you have any issues when a partner blows or wanks you off?

Have you tried prostate stimulation?

How is your pelvic/prostate muscle control?

 

[Jonesy98]

Never blown from a wank or blow by her (or anyone). The high blood pressure is only in the moment. I'm literally squeezing EVERY muscle in my body as hard as I can. My standing blood pressure is normal. I don't get the migraines when I'm by myself masturbating.

Haven't really tried prostate stim... I like a knuckle up there every now and again, but I don't think that's far enough in to be considered prostate stimulation.


I do PE fairly regularly now. Erection quality is good, PC control is good.

@subgirrl:

thanks for the help. Just knowing that I'm not alone helps to a degree. I'm sorry you went through it. Fortunately my drive is through the roof. I am always very considerate with compliments and showing my desire regardless of my orgasm happening or not.

 

[Drifterwood]

Jonesy, I also knew of someone who had this issue, so you are definately not a freak. I would be careful about blowing a gasket to blow a gasket.

I would also seek proper help from the urology and psychosexual therapy worlds. FWIW. I imagine that there are some simple therapies. Good luck.

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/ejaculatoryincompetence.htm

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

My only conclusion that can give you a sure-fire answer for what's causing your issue is to see a doctor. They can find out if something is medically wrong, and if not, they can refer you to a therapist. If you NEED to know, then you NEED to see a professional.

Having said that, here's a thread about my boyfriend and our erection issues. I'm guessing that after 4.5 years, this isn't your issue, but who knows. Worth a shot.

http://www.lpsg.org/163503-erection-concern.html

 

[B_subgirrl]

@subgirrl:

thanks for the help. Just knowing that I'm not alone helps to a degree. I'm sorry you went through it. Fortunately my drive is through the roof. I am always very considerate with compliments and showing my desire regardless of my orgasm happening or not.

I think I would have been OK with you then :smile:. If you can find a woman who is OK with it herself, my advice would be to just relax and let it be. Maybe it will happen one day, maybe not, but getting stressed about it isn't going to help. I'm truly feeling for you though. It IS stressful, and ignoring that and learning how to just let it be would be really difficult.

 

[SweetLovesVick]

Jonesy, I also knew of someone who had this issue, so you are definitely not a freak. I would be careful about blowing a gasket to blow a gasket.

I would also seek proper help from the urology and psychosexual therapy worlds. FWIW. I imagine that there are some simple therapies. Good luck.

Delayed ejaculation (retarded ejaculation)

Difterwood this was a great article I wish it came out years ago.

My husband was always that guy who could go one to three hours before he came. Which to me at first was great. It made getting pregnant with our two children a huge crazy job. Turned out the reason he was really like this was his testosterone level was below, way below 200. Some times he tested so low the lab had to do the test over because they could not even get a reading the first time. Now for the last three months he gets shots every two weeks. He never lost the desire to have sex ever, he always could get hard, he just could not finish once he started.

We never found out the cause until I came here in April to this board and made him take me to his doctors appointments. I spent one long afternoon while our kids napped and found LPSG and read it for penis problems. He had gone to the doctor for six years only to be sent home with Viagra samples time and time again. Not one test had ever been done because his doctor said he was way too young for it to be anything but mental anxiety! It was complete bullshit. The only person who mind "F'ed" my husband was his very own doctor.

So nows he goes to a specialist every two weeks for a shot and our life is getting back to what every other couple deals with every day. Specialst did tell both of us we are extremely lucky that I had a good OBGYN. That we should of never ever gotten pregnant with my husbands low testerone levels. That our two kids were miracles compared to all his other patients that he has treated for 36 years.

I really wish I had seen this artical years ago. I am so HAPPY to have found LPSG it helped us. Even the doctors office has handed out this web sites adress to other couples. We became gold members.

Jonesy98 see a good specialist right away and get your life back. Whomever your current doctor is is not helping you out. Fire him and see someone else.

 

[Attila the Hung]

I can relate to your problem OP, I had the same issue with my gf as I simply could not cum from intercourse or oral sex no matter how hard she tried for the first 4 years of our relationship. I was sexually aware at a very young age and started masturbating at 11/12 years of age and seeing how throughout my teenage years I was a complete and utter failure with girls yet had a voracious sexual appetite I was jerking off constantly everyday, it was insane!

So, by the time I got together with my gf who was also my first I did not realize I had a problem until she pointed it out and asked me how come I never orgasmed from sex and that I always had to finish myself off, to which I had no answer at the time. Then it dawned on me that I was so damn used to stroking myself to completion that it was a mental block I had and I told myself that I would do whatever it took to get over it, and get over it I did eventually but it took some time.

One trick that helped me get over the hump if you will was me closing my eyes during sex at some points and visualize myself cumming inside my gf or on her and see in my mind`s eye me reaching climax, visualizing it in my mind helped to get there for real after awhile, maybe this is something you can give a try and see how it works for you, good luck!

 

[helgaleena]

Excellent suggestion Boxingman. Much of sexual satisfaction is in fact in our heads, the most important erogenous zone!

 

[B_subgirrl]

Jonesy, I also knew of someone who had this issue, so you are definately not a freak. I would be careful about blowing a gasket to blow a gasket.

I would also seek proper help from the urology and psychosexual therapy worlds. FWIW. I imagine that there are some simple therapies. Good luck.

Delayed ejaculation (retarded ejaculation)

Brilliant article Drifterwood! I had always thought my exs reluctance to give up control was a major factor in this. It looks like I might have been onto something.

 

[Jonesy98]

Just copying my entry from the same thread in the "Healthy Penis" section: some updates if you fancy!


UPDATES:

Well, just to fill anybody in who cares...

#1) I finally had a COMPLETELY natural orgasm during intercourse... no stress, no headaches, no cramping, nothing forced, etc... it still took me a good 2 hrs, by that point I had given up on the possibility, but this particular lady who I'd hooked up with 3 times before REALLY turned me on... she just had the right attitude, playful, a little dirty, and we were both really into each other sexually. Then came the magical words from her "omg I'm gonna cum..." and for some reason that just threw me over the edge... I guess b/c my ex was IMPOSSIBLE to get off... Seaside asked earlier if I tried getting her off before hand so it was only my orgasm we had to deal with... and sure, I tried... I tried like hell, but SHE didn't know what she liked, she refused to masturbate on her own, her body never really learned how to get off, so it was always hit or miss, and mostly miss.

#2) The girl that got me off (sounds like a movie title right?) was only the 2nd person I'd ever been with... it still took 4 sessions of happy-fun-time for me to get off. As a side note, if all women knew how to go down on a guy like her the world would be a quieter place...

#3) I've since been with 3 other girls, numbers 3-5, I guess in an attempt to try regular sex outside of a relationship, go stag, whatever you wanna call it. Girl #3 was just too heart-broken in her own right, not involved when we were going at it, quit during each of the 3 times we hooked up and got REALLY depressed that she couldn't get me off. Numbers 4-5 were both drunken mistakes... things I let happen that probably shouldn't have, but wanted to just b/c I already feel like I'm so inexperienced and was intrigued by the concept of 2 people who don't really know each other having sex. Basically all miserable experiences.

#4) of all these recent women since my ex, I was only able to get one of them off... and even then I kinda think she was lying... I talk to other guys about girls getting off and they all say it's obvious, but so far I can't really tell... I mean, I'm obviously doing something right if the girl practically wants to marry me for the way I went down on her, but it's not as cut and dry as they make it look in the movies, and it's starting to bug me... I was always a romantic, and the thought of getting a girl off seems like the most gratifying feeling on earth... my track record is a little disappointing, however.

#5) My johnson is HIGHLY susceptible to 2 factors I was unaware of before... I gotta be honest... it's a little disheartening that my member seems to react best to love... I literally have a hard time keeping it up for any of these women with whom I'm not "in love with". If you would've asked me growing up if I'd have a hard time keeping it up for a stranger in bed I would have said HELL NO, but that's just not the case. I didn't realize the emotional aspect of it would mean so much to me, but it does, there's no changing it, it doesn't make me a "pussy" or less masculine... it's just how it is. The second factor is alcohol... I didn't drink til almost 1.5 yrs after my 21st b-day... my tolerance is very low, but sometimes so is my self-esteem, so a drink really helps loosen me up when it comes to talking to women. Unfortunately, in a lot of these cases I drank too much (which really isn't that much, but I'm still unfamiliar with my tolerances with regards to sexual performance), and man, I just cannot keep it up when there's alcohol in my system... I always heard that "whiskey dick" was the opposite, drunk to the point that your hard-on refuses to go away and rubs a gal raw leading to the inevitable "would you hurry up and finish already?". A few of my encounters have been pretty embarrassing b/c I just couldn't keep it up, and it's not that I'm out of shape. I have good EQ, and I could keep it up for a long time when it was with my ex (hours), but booze and lack of emotional connection kinda does me in. The last few times have only lasted 15 minutes at the most.

#6) There's a really lovely lady just down the street who I've been talking to, and even though it's probably too soon, I'd really like to start dating her exclusively. I really miss all the cuddling and the passion, etc etc, and I'm just not the type of guy who's gonna find any sort of fulfillment in one-night stands... so, 6 months into my singledom career, I'm retiring from pursuing one-night stands... if they happen (and I'm not spoken for... I'm not a cheater, pisses me off... shit hurts) then they happen, but I'm just not the type of guy who can go pick up a chick and have life-changing sex with just anybody. I need more than that, I was kind of a fool to let "the girl who got me off" get away, but it was just too soon after the breakup for me. This gal down the street is really beautiful, on the sexual end of things my attraction to her is REALLY high, we have a lot of fun when we hang out, and I just want to give myself to a woman like I gave myself to my ex, no awkwardness, no uncomfortable moments, just two people truly lost in the throws of ecstasy... I miss it... "fucking" just isn't my thing... even with the headaches and non-orgasms, it was better than trying to be someone I'm not... no more trying for me... if a girl is into me, sure thing, but if not... I'll just sleep alone...

Feel free to chime in on any of the above... thanks for the help! I really do appreciate it...

and no, I still haven't seen anyone... I'm scheduling an appointment for the New Year.

 

[Jonesy98]

final bumpity until I have something more to report... and an addendum to #6) Above:

Girl down the street has since stopped receiving my phone calls, ignores me in public, etc... I suppose this means she's seeing someone else, as I certainly didn't do anything to make her feel this way. No biggie, but I probably won't be seeing any action anytime soon... if I do end up in a stranger's bed I'll let ya know.

Thanks again,
Happy Holidays