Have You Given-Up on Love?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jason_els, Nov 17, 2008.

  1. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Why?

    How do you compensate?

    What keeps you moving on in life?

    Do you fear spending your last days alone?

    Are friends and family enough?

    What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying?

    Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single?
     
  2. D_Brecock Evileye

    D_Brecock Evileye New Member

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    I have, and I just look for someone to have sex with and move on. I would love to find someone to have a relationship with. I have never found anyone who wanted to have one with me that I was attracted to. I do hate the idea of never being married. It sucks. What makes you think I am not forlorn and self-pitying? I have only fallen in love with two woman. The first was, it turned out, engaged to someone else the whole time we were together. The other was too young, wildly self destructive, and I had to be responsable and let her go. Thats just the way it is. Thanks for stiring this crap up. I feel lousy now.:frown1: lol
     
  3. B_JasonDawgxxx

    B_JasonDawgxxx New Member

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    I have a wonderful husband that I love to death. I guess Im very lucky.
     
  4. vince

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    I have been with several who loved me in return and mostly we still love each other, despite there being no sex involved.
     
  5. Ed69

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    Yes I have given-up.

    This was a girl I had known all my life,the last 3 years of high school we went down seperate roads.When I turned 20 she backhome and we tried to pick up where things had been left.But bye then she was into self mutilation,perscription meds and had 3 kids bye 3 different men.She was collecting dissability and wellfare checks.The girl I had loved was long dead and gone,so I walked away.I wanted a life partner not dead weight to drag with me.

    Later that same year I met my wife.We were friends for 2 years then dated 3 months and got married.This next May will be our 18nth anniversary and we have great kids. I'm thankfull I did not get the first girl I wanted.

    YouTube - Garth Brooks Unanswered Prayers Live
     
  6. crescendo69

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    After the death of a lover/friend years ago, I have tried to get back into dating, but too many disappointments have turned me inwards. I can't imagine loving again. I have some light friends, but no intimate ones. Compensation - the computer, swimming and scrabble.
     
  7. Xcuze

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    This could be one depressing thread!

    I have definitely NOT given up on love. But at this point of my life Im not looking for it. Maybe it will find me & just take hold of me against my will - bring it on! But I dont need it right now. I still need to have the freedom to do as I please, Im outrageously selfish in that way.

    There are a couple of guys in my world who I could imagine myself kinda falling for, but its the wrong time. I dont sleep around or anything so its not about that. Im just not ready to do all the compromising just yet.

    I am also very very comfortable on my own, always have been. I feel sorry for those who cant be, I certainly know a few. It just makes u dependant on others for your happiness. Not good.

    But back to the question....No, I fully expect to find love. Or it will find me. I do dream of having that whole "Couple with nice house & 3 dogs" scenario but Im just not ready for it yet. As I keep saying!

    Find love for yourself. Thats the real key to happiness.
     
  8. wonderland

    wonderland Member

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    I have not given up on love.
    I was in love once and had my heart ripped out. But I think about the best parts of the relationship. Being bitter because I my heart was broken would be a huge waste of time.
    My friends and family would be enough if I don't find the right person.
    If I become forlorn and full of self pity who the hell would want me? Because that is so attractive.
     
  9. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    No, I haven't

    Why?
    I'm an optimist.

    How do you compensate?
    I still meet people and have fun.
    My life doesn't end because I am not currently in love.

    What keeps you moving on in life?
    Perseverance. :shrug:
    Stubbornness. :shrug:
    A sincere belief that even though I have experienced deep, abiding love before, I can and will experience it again.

    Do you fear spending your last days alone?
    No, I have family and friends.
    Plus, I'll probably adopt some kids or something.

    Are friends and family enough?
    No.
    I prefer an intimate relationship as well, it may not be love, but I do need the kind of connection that I build with a man. Not just sexually, there is another dynamic in an intimate relationship with the opposite sex that is exciting and helps me grow as a person. K, and the sex. :naughty:

    What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying?
    Hope.

    Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single?
    I have been in love with a few people that loved me back.
    I do realize I was fortunate.
     
  10. John Estes

    John Estes New Member

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    How can anyone truly give up love?
     
  11. Principessa

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    No, I have not. To give up on love would be like giving up on life itself.

    I throw myself into work, projects, or in some cases, I butt into my friends lives to fix their problems. :biggrin1: :redface:

    There is no acceptable option in my mind.

    Yes, but it's not something I think about daily or even monthly. Yet it does occassionally pop into my head.

    Enough? You mean like in lieu of love? No! Don't get me wrong I have some fabulous friends and family, but one does get tired of going to weddings, christenings, parties, and funerals alone.

    My gay friends slap me around when I start that. :tongue:

    That is an oddly worded question. Yes I have been in love. No, I have never been married. I have only had 2 serious bf's one definetely loved me more than I loved him. And the other loved me to the best of his ability but it just wasn't enough. He had issues, let's just leave it at that.
     
  12. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I don't mean for this thread to be depressing. I'm sorry if it reads that way.

    I started it solely because I've been thinking a great deal about it. As I get older it gets a lot harder to ignore or dismiss and so I'm hoping to find some answers. Everyone says you find love when you aren't looking and when you're so truly happy with yourself that you don't need it. Well that's a circular problem in my mind because if you're truly happy with yourself then why bother even looking? If you're looking, then you must feel a need that means you aren't truly happy.

    And as things are now, I don't have much hope, yet, if the conventional wisdom cited above is true, then I have to stop hoping to get to the point where I'll find hope. So I guess I'm asking how to ignore the proverbial 800 lb. gorilla in the room enough to fulfill my life. Right now I'm going through a big growth phase. That sounds ridiculous coming from someone my age, I realize, but I'm naive and used to being controlled by my parents. If I do something that isn't what they want, I'm wrong. If I make an opinion that runs contrary to what they believe, there is something wrong with me and I need to be sent to a shrink. If I see people they do not approve of, I'm ostracized. If I show an interest in sex or dating I'm greeted with silence or chastised or punished and made to apologize for it. If I do something other than how they want it, they do it for me their way. If someone else insults or physically hurts me or then I must somehow deserve it and should apologize to that person. I've never come out to my parents because I fear they will use it against me. It's too personal a thing to trust them with.

    This sounds utterly bananas, but I didn't realize just how pervasive this was until just a year ago. I live in a small town, I have no friends here, my jobs have always been so menial that I can't live without financial assistance from my parents. I even live in my father's house because I can't afford the local rents. Now I'm trying to get out of it. I have a great counselor, many new friends I've made here, and am trying to make enough money to get out from under their financial thumb.

    When you've had shadows for so much of your life, coming out of the cave doesn't mean you know how to live in the world outside of the cave. I literally have the romantic maturity of a 14 year old and it's very frustrating. I also don't have a big (or even average) dick, and I'm not attractive so realistically, my prospects for love (now that I'm thinking seriously about it) appear to be very slim.

    So even if I don't ever find love, I want to be my own person, I want to get the hell out of Warwick, and I want to be happy, secure, and confident in myself enough not to waste the second half of my life because that's all I've got left (providence willing). I have to coldly evaluate my situation to see what I can or cannot accomplish and then find work-arounds for those things I cannot accomplish. That's much of what's behind this question. I don't deny that I've been a victim; whether of circumstance, my own poor judgment, or other people. I deny that I am one now. The only thing I can learn from the past is how to undo present maladaptions to behaviors I learned in circumstances that do not apply to the world outside of my parents and family.

    I'm sorry if that last question is, as NJ (great avatar luv! Suits you perfect :tongue:) says, "oddly worded," but the few times I think I've been in love, haven't been reciprocated so they were all one-sided. Some people tell me that means I wasn't really in love at all, just infatuation or crush. Not knowing what it's like to be in love with someone who loves me, I can't say if they're right or not. Again, a situation I would guess many people here take for granted that I don't and so, if my questions sound like they mean something other than what they do because they can't possibly be so naive, then, ummm, well..... yeah they really are because I'm just that naive :biggrin1:.
     
    #12 jason_els, Nov 17, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2008
  13. Xcuze

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    I dont think your looks should be the big issue when it comes to finding Love. Most couples I know who are in love are not especially attractive; some are downright ugly! Anyone can find that connection & it goes beyond the physical, way beyond.

    The only reason to bring your looks into the equation is if you are looking to fall in love with someone significantly better looking than you. Or even much younger than you. This is where I think many people get it wrong. Disastrously so. Open yourself up to the not so attractive & the not so young. You may then find something special.
     
  14. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    kind of, I dunno, maybe.

    work, school, the mountains

    hope

    and my cat's last days, and my parent's last days, and my brother and sister's last days

    No. Love would be a poor word to explain my relationship with my friends and family.

    the mountains, Buddhism, my fluffy cat, porn

    yeah, thrice have been loved in return, it's pretty kick ass. Its the best thing in the world, actually.
     
  15. SpeedoMike

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  16. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Before worrying about a life without love, I think you should fully embrace the growth phase and see where it takes you. If it seems like you lose a bit of steam after awhile, make another change, and continue doing so, untill you reach a comfortable space--hopefully far away from your family. :smile:

    I must say, as someone who comes from a domineering family, you just have to be the odd duck that they can't control or risk being crushed by them. I'm serious, there's nothing wrong with you, but you should extricate yourself from the situation before you no longer see the problem with their behaviour... even if how you do it is gritty and not ideal... you deserve your own life.

    I wish I could relate some personal stories to you and give you a daily, verbal kick in the ass, but I'll settle for wishing you the best! :fingersx:


    P.S. I think I recall seeing a picture of yours in the gallery and you are not unattractive. Stop it. :)
     
  17. Charles Finn

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    I am single now yes i would like to find love again untill then I just take life one day at a time
     
  18. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Why?
    When you see relationships collapsing all around you, it does become rather difficult to believe in love.

    How do you compensate?
    I eat alot of food.:smile:

    What keeps you moving on in life?
    The fact that just because things aren't working now....doesn't mean they can't get better. Life is like waves in the ocean... sometimes it's calm, other times it's rough.

    Do you fear spending your last days alone?
    I think some people do, but are you ever truly alone if you live your life openly and allow people into your heart?


    Are friends and family enough?
    Depends on what I need. Sometimes a person craves the warm body of another, the tenderness and desire that only comes from the soulmate.

    What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying?
    The fact I can't stand people like that. It's not the end of the world... I'm a hopeless romantic and I intend to stay like that, no matter how bleak situations look.

    Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single?
    I've been in love once. It was returned. I think love can grow and develop into other things though... especially when the love can't be completed.
     
  19. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    :hug: ... but what a love it was!
     
    #19 jason_els, Nov 17, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2008
  20. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    I've always had great luck in love and I've always recognized that and been very grateful for it. So yes, I've had good reason to believe in it. I've always had great luck with people in general.

    But love comes in very many forms and on a great continuum. There doesn't have to be the perfect romantic love in one's life at any given time in order to be happy. I find incredible joy in the love of my friends and my family.

    I think loneliness can be a death knell and isolation the attrition of the soul. Sometimes just the perception of it can be. I don't want to get all Pollyanna about it, but there are times when we need to look around us and appreciate what really is there.

    And Jason, for the love of god, get some sleep. We'll have hours to talk about this on Thursday. :wink:
     
    #20 B_Nick8, Nov 17, 2008
    Last edited: Nov 17, 2008
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