Have You Given-Up on Love?

[8060]

I have not given up on love. I fell in love early in my life. I say that I was in love because I didn't have any outside interference telling me what and how to feel. When she and I weren't together, I craved her. I included her in my plans. We had our own language. I could feel her when we were apart. That's why I say that I was in love. I'm so grateful for that initial relationship. It really taught me a lot about myself and other people; what we need and want in someone else. I have had several girlfriends and one boyfriend. Of all of the struggles that I have had in my life, love is still the thing that motivates me to keep crawling through all of the crap. Love, real love, can cure anything in my opinion. Love interests me. I find it amazing that someone can give themselves to another person completely and become vulnerable to it. I like the pros of love. I don't pay attention to the cons. I see them, accept them, and move on. That's what I owe to myself and to the new person that I may meet that just might have the potential that I'm looking for.

When I'm not in a relationship, I read and write a lot (with a lot of laughs added in). I have several journals that I 'talk' to whenever I'm in Singlehood. I like to travel too. I've only been out of the country twice, but I will hop a state or two quick-like to keep from missing love. I keep going on in life because no one else is going to stop. If they do, then everyone else is so busy moving forward that I'll probably miss the standstill. So, I join the party.

I used to fear spending my last days alone but I don't anymore. You do think about that when you're single and aging. I have one of those spirits that no one forgets & likes to be around. I'm not a genius by any means. I don't have a lot of material possessions, but I do have a good soul and the people in my life have noticed that. I really love my solitude (especially after my relationship with him), but I expect my last days and my funeral to be jam-packed and the possibility of having to say, "Could y'all please get out so I can die? I'll see you next lifetime. I just can't kick it here anymore."

I think that my friends will sustain me more than my family. My friends understand me and my views on love more than my family. My family, I love them, but (how can I put this nicely?) there are some things about me that they will never understand and I like it like that. It feeds my happiness to keep them at a distance. Yeah, that was nice enough, LOL. Being forlorn and self-pitying just isn't my style. It doesn't become so that's what keeps me. Thank You!^

Finally, I have had the pleasure of having my love returned to me in an equal way. All of my intimate relationships ended on very good notes. By that, I mean to say that we said our goodbyes to each other. The icing on the cake I suppose.

Jason, I'm glad that you asked these questions. It was nice to think about those things. I don't want you to give up on yourself or love. I believe that there is something spectacular about everybody. I think for a person like you, 40's to 50's are like 18-21. If you haven't been doing what you're going to be doing for the rest of your life, then keep looking and look harder. It's there waiting for you. One thing that I have learned from LPSG is that I am NOT the only one. Optimism, perseverance. "Don't let them (can include yourself) get on your nerves" as I like to say to my friends and you'll be just fine.

That's all folks!

 

[wallyj84]

This is an interesting topic. Maybe I'm being a bit of a necromancer by responding to it, but I don't care.

Personally I have given up on love. I have far too many personality flaws to ever sustain a relationship. I also don't have much to offer in the way of looks or money, so attracting girls is also pretty hard. So I think that romantic love, for me, is a long shot. Admitting to myself that I'll never find anyone did bother me initially, because I wanted, and still want that kind of connection with another person so it hurts to know that I'll never have that. On the other hand, admitting that love and relationships are just a part of life that I'll never be able to experience, does leave me a lot of time to pursue other, more attainable, goals. So it's not all bad.

 

[melis]

This thread is so depressing, I'm actually crying. Yeah, I guess it hit a bit too close to home for me - it's like I don't even see the positive responses...

Good topic, though, Jason - even though it made me remember feelings I'd rather forget.

 

[B_stu.kay823]

I'll answer the other questions later, but here is my answer to the first:

Have you ever given up on love?

No, never. But I will admit to turning away from girls, despite knowing that both she and I would be happy together.

It’s funny that I discovered this thread now, because I’m finding it quite cathartic. Recently, I found myself having to make a decision between two girls, both of whom I adore. Girl A had been a long-time friend and colleague who I’d been seeing on the side for some time. Our bed-sharing was something of an open secret.

Girl B was something else. It takes a lot for me to make the first move, but in this instant I knew that I just had to. We hit it off immediately. I genuinely liked her. Within a couple of weeks of our meeting, she endured a traumatic experience. It just so happened that I’d been through something similar when I was 10. I shared those memories with her, memories so intimate that there is only one other person on the planet who knows about them (and it’s not Girl A).

Sweetly honeyed everythings were whispered, and perhaps foolishly I drank them. “I miss you” uttered in just the right tone of voice is a powerful seducer. Arrangements were made inchoately. And a month passed without word, though it felt like an age. Circumstances changed for both of us. And purgatory settled in. It seems the decision has now been made for me. I’d trade my right arm not to be walking away, but I know that I have to. I’m happy to stay friends, if that’s what she wants.

 

[sexplease]

Why?
No, because it's part of the balance of existence.

How do you compensate?
I don't. I accept

What keeps you moving on in life?
The amazing unknown and learning.

Do you fear spending your last days alone?
No.

Are friends and family enough?
They're all that one really has, outside of our fantasies.

What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying?
Forlorn happens, then life piles on top. It's always a part of ones psyche.
Pity's for the dead, sorrow's for the living.

Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single?

Been in love. Fallen in love and...stepped in it a few times too.

 

[klaybourn]

melis,

chear up. everything is ok. people go through cycles. everyone will have there day. there have been times i though i would be mad forever. then i met someone who cheered me up some what.

this is the place where men can let go of the machismo and vent! is a mental health thing.


nice rack btw

 

[117817]

Have You Given-Up on Love? Yes
Why? “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” Einstein

I've wanted love all my life. But the result is always the same; I put everything I have into my relationships and my partners selfishly take take take, and then dump me or cheat on me. It's very predictable. I think I have a weak and boring "nice guy" personality that leads to my poor relationships. My family and I just have too many personality flaws to have any sort of a normal relationship. I would be insane to think I could find love now.

How do you compensate? Try not to think about it. Concentrate on work. Enjoy the little things in life. Don't look at couples and feel sorry for yourself.

What keeps you moving on in life? I focus on different goals.
My goal used to be to raise a happy loving family. Now I just focus doing lonely things that have some substance. I try to improve my quality of life in many non-social ways. I just focus on improving myself and the world around me and be happy at that.

Do you fear spending your last days alone? Yea, sometimes. I try to not be afraid and prepare myself for it. Does it really matter in the end? When you're gone you're gone; you'll never know the difference. If I died today, only two people would be at the funeral: my mom and dad. But I'll never really know who's there. If I do, that must mean I'd be in heaven or hell, and then being lonely on earth doesn't matter so much anyway.

Are friends and family enough? They have to be enough. That's all there is.

What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying? You know, sometimes in nature there are alpha males who get to do all the good stuff in life. The non-alpha males live as non-mating outcasts from the group. These animals who normally desire to be social must roam alone with little to no social contact. That's nature. These individuals do not throw their lives away. They accept life the way it is and go on living alone no matter what. Lone animals don't waste time feeling sorry for themselves. They just live any way they can. That's me. I'm not an alpha male. Women don't like me. I'll never find love. I accept life and live with it.

Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single? I have not always been single. I've had plenty of girlfriends. I have definitely loved two women in my life, however, none have ever loved me. I don't believe your love has to be returned for it to be real, but I guess I don't really know since I've never experienced that.

 

[D_skeaflea]

What's the use in trying? All you get is pain. When I wanted sunshine, I got rain.

EVERYONE cheats, NO ONE knows what the hell they want and EVERYONE gets their heart broken at least twice in their lifetime. Love/relationships are never the idealized crap we're exposed to in TV, books and movies; Those are fantasies. A real relationship is about learning what's important (that no one else'll be willing to put up with you, and vice versa) and striving to make it work with someone. That's why you see old couples together for 60 years; They know it'd be stupid to think they could find anyone else, so they stick it out. . .even though they're technically miserable together, it's all they know; They need the security and don't want to be alone.

 

[Rowan Ravenseed]

I didn't read any of the posts on here but im going to guesse that about 60-70% are very similar to the post above me? and there are a few out there saying they still hold on to hope?

Heres my take on thing, I seriously believe that there are a great many people that a severly confused about what a relationship is supposed to be about, and what love actually is.

The Dali Lama defines love as the act of compassion, I have always beleived there is only one love and that is the same feeling we share for all human beings whether we recognise it or not, put simply "love is the desire to see another free from suffering"

Everything is is an alteration of the one pure thought..... the "Love" you have for your partner is purely that feeling altered by sexual desire, the "love" you have for your family is that feeling altered by concepts of possesion and onwership "MY family" that one "love" you have for you family pet is the same feeling altered again by posession....... ask yourself this.... do you have love for your fellow man? if the answer is yes what is the simplest way to describe that love? easy "I dont want to see them suffer"

Now lets put that in the context of a relationship.... humans by nature are a transitory species... we are constantly changing, add that to the fact our closest living relatives are apes who dwell in harem like structures and what doese that tell you?

Monogamy is not natural.... thats what..... monogamy is the most unnatural thing ever forced upon the human society.... and why? becuase a certain pope found his wife fucking one of his servants....thats why.

What doese monogamy have to do with love? well in my opinion nothing but for some reason 3/4 of the western wolrd seems to think monogamy is the ultimate expression of love..... more like the ultimate expression of insecurity if you ask me. Nothing spells love like forced sexual servitude..... I mean who needs communication when you can rely on the fact that your partners not gonna fuck around on you no matter how miserable he or she might be.

Any way moving away from the nagatives and on to the posatives, love isnt dead people just need to readjust thier approach to it........ love is an idea and ideas can't be caught with cages no matter how guilded they might be.... there are succsesful monogmouse relationship but there only succsesful becuase the people involved in them understand that making and idea come to fruition involves work.........

Love isnt just a symphony its also the musicians that practise every day for 5 hours or more to make sure they know thier part in it

 

[musclebutt2]

Have you given-up on love?
Why?
How do you compensate?
What keeps you moving on in life?
Do you fear spending your last days alone?
Are friends and family enough?
What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying?
Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single?

So far, I've been in love twice. The last one ended three years ago. It almost damaged me irreparably but I came out better and stronger than I was before. We were together three years and he was my first boyfriend. If anything, I am more loving now than I was before. After falling down that low from such heights, I am no longer afraid of getting hurt. I am not naive, I know pain is unavoidable, but I also know that it will not destroy me. I found spirituality, and it helped me during the darkest times. I have not given up on love, it seems impossible to do so, because I also know that it will come at the most unexpected moments. Once you have fallen in love, your brain chemistry changes forever, even certain parts of the structure change. There is no going back, and you are primed to fall in love again... there is a need, almost an addiction. I fell in love rather late in life, but the intensity of it made up for all the missing years prior. There is nothing to compensate for love except for developing love for yourself. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else.

I take one day at a time. I plug away at my goals, but when they loose meaning I set new goals. Curiosity of what's around the corner keeps me moving on in life. The responsibility of eventually taking care of my aging parents, future children, and a loving spouse also keeps me going. I do not fear being alone, I am accustomed to it. If my last days are to be alone I am not afraid. But it is very unlikely, even if I don't find a partner, I will have children. Friends and family are not enough. I need to grow and nurture things, it keeps me in good practice, and reminds me how to make love thrive once it finds me.

Forlorn and a pity-party? Sign me up! Once in awhile I throw myself a pity-party and cry myself to sleep when the world just doesn't cooperate. It's a complete luxury. But the very next day I always feel better and continue pursuing happiness. It is healthy to occasionally comfort yourself when nobody else is around, but don't become debilidated by it. The best cure for the blues is being surrounded by natural beauty and sharing it with an understanding friend. That's what helped me recover immediately after finding out about my brother's death. It helped me find a sense of scale and continuity. His passing also re-invigorated my life; I felt grateful to be given another day to do something with it, and in a way, I feel like I'm living my life for him as well.

I have loved and been loved. You will too. Just relax and live your life, it can't be forced.

 

[matticus201]

First of all, thanks for this post Jason. I think these are questions that all of us ask ourselves. I've read through the entire thread, and there have been a lot of answers that have made me sad, and have made me want to give several people a big hug.

If you had asked me a couple of years ago "Have you given up on love?" I would have told you absolutely. I was on such a high after my finishing graduate school I thought I could frickin rule the world. I was in the beginning of a great relationship, and things were going incredibly well. I was young, enthusiastic, and ready to take on the world! Of course, the reality of not finding a job, having to move away from my beloved Austin to Dallas where I only knew a couple of people who totally ended up destroying my faith not only in love, but in friendship as well, sent me into a very deep depression. My best friend from grad school moved up to Dallas for a job as well, which helped a little bit, but because of where I was I almost successfully succeded in completely pushing her away too through a whole series of horrible actions which don't need to be discussed here. Then, in a very angry phone call, she screamed at me "Get out of your own head!!" and hung up. I thought I'd literally pushed away my last friend. I thought about what she had said.

I began volunteering at the Scottish Rite Children's Hospital here in Dallas. I was an actor, so the coordinator put me in this program where I read books to kids in small groups, and sometimes would go to their rooms and read to them if they weren't able to make it to the group stuff. For those of you who don't know, Scottish Rite is a hospital for Children who have been badly injured, such as amputees, burn victims, or children with cancers or birth defects that need a lot of special care.

Well, needless to say, these kids completely melted my heart, but their circumstances made me so angry. I couldn't believe that God could allow some of the things that I was seeing. It became difficult to continue with the program, but I had really, despite myself, become so attached to a couple of the kids that I kept going. One child in particular was just the coolest little kid ever. He had leukemia, and not only did I grow attached to him, but his family as well. Their faces always lit up when I came in, and I just couldn't understand why these people loved me so much when my own life was full of such vitriol and jaded thinking. All of that was put aside for them, however, I knew that my own problems were miniscule compared to theirs.

Of course, the inevitable happened, and he died. I was devastated. I went to the funeral, hugged the family, and just felt sort of numb. I filed past the the casket and looked at his decimated body, and again felt angry. Again, in spite of myself, I began to cry, and couldn't stop. At the end of the service, on the way out of the church, his mother caught me by the arm. In the middle of that horrific day, she took the time to look me straight in the eye, and with all the warmth and love she could muster, said, "He loved you very much." The she turned around and went back about her business.

So, have I given up on love? No way. If the kids that I read to every Saturday can find the strength to love me in the wake of all their sickness and trouble, who the hell am I to say that it isn't possible? Have I given up on romantic love? No way! Love exists in all kinds of forms, so if one can happen, they all can. I'm not in a relationship right now, because I still have my own faults that I work on every day, but that doesn't mean it won't ever happen.

I compensate by getting out of my own head. I volunteer, I help people, I get outside and away from the television, and I never let a day go by when I don't try and find something to quietly appreciate by myself. It works for me. Hope, and the connection I now feel with my friends and family help me keep going. I don't ever want to hurt anyone again. And I focus on the goals I've set for myself. I stay open to any and all possiblities now. I also have wonderful family and a great group of friends that want the best for me. I think it's so important to only have people around you that want the best for you, and that you want the best for. Don't make any room for negativity. I don't resort to self-pity because through my volunteerism I've seen what that can get people. No matter how bad things are for you, they can always get worse, so instead of waiting for that to happen, why not try and make things better? Sounds like that's exactly what Jason_els is trying to do, and I applaud him for it. As for the last question, I've never been in love like I think we're talking about, but I certainly love a lot of people. And I'm sure that it will happen someday.

 

[technogeek]

Why? Left me for another man

How do you compensate? Friends family

What keeps you moving on in life? Nothing right now

Do you fear spending your last days alone? yes

Are friends and family enough? I don't know this just happened to me
What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying? Self pity I probably brought in on myself

Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single? Yes my wife now I don't get love returned. I will always love her though



My situation stemms from my infidelity years ago I slept with a long time friend of mine who happened to become friends with my x wife. We divorced then got back together when someone from her past came into the picture. They hooked up and now I am out in the gutter.

 

[Smallbutbig]

I was totally gobsmacked by this thread and admire you lot!

Have you given-up on love?

I have never given up on love, but rather be single than compromise my life to a life of uncertainty

Why?

I consider that I have been lucky to have experinced love several times. At my age (45) I now have different needs and expectations and a good life without anyone at my side to share it except for my friends and dog.

How do you compensate?

I led a hedonistic life, and continue to experience life.

What keeps you moving on in life?

My dog, my home and paying my bills in comfort.

Do you fear spending your last days alone?

Not anymore. Better to have experienced something than none at all.

Are friends and family enough?

Have no family left in UK, so am alone anyway. Friends are ok but can only count just a few that I can trust

What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying?

Enjoy each day as the last day on earth.

Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single?

Yes as above, but also single for long periods including marriage. Who knows what the future holds....

 

[larocca]

Have I given up on love?
Yes, I think I did.

Why?
Either that I'm too afraid to reach out to people or that just people don't like me.

How do I compensate?
I don't. I'm quite lonely. Very lonely actually.

What keeps me moving on in life?
I don't know what. That is one of the mysteries. I don't know what keeps me moving. There doesn't seem to be much. I guess my family.

Do I fear spending your last days alone?
I'm still quite young, but I keep asking myself why am I always lonely.

Are friends and family enough?
For one part of my life yes. But it ain't enough.

What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying?
Who says I'm not already half way there?

Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single?
Always been single. Nobody has ever loved me. And right now the only thing I want is a hug. From anyone. Really anyone.

What a depressing post.

 

[2322]

:hug::hug::hug:

May providence bring you all that you seek.

Have I given up on love?
Yes, I think I did.

Why?
Either that I'm too afraid to reach out to people or that just people don't like me.

How do I compensate?
I don't. I'm quite lonely. Very lonely actually.

What keeps me moving on in life?
I don't know what. That is one of the mysteries. I don't know what keeps me moving. There doesn't seem to be much. I guess my family.

Do I fear spending your last days alone?
I'm still quite young, but I keep asking myself why am I always lonely.

Are friends and family enough?
For one part of my life yes. But it ain't enough.

What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying?
Who says I'm not already half way there?

Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single?
Always been single. Nobody has ever loved me. And right now the only thing I want is a hug. From anyone. Really anyone.

What a depressing post.

 

[larocca]

:hug::hug::hug:

May providence bring you all that you seek.

Thanks man. :smile:

 

[Proppie]

Have You Given-Up on Love?
Why?
I have given up on love because it has proven impossible to find, experience, and sustain.

How do you compensate? I compensate by exercising and eating.

What keeps you moving on in life? I am kept moving on in live by the hope that life will get better.

Do you fear spending your last days alone? I do not fear spending my last days alone because I have felt alone since elementary school and high school reinforced that feeling of "aloneness".

Are friends and family enough? Family and friends are great, but romantic love is something different.

What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying? I am kept from being forlorn and self-pitying by the hope that life will get better and the desire "to get up from my stool of do-nothing".

Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return? I have been in love with someone, but my romantic feelings were not returned.
Have you always been single?I have not always been single. I have dated some. Nevertheless, the majority of my life has been spent as a single guy.

 

[D_Andreas Sukov]

Yes.

Why? I'm 51 (and nobody wants a 51 year old gay man. Well, let's rephrase: I'm a big hit with the 70 and up crowd. No offense, but I don't want to marry my Dad's generation. I'm not attracted to femmes, which lets out a big chunk of the eligible pool; nor am I attracted to drunks, or barflies...as you age, you eliminate this group and that group and pretty soon, there's a pretty shallow pool of possibilities---most of whom are not interested in YOU. Which is where I am.)


How do you compensate? Lots of porn, 2 border collies.

What keeps you moving on in life? Breathing. There's only one other alternative, and although I've considered it (just last night, as a matter of fact), I'm way too chickenshit to do it.

Do you fear spending your last days alone? Terrified.

Are friends and family enough? No.

What keeps you from becoming forlorn and self-pitying? Nothing, I am both of those things.

Have you ever been in love with someone who loved you in return or have you always been single? Yes, I have had three great loves. All three let me down. I don't know if I can stand that level of pain again.

thats the saddest thing ive read on this site (not hard to imagine) but you have to give love a chance. in my eyes, if it didnt work its not love. i get shouted at when i say this in conversation, but i beleive if it didnt work out then its not love, love is the finding of your soulmate, someone you'll never leave or ever hurt. i'd like to think im in love right now at the tender age of 18. id like to think that id never leave my gf and shed neevr leave me but i fear my youthful idealism will come and bite me in the ass when(if) the relationship ends and i have to pick up the fractures of my life again, which im not good at. she did it last time. anyway, if you want a good talk on love and life, Russel Howard's Live DVD has an amazing section about it on it. i found m,yself laughing and taking him seriously at the same time. if you give up on love why live? as Russel says, "the greatest thing in life is the umph feeling when you love someone so much you just wanna stab them. oh i love you its just better we're both dead"
not the best line tio end on i suppose..... and to the guy i quoted from please don't, even if your friends and family arnt ebough, they still love you, if you leave them then your selfish cos they will miss you. use them to rebuild your life, look in the right places and with a little luck theres someone i can assure you. i bet my left nut on it :wink:

 

[sexplease]

Don't every give up on love, because it never gives up on you.
And really, in the end, that's all we really have.

 

[Capitolhillguy]

I most sincerely believe that romantic love is not in my karma and I do not seek it. Apart from a brief fling with a guy 18 years ago and a marriage with a woman eons ago, I have not had a mutually attracted sexual/ romantic relationship with another person in decades. I've had some serious one sided crushes over the years, but am too jaded to have one anymore. I have had lots of sex over the years and still have quite a bit, but romance is not on my radar. Most of my gay friends are dead (17 died of Aids). I enjoy getting others off but rarely ever get off with someone else anymore. I am very autoerotic and love porn, so I don't feel like I am not getting sex. I plan on giving myself euthanasia when my body gives out and life gets too lonely and meaningless. I have had a good life and know that it won't last forever. I can't see myself alone and not able to care for myself. I won't allow that indignity.