Having a Kid out of Wedlock

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by earllogjam, Nov 27, 2007.

  1. earllogjam

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    Over Thanksgiving it was announced that one of my cousins got a girl pregnant who will be delivering in a few weeks. He is a rather immature 24 year old guy who doesn't quite have his life together. She is a bit older and has a good job as a nurse so I think they can support the child financially. They are not married and it was mentioned more than once that the pregnancy was not planned. He is being rather sheepish about it all and avoiding most relatives but everyone in the family seems OK with it. I don't know if they are planning on marrying but it seems like he is going to stick around.

    I am wondering if it still is a stigma these days to have a kid out of wedlock. I'm OK with it and have congratulated him but there is a considerable uneasyness on his part that makes any normalcy and celebration difficult. He hasn't even introduced the mother to us yet and she is having his baby in a few weeks! I have a sneaking suspicion that he is not in love with her.

    Has anybody been in this situation before? What is the etiquette for this? How do you make a difficult situation less weird?
     
  2. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!


    As for it being a stigma it depends upon the environment and situation. Because I am a regular church goer Children out of wedlock are not something that I nor my family would have thought well of coming from me. I do however know that things happen.
     
  3. D_golden parachute

    D_golden parachute New Member

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    I was born out of wedlock

    anyone who cares is narrow minded and not worth the air they breathe
     
  4. SpeedoGuy

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    There, but for the grace of God, go I.
     
  5. Principessa

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    :biggrin1: ROTFLMAO :tongue: There hasn't been a stigma attached to being an unwed mother in about 30 years!

    NEVER, Ever refer to the child as an accident. Try surprise package instead. Everyone loves a surprise package; whereas no one wants to have an accident.:cool:
     
  6. invisibleman

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    I am not hatin'. Just because a kid happened out of wedlock, doesn't make things too bad. I think that it happens. The kiddies coming up in the world need a lot of love and atention these days. I just hope the baby gets all or most of the needs taken care of.
     
  7. goodwood

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    As a guy who is desperately wanting to have children I would be so thrilled to have one that out of wedlock would not matter to me and if anyone reaised an eyebrow I would tell to fuck off.
    Being raised very traditionally conservative it would not be my first choice, but the important thing married or not is that the parents have a healthy relationship with one another (whether or not they are together) for the child's benefit. As long as the child is well provided for, cared for, adored and made the nuber one priority in the lives of the parents, I really think it is irrelevant if a child is born out of wedlock.
    My sister was drugged, kidnapped and raped and ended up pregnant as a result so she gave birth out of wedlock, but that is a drastic example.
     
  8. IntoxicatingToxin

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    He's probably just scared as fuck to be a father. There isn't really any stigma anymore. No one ever gave me crap about it when I was pregnant. I never really any got any weird looks, and I was only 18.
     
  9. Principessa

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    CHRIST! How is she now? Is that why she lives with your folks?
     
  10. goodwood

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    Hey Patsy -
    See you at the airport on Friday night? LOL.
    My sister had a severe nervous breakdown and yes, that is why she lives with them.
     
  11. goodwood

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    When I was planning on moving to Dallas earlier this fall to get married, I was going to keep and maintain my house in Michigan as a cottage for it's close proximity to Lake Michigan and offered to let my sister and niece move in, live here and take care if it. I would be paying for it either way and thought it would be a good thing for them to live on their own. But my parents both told me that she was not capable of living on her own and after she was here for three weeks, I saw that. So just as well I didn't end up moving to Dallas. But that is off topic.
    Having a baby out of wedlock is nothing to be ashamed of.
     
  12. DGirl

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    A lot of you all don't know this..." I don't BRAG about it..."
    But, I was born out of Wedlock:eek:.."
    But, eventhough my grandma ( my daddy's momma) loved ME, she did not love my momma..." So she was like, HELL no to grant them to marry. But, they both had a great part in making me the GREAT person I am today. But, when I was younger I was taught..." You have to be MARRIED to have CHILDREN! So, just because a child is born like "US"..." We are no better, no less than anyone else in this world.


    GoodWood, I am REALLY sorry to hear that about your sister...!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  13. str82fcuk

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    Here in Quebec 36% of all straight couples are unmarried (according to the most recent census). The younger generation see no need for the old fashioned wedding thing. I know quite a few unmarried couples who have had children deliberately and not by accident and who still do not see any need to get married. To them it is not even an issue or question that they spend any time even considering because it just seems so passe and complicated and unnecessary.
     
  14. No_Strings

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    I don't see how/why there would be any stigma attached to it unless the family or society is particularly religious.
    Is there even any relevance between marriage and childbirth? The phrase "child out of wedlock" seems pretty redundant to me.
     
  15. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    No stigma or issues with it here. I'm more concerned about parental responsibilities being fulfilled.

    With DNA testing it's impossible to dispute paternity so it's not like a pointed finger can't be proven.
     
  16. Principessa

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  17. IntoxicatingToxin

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    Even with DNA tests, responsibility won't necessarily be fulfilled. :rolleyes: Unfortunately. I'm walking proof of that. My sons father owes me... (hold on, calculating)... $15,652 in back child support. I didn't even file for child support until my son was two. Blah. Can't imagine how much bigger that number would be if I had filed when he was born!
     
  18. No_Strings

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    Well, like I mentioned I just don't see the relevance.

    Having a child out of wedlock.
    Buying a house together out of wedlock.
    Sharing a car out of wedlock.
    Getting a joint bank account out of wedlock.
    Giving your partner a foot massage out of wedlock.
    Etc.

    I don't know what marriage has to do with any other aspect of a serious relationship or family, including childbirth. Again, I think it's all down to religion (specifically Christianity in this case) and that it was more engraved into the culture in times gone by.
     
  19. goodwood

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    This is a good thread and the responses have been very good, well thought out and level headed. Good job people.
     
  20. Mr. Snakey

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    Not for me. Married and father at 18. Abortion isnt an Option. I dont look down on single mothers. I look up to them. They have the single most important job there is in rasing a child alone. I think the Stigma is long gone of many years ago when a woman was scorned by society and the child called a bastard. Thank God.
     
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