Having a Lover Overrated

[Capitolhillguy]

In both the gay and straight worlds one is often made to feel something is wrong if one likes being single. Certainly it works for many people, but I think many others, like myself, are frankly better off single. Relationships are usually high maintenance, high stress, full of compromises, and after the first blush of passion wears off, frequently a desert of sexual unfulfillment. I do like fuck buddies when they come along, but often my best sex is beating off to porn. Call me an old maid

 

[crescendo69]

There are periods of loneliness to this, but to each his own.

 

[hud01]

Relationships take work, high maintenance, yes if you are dating a drama queen. Life takes work. A good relationship which is based on the right factors of attraction beyond the physical are not filled with stress, they are filled with joy.

Yes you have to compromise, that is part of having someone who there is no other person who you would rather spend time with.

I can see from your post. Your relationships have been based on sex and lust, not on really liking or loving the person. You need to start looking deeper and growing up.

 

[docilej]

Having spent half my adult life single and the other half married, I can honestly say being single (at least for me is) is the preferable status. Although there are some misc. benefits in having a wife, being married totally stinks. If I had to do it all over again I would never have proposed.

 

[goodwood]

if being single is preferred to being married or having a lover, i can only think that that one has not found the right lover or wife. i have had had plenty of lovers. i loved each one of them at first. and after 2 years if things were not good, i found a new one.
Kudos to the ones that lasted 2 years. I would prefer to have the right lover or wife for me instead of being single. Where is she? I am not getting any younger. But maybe she is. lol.

 

[Capitolhillguy]

I can see from your post. Your relationships have been based on sex and lust, not on really liking or loving the person. You need to start looking deeper and growing up.[/quote]

I have really liked and loved a couple of people I had long term relationships with over the years, but have become extremely skeptical about anyone being in any degree reciprocal in a love relationship with me. I am very giving and rarely get anything of worth back. I do get fulfillment out of giving but I see it was the one sided thing it is. I am also bipolar, treated with meds, but have to keep my life simple and stress free. Romance is always stressful for me so I no longer bother with it. The one time I found someone as truly interested in me as I was in him was a straight boy who loved to makeout with me, but nothing more, as we worked together. He died a year ago in a snowboard accident. It meant a lot to me to be so equally desired by someone I was crazy about.

 

[Bbucko]

In 32 years I've had seven mutually-loving relationships with every expectation that we'd work through whatever it took to make it happen. One relationship lasted nine years, though it should have ended at four.

At this stage in my life, I cannot imagine what it would take to get me back into even considering a monogamous, committed relationship. This has nothing to do with maturity or lack thereof. It comes from a very adult understanding and expectation of my own limitations and those of the people whom I choose as partners. It's really that simple.