Having Kids

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by twista, Jun 10, 2004.

  1. twista

    twista Member

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    I see that there are a lot of homosexual men who frequent this board. My question:
    Do any of you have or want to have your own, biological, children?
    If so who do want or plan on having them with?
    Do you want children, period?

    Personally I can't wait to get married and have kids. As I reach my mid-20's I realize the day will be around soon. Anyway, what are your views. Discuss.
     
  2. KinkGuy

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    I was married to a woman in my 20's and we made it 3 years. I am sure part of the underlying problem was my "hidden" desire to play with the guys :blink: But, we actually had a really strong sex life, fucking just about every day if not twice a day. But, she was a serious slut (found out later)...she had fucked the piano player for our wedding the night after the rehearsal! SO, to get to the point of your question, (after airing all my dirty laundry, sorry) is that she had an abortion while we were separated waiting for the divorce, without my knowledge. I have grieved over that every day since. I would have been a great (good) (adequate) dad. Not sure what all this means...except that I would have liked to be a dad. :(
     
  3. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    I would make an awful Dad. Pets are easier.
     
  4. mindseye

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    "After years of wedded bliss, my husband and I longed for the pitter-patter of little feet around the house. So we bought a dog, because they're cheaper and you get more feet!"
     
  5. Imported

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  6. jonb

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    Yeah, I wouldn't want to find my dad's pix on the net either. LOL
     
  7. StrokerSolo

    StrokerSolo New Member

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    Once upon a time, my fondest desire was to be half of the pair of the parents whose kids would be the most well-adjusted, balanced and talented kids since Carrot Top.
    But alas, those dreams were shattered like a set of crystal stems in Ella Fitzgerald's room at Shady Pines.

    The first thing I learned was that for as MUCH effort you put in to raise kids the best you know how and the best you want them to be prepared for..... they can't be sheiled 24/7. The only way they can be vital and integral parts of society is the interact. But with that goes tons of foresight and trying to outthink the bad influences that would derail them.
    While I do feel that I have my finger on the pulse of what's pertinent these days.... I'm a bubblehead and think the green stuff in the bag IS oregano.

    Also, as is always the way, the more I learned, the more I realized that there is so much MORE TO learn.

    After that, fuck it! I gave up.
     
  8. madame_zora

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    DMW, hooray to you for knowing yourself! I have several friends (couples) who have elected not to have kids even though they make good money and have a happy homelife. Both couples have taken heavy criticism from their families about being selfish, which I think is absolute rubbish! They are the only two happily marries str8 couples I know, which speaks volumes to me. IMHO, if your removed all the accidental children (unplanned) from str8 couples, I'd be interested in seeing how many would be left. I get irritated with people who get "stuck" being parents because they too irresponsible to buy condoms then later go on the preach the benefits of parenthood- gimme a break.

    I had my daughter because I was already imagining her face before I thought about getting pregnant or even had a husband, and I was eager to meet her. Gee- wonder why my marriage failed? lol

    My daughter is in a same sex relationship atm, although she describes herself as bisexual, and is not sure if she will elect to have children. As much as the thought of being a grandmother appeals to me, I applaud the fact that she is lucid enough to plan her future and not let it just "happen" to her!
     
  9. naughty

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    Hi,

    I hope this does not sound unwomanly, but I never really did play with dolls or imagine myself as someone's mom when I was a kid. I didn't baby sit and though I love children, I send most of those in diapers back to their parents when they start doing that "I have a load" waddle across the floor.I have the deepest admiration for my parents, who I think were fabulous. I do not know how any parent has the energy to do it, but my hat is off to them.My caretaking has been on the opposite end of the spectrum, Seniors. The work that senior caretaking has entailed has really made me question the idea of children.

    Naughty
     
  10. prepstudinsc

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    Naughty,
    Elder care is the area that scares me more than the kids do. Nursing homes give me the chills. I don't know why, but they do. Maybe it's because my great grandmother was in one due to Alzheimer's and I had to go visit her when I was little, and it's some deap seated fear that I haven't dealt with. I applaud you for your work with your mother because I don't know that I could do any kind of senior care. The people I take care of, well, it's a one time experience.

    As for children, I love them and hope to have one or two someday. I am an only child, and love being an only child, but I don't know that I would want it for eveybody. Not everyone is cut out to be an only child and not everyone is cut out to be a parent. There are just so many variables... I don't think you can really make a final decision until you are in a relationship and the other person also has a say.
     
  11. KinkGuy

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    No shit. Two cats and a dog are a lot more affectionate...and easier to feed! :lol:
     
  12. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    My pythons aren't exactly affectionate, but they only eat and defecate once a month. Low maintenance!
     
  13. Imported

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    BRMSTN69: I don't know why DMW my boa is very affectionate every time I pick him up he gives me a nice big hug!!!! And I once cared for a 23' python for a neighbor while he recovered from a heartattack and she would kiss me when ever she saw me.
     
  14. Steve26

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    This is a really interesting thread. My wife and I are 30, which is that magic age when it seems that virtually ALL married people are expecting. We're oddly ambivalent about kids, but if we do take the plunge I'd say it's at least 5 years away. We aren't interested in hopping onto what we call "the fast track to middle age" (30ish people who are in a huge rush to buy a house in the suburbs, have kids, etc.) I feel like I have the rest of my life to be a parent, a homeowner, etc.; why not savor this stage of life before hurrying on to the next?

    My parents, who were married six years before I was born, describe those young, childless years as a wonderful time of their lives (although they're now as family-oriented as anyone you'll ever meet). I think there's a lot to be said for this approach; we've only been married about 20 months and at this point we really value our independence and our ability to spend time together, just the two of us.

    Another part of it for us is that a lot of the activities that really bring us joy (hiking, skiing, camping, traveling, theatre) are somewhat incompatible with young children. It's surprising to me how few parents-to-be seem to fully grasp that a baby changes your life, and your lifestyle, in some pretty major ways.

    Steve
     
  15. KinkGuy

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    "oddly ambivalent"...no, you are honest with yourselves. more power to you! and anyway, GHWBush hasn't passed a law YET requiring you to reproduce.
     
  16. naughty

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    Hi,

    I want to modify my comments about childrearing. I guess I always assumed that the husband, kids, house, etc. would just happen as a natural course of living, so I didn't reflect much upon it. It has just been that during the time when I might have been taking that course of action, I have had serial bouts of elder and terminal caretaking. The cycle began with my father's terminal illness, then my 93 year old aunt who for 10 years had dementia before she passed and finally my mom who has had multiple serious chronic illnesses the entire time. It has been such a drain that at this point the idea of taking care of a small defenseless person does not necessarily appeal greatly to me. Though I continually find myself being the "Anne Landers" to a number of some what needy friends. I guess I am already doing alternative forms of childrearing with the "adult children" that continually come across my path.

    Naughty
     
  17. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Naughty, you'd be surprised how much you can 'take on' and still succeed.

    You've amply demonstrated through your caregiving that you are a giving, sharing person, just what children need. I strongly believe that were you to have the opportunity to relive these past few years with the added blessing of your own children to raise, you'd do very well.

    Stretched to our limits, we find that our limits are raised. In other words, the more we have to do, the more we get done.
     
  18. Imported

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  19. tracksuitboy

    tracksuitboy New Member

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    Christ-all-fuckin'-mighty - the very thought of that would give me a heart attack!
     
  20. tracksuitboy

    tracksuitboy New Member

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    As a gay man I wonder if I have "missed out" by not having children. 1% of me wonders if I would have done a good job and misses the opportunity but then the other 99% recoils in horror at the thought of raising kids. I think there are so many factors which come in to play when it comes to the success or failure of child-raising; finances, environment, their peers and so on and so forth. I raise my glass to those who have done it successfully!

    Knowing Naughty a little, I can tell she would have done a good job. And Pecks and Tender did/are doing a fine job too. There are - sadly - too many people in the world who just screw it up; they get pregnant far too young and can't look after themselves, let alone anyone else. Personally I think people should be banned from having children until they are 25, settled and are capable of bringing children into this grotty, dangerous world. Where I used to work (on the outskirts of London) there was a giantic council estate - concrete tower blocks and so on - and I usually had to pop down to the local shops on a daily basis and the poeple I came into contact with, frankly, disgusted me. They were unkempt, some even smelled and most of the young girls (16 - 20) could be seen with their toddler children; these people were, frankly, a waste of space and should have been steralised. The slightly older children were a nightmare: bad language, no idea how to behave in public (the sort of kids you wouldn't want your children to hang around with). I don't think people realise the full consequences of raising children not only in financial terms but in the sense of the amount of committment you have to make to a child. Of course, there is no way you could ban people from having children but I do think we need to educate our young people more to realise the committment they are taking on.
     
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