Having major trouble 'finishing'

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by poppyseed, Dec 17, 2011.

  1. poppyseed

    poppyseed New Member

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    I'm a 21 year old guy, I've been coming here since I was like 16 but have really never posted, just read stuff. Well here's my problem, I know a lot of guys have trouble with premature ejaculation but I'm having trouble actually finishing at all. I've only ever been with dudes and not one of them has ever been able to get me off, ever. Ive topped (never bottomed), gotten head and been jacked off but I still end up having to finish myself cause I just can't get off when guys do stuff to me. I've wondered if maybe I'm just trying to hard or something, or if maybe I should try a girl and see if I might actually like a girl better and could get off easier that way. Any advice?
     
  2. Stephenmass

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    If i get too uptight or whatever i may have trouble but once you feel totally comfortable with whoever u r with, u may find the fountain will open up for u. Calm down and dont let that thought of not cumming get into ur head; in other words dont let urself worry about the ending before u start, just go with the moment and dont worry about the end.
     
    #2 Stephenmass, Dec 17, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 17, 2011
  3. dragonmeister

    dragonmeister New Member

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    I have this problem too.
    Some of my friends told me that getting hard is a physiological thing, but the orgasm itself is very much psychological...
    I think Stephenmass is right, it's all about feeling totally comfortable with who you're with.

    I've also had the same thoughts about whether or not I should try a girl. If you want to, I'd say go for it. However, whether it's a guy or a girl, my advice is to make sure that you spend enough time with them, getting to know them, to know that you will feel comfortable - and I mean you know that you will feel comfortable - opening every aspect of yourself to the other person.
     
  4. D_Judith K Rantz

    D_Judith K Rantz New Member

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    I think the fact that you have only been with guys and none of them ever been able to get you off in any way says a lot. You could unknowingly be bisexual or straight. Like someone else said, actual orgasming is more psychological than anything else. If you're not stimulated by the other person and comfortable, it's pretty hard to get off (even if you are thinking of someone else in your head while with that person).
     
  5. HERCSURF

    HERCSURF New Member

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    If you are able to get off when you are masturbating its all in your head bro. youre just nervous or thinking about it too much. If you are getting hard, and you are turned on by the guy then its in your brain and you need to relax a little. But not everyone cums easily with another person..including girls.
     
  6. crescendo69

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    Usually it took an older guy to get me off; young ones didn't have the patience or know-how. The ones that succeeded usually watched my hand motions while masturbating and imitated those with their hands or mouth. Unfortunately, their asses weren't so skilled.:tongue:
     
  7. travis1985

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    I don't cum easily, either. I agree with everyone who has said not to worry about it. Enjoy being the guy who can fuck forever and be glad you're not one of the ones who pops in two minutes.

    If you jack off a lot, you might be used to the way you do it. An ass or a vagina is not a hand.
     
  8. open501s

    open501s Member

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    I use to have this problem too. I called it "cum shy"; kind of like "pee shy".

    It took a few partners but one day I just "grew out of it".
     
  9. twiz

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    This.

    I had the same problem with finishing myself. When school got too heavy, I had less time to jack-off and then it got easier to finish when having intercourse.
     
  10. D_22

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    It's not uncommon. You have delayed ejaculation, which is also "my problem." I don't stress about it too much, I actually never been bothered by it until my friends pointed out to me it wasn't "normal" and I started to realize more and more of my partners got annoyed when I didn't cum. I usually have to jack off to do so. It's rare for me to cum without me jacking off with someone and usually it's girls that eventually get me to cum at those very rare moments.
     
  11. _Jonesy

    _Jonesy Member

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    My problem too - been with about 6 different girls now and I've had problems with delayed ejaculation with all of them. Only 2 of them I have managed to finish normally with, and those 2 girls I was seeing for a prolonged period of time. With those 2 I always had the problem until I felt comfortable with them, and even then about 60% of the time I would still need to finish myself but I think it is down to 2 things you may relate to:

    The first is that I am a pleaser. I probably worry too much about whether I am pleasing the girl or not to look after myself.

    The second is that I to probably have sex/masturbate too much :p
     
  12. B_liono

    B_liono New Member

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    The first time I got oral from my ex-girlfriend I never came, well to be honest I never came orally with her, she just wasn't so good at it, not that it was bad, just wasn't good. And the first time we had sex I didn't come. Thought there may be something wrong with me, but chalked it up to nerves. I came the seoncd time we did it, then when we tried it without a condom that really made a world of difference in sensation, but that aside, sometimes I never did orgasm when we had sex, those were the times when I was going for round two and to put it plain my cock was just worn out and hadn't had enough time to rest in those moments (she was the kind of girl who'd be ready for round two about two minutes after round one just ended).

    In any case don't worry, nerves happen, take up your own agressive passion, be dominate and don't hold back, and set it up to be passionate and you will probably finish wildly, takes some work to get over nerves sometimes.
     
  13. jonni86

    jonni86 New Member

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    I've had this problem too. It's not all bad because you can bang all night and get the guy/girl to cum a few times before bed. At the same time, if he's expecting it, and you're gun shy, it can get pretty embarrassing.

    I imagine that the guy Im with is a long-time friend and we've screwed around tons of times. That usually does the trick.
     
  14. rtg

    rtg
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    I'm sure you are aware that girls have this problem too! And it sucks just as much for us as it does for guys....I hate not being able to 'finish'. Very few guys have succeeded in this...but I think for me it's all emotional. If I'm 'making love' I have no problem...but if it's just a random fuck or whatever...well obviously that's when the problems roll in.
     
  15. poppyseed

    poppyseed New Member

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    Thanks everybody for the advice. I do fine by myself and can get off to either straight or gay porn fairly equally. So Im for sure going to try sex with a girl as soon as I find someone willing haha. I do think its probably just in my head that I cant get off but its still very frustrating to get beyond that mental block. Which is weird cause Im not really known for being mentally strong but I do appreciate everyones advice! Thanks!
     
  16. sexplease

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    try a girl. try being totally submissive too. try other music. try it in a barn. try it with a blind fold. try it on a deserted beach. just keep trying it.
    date. and build anticipation.
     
  17. Flapperjack

    Flapperjack New Member

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    I've had trouble finishing with almost everyone I've been with, usually ended up having to just finish myself off, but recently I've noticed that if it's someone I'm not really into and hooking up just to get off I'm finishing kinda quickly for me but if it's someone I'm into it's taking me a while still. That's what's become confusing for me.
     
  18. DQSundae

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    It's a common problem guy. You have to get it out of your head when you're in the act. You have probably conditioned yourself to the stimulation of your own hand. Try less masturbation or get a fleshlight and fuck it till you cum, don't use your hands just thrust into, you work out the mechanics of it. Also your partner won't know what gets you off unless you tell them.
     
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