Having The Open Relationship Convo With Your Partner?

Riguyz

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How did it start for you guys? Who actually bring up the subject and how did the conversation goes? Curious how everyone experience is with having the open relationship talk with your partner
 
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swingfun

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We are a swinger lifestyle couple which i guess counts as an open relationship. The way it started with us was some pillow talk one night. I said nothing more and then the next week my wife asked if i would really be into the lifestyle. I said yes but only if you are. Again nothing more said.
Fast forward two weeks and my wife had placed an ad(unknown to me..lol) and called me at work to come straight home we have a date tonight. Intrigued i get home and she fills me in. She shows me an ad for a couple she had contacted and they wanted to meet us.
We meet them at a local restaurant and we all hit it off fabulously. They invite us back to their house. To get comfortable we all had a few drinks and played some card games. While playing and drinking everyone talked about likes and dislikes,boundries and things. After a bit the wife of the couple came over to me and started making out. The husband soon followed to my wife. A great time was had by all. They invired us to stay the night as it was about 2 am. But we declined. On the drive home the wife said she enjoyed herself did I. Isaid that i had. She said good we have been invited to a house party for next weekend. That was 10 years ago and everything has been great sine.
Long yes but thats how it went.
 

cedarizzo

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He moved to a new place a few hours away from me. Not that far away, but it meant we could only get together on weekends. We had "joked around" a few times about trying a 3way, but we never did. One night, we were both tipsy when we left the bar. We agreed to meet at the adult bookstore to look for a movie. While we were there, we went to the counter and got tokens for the back booth area. We were disappointed that it was dead back there. We stood watching porn when a guy finally came back there. He went into the 1 booth that has a glory hole, so we went into the other side. He had a nice dick, about 8", maybe a little more. My boyfriend and I took turns sucking it when we both tried to suck it together. It was pretty hot. After we left, he went to his house and I went to my house. The next day the only thing we said anything about it was that we both had fun.

One night a few months later we were talking and at the time I was pretty sure he had been playing around. I mentioned to him that I know we don't live together and I know that sometimes things happen. I told him I would much rather him be honest with me than for him to lie to me. He denied anything had happened, but later on he admitted that sometimes things happen. So we sat down and talked about what rules we thought we needed to have. We worked very hard to keep everything very civil. No tempers. No accusations. We just agreed to work on our future.

Some of the rules we decided upon:
  • Always be honest. We agreed that we didn't have to tell each other everything that happens, but if asked, we needed to tell the truth.
  • Keep it discreet. He knows a lot of people where I live and I know a lot of people where he lives.
  • Do NOT get attached to the other person or don't let the other person get attached. Fuck buddies are okay, but they stay fuck buddies, nothing more.
  • Each other always come first in our relationship.
  • Our bedrooms/beds were off limits. I know he has used the extra bed in the spare bedroom. I have a glory hole. But our beds are just for us.
  • And if there is ever ANY questions, concerns, jealousy, hurt feelings or ANYTHING AT ALL communicate with each other. This was a tough one for us. But we've really worked on this and we communicate much better with each other.
 

swingfun

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Agree with the above. Always communicate with each other and always set a few ground rules. Saves feelings later on.
 
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I've never been interested in open relationships. Years back I was flirting with a guy who had a partner who told me they were in an open relationship. He was extremely attractive and hitting on me big time. I went to his place a few days later and we had some drinks, chatted, then got in bed. It was good and I found him incredibly attractive.

A few days later I went back over but this time his partner was there. I met the guy, he told me "John" (not real name) would be out in a minute as he was showering. He didn't seem bothered by my presence but it felt a little weird. John and I did eventually get down to business and I couldn't shake the weirdness that his partner of several years was outside in the living room on his laptop as I learned he didn't join in with anyone. The pair more or less seemed to have an arrangement where one person could sleep with whoever and the other didn't have much interest in it. I didn't even finish and I left a short time after, just told him it wasn't my thing.

My current boyfriend and I are on the same page with it which is good. He broke up with a guy last year after three years because the other guy wanted to have an open relationship and my boyfriend thought about it but wasn't interested. Eventually they parted ways.

Despite how it sounds I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as both parties are interested with rules and communication. Every situation is different and what works for some may not work for others.
 

Sagittarius84

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The convo is the easy part...Honestly its one of those things I recommend couples do before they've reached long term status. What's hard is enacting whatever it is you see an open relationship being in lieu of how you feel towards one another.
As a rule of thumb, at least for hetero couples, i think it's safer if she brings up the subject..for non hetero, i guess whomever would qualify as the most insecure about the relationship should the the ideal party to bring it up to prevent future insecurities. Thats how it went in my particular relationship. I knew i would've liked to and could handle multiple sexual partners beyond my main, but i also knew just how jealous of a person my gf was so it wasnt until she brought up the idea of a threesome/throuple that I even broached the subject. I told her straight up I was ok with her seeking alternate sexual sources as long as they were women(even if i couldn't mingle with them as well), and that I was willing to have her be the link between I and any women I might engage with.. Drunkenly I think the idea appealed to her, when we revisited the idea sober, I quickly realized any possibility of an open relationship was dashed and that only the narrowest possibility of a threesome would be on the table, not that im even holding my breath for that one.

So the only "openness" in our marriage now is her eternal "hall pass" to hook up with women. I could probably push to be a part of it, and she'd probably be game if I caught her in the right mood, but she would also most assuredly be ready to vaporize a bitch that dared offered me physical pleasure even if she got off to it/with it moments earlier, and id be dealing with a ×100 multiplier to the insecurity and fears of infidelity I already endure.
 

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When I was younger I was adamantly against open relationships. Over time my viewpoint changed. My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married for 6. We didn't move in together until we had been together for 2 years. We saw each other as much as possible, but it wasn't the same. An open relationship seemed like a good option. Do what you need to, be safe, and don't get your emotions tangled up in it. The only thing I asked was to know that it happened, or was happening to avoid any embarrassing situations, but I didn't want to know the details. It wasn't always easy, and there were misunderstandings and fights along the way. We've made it work. At first, I would leave the house, but after one time too many of being asked to leave the house without much notice I said enough of that. The comfort of his fuck buddy in my own house is not my problem. I'll go into the office or bedroom and do something else, but I will not leave the house for it. We do not take out play partners into our own bed. The guest room is fair game, but our bed is absolutely off-limits.

I mentioned before about being told it was happening to avoid embarrassing situations. The first thing most of us do when we get up is to look at our phones. He had someone over early one morning. I normally get up at 5:30, so I checked my phone, didn't see anything, then went to the bathroom and walked out to the kitchen to get coffee. I walked in on him getting plowed in the living room. I just stood there and laughed, then turned around the went back to bed. The other guy left and my husband was really embarrassed. I reminded him that if he had left me a text, I would have seen it and stayed in bed another 30 minutes or so.

You can make it work, but it requires clear communication and 100% honesty with each other. You also have to be honest with yourself. If something makes you uncomfortable speak up about it right then and there. If you let it ride, your silence becomes unspoken consent and it will happen again. Make a list if you have to and clearly define what is acceptable. Is bareback off-limits, but swallowing acceptable? Maybe neither is acceptable to you. I know some couples where only oral is ok, and others that have no limits at all. You won't know until you talk about it. What if one partner wants to explore some bisexual curiosity. Would you be ok with that? Never presume you are both on the same page until you talk about it. Miscommunication leads to misunderstandings. That leads to resentment and anger which will quickly ruin a relationship.