Not an easy situation at all.
I think it's time to get real with safepuppy, and have an open and honest discussion with him. He doesn't seem to be showing a great deal of maturity and desire to better himself. - this is probably due to his parents spoiling him and fulfilling his needs/desires. He's not that much younger than you, yet it seems like there are 2 kids in the home.
Let him know you're unhappy and the reasons, and that something needs to change.
This is 100% true. His mother even apologized to me for it.
Your attachment to Internet strangers is disturbing. How can you assume you would develop a rapport someone without eye contact or hearing their inflection when speaking. While they are part of the problem, so are you and you need to hear it directly instead of coddling in this thread
I don't really have an "attachment" to "internet strangers" as you put it. I have lots of real life friends, a handful of which I have known for 10+ years. I have also gotten some advice from them in regards to this. I've had boyfriends that I met outside the internet. I'm also still friends with them. I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting people online. Especially seeing as how I wasn't even trying.
Flightrisk is a fantasy, the guy who says the right things and makes you feel good. It's escapism like many fantasies, which can be fun as long as you know it is not real. Many people have online friendships but it is clearly an online discussion not more. You should also understand men- if they actually want something, they will do what they could to bring it to fruition. Your role with flightrisk is stroking his ego
Truth.
Poor safepuppy, even his name is condescending. First of all, what are you thinking to invite a stranger into your home with your child? Seriously, tough love here- what the fuck is wrong with you to invite a STRANGER into your home with your MINOR CHILD. From my first comment about it being disturbing that you develop attachments to Internet strangers- you are clearly a lonely person and I feel bad for your but to put your child at risk that way is terrible.
I didn't intend for SafePuppy's name to be condescending, it's just how I see him. I don't think it's wrong to be safe nor do I think it's wrong to be sweet, loyal, and innocent like a puppy. I should have re-worded, I suppose, the situation about SafePuppy visiting me. He stayed in a hotel for... lemme think... I think it was the first 3 times that he came to visit. Which was every 2-3 months. He didn't STAY with me, but he did come up here to BE with me. Meet me, etcetera. He did meet my son during that first visit but I never let him stay the night. I am not a bad mother nor do I have an attachment to internet strangers.
Your safepuppy does not sound like he has Aspbergers at all. For someone to move their entire life easily means he probably was not leaving much. So what if he has family, he is obviously not moved to try at the moment. He is also probably depressed about uprooting his life at that age to live with a single mother(no offense here I know a lot of single mothers but it takes an amazing man, not a boy to be ready for that) to a city where he has zero connection besides some minimum wage gig. You are also using him as a vessel for your co dependency which is not fair to him either
Really? He sounds exactly like someone with Aspberger's to me. I've had a couple friends with Asberger's and they have certain personality traits that are strikingly similar. Hell, it was one of them that actually came to me and brought it up. Lol. I've worried about him being upset that he moved, I know he misses his friends but we can't really afford for him to go back and visit. (He's gone back twice since he moved here, but it's been a while now.) I outright asked him a few weeks ago if he'd move back if given the opportunity, and his response was a resounding "no". He basically said, I miss my friends and family but fuck Texas. He does want to go visit again, however. I'm also sure that his inability to find work is affecting his mood, and probably his motivation.
My assessment- end things with safepuppy, stop corresponding with flightrisk, go to therapy because everyone needs therapy, work on your attachment issues, stop exposing your child to adults unless they will be a long term part of your life, when you are comfortable with yourself look in your area for someone
I'm pretty sure, given this weekends events, that FlightRisk and I are no longer corresponding. That ship has sailed. Or well... that ship is at least drifting away from the dock. I'm not 100% sure if it's gone yet. SafePuppy and I have been together for 2.5 years, that's pretty long term. He was introduced to my son as a friend, and there was no kissing, hand-holding, etcetera going on in front of him at first. I've tried to learn from the mistakes my mother has made. Also, SafePuppy and I were together for a solid year before he moved in, and I always discuss these things with my son to find out how he's feeling about a situation, which is again something I learned from my mothers mistakes. She even got married a time or two without asking how I felt about it! Not cool. (She was lucky that I didn't mind, but it still would have been nice to ask me.)
There are many healthy ways of meeting people online. Have a chat, test the waters, speak on the phone, meet. If correspondence drags on, that is when the expectations develop and that common form of modern networking goes from healthy to unhealthy
This is basically what happened between SafePuppy and I. We met, corresponded, spoke on the phone, even did video chatting via Skype. That, of course, is NOT what happened with FlightRisk. We haven't met. That's partially because our contact was so off and on. I feel confident that if we had been in contact the entirety of the last five years that we would have met by now.