This thread has gotten a bit out of hand, it's sort of a reason why I don't post much here anymore. Lol. Not sure what it is about me, but people don't like to hear what I have to say.
Such is life.
Such is life.
I did come here asking for help and I do appreciate the opinions. People have said things that have allowed me to view things from a different perspective and I've been kinda brought out of my funk already about this rut that the BF and I have been in. Already, in the past 12-ish hours, I've been more myself around him. I think the talk we had made a big difference.
I don't have any issue admitting that I'm wrong, nor do I have a problem viewing things from another persons perspective. I enjoy it, actually, I think it makes me a better person. However, if something just feels wrong to me, or largely incorrect, or not cohesive with the situation or emotions involved, then I will disregard it.
I actually spoke with the BF about this just now. He doesn't think that it's a big deal because none of the information given tells you who he is. That's sorta how I feel about it too.
This thread has gotten a bit out of hand, it's sort of a reason why I don't post much here anymore. Lol. Not sure what it is about me, but people don't like to hear what I have to say.
Such is life.
since SP isn't commenting... here is how his life looks from the outside.
i left my entire life behind to be with this woman i loved. things didn't turn out like i though they would. we're live in a small, hot box apartment with my lady, her kid and her father. i can't find a job. i look, and i've applied.. i admit to feeling defeated.
money wise, things are bad. i don't have unemployment anymore. she's paying my bills. i know she resents me, i feel like a burden. i feel like i am letting her down.
her kid, i don't know. i love the little dude, i really dude. but i feel like i might be pushing too hard. my girlfriend wishes we had a stronger father/son type relationship... i just don't know how to do it.
and for the last year or so* this women, the one i moved for, has been giving more of her attention, time, emotions to random dudes on the intorwebz.
i love her. i don't want to lose her. i'm just lost.
Opinions without personal attacks? I don't think that's too much to ask.
Have you ever heard Dan Savage talk about the price of admission?
The Price of Admission. - YouTube
Some of the things that you talked about might never change and they might be things that you need to accept and learn to work around. Things like having to ask him to clean the house might be one of those things. You can work around the issue by agreeing that he follows the Flylady cleaning plan, or by making a weekly cleaning schedule once that he can follow every week. This is just an example. I'm sure that you have personal weaknesses that he needs to accept. Everybody does. Everyone has pet peeves about their partner.
Regarding your personal weaknesses, I think that's where you are feeling at least some of the pushback. People see you list the flaws of your mate, but you haven't taken responsibility for things like what you've done here possibly hurting your partner or embarrassing him with this thread by airing your complaints about him when he hasn't had the opportunity to do the same about you. Now I read between the lines and I didn't think that you sound like you don't love him. If I listed all the complaints I have about TheBF, I'm sure he wouldn't sound golden either, but I wouldn't do that because I know that I wouldn't stand up to the same scrutiny. We're all imperfect and one courtesy that our loved ones do for us is that they don't make a point of airing them.
The problem is that you wanted to give us a clear picture of the whole problem so that we would know what it is. I get that in order to do that it is necessary to talk about your issues with him, which is where I suppose it becomes a bit of a catch-22. People will dislike you for telling us what you want advice about because the process of telling us the problem means doing something that people will dislike you for.
How does he feel about you talking about him here?
Outside of the Hitler thing, I didn't see much in the way of any personal attacks. Doesn't even seem to be much variation in the actual advice given of what people think you should do.
Intoxicating Toxin....
Oh boy....I know all too well how decisions that you thought were good ones at the time end up being more drama and/or misery than you Ever thought would happen.
*snip*
That's what I would advise, anyway.
You need to take care of You...because No One Else Is Going To Do That For You.
edit: Forgot to mention I love your sig. quotes.
A favorite of mine:
"If you're going through Hell, keep going"
Winston Churchill
I read this whole thread and the interesting comments being made. Then I got to this comment.
You're discussing your relationship here and then going back to your BF with what is being said by others. Is that the case? If so this thread has just became a shallow game of emotional BS.
I am totally understanding of the idea that there are certain things I just need to live with, and the idea of creating a calendar of chores is something I could do. I'd only have to create it once every so often (week? month? permanent situation?) so I wouldn't feel so naggy. I know for a fact that I have personal weaknesses that he has had to accept, that's one of the reasons I stated that he's as supportive and understanding as he is - he's been able to truly accept certain things about me that other people have SAID they could accept, but couldn't when it came down to it.
I asked him how he felt about me talking about him here, this was the conversation:
Me: How do you feel about me using LPSG, or the internet in general but I say LPSG because it's really the only place I use, to discuss our relationship and relationship problems?
Him: Doesn't bother me.
Me: Lol. That's your response?
Him: *shrug*
Me: So you don't mind me talking to perfect strangers about our relationship problems or even my problems in the relationship?
Him: No. You posted my junk on the site. I don't know how the relationship stuff is any worse.
Me: Okay. Can you at least say out loud to me right now that you gave me permission to post your junk on the site so they don't attack me again?
Him: Yes, I gave you permission. *laughs* They attacked you?
Me: Well. Maybe not attacked. But they think I'm being too forthcoming about personal details.
Him: Oh.
/end conversation
I don't think that is an entirely accurate representation of your posts in this thread tbh.
Clarification please? Our relationship problems and my problems within the relationship are exactly what this entire thread was about.
Ok - I think the version of the conversation you posted (assuming there wasn't more to it) severely dumbs down how harsh you have been towards him.