He is not ready for me..is it another not a happy end for me??!.. Need your help guys

nabludatelj

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Hello guys,

Have not been on this forum for a while now, but got stuck in one situation and just really need a good advice.
I am angay guy who is not fully out for the whole public, but some of my close friends know. Been interested and meeting guys for quite a while now, but all those meets where just to have sexual fun, because I never ever could imagine myself being with a guy in relationship until I met a guy who changed my mind. This happened 1 year ago, after 5 years of pure fun. Fortunately/ unfortuntely this guys screwed me over, that hurt me quite a bit, but gave me a motivation to do something with myself, improve myself. After this situation, I started going to the gym, look properly after myself and look for a new guy who I can have some relationship with.
A few months ago, I met a guy who I used to chat a long time ago on Grindr, but for some reasons he blocked me (ahha). So I met him and I realised that he liked me how I look, so txted him and we agreed to meet up for a coffee and started chatting again. It has been going on for a month time, we have been chatting and had a few dates. On the third date we went to have a meal out and a few drinks, after that we got a bit tipsy and decided to go gay bars, that was my big big mistake ;) In front of me, he kissed two other guys (and has not kissed me). when we talked his explanation was - we are not in relationships or commited so there is nothing wrong about it. I could and did justify this action of him, that he was really drunk and did not know what he was been doing and kinda let this go, but he did not. He stopped texting me and we never went on a date again and just before I turned 26, 30 mins before my Birthday I have got the first bday gift from him - it was this message:

"Hey sorry I haven't replied until now. Just been thinking over things....I think you're a really nice guy I just don't think I see it going much further for me. There hasn't been any sort of spark for me which is really important and I still feel guilty about things from the other weekend. It is a shame but I think it's best to just leave things as they are x"

This message literally made my birthday to be remembered.. hah
I had all sort of problems later, was really down over that, had insomnia, had some sort of depression. I had 3 dates with a guy, who I thought everything finally will be perfect ( I never had more than just 1 date with a guy before this one). And here we go, no spark for him..

One of the things that helped me to go through this is partying. I continued partying as mad, I get quite a bit of attention (sometimes too much) when I am out, so I could stop thinking about him for a bit at least.

I was invited to a house party recently and met one guy there, who I have been introduced before a number of times but he could not remember any of them because he was drunk ha. So he talked to me quite a lot on this party and everybody got drunk and we went to bars and clubs after that. Long story short, he couldnt get into one of the bars and we decided to go my place because we have been kissing already and we knew where all this going to. He stayed at mine for a night. After we woke up, we started talking and watching movies. He is just out of his first 2 year relationship (i think it has been a month now) and he said to me on that Sunday - I am not looking for relationship at this moment. That is a shame, because it is exacrlt what I AM LOOKING FOR - RELATIONSHIP. He stayed another night at mine and we went to work on Monday, he wore my jumper that day. We started texting each other quite a bit during the next week and agreed that he will come over again on the next Sunday night. He came we had a good evening, he stayed in at mine again and then was Monday. He txted me during work time what my plans on Monday eve I said nothing and what about him? he replied that his plan is staying at mine. I said of course. I really like him, really like spending time with him, cuddle and all these things. I feel so cosy and comfortable with this guy. So by this moment we have spent 4 nights together, I have not done this with anyone before. During last night, I have realised that he doesnt really cuddle me, usually we sleep huggin each other but that night he was on his side and I was on mine, felt a bit weird. Me and him knew that he wont be staying again next night and all day yesterday i was feeling bad myself because of it. I really like him staying over, it gives me some sort of feeling that I m loved, not alone, person likes me and we have a good time.

And out of the blue i got this message from him last night:

"On a serious note: I'm quite down today about matt. I'm still really not over him. I don't want you to get the wrong impression and think I'm going into a relationship or something because I'm really not ready for anything like that yet and I wouldn't want either of us to get hurt. I think you're a great guy but please don't expect anything of me seriously atm. I hope that's fair enough? X"

He woke up during the night next to me and though that it is his ex.
That messaged just crushed me and my world last night. I could not feel any worse.. :( In the next txt he said he doesnt want to stop meeting up or texting, not at all..he just wanted to let me know this..

This is my story...
AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING NOW...

I like this guy, but he is not ready for me yet.. Should I continue meeting him and possibly eventually help him.to forget his ex... or should I just stop all this and just let him go because I need relationship, a real ones, not just something I will have in my head...I feel depressed again that I failed AGAIN...and that there is clearly something wrong with me..
I dont know..I know that I get attached to people really quickly, and it already happened in relation to him...:frown1:

Please help me... what your advices would be?

I really appreciate...

Thanks for reading.

x
 

kurios

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Easy for me to say but
you are focused on getting in to a relationship and you are picking people very quickly that seem to have baggage
You are moving too quickly, from one to another but perhaps you weren't on the same wave length to begin with but you wanted it to be.
Slow down a bit and really check out the next potential relationship before you decide this is the one and then let it take some time to develop
 

Florida Boy

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You said it yourself "he is not ready for you." Nor, are you ready for him. Agreed not to meet for an extended period of time, say a year, and see where you are with each other at that time. It will, in my humble opinion, be best for both of you.
 

Reddhott

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I hear mention of places like grindr which I assume are for pickups? Does it have a section for relationship seeking?

I am not at all an expert, and I hate to suggest, but check out some dating sites. The advantage (if there is any) is that off the bat you can start looking only in the pool of possible dates that are also looking for a match.

And maybe stop sleeping with every guy you are interested in for a while. Weed out the good time Charlies and start finding someone who wants to connect with you.
 

Stephenmass

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At best, he was being honest with you and may like you himself. He still has feelings for his X which he needs to sort out. All that message said to me was don't expect quick relationship because I am still on the rebound and I don't want to hurt you so I'm letting you know up front. I'm enjoying being with you but to give you 100% of me I need more time to let go 100% of my X.

Honest and actually nice. I didn't read he wasn't interested in you. I read because he is just coming out of a fairly lengthy relationship he isn't ready for another just yet. If you don't rush him (which IMO you seem to be doing) he may come around when and if he lets his X out of his head 100%.

Can't fault him here. It was honest.