I am 41 years old. Until 2 months ago, I had never experienced an orgasm. I was a virgin until I was 20. I dated a few more boys until I met my husband and sometimes agreed to sex with them, but it was never enjoyable. It wasn't painful, just not exciting. One of them said I was cold, and I started thinking that there was something wrong with me. I was married at 24, and divorced only a short time ago. I gave birth to 2 children, who were the only real bright spots in my life. I never felt much sexual attraction to my husband. We usually had sex once a week. I told my boyfriend that sex with my husband was about as thrilling as doing the dishes. There was the usual kissing and caressing for a short time before intercourse. His penis was larger than average, but it slipped in easily. He would thrust away for 5 minutes then roll over and go to sleep. Not once in all those years did he put his mouth near my vagina. He wouldn't allow me to put my mouth near his penis because he said it wasn't proper. We lived comfortably and never had to do without. All of us were in good health. We took holidays together, and never had violent arguments. I rarely felt any of the strong sexual urges that my gfs talked about. I guess that all my discussion groups and my arts and crafts were a substitute. Thinking back now, I was probably suffering from major depression but kept myself so busy that I didn't allow myself time to think about it. I first met my now-bf and his wife at a house party about 15 years ago. They were older than anyone else, but seemed really nice. The bulge in his pants was very obvious. My husband said afterwards that it was disgusting. I remember feeling shock, but definitely not any sexual attraction. Over the years we would see them about every 6 months or so, and stop and talk for a moment. One day I happened to meet him after my separation. He bought me a coffee, and told me that his wife had been dead for over 3 years. We talked for about 2 hours, and agreed to meet again. I felt no sexual attraction to him, but I loved his sense of humour. He had me laughing all the time. So we met regularly for coffee and talked each other's ears off. I had expected that the divorce would be easy seeing that the separation had gone so smoothly. But it was terrible. I came close to a breakdown. My bf spent hours with me every day getting me to talk it out. He held me close and was always trying to get me to smile. We started holding hands when we went for a walk. Then it was arms around each other, then shows and dinners. One night when we were laughing ourselves silly over 2 bottles of wine, he kissed me for the first time, and started with the caresses. I could never remember feeling aroused like that before. But then I would look down at the bulge in his pants or feel it pressing against me, and I would tighten up in fear. I had never focused on penises before, but in the following days, I found myself wondering just how it would make me feel, and how big it actually was. On the first night we undressed, he stood in front of me and let me pull down his briefs. I was still in a terrible emotional state from the divorce, and my nerves were in a very bad way, so when this monster penis flopped out down to his knees, I probably came close to a heart attack. I knew it was going to be huge, but not like this.My pulse was going like a machine gun and I could hardly breathe. I don't think I felt any sexual desire at that moment. It was just a terrible shock . I was scared out of my wits at the way I felt I was losing control. After about an hour of foreplay, I had my very first orgasm. It felt incredible and I couldn't stop crying. We did nothing more that night except cuddle in each other's arms. The next time together, I used my hands and my tongue to bring him to a climax. In the space of a few weeks, I felt that I had made a 180 degree turn. I was happy beyond belief. All those years that I felt I had been sexually dead now seemed like a thing of the past. I think about him all day long and how he makes me feel so warm. When we finally had intercourse, I found out what a couple of my gfs had been raving about. For most of my life, sexual pleasure had been almost non-existent. As I write this, I feel that I've almost gone overboard with sexual thoughts. I guess I'm making up for lost time. If I didn't get so sore and have to take a day or two off, I'm certain that I would want sex several times a day. But of course, my bf, being much older, is only capable of once a day now. And he gets very red and sore too. When one of my gfs asked me what it felt like to have intercourse with something that enormous, I told her, "It's like having a miniature bulldozer in your vagina rearranging your insides". But he's so loving and gentle that I'm even having orgasms while he's inside me. I feel that I'm being stretched almost to the bursting point because it's so thick, but I'm experiencing no sharp pains deep inside. Perhaps this means that I'll gradually be able to take a little more. He never talks about that , but I'm sure it would make him happy. If I was asked to name his 2 best qualities, I would say his sense of humour and his gentleness. It was my bf who suggested the name "sexialexia", and that's how I feel about myself now. He has turned my life around. Alexia