He says he doesn't celebrate Valentines Day

[Average_joe]

Most guys don't like Valentines Day because girls always seem to want something really special/romantic. Just tell him you don't want anything special or grandiose, but want to spend some extra time together on that day. Of course, when a girl says she doesn't want anything special . . . there's probably alarms going off in his head and he'll be racking his brain trying to figure out what you really mean/want.

Yeah, I've never been a big fan of Valentine's day mostly because I don't like being forced into something. I want it to come spontaneously, and from the heart, and it just doesn't feel like that if I do it on Valentine's day (even if I would normally do something for my girlfriend on that particular day).

That being said, one can have a really awesome, low-key event that simply reinforces that you like being with each other. Last Valentine's day that I was able to celebrate with someone, we made some pasta with pesto, put it in tupperware, filled a nalgene full of wop (we had a vat of it in the kitchen from a party a few days before), and headed over to one of the hills in the parkland surrounding the university.

It wasn't too cold, so we were able to lay out on the ground bundled up in our parkas and a few blankets, and we ate pasta and drank alcoholic fruit drink. Then we lay snuggled up and watched the stars for a while, cuddling closer as we got colder. Eventually, when we couldn't take it anymore, we headed back.

The cost? A few dollars. And it was far more real and romantic than going out to a restaurant with a bunch of other couples around us. We spent it alone, out in the beautiful world, and there was absolutely no pressure, no expectations.

(We finished out the evening by doing homework, watching TV with my roommates, and then having sex for a while before going to bed. But that was our normal routine for most nights)

Now, this whole thing took a little bit of urging on her part, as I am not one to spontaneously do things. But it converted me to not minding Valentine's day as much, because it showed me that all the day needs to be is an excuse to do what you should be doing in your relationship already; spending time with each other.

Dunno if it was helpful, but if this kind of event interests you, and you don't mind taking a bit of initiative, you might be able to maneuver him into doing something with you.

 

[MickeyLee]

*blink*

he's keeping the relationship secret from mutual friends?

and he doesn't celebrate valentine's day....

when he says "i don't celebrate valentine's day"

he means "i won't be celebrating valentine's day with you"

:frown:

 

[invisibleman]

This is my first year to have a boyfriend for Valentines Day. I always got one after or broke up with one before Valentines Day. Recently I have a boyfriend and i'm so excited. The other day he says "I dont celebrate Valentines Day just so you know" and I got sad. He hasn't been in a relationship since the 11th grade so even if he has had a gf for Valentines Day he hasn't had one as an adult. What should I say? I cant make him celebrate Valentines Day if he doesn't want to.

For the record....he isnt married, or cheating or......anything

Well, you shouldn't forgo Valentine's Day, Romy. Get some chocolates. Get some nice Valentines. Go out to nice restaurant. With or without BF.

 

[invisibleman]

Exactly! I heard his needs. Begged me for around a year to give him oral sex and finally I did. I said I wanted it to be his birthday present from me cause he was spending his birthday with his family.

Do they have a HALLMARK card for this sort of thing?

 

[dolfette]

valentines day is bullshit!

seriously, you spend one day a year getting excited about decapitated plant heads and children's toys wearing ''i :internal organ: you''.

and what does it mean?

he has every right to refuse to take part in that moronic, shallow, commercialised pap.

want romance? suggest another night for a romantic meal and some hot sex. it'll mean even more if you're doing it because you want to invest that time in each other, rather than just because hallmark told you to.

 

[dolfette]

Technically nobody knows about our relationship. Not even our mutual friends. He wants to keep it a secret for a while so there isnt much we could do.

oh, and if this isn't setting off alarm bells for you then you've got a lot to learn.

 

[hotwetkiss]

valentines day is bullshit!

seriously, you spend one day a year getting excited about decapitated plant heads and children's toys wearing ''i :internal organ: you''.

and what does it mean?

he has every right to refuse to take part in that moronic, shallow, commercialised pap.

want romance? suggest another night for a romantic meal and some hot sex. it'll mean even more if you're doing it because you want to invest that time in each other, rather than just because hallmark told you to.

Couldn't agree more Dolf, total waste of money!

 

[Smooth88]

oh, and if this isn't setting off alarm bells for you then you've got a lot to learn.

^This......

Rommette.... Rommette.... Rommette..... *sigh*

 

[flame boy]

I dont "do" valentines day, I personally find it really fucking annoying with the over sentiment and bullshit. As I see it, I would rather my other half just show me the kind of love and appreciation people expect once a year all year round. I do to him, and he returns this in kind. I'm not talking about flowers, expensive meals or cards every day of the year - I mean more along the lines of being thoughtful, considerate, loving and kind - Not just when a day in February dictates it.

I'm a complete Valentines Day scrooge due to the idea that people should only show someone how much they care once a year.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

She may not expect anything but would she like something? If it makes her sad that you ignore the occasion completely then shame on your ass for not paying that some attention.

In a relationship there are two needs to be fulfilled not just one.

This.

I can't say I'm that big into V-Day myself. I can't recall ever really celebrating as such. But if Romette would like to be made a bit of a fuss of what harm? Like loads of people have said, it doesn't have to be all about expenditure and fawning.

Most of us like to celebrate our birthdays, right? Well, that's just another relatively modern social dictate. It's just another day of the year but society dictates we have to do something to 'celebrate'. Unless the person whose birthday it is says 'I don't want to bother with it' then you ARE damn well expect to at least acknowledge it. An ex of mine 'didn't do' birthdays. If a person posted a thread here saying 'my bf doesn't do birthdays and yet I'd really like it if he did something for mine' would you all be responding saying leave the man be? I'm guessing not.

Valentine's Day and Mother's Day are no different. Yes, they are commercial bs fests to a large degree - but if your mum is expecting a M-Day card, a bunch of flowers and someone else to do the dishes then shouldn't she get it? If Romette fancies having a bit of a fuss made of her on a predesignated date is that such a crime?

 

[dolfette]

Exactly! I heard his needs. Begged me for around a year to give him oral sex and finally I did.

i've got it!!

maybe you just have to beg for 365 valentines days before he hears your needs. seems fair.

 

[Pitbull]

You gave him a free blow job as his Birthday present?

What is the problem?

The absolutely best present ever. :biggrin1:

 

[Pitbull]

valentines day is bullshit!

he has every right to refuse to take part in that moronic, shallow, commercialised pap.

He has every right.
She has some rights too.
And he should realize that there are consequences he may suffer for refusing to take part and "celibrate".

Feb 15 = Rebound Day when women replace the boyfriend who didn't celebrate Valentine's day

Mark your calendar... :wink:

 

[Gillette]

He has every right.
She has some rights too.
And he should realize that there are consequences he may suffer for refusing to take part and "celibrate".

Consequences? Hardly.

It's not the deep friendship guy, it's the fuck buddy who doesn't respect her.

Ok.....so I have a fuck buddy. The rule was that whoever wants sex gets it.:wink: That was until this week. Since I seemed to have wanted sex more than he thought he limited to strictly 3 times a week. That's killing me. have to pick 3 out of 7 days to have sex. The sex is great and I love sucking his dick. (That just started recently :069: )He fucks the shit out of me just how I like it. Here's where I get fustrated. The other 90% of the time we hang out he treats me like shit and it makes me feel bad. :asshole: He's cool and all but at times he's just a straight out ass to me. I don't like it at all. I'm a woman and and I deserve to be treated as such. Then I started thinking that maybe its my fault because I fuck him alot. We've never had a break from this fuck buddy agreement over the past year besides the few times he's "found god" but that didn't last long. When this agreement first started I was welcome over his room anytime. I'd just show up. Then he told me to start letting him know before I come over. I got suspicious so I wanted to fuck him more. I figure that he wouldn't be fucking somebody else if I was fucking him all the time. We both have mutual friends and they don't know about our fuckbuddy agreement and he treats me like shit in front of them. Its like he's a totally different person when we're together and about to have sex. He asks me which way I want to have sex and what I think but in front of our friends he's very rude. Its embarrasing to be treated this way. I feel like he treats me like i'm just pussy to fuck and i'm much more than that. I've made compromises with him. It took him 8 months of persuasion to get me to give him oral sex. We're having unprotected sex most of the time. (He says it feels better without).We've tried anal sex a time or two. I don't like being on top but i've given it a try every blue moon. I keep wondering what more does he want from me? I've given my all and i dont know what to do. As an example today I went over to his room unanounced (which he wasn't too pleased about) and asked him could I play on xbox live. My xbox live subscription recently expired and i wanna buy the 13 month subscription for 41 bucks on amazon rather than to pay 20 dollars for 3 months. With that said it'll probably be another 2 weeks before I buy it. Every once in a while I get that itch to play so I was hoping he wasn't playing when I arrived and he wasn't. He was playing his nintendo D.S. and his t.v. was on mute. I asked him would I play and he said no. I asked him why not (since he wasn't playing on xbox live or using the t.v. I figured he might say he had somewhere to go which is understandable). Nope, he didn't want me to play because I had my own xbox. I had asked to play XBOX LIVE and clearly said so. He knows I don't have xbox live. He then said go ask a friend of his who I shall name James. James is ALWAYS on my fuck buddy's side. I told him that its his xbox and his xbox live subscription so it doesn't matter what James thinks. He instant messages James and James says that he shouldn't let me play because I might give his xbox the RED RING OF DEATH. WTF!!!!! Anybody who has an xbox knows that pressing the buttons on the controller isn't gonna give you the red rings of death. Often times people get it from being on the xbox for several hours at a time and the xbox overheats. He then decides he's going down to James room where I can confront James. He knows James has something against me and that I'm not allowed in his room. When we get there James opens he door and my fuck buddy walks in and i'm left in the hall alone forced to talk to my fuck buddy and James through the door. All the guys in the dorm are looking at me like i'm crazy. I can't make out what they are saying but I hear then laughing at me and at that moment I wanted to almost break down and cry. I went back to my room furious. I'm tired of him treating me like shit. He's nice, kind and polite when he wants to fuck but mean to me at other times. I really don't know what to do. All this emotional abuse is taking its toll on me. Often times I'm so mad i hit him on his arm or something and then he says "what did you do that for?" Why the fuck do you think I did that? Once I didn't speak to him for a week when he hurt my feelings. During the summer when we were fucking he was much different....but still not polite. We never argued or were mean to each other. It was that he just wasn't polite. I would drive 45 minutes to his house and let him fuck me. Sometimes afterward he would go get something to drink. He'd come back with a class full of juice and when I'd ask for some juice he'd say no. He said that after my first visit I was no longer a guest. WTF!!! If I don't live there then i'm a guest. He fucked me so hard my period came on and I'm not worthy of a glass of juice? I want to continue having sex with him but I want him to treat me better when we're not fucking. My question here is what should I do? Do I end the fuck buddy agreement? Hold out till he treats me better? Get mean and nasty with him? It gets to a point when I feel like enough is enough. Well, I know i've written alot but there's so much more that you don't even know. Tell me what you think.

 

[Gillette]

One 13 page thread later and...

Update everyone!

Ok, I didn't talk to him for an entire month. I was playing on xbox live and then he sends me a message online. I open it and he says "its funny how we can play online and not be friends in real life". I replied with 'well, you made it this way". He writes back again and I respond with several messages (xbox live limits how many characters you can use in a message). I hate the chat pad so I can write alot more than he can. He sends me a private chat invite and I accept. He tells me how he felt about the siituation and I tell him how I felt. Push comes to shove and we were cool again after a half hour of talking. He then asks me to come over to his room so we can fuck. I told him how I didn't like the 3 days a week limit on sex. He said he didn't care so I said ok. I go over to his room and we had sex. This was last week. We were having sex every since then.

Yesterday at dinner we were joking and he threw my umbrella. I was just fun and games. I took his coat and ran. (He had an umbrella too but it wasn't raining) I ran maybe 50 feet and stopped. He caught up to me. I had his jacket folded over my arm. He comes up to me. Takes something out of his coat pocket and takes my prescription glasses out of my coat pocket. He always says he's stronger than me but he didn't try to take his coat from me. An hour later I knew he would be in his room. I went over to his room and he didn't answer the door but he was there. I went back over to my room and watched The Vampire Diaries and around 10 p.m. I instant messaged him and told him I was coming over with his coat to get my glasses. I need them for my classes today. He said he wasn't going to give them to me. I told him if he didn't I would get his RA. He then said 'Fuck the RA". I went back over to his room. This time he answered and said go away. He didn't open the door. I said "I have your coat and I need my glasses." He said he would give then to me when he's good and ready. I dont have time for this. I have to drive too. I went and got the RA like I said and all that talk about fuck the RA went out the window. I walked in his room and got my glasses and threw his coat at him. He's yelling at the RA (I'm not sure why) and less than 60 seconds later I'm walking out his room with my glasses in my hand. As I'm leaving he says "Fuck you and your whole family". Was it really that serious?

I see he's gone back to the old disrespectful him. He said he would treat me better. That was my main concern in the first place. He just lost his grandmother around the 25th of September and I could go there and say some hurtful things but I didn't. Here's the fackbook post we had last night:




fuck my family? Really? You sure did stoop low on that one. I could say some hurtful things about your family (or a particular recently deceased grandparent) but I decided to take the higher road and not be as petty as you. Your maturity sure... did fly out the window. Then again, perhaps you should have been raised better.

He knows my family situation so he then replies:
at least i had parents to raise. urs ran out on u and died. but u kno what ur one to talk about immatureness i was clearly goin to return them since the ra asked but it doesnt matter anymore. fuck u and ur life.

I said:

Excuse my but my mom died in her 30's from breast cancer. You have no idea about how my life had been. For months my mother complained to the doctor about tenderness in her breast and he said it was only a vitamin deficiency. After almost a yr he finally decided to finally order a mamogram annd it came back with the bad news. You didn't know me then. I was in the 5th grade then. You have no idea what my family has been through to see my grandfather slowly die in pain and 4 years later see the same thing happen to my mother. They loose their hair, weigh less than 100 pounds at death. You couldn't imagine how I felt overhearing my mother ask the nurse "is there anything you can do to hurry this up? Im tired." I wondered how could someone be in so much pain they want to die. I never want to feel that pain and I don't anyone else to. My grandmother was devistated. My mother was an only child. The only thing my grandmother had to hold on to was me and my brother.

you can't hurt my feelings. I hope your grandmother passed away in the comfort of her sleep. I wouldn't wish what i've been through on my worse enemy. One day your mother will die and you will feel the way I feel. Remember, i'm someone's child too. How would you feel if someone said to your daughter what you've just said to me? Would you like someone to throw in your daughter's face the fact that you died even though you would have gave anything to see her grow up? After all...you always said you don't think you'll live past 50.

As far as my father, he promised my mother on his dying bed he's let my grandmother raise me and my brother and till this day im still with her.

Fuck me and my life? I have been through so many things in my life my heart is as strong and durable as teflon. I must say, I would have never thought you would have so much hate inside of you. Hate (along with anger) is the reason so many black men are in jail today. I'm not saying you'll end up like them but for someone to try to put me down by throwing in my face my life (the way god intended it to be) is just sad. Seems as though I turned out better than you with your parents.

His friend replied:
damn yo...............that was mean as shyt..... *HOW COULD YOU *

I replied:
don't worry. I forgive him.
Romans 12:19---
Don’t seek revenge yourselves, beloved, but give place to God’s wrath. For it is written, “Vengeance belongs to me; I will repay, says the Lord.”

I guess many people haven't seen this side of him

He said:
its funny how a slut starts talking all religious and shit. for all my friends and family who read these messages sorry i just tell it how it is and those who know me know this fact
I replied:
slut? Excuse me but I am no slut. Even if I were as long I repent I would be forgiven. You claim you're so religious without going to church but don't know that? I have never in my life been a slut. Im not sure what has ever given you that impression.

Here we go again, another low blow. Instead of attacking my arguement you try to attack me personally. Perhaps that is because every single thing I said is right. Get over it you lost this one.



Im sorry everyone. I should have just stuck to what I said I was going to do

There's no love here. Celebrating Valentine's day would be a farce.
She should spend February 14th having her head examined.

 

[Pitbull]

Consequences? Hardly.

Having to work for sex when it was so so easy is a serious consequence, my dear.

Sexy women, like yourself, are unable to comprehend this. :wink:
So you get a Pitbull Pass on this one.

But we men know all too well. :frown1:

 

[Gillette]

Having to work for sex when it was so so easy is a serious consequence, my dear.

Sexy women, like yourself, are unable to comprehend this. :wink:
So you get a Pitbull Pass on this one.

But we men know all too well. :frown1:

Are you paying attention?
He's treated her like a doormat for almost two years. Doesn't want anyone knowing about their "relationship" and has proven that he can get into her pants with an insincere, "sorry".

Work for it? She's his light switch. Not much work involved with those.

 

[dolfette]

oh dear...

romm, you're an idiot.
and i mean that in the kindest way.
a man who taunts you over your dead mother isn't the right man for you. not then, not now and not in a hundred years of sorry.
you're a complete pillock when it comes to relationships.

get some bloody therapy.

 

[D_Kaye Throttlebottom]

I went through the same bs years ago... the bottom line is that he's making it a big deal by telling you he's NOT celebrating it and projecting it back at you.

But if your relationship is a secret and he's not celebrating Valentine's day - do you really have a Relationship?

That requires relating to one another, and your needs... sounds like he has a transaction with you, not a relationship.

 

[scottredleter]

Explain to him that Valentines day is not the christian celebration of a saint, but a holiday explicitly designed to let women know how much their boyfriends love them...