He says he doesn't celebrate Valentines Day

Tense0000

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Love sucks because the ones that love more, always get hurt. So I say lets hear it for lust. Leave the heart out of it or be prepared for the emotional mine field. For those who actually found a mutual love relationship...kudos to you. I am not saying love is not a good thing but it needs to be expressed by both parties or else it will not flourish.
Lust is just enjoying each others needs and taking it at face value. Fuck the drama, life is too short. The Eurythmics have a great song called "Love is a Stranger"...the words all make sense........

Love is a stranger in an open car,
Tempts you in and drives you far away,
Its savage and it's cruel
And it shines like destruction
Comes in like the flood
And it seems like religion
It's noble and it's brutal
It distorts and deranges
And it wrenches you up
And you're left like a zombie
It's guilt edged
Glamorous and sleek by design
You know it's jealous by nature
False and unkind
It's hard and restrained
And it's totally cool
It touches and it teases
As you stumble in the debris



 
4

424365

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My husband shows his love for me by scraping the ice off my windshield before he leaves for work, not by buying me things on Valentine's day.
Finally someone who understands. I bow down to you and your wisdom and perception.
 

Principessa

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OMG! I didn't realize we were still talking about that loser who treats the OP like a dirty little secret! :rolleyes::eek::mad:

Rommette, dump his trifling ASS! He is not worthy of you, your time, or your pussy. Trust me, no man at all, is WAY better than a bad man. This is a BAD man. Please, do not waste your 20's on a man like this. You are rationalizing the fact that he doesn't love you and never will. I know because I did the same exact thing with a white boy when I was your age. :frown1:

]*blink* [/B]

he's keeping the relationship secret from mutual friends?

and he doesn't celebrate valentine's day....

when he says "i don't celebrate valentine's day"

he means "i won't be celebrating valentine's day with you"

:frown:
Agreed!
 
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Pitbull

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Are you paying attention?

Yes I am paying attention.

I can offer an opinion.
I can give advice.
But I cannot make up someone's mind for them.

If I were a woman in a similar situation, would this man be my boyfriend?
A resounding "HELL NO!"
(Actually, No fucking way in hell! might be closer to what I would utter)

There is a term used for ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends.
It is "a mistake".
I would bet that if a vote were taken on this guy by those on this thread, "Mistake" would win in a landslide.
Might even be unanimous.

Not being in her shoes - we cannot see what she sees in this "man".
But unfortunately, she cannot see what many of us here can.

Remember though, she is 20 years old.
Does not have the experience that most of us do.
 

Pitbull

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Are you paying attention?

Work for it? She's his light switch. Not much work involved with those.

You misunderstood what I wrote.
I meant when she finally smartens up
he will then have to work for it.

Right now - his penis lives on Easy Street.
I agree.
 

EllieP

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Doesn't celebrate Valentines Day? Bullshit! Time for him to learn a new tradition, Baby! My hubby will not spend a fortune on a big dinner, and he will not lavish me with gifts. But he used to! And I appreciated that then.

I will fix him a fabulous meal, and he will do the dessert. He can make a killer tiramisu, but I know it costs a freakin' fortune with all the crap he buys! But I love it.

Still, the gifts are what we can give each other without going to a store. I always said that if other women knew what he could do with his hands I would have to beef up our security system and never let him out of my sight!!! Seriously, he can give a head to toe massage that make me cry. I try to give him a full body massage to, but he doesn't really care for that. Instead I usually just stay around the equator. I'm just as proud of my efforts, too, you know!

Anyway, Valentines should not be a big out-of-pocket celebration, but a low-key very personal evening of attention is a beautiful way to honor a day of love.
 

FrankCastle

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This is my first year to have a boyfriend for Valentines Day. I always got one after or broke up with one before Valentines Day. Recently I have a boyfriend and i'm so excited. The other day he says "I dont celebrate Valentines Day just so you know" and I got sad. He hasn't been in a relationship since the 11th grade so even if he has had a gf for Valentines Day he hasn't had one as an adult. What should I say? I cant make him celebrate Valentines Day if he doesn't want to.

For the record....he isnt married, or cheating or......anything

Why do you need to celebrate love on a specific day? That takes all the fun out of it. I would much rather surprise my gf—or have her surprise me—on any old day just because we love each other, not because society tells me I need to show my love on a completely arbitrary date.

Having such ridiculous expectations for certain days of the year just prevents your partner from being able to do something special for you "just because."

Now, it may also mean he is just cheap, but if you get to spend more time with him and he shows his affection on other, less mandated dates, then I wouldn't worry about that.
 

FrankCastle

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Doesn't celebrate Valentines Day? Bullshit! Time for him to learn a new tradition, Baby! My hubby will not spend a fortune on a big dinner, and he will not lavish me with gifts. But he used to! And I appreciated that then.

I will fix him a fabulous meal, and he will do the dessert. He can make a killer tiramisu, but I know it costs a freakin' fortune with all the crap he buys! But I love it.

Still, the gifts are what we can give each other without going to a store. I always said that if other women knew what he could do with his hands I would have to beef up our security system and never let him out of my sight!!! Seriously, he can give a head to toe massage that make me cry. I try to give him a full body massage to, but he doesn't really care for that. Instead I usually just stay around the equator. I'm just as proud of my efforts, too, you know!

Anyway, Valentines should not be a big out-of-pocket celebration, but a low-key very personal evening of attention is a beautiful way to honor a day of love.

But why does this have to happen on Valentine's Day? Great times like this could and should happen all the time, whenever the desire to do so springs up.
 

FrankCastle

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Because the expectations are in place for practically the entire month of February for some type of special event to happen: if it doesn't, then someone may be disappointed; if it does, it was expected.

Whereas if the expectations were never in place for this single day to be "special," you may be pleasantly surprised.

Obviously, Valentine's Day doesn't prevent anyone from doing anything for the rest of the year, but it certainly piles on the pressure on a pretty arbitrary date.

If a couple wants to create a ritual for a specific day, then great for them, but I don't see the positive side of a global holiday that expects everyone to be in love and celebrate love at the same time. All it does is provide an excuse for people to overcharge you for roses and candy and make the restaurants more crowded that evening.
 

ManlyBanisters

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Having such ridiculous expectations for certain days of the year just prevents your partner from being able to do something special for you "just because."
How?

Because the expectations are in place for practically the entire month of February for some type of special event to happen: if it doesn't, then someone may be disappointed; if it does, it was expected.

Whereas if the expectations were never in place for this single day to be "special," you may be pleasantly surprised.

Obviously, Valentine's Day doesn't prevent anyone from doing anything for the rest of the year,

You contradict yourself - you phrase your first paragraph as if answering my question, as if giving a reason for why celebrating V-Day prevents spontaneous romance and then you say it doesn't. Pick one.

Why shouldn't Romette have her V-Day treat? Is it really going to kill him to do a nice thing for his (relatively new) girlfriend and pander to her expectations a little?
 
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OMG! I sure as hell hope not all guys are this bitter and ignorant. "women feel entitled"? Gimme a break. I don't know what kind of women you attract but we are not all shallow gold digging whores.

As fas as saying he doesn't celebrate thats a load of crap. Men tend not to be terribly romantic so yes, guys, we do need a day to celebrate the relationship. He could easily write a note or make you dinner or even just desert. It's not all about expensive dinners and bouquets of roses. It totally is a cop out to say he doesn't celebrate especially if he knows you're disappointed by it. If my guy said that crap I'd be looking for a new boyfriend :tongue:


What about the anniversary?
 

helgaleena

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This post has two aims. That is because Rommette bless her heart has given us all an excuse to unload about the manufacutred modern romance holiday of Valentines Day, which for some reason turns the ancient festival of Lupercalia, where sacrifices were thrown to predators only one spot lower down the food chain than our own, and a day where a young man was martyred, into a perverse materialistic consumerist- driven celebration of socially acceptable pair bonding.

But also, it is the post of one young woman who has given a 'second chance' to a young man who has obviously blown it, though for some reason she seems reluctant to recognize this and is only picking up on his refusal to go through the expensive modern ritual.

So-- to Rommette the lovely woman, as Dan says at the Savage Love column, DTMFA (dump the mofo already) and I rescind my previous cajoling to give him a valentine anyway because he upon further evidence has blown it.

To all those sounding off on Lupercalia, when a young man during the early Christian era was martyred for rejecting the advances of another man, because of his preference for a third person, which in some mysterious fashion became conflated with the infant son of Venus flying about with a bow and arrow, it's a long deep and bloody pit of history strewn with hearts.

I don't understand how it came to be, but I do enjoy going at it with a scissors and construction paper and making the lace and the buttocks-shaped red and pink things. And eating and concocting sweets. We are not in grade school any longer and forced to buy boxes of silly paper greetings for everyone in the class, and there are few in this world I sincerely feel warm enough about to exchange cards with. None of the 'boyfriends' in my long enough life ever bought me expensive things or meals on the day itself, including my legally married one. The holiday remains a sugary spot in a very dark and dismal little month.
 

epi_sin

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He's spot on…
If you really need a 'single day' to celebrate the relationship, choose one that has significance to you both rather than one of commercial significance to the Valentine's day industry.

Ensure the guy knows this date too as women are really good at inventing anniversaries for things in their own minds.

If you need a 'single day' to go through the motions & pretend its a healthy relationship — it probably isn't!
 

FrankCastle

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You contradict yourself - you phrase your first paragraph as if answering my question, as if giving a reason for why celebrating V-Day prevents spontaneous romance and then you say it doesn't. Pick one.

Why shouldn't Romette have her V-Day treat? Is it really going to kill him to do a nice thing for his (relatively new) girlfriend and pander to her expectations a little?

No, I did not contradict myself. I said the holiday made it so that one couldn't be surprised in February, then I said that V-day doesn't necessarily prevent one from being spontaneous the rest of the year.

Other holidays do that for other events: Want to let mom know you love her? They have a day for that. Dad? Day for that. All of these "special" days serve to keep you from being able to make a nice gesture on your own and have it mean something because of the expectations raised by them; you're supposed to get people gifts for these days, and that goes against the very idea of a gift.

It absolutely is not too much for Romette's boyfriend to display his adoration for his girlfriend nor for her to have a special day with him. But why does she feel it must be that specific day? She expects it because the culture around us says that day should be special.

Planning special days is fantastic for any couple, and I am of the opinion that you should have far more than the allocated holidays; I am also of the opinion that these days are more special when they are spur of the moment (also meaning "hey, let's plan a day for a couple days/weeks/months from now") decisions, or at least planned around a day special for reasons other than the calendar tells you so.
 

Guy-jin

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One would think that Valentine's Day was invented by Hallmark Cards the way some of you are on a personal crusade against celebrating it.

Psst... it wasn't. It's been around far longer than greeting card companies.

Like it's that hard to throw a couple steaks on the skillet, get a bunch of flowers and dote on your loved one on the 14th of February.

Cupid forbid that you celebrate a holiday dedicated to lovers that's been around since long before greeting card conglomerations existed.

And yes, you're so original by not celebrating it. You rogues! And here I am being forced by the executives at Hallmark to celebrate such a terrible holiday like Valentine's Day. You guys are so free! Free to not celebrate your love for your significant other on the 14th of February! How wonderful for you.
 

EboniGoddess

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Is this the same guy of whom you asked, "When are you going to fuck me?", and who wanted to build a deep friendship with you first?

No....a different guy

You gave him a free blow job as his Birthday present?

My Lord, you sound as cheap as each other!

:biggrin1:

well, he wasn't my boyfriend then so i wasn't going to buy a present

*blink*

he's keeping the relationship secret from mutual friends?

and he doesn't celebrate valentine's day....

when he says "i don't celebrate valentine's day"

he means "i won't be celebrating valentine's day with you"

:frown:
Its better if we ease the relationship thing on our mutual friends rather than deliver the shock.

Explain to him that Valentines day is not the christian celebration of a saint, but a holiday explicitly designed to let women know how much their boyfriends love them...
He has a problem with love....read the bottom
Doesn't celebrate Valentines Day? Bullshit! Time for him to learn a new tradition, Baby! My hubby will not spend a fortune on a big dinner, and he will not lavish me with gifts. But he used to! And I appreciated that then.

I will fix him a fabulous meal, and he will do the dessert. He can make a killer tiramisu, but I know it costs a freakin' fortune with all the crap he buys! But I love it.

Still, the gifts are what we can give each other without going to a store. I always said that if other women knew what he could do with his hands I would have to beef up our security system and never let him out of my sight!!! Seriously, he can give a head to toe massage that make me cry. I try to give him a full body massage to, but he doesn't really care for that. Instead I usually just stay around the equator. I'm just as proud of my efforts, too, you know!

Anyway, Valentines should not be a big out-of-pocket celebration, but a low-key very personal evening of attention is a beautiful way to honor a day of love.
I wasnt asking for much. I'm unemployed myself and yet I would buy him something

Now, the UPDATE:
Yesterday night I asked him why he doesn't celebrate Valentines Day and he said he doesn't because he's had some bad experiences in the past I asked him how so. He said in the past he has bought gifts that they didn't want and one time something that someone was allergic too. So let me get this straight.....you're not even gonna buy me a card because you don't think I would want it? This made me mad. He hasn't been in a relationship since the 11th grade and yet he's not celebrating Valentines Day with me because of something that happened years ago. He said Valentines Day is a day for love and that he is someone who has given up in love for the most part. I then said that Valentines Day is about caring also. I told him that I can't make him do anything that he doesnt want to do but I refuse to say that I understand. He then said "I never ask for you to understand". So, like someone earlier in the thread said I told him I will be getting him a gift anyway....so i'll see what happens then.