He wants a 3-way

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by B_thickjohnny, May 8, 2009.

  1. B_thickjohnny

    B_thickjohnny New Member

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    My BF and I have been together for 3 years. He's 23 I'm 52. A big age difference but it's working. The problem I always thought about was the experience gap. I'm only the second guy he's ever had sex with. At my age, I stopped counting. :)

    This morning he started talking about "adding spice" to our relationship and asked me if I would consider a 3 way. Not to JUMP at the idea I was relaxed about it and said that if he's open to try it, I would be too. I also qualified the whole thing suggesting that HE arrange it. I don't want to advertise or look for a guy because it might appear to be too forward to the BF. If it's him who is interested, let him look for someone to join us.

    Tell me what your thoughts are on this please. Is this a sign of trouble or dissatisfaction or genuine curiosity?

    Thanks for the opinions and advice!!

    J
     
  2. overninept5

    overninept5 New Member

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    THOUGHTS. It can be all three. Troubl, dissatisfaction AND curiosity. But I will say, this can be very good or very bad. You already know that. IMHO, you two need to sit down at a nice quiet time and place, NOT IN BED, and talk openly and honestly about your feelings. You can only speak for yourself. My guess is since you say he is so much younger than yourself and you are his second, he just might want to try new things. The main thing is honesty. Listen to him and how he feels and try to recall you at that age.
    Hope this helps. Good luck there. What ever you two do, play safe.
     
  3. B_TalkingHeads

    B_TalkingHeads New Member

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    Be careful! If you care for each other and love each other, and want to stay together in the long run I would not do this. Everyone I know who has had a 3 way in a gay/all male couple it basically wound up driving them apart rather than bringing them closer, and it eventually broke them up. Also in some cases when men open up their relationship so they just have a 3 way whenever they are together someone winds up getting jealous or hurt or having an open relationship is not enough for them so they cheat and just get with other men anyway without their partner there at all even though that is what they had both agreed upon doing. I agree that you should talk to your partner and have a big discussion and ask him why he wants to do this?
     
  4. ericbythebay

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    As others have mentioned, I'd make sure there are no other underlying issues prompting the three-way request.

    My partner and I have been together for 13 years, we have an open relationship, but we have to get permission before we can play. Usually we have a trick over or another couple.

    Our attitude is that there is more to a relationship than sex and tricks come and go.
     
  5. Wish-4-8

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    The general rule in 3way situations is that it is a bad idea if you are in a commited relationship. You run the risk of introducing an element that opens up fear, doubt, guilt, envy, and jeopordizes trust.

    Some have made it work, a lot more have destroyed a good thing. Straight, gay, or bi, the rules of love and commitment dont change.
     
  6. cocktails69

    cocktails69 New Member

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    Set ground rules first. Agree together before hand how far things will go. Agree with each other that its only sex and neither of you will see the 3rd again. Neither of you should have any emotional feelings for the 3rd or thats asking for trouble. Dont make a habit of it otherwise you may get used to having a 3rd & stop enjoying sex together oh & make sure your a better fuck than the 3rd or he might think he's muissing out & stray.
     
  7. alpinepaul

    alpinepaul New Member

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    talk about your expectations, your limits etc before the date. and talk about your feelings after it (not a second after you shot off, but in the hours after). see it as an experiment, attitude "let happen what happens".

    good luck and have fun.

    we (open relationship) have threesomes from time to time and it works. but we are used to talk about our sex after our years together.
     
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