My first topic. I've posted to a few other threads. This is a very nice place you folks have here. I especially enjoy Madame Zora and Doc Rock's posts -- hers for warmth and compassion, his for wit and humor. Anyway, this is the web I find myself tangled up in: I've been seeing a woman I'll call Ophelia for about a month. I met her through one of those online dating services. I won't say which one, but it's named after a household item you could use to light a stove burner. We met at a local restaurant. The next night she invited me over to her place for dinner and the wine flowed, and one thing led to another... I made the mistake of having what I thought was recreational sex with her, and things have gotten more complicated from there. I took a couple of trips with her while I was between jobs, and it appears that she's gotten a whole lot more serious than I thought she would. I told her last weekend that I couldn't see her any more, and although she was not super-emotional about it, I could tell that she was hurt. This is a wonderful lady, very sensitive and intelligent, but I just don't feel a strong chemistry with her. Since our first meeting I've found out that she's a smoker, which makes things even worse. uke: And to thicken the plot, my ex, Miz Enn, to whom I am still very much attracted and with whom I am still very much in love, wants me back. She and I have both realized that it was a mistake for us to break up, and that we belong together. I have taken a job in a city 170 miles from where Ophelia lives. She has called me and wants to come visit me where I am, and I'm sure the purpose of her proposed visit is not to pinch my cheeks and sing happy birthday to me. I don't want to be blunt, but I don't want to see her at all, or even talk to her on the phone, because she wants to fuck me. I know I need to be firm with Ophelia, I'm just looking for the courage to hurt a fine person. I have an impulse, 'tho not a strong one, to get basic with her and tell her that I can't be with a smoker and ask what the hell she plans to do with me from so far away. I don't do things that way. Could it be that I'm being too gentle? I don't know. Never thought I'd be having these kinds of 10th grade romantic woes at age 50, but there it is. I'm really blessed, and that's where I'm trying to focus. The love of my life wants to take a second chance with me, and there's another fine woman who craves my attention and affection. It's good to have choices. It's terrible to have choices. Miz Enn wins, though. Always will. My basic problem is that I'm afraid of doing what I have to do. Not looking for advice so much as a place to vent. Thanks for putting up with me.