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Some Shit Is Going Down In Alaska, Man | Defector
Anchorage, Alaska is located roughly 37 million light-years away from the nearest big market city for network television. Its 2019 estimated population was 288,000, which places it well below lower 48 state suburbs like Anaheim, California. Until recently, the only newsworthy events occurring up there any of us heard about were offshore earthquakes and sled dog races. Then along came Maria.
Local anchor and KTBY Anchorage reporter Maria Athens was sent out on a rather bland, benign assignment to find-out if rumors were true, that a local woman's alcohol-infused toll house chocolate chip cookies were as good as customers had claimed. The two agreed to meet at Kriner's Diner, a restaurant owned by the cookie inventor's relative. From that point facts become somewhat murky, but the cookie lady puff-piece took a decided vector off-airways when the two women...became women and began chatting and gossiping.
Cookie lady confessed that her daughter was not interested in pursuing cookie entrepreneurship, but had unfortunately embarked in an online business: you-send-me-money-and-I'll-show-you-some skin. Moreover she had branched-out to being an escort, including accepting at least one date with a despicable well-known local Anchorage politician. At that point Maria Athens' ears perked-up and the reporter in her asked for some more lurid details. The woman declined to name names, however she said he was very short, obnoxious and Jewish. Athens sat bolt upright! Does he have a hairy butt and a wimpy circumcised dick? As a matter of fact he does. With mental neurons firing across multiple synapses, Maria quickly reached an irretrievable conclusion: Bingo, a perfect match! Ethan Berkowitz, that two-timing son of a bitch!!!
In journalism there are unwritten laws that are never broken. Some say Moses came down from the mountain with ten commandments plus one. These sacred laws rate above the seven deadly sins or uttering the "N" word on-air. In-short, thou shalt never publicly broadcast a deadly threat to a mayor of the largest city in Alaska using anti-semitic phrases like "Jewish piece of living shit" and "Zionist ass, you piece of shit loser!"
Shortly afterward, Maria Athens was confronted by her TV station manager to whom she was also having an affair with. She then tried to sock him in the face rather than explain her various infidelities-- and when arrested by a policeman the size of a bull moose, gamely attempted to knee him in the balls. Maria was taken away to the Alaska Psychiatric Institute for mental evaluation.
Maria Athens
Anchorage, Alaska is located roughly 37 million light-years away from the nearest big market city for network television. Its 2019 estimated population was 288,000, which places it well below lower 48 state suburbs like Anaheim, California. Until recently, the only newsworthy events occurring up there any of us heard about were offshore earthquakes and sled dog races. Then along came Maria.
Local anchor and KTBY Anchorage reporter Maria Athens was sent out on a rather bland, benign assignment to find-out if rumors were true, that a local woman's alcohol-infused toll house chocolate chip cookies were as good as customers had claimed. The two agreed to meet at Kriner's Diner, a restaurant owned by the cookie inventor's relative. From that point facts become somewhat murky, but the cookie lady puff-piece took a decided vector off-airways when the two women...became women and began chatting and gossiping.
Cookie lady confessed that her daughter was not interested in pursuing cookie entrepreneurship, but had unfortunately embarked in an online business: you-send-me-money-and-I'll-show-you-some skin. Moreover she had branched-out to being an escort, including accepting at least one date with a despicable well-known local Anchorage politician. At that point Maria Athens' ears perked-up and the reporter in her asked for some more lurid details. The woman declined to name names, however she said he was very short, obnoxious and Jewish. Athens sat bolt upright! Does he have a hairy butt and a wimpy circumcised dick? As a matter of fact he does. With mental neurons firing across multiple synapses, Maria quickly reached an irretrievable conclusion: Bingo, a perfect match! Ethan Berkowitz, that two-timing son of a bitch!!!
In journalism there are unwritten laws that are never broken. Some say Moses came down from the mountain with ten commandments plus one. These sacred laws rate above the seven deadly sins or uttering the "N" word on-air. In-short, thou shalt never publicly broadcast a deadly threat to a mayor of the largest city in Alaska using anti-semitic phrases like "Jewish piece of living shit" and "Zionist ass, you piece of shit loser!"
Shortly afterward, Maria Athens was confronted by her TV station manager to whom she was also having an affair with. She then tried to sock him in the face rather than explain her various infidelities-- and when arrested by a policeman the size of a bull moose, gamely attempted to knee him in the balls. Maria was taken away to the Alaska Psychiatric Institute for mental evaluation.
Maria Athens
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