Recently I think Im having a mid life crisis... Im finally out with my family over the guy described below, which was always awkward as my Bro had young girls at the time. Now that their 18 and 19 I figured I no longer have any excuses, especially when one was hitting on my Boyfriend when I brought him over... No HAHA.
NEways, Im always getting into these close friendships that turn physical with less than gay men, Im sure this isnt a special case. But I am shall we say really not a member here because I qualify, Im more an admirer that I guess craves very masculine attention. My crisis is that the last boy I was with was 24, im 39... he and I got along GREAT until we had sex,he admits it was the best head he ever had but is awkward, now I feel like Im in limbo again... Worse than this he began to become distant, tried to reconnect with his ex chic who is bi, and was rejected, so he shot himself through the chest just missing his heart and vital arteries... I found him on the side of the road bleeding surrounded by cops that restrained me from putting pressure on the wound... stayed all night and the next day in the hospital till he came to... got the orderlies there when he nearly drowned on his own blood twice, etc... it was horrific... Talk about rejection huh? Im amazed he is fully recovered now, and obviously I have not pressured him, but get the feeling he does want to be more than friends, yet in this small town, and I am very close to his family and friends, he isnt talking about it, and I am basically losing my mind... his own mother even offered me his medical power of attorney when I was staying with him in the hospitol.
I dont know what Im asking really, but I ended up in therapy over this... and have never really fealt so awkward in my life as I try to maintain a friendship so fragile... and maintain my sanity. And I feel like im barking up the wrong tree again, as he seeks female companionship... I know he's a pup compared to me, but I care mabee more than I should for my own good if that makes sence, and it has been the hardest couple months of my life... just thought Id throw this out there, it would be nice to hear from somone...
NEways, Im always getting into these close friendships that turn physical with less than gay men, Im sure this isnt a special case. But I am shall we say really not a member here because I qualify, Im more an admirer that I guess craves very masculine attention. My crisis is that the last boy I was with was 24, im 39... he and I got along GREAT until we had sex,he admits it was the best head he ever had but is awkward, now I feel like Im in limbo again... Worse than this he began to become distant, tried to reconnect with his ex chic who is bi, and was rejected, so he shot himself through the chest just missing his heart and vital arteries... I found him on the side of the road bleeding surrounded by cops that restrained me from putting pressure on the wound... stayed all night and the next day in the hospital till he came to... got the orderlies there when he nearly drowned on his own blood twice, etc... it was horrific... Talk about rejection huh? Im amazed he is fully recovered now, and obviously I have not pressured him, but get the feeling he does want to be more than friends, yet in this small town, and I am very close to his family and friends, he isnt talking about it, and I am basically losing my mind... his own mother even offered me his medical power of attorney when I was staying with him in the hospitol.
I dont know what Im asking really, but I ended up in therapy over this... and have never really fealt so awkward in my life as I try to maintain a friendship so fragile... and maintain my sanity. And I feel like im barking up the wrong tree again, as he seeks female companionship... I know he's a pup compared to me, but I care mabee more than I should for my own good if that makes sence, and it has been the hardest couple months of my life... just thought Id throw this out there, it would be nice to hear from somone...
