Hello Everybody

Discussion in 'New Member Introductions' started by GayBot, Oct 12, 2007.

  1. GayBot

    GayBot New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fairmont WV, looking to relocate
    Recently I think Im having a mid life crisis... Im finally out with my family over the guy described below, which was always awkward as my Bro had young girls at the time. Now that their 18 and 19 I figured I no longer have any excuses, especially when one was hitting on my Boyfriend when I brought him over... No HAHA.

    NEways, Im always getting into these close friendships that turn physical with less than gay men, Im sure this isnt a special case. But I am shall we say really not a member here because I qualify, Im more an admirer that I guess craves very masculine attention. My crisis is that the last boy I was with was 24, im 39... he and I got along GREAT until we had sex,he admits it was the best head he ever had but is awkward, now I feel like Im in limbo again... Worse than this he began to become distant, tried to reconnect with his ex chic who is bi, and was rejected, so he shot himself through the chest just missing his heart and vital arteries... I found him on the side of the road bleeding surrounded by cops that restrained me from putting pressure on the wound... stayed all night and the next day in the hospital till he came to... got the orderlies there when he nearly drowned on his own blood twice, etc... it was horrific... Talk about rejection huh? Im amazed he is fully recovered now, and obviously I have not pressured him, but get the feeling he does want to be more than friends, yet in this small town, and I am very close to his family and friends, he isnt talking about it, and I am basically losing my mind... his own mother even offered me his medical power of attorney when I was staying with him in the hospitol.

    I dont know what Im asking really, but I ended up in therapy over this... and have never really fealt so awkward in my life as I try to maintain a friendship so fragile... and maintain my sanity. And I feel like im barking up the wrong tree again, as he seeks female companionship... I know he's a pup compared to me, but I care mabee more than I should for my own good if that makes sence, and it has been the hardest couple months of my life... just thought Id throw this out there, it would be nice to hear from somone...
     
  2. GayBot

    GayBot New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fairmont WV, looking to relocate
    Sorry for that other thread, I just guess this was to depressing to respond to
     
  3. Mr. Snakey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2006
    Messages:
    24,702
    Likes Received:
    25
    Welcome and have fun...........
     
  4. Calboner

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2007
    Messages:
    9,026
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Holy crap, what a tale. Sorry that you went through it. Welcome to the forum.
     
  5. GayBot

    GayBot New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fairmont WV, looking to relocate
    thanks guys... its been rough, especially as I wait to hear from him when he dissapears... like now. I guess I need to move on, and sever the feeling that Im tied to his destiny, if that makes sence... I appreciate the sympathy... Ive never experienced anything quite so horrible in my life, on sheer shock alone. I should let him go right.
     
  6. Dal2AR

    Dal2AR Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2007
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Arkansas
    You are not alone in your experience...I have known of several situations similar where the suicide was successful. I'm not sure if it's harder seeing him or if he would have succeeded. Just take care of yourself...become a little self centered in pampering yourself and take yourself on a vacation. Obviously you have a great heart and are a real catch for someone.
    Your experience is one reason I will RARELY consider a date with anyone below 30...usually 35.
    Best of luck to you...and take care of your heart buddy...
     
  7. GayBot

    GayBot New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fairmont WV, looking to relocate
    Thanks alot Dal, Ive never poured so much energy into someone in my life as I did that night, i fealt like I aged 5 years. its just not something you can be prepared for. I am SOOOO glad hes ok, and able to go on... But knowing how little I meant to him in the aftermath THE CONFUSION feels like acid in my stomach...I will hopefully meet some guys to talk to here to get it out , my shrink is speachless....literally.

    Thanks for the kind words, Kevin
     
  8. Divine1

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2006
    Messages:
    1,206
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New England
    Welcome Gay Bot.
    You got lots going on in your life.
    I hope you find some support on this site....although I hope you have family/friend support and some professional guidance.
     
  9. silvertriumph2

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2007
    Messages:
    5,507
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2,082
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Eastcoast USA (NYC-Manhattan)
    Verified:
    Photo
    WELCOME GayBot
    Hope you Enjoy this site and find happiness in
    your life. Stay strong
     
  10. GayBot

    GayBot New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    103
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fairmont WV, looking to relocate
    Thanks everybody, I am unfortunatly not doing so well at the moment, but am trying to hang in there... , This site is fantastic, definately helps take my mind off of other things... and life will get better eventually.

    Not to continue down the morbid path but SERIOUSLY, I neglected to mention that a concrete slab collapsed, the roof of an old structure used as a patio. it killed a 43 yr old woman and a 15 yr old girl was critically injured ON MY PROPERTY ONE week before my friend shot himself... I only say this now as all at once it might sound like im making it up, I WISH I WERE.. I will likely be sued for everything I own on top of the hell my friend is putting me through..

    So whats the point... some dick would really make me feel better...lol, I am in counseling, and on bipolar meds since these incidents as well, knocked myself out yesterday on em as I waited to hear from mr big shot(bad joke) and didnt...

    Well I will be around, thanks for listening, my therapist is kind of speachless and said to me last week I have no idea how to help you. at least he was honest.

    Take Care all, and Thanks
     
Draft saved Draft deleted