So, I am here because I don't understand my unusually strong attraction to big penis. Maybe there are some people here who can help me figure this out. I am an average guy, 5'10" with a 6 inch penis, slim build. To this day, I've never really been attracted to any guys I ever meet, but there are times when I find myself unusually drawn to the sight of a very large cock. It all started when I discovered porn in middle school, of course. At first I was just like any other straight twelve-year-old, but after a couple years I started noticing the penis more, and wondered what it must feel like for a girl to have something like that inside of her. I also noticed how much more real some of them acted when they were getting penetrated by a very well-endowed man. It looked like these girls were in complete ecstasy. All through high school, I never thought I'd be attracted to a man's penis. At this point, it was just vagina envy. In college, I began to watch a lot of porn (of course), and noticed some of these guys were packing some serious heat. (Mark Ashley and Lex Steele became icons in my mind. Their big, beautiful cocks blew my mind, and I wondered what it feel like to hold one of those 9 inchers in my hand. It was then I started thinking more about being the girl in the videos instead of the guy. I eventually found myself frequently daydreaming, thinking about being penetrated and wishing that I was a woman so I could experience such pleasure. Then I realized these girls were also taking it in their ass, and I started thinking, why not try it? So, I bought a butt plug and a nice 9 inch dildo, and gave it a go. It felt fucking great! I celebrated every day my roommates were out of town with a good porn and dildo session. Obviously, I wondered if I was gay, so I signed up on a personals website and met a couple guys for some anonymous exploration. Each of these guys were average in height and endowment, and each time I left completely unsatisfied, and didn't really acquire an attraction to men, however I still enjoyed using my dildo. I would still find myself fantasizing about tall, athletic, and very well-hung men. I constantly fantasized about being a woman, started cross-dressing in private (my ass looks great in women's jeans), and I even went and got a body wax once. The feminine feel of my smooth skin while playing with my big rubber penis was unreal at first, but the ingrown hairs all over my body later on were horrible. So today, I am still unsure about all this. I'm not attracted to guys, but I find myself feeling awkwardly submissive around very tall, athletic men, always wondering if they have a big dick or not, and fantasizing about having sex with them... after getting a body wax... dressed in sexy lingerie... wearing a long wig... ...waking up tomorrow morning and discovering that I've transformed into a woman... et cetera. I just don't understand what's going on in my head.