Hello monogamy, my name is Fleur...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Fleur, Dec 10, 2009.

  1. Fleur

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Manhattan
    So...is monogamy dead or something? Just sayin' ...seems like either people aren't for it (in open relationships and/or have fuck buddies) or they're in pseudo-monogamous relationships where they cheat...what gives?

    I wouldn't settle for anyone just to have a boyfriend but seriously it sucks major big balls being single and it seems all guys are looking for is a fuck buddy and that you must be looking for the same even after you tell them 100 times you're not...and telling them so just seems to make them want you more only to later lead you on, fuck you and leave you as they run out the door saying "at least you had fun, right?" only to never hear from them again.

    Anyway, I'm officially not looking anymore and going to be single indefinitely by choice...I need a break from dating.

    Oh and side note, why does wanting monogamy automatically make me an uptight girl? I <3 sex and lots of it thanks. :redface:
     
    #1 Fleur, Dec 10, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2009
  2. D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2007
    Messages:
    1,251
    Likes Received:
    2
    It could be that all the monogamous ones have the same opinion of the polygamy-is-okay sentiment as you do and are choosing to remain single by choice. The problem with choosing to remain single by choice is the only way to meet like-minded people, i.e. another monogamous, is by chance.

    Being monogamous doesn't automatically make you an uptight person. In my opinion I think it adds value to you as a person.
     
    #2 D_Rawkesbye Deadheade, Dec 10, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2009
  3. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    AMEN SISTER!! I'm with you 110%. I have no idea when monogamy became somehow taboo or just undesireable. :irked: :frown1: Perhaps it was about the same time spaceships stopped doing water landings and pornstars started shaving their twats?

    Regardless of when it happend, I wish the pendulum would swing back to normal. :cool:
     
  4. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Messages:
    3,790
    Likes Received:
    17
    I can't really speak about monogamy, because while my BF is the light of my life, we do have a relationship that is not conventional, by any means.

    We love each other and are happy with the way it is now - which works for us. If I wanted a traditional, monogamous relationship, I could have it with someone else. He, an ex, asked, recently, and I told him that it just is not my style at this time (even though I do love him). I am proud to be open about this and not lie or lead anyone on - as lying is where the pain comes from, IMO.

    Will I want monogamy in the future? I am not sure, depends upon a lot of factors, but it still remains an option in my life. I think you just have to find someone coming from the same mindset and both be willing to take a chance and express mutual desire to have only each other in a relationship. Which, it seems, some men more than women (I being a commitment-phobic exception) are afraid to do.

    What the hell? :mad:
     
  5. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2007
    Messages:
    4,864
    Likes Received:
    3
    i think the whole monogamy thing became lost in translation when women started liberating themselves with the whole "whatever men can do we can do too" ideal. it's not wrong for women to feel that way. but i think a lot of times women will preceive other women as "uptight" if they don't want to have casual sex, i.e. fuck buddies, booty calls, etc. it's confusing, but fleur, you're a woman, you know what i mean... and you know how catty women can be!

    anyway, i don't think there's anything wrong with you wanting to take a break from dating and screwing. you're not "uptight" for having self-respect. besides, too much of something can be bad for you. take your time... do some yoga... veg out... spend time with your friends. and come back to dating when you're ready.
     
  6. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    never had any trouble finding guys into the big M...

    are you attracted to the wrong type?
    dating the bad dawgs?
     
  7. Fleur

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Lying, like you said. That's why. Also, it was a bit of a tangent...
     
  8. Fleur

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Manhattan
    Quite possibly or I have bad luck. I seem to attract people in my life lately who lie to me quite frequently.


    @CondomFairy...I totally get what you mean and I think you're right. :redface: This topic is so hard to talk about with other women and men who aren't monogamous...but honestly, I'm not anti-everything else just anti-lying. And just because I'm not into casual sex and want monogamy does not make me uptight or against others who don't want that. Different strokes...and that's fine.
     
    #8 Fleur, Dec 10, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2009
  9. dolfette

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2006
    Messages:
    11,901
    Likes Received:
    25
    then it's the perfect time for a break from dating!

    it's the best way, imo, to break a bad cycle. gives you time to sit back and figure out where you're oing wrong and how to fix it.
     
  10. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina

    I don't think that you are uptight. You aren't alone. Men. Women. Some may not feel too monogamous these days because life is a bit too much and all they can handle is just sex.

    I am monogamous. But in the love market, men aren't wanting that from me. I am not wanting to expect that from another anymore. And that is fine by me. I am not one for wasting time either. There are no guarantees that another will be monogamously devoted.






     
  11. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    I agree. Honesty is the best policy. Tell people what you want from them.
    Ask people what they want from you.
     
  12. eyescream

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2009
    Messages:
    1,101
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    (Nomadic...relocating again very soon)
    I'm female and I'm into monogamous relationships. But I'm not into every guy I meet in fact I've only been into one guy my whole life. I love sex and I'm not into relationships with guys I'm only into having sex with. So I do believe it depends on that point in time when you meet a guy. Most guys I have sex with end up asking me to be in a monogamous relationship with them. That is ironic I guess.
     
  13. WifeNeedsGurth

    WifeNeedsGurth New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2009
    Messages:
    169
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    12
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    New England
    I say "good for you" for being into monogamy. It's not the path I've chosen, but it certainly doesn't make you uptight.

    I think the advent of the internet age has really put a strain on traditional monogamy. It is now so easy for men and women to find "hook ups". Years ago, you actually had to WORK if you wanted to go outside of your relationship for sex...now it's almost as easy as ordering a pizza.

    Don't give up hope. Your monogamous relationship is out there somewhere....you will probably find it (or more likely it will find you) when you least expect it.

    Good Luck.
     
  14. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2009
    Messages:
    404
    Likes Received:
    3
    After my last relationship which was open, I've now decided to that it's monogamy for me from now and on. I rather be a one man's woman.

    Toss in a person into the mix, it's fun, but only leads to complications, especially if emotions get involved.

    I'm trying to decide whether I want to pick up dating and have sex here and there or just swear off men for a little while.
     
  15. D_Andreas Sukov

    D_Andreas Sukov Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2008
    Messages:
    2,933
    Likes Received:
    3
    i think guys do want monogamy, its just not "cool" to say so. atleast not at my age, among my friends. when i was in a relationship, i dont think they understood love and close, esoecially the love and closeness i had with my partner. its a sad state of affairs.

    however, there are men that want monogamy, like me. you have to take a break and clear from your head that all guys are afgter fuck buddies etc otherwise mr monogamy will walk by and you wont see it
     
  16. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2005
    Messages:
    1,286
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bay Area, California
    Speaking as an openly polyamorous man, I can tell you monogamy is neither taboo nor undesirable. It just aint for me.

    For centuries, monogamy was held up as the only choice - except for joining a convent or living single all ones life. Back then, monogamy was hardly a meaningful choice.

    Now that monogamy is one option among several, the choice to commit oneself to one partner becomes much more meaningful. If monogamy is a conscious choice by both participants, it can be healthy and joyful. If you understand the benefits and problems of monogamy and compare it to other relationship styles, and still choose it, then that is a choice worth celebrating.

    As somebody who once lived monogamously, but won't ever again, I can tell I found it simpler to develop intimacy with one partner than with two or three or four. I also found it stifling in that I could not expect one partner to meet my needs for emotional intimacy, sexual expression, or affection.
     
  17. NotSoDumb_Blonde

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2009
    Messages:
    773
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    20
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    US
    Verified:
    Photo
    I'm still stuck on the lying. Even when told you aren't in it for the fun, the quick sex and good bye, why do some men still play the game? It is a game. But wow, it would be great to find the rule book, because, seriously it seems sorta lame to go after someone for sex (there are so many out there into just sex) when you know they want more. The lies. They baffle the mind. I mean, come on...why go after someone like that? I can't believe they simply didn't think ahead, didn't consider this or that...sad, really. If you think about it, it is kinda sad. Maybe the men you've met have low self-esteem and need the notches on their belts? The win, of someone that is giving them something they value (sex)?

    All I can say is it does feel good just to give it all a break. And sometimes, after a break, the ones that lie? They are wicked easy to spot! Almost sad really, but then again, all those liars make you wicked jaded to actually 'trust' someone and that is problematic too...

    *sigh*

    good luck!
     
  18. voidout

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 1, 2009
    Messages:
    1,463
    Likes Received:
    1
    this is why i'm so picky...because my peers don't know how to keep their dicks in one bitch at a time.

    the chicks, too. they get sluttier every year it seems.
     
  19. DecoyMAX

    DecoyMAX New Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2009
    Messages:
    55
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    On an Island
    now that you want to be single and stop dating for awhile is when you will find someone for yourself. you don't have to believe me but it chances are it will happen. You should start doing some things for yourself in the time being.
     
  20. DecoyMAX

    DecoyMAX New Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2009
    Messages:
    55
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    On an Island
    since I also live on long island... have you noticed what sluts the school girls look like these days? I drove by my old high school coming home from work the other day and was shocked. I don't know how these parents let their daughters wear some of those clothes.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted