Help Bottoming

Timbit

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Hi all,

My bf and I have been together for about 2.5 years. We are happy but we struggle with our sex life. We don’t have that much sex, probably because it’s always challenging for us to have it. We are both inexperienced (we are each other’s first relationship) and I am kind of a small guy with I guess a tight butt, while he is like 5’10 with a 7.5 inch thick dick. I’ve been able to bottom but it usually takes a while and occasionally we can’t do it and we have to give up. I wanted to see if anyone has any tips about best positions to start with, maybe toys I can use to loosen up, any other stuff we could try? We usually start (and end) with the prone bone position. We had shower sex once (standing up) and we’ve tried missionary a couple of times. I have topped him but I think we both definitely enjoy it more when it’s the other way around.

While our relationship is not dependent on sex, we definitely want to have more of it haha.

Any tips will be appreciated!!
 
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CDN071

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Try straddling him. That way you can regulate pace and depth.
Sex doesn't have to involve penetration. Get yourself a dildo or vibrator and get him to use them on you.
Try not to stress about it. Enjoy each other and play. You will open up.
 

Brodie888

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You need to buy a progression of larger thrusting style sex toys up to his size to practice with so you can get used to taking him. If you do it a couple of times a week it should happen quickly. One of these toys should be a vibrator. All waterproof ideally silicone so you can practice in the shower.

You can make this play part of your forplay if you like but not until you have confidence with it yourself. One exercise for relaxing is to clench your butt hole with the toy pressed on it for 5 seconds. After 5 seconds relax your hole. You should find that your hole will almost give way and allow the toy to slide in about an inch. When your muscle clamps down, stop moving, don't pull the toy out. Repeat process until you get it all the way in. Lube, lube, lube can never have too much lube.

Now, having said all that, this isn't completely your fault. I think your partner's inexperience in opening a guy up is also part of the problem. With great penis size comes greater responsibility to stretch you out to accommodate him. If you go to all the trouble of douching out, the least he could do is finger/tongue/toy/lube you sufficiently to make sex pleasurable for you too.

You can do the 5 sec contract relax thing with him. I'd suggest you start by being on top so you can control the speed. Once you are relaxed you can change to some other position.
 
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Hey.. I can understand your point about sex not being dependent part of your relationship in order for it to work. I've been with my husband for over 22 years. We both live busy lives, so sex took a back seat for most of our relationship. You're not alone with that type of relationship. As far as any tips to help you with sex. Sounds like to me your inexperience might have gotten in your head a bit. Once we start to think about a problem that we might be having when it comes to sex while having sex. It generally will not improve. You mind at that point will put up that wall preventing you from enjoying your experience. My suggestion is to put on your favorite type of make out music and enjoy each other's company. As you begin to relax try and let thing happen naturally.

A really good way to relax are massages. You get on your stomach. Allow him to massage every part of you from head to toe. Even your butt, inner and outer areas too. He can gently massage your hole too, but not to spend all his time there. ( Red Flag to the brain, tighten up invasion coming.. LOL ) He can keep coming back to your hole, slowly progressing with his play. Even using his tongue getting it nice and wet. He can even straddle your butt and rub his dick up and down your crack, ever so gently rubbing your hole, even using the tip of his dick teasing you. Once he feels comfortable that he has relaxed you he can try to slowly fuck you in this position..While still massaging your back, leaning down and kissing your neck.. you get the picture. Just enjoy it and allow nature to take over.
Good Luck
 
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LICNYCgay

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Agree with the toy advise. Practice makes perfect. But NO CHEAP DILDOS. Spring for 100% surgical grade silicon. Cheap dildos can irritate your hole and may even be toxic. The other added benefit of silicon is that you can use oil based or water based lube. (Though not silicon). Coconut oil makes a great lube and is also great for your hole.
 

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Thank you everyone for your awesome suggestions! I shared them with him and we have a lot of stuff to try now. Hopefully I can get some toys shipped to us through Amazon. Should be fun.

Thanks again, I appreciate the help!
 

Brodie888

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Thank you everyone for your awesome suggestions! I shared them with him and we have a lot of stuff to try now. Hopefully I can get some toys shipped to us through Amazon. Should be fun.

Thanks again, I appreciate the help!

Doing the contract relax exercise with him using his finger could be educational for you both. As you master one finger, he can then try two then three. Use lots of lube. See if he can find your prostate. When he fucks you in the future, this is where he can try to rub against you as he is thrusting.

Do this as a fun project of discovery rather than try to do it during sex where you're both under pressure to perform. With all this time locked up inside it's not a bad way to spend a lazy afternoon!
 
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AlmondMilk

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I'm always tight. Use lots of lube and a medium-sized butt plug. Definitely take your time when putting it in, though. Don't just stuff it in otherwise you won't get the pleasure. I usually leave it in for about half an hour, and I'm good to take a dick that big.
 
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Timbit

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I'm always tight. Use lots of lube and a medium-sized butt plug. Definitely take your time when putting it in, though. Don't just stuff it in otherwise you won't get the pleasure. I usually leave it in for about half an hour, and I'm good to take a dick that big.

Oh so you just leave it in there, you’re not sliding it in and out to kinda get used to that?
 

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Oh so you just leave it in there, you’re not sliding it in and out to kinda get used to that?
The purpose of a butt plug is to gradually stretch the ass open. Leaving the plug in helps this area to relax and stretch. Dildos are better designed for the "In and Out" motion.
 

henry777

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I think being a bottom on top is good because the bottom gets to control the speed and comfort level. I would also try getting a dildo. Something small at first of course. I have this one (King cock dildo) and it's great. You can get them in various sizes.

King Cock 6" Dildo in Flesh.jpg
 

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Timbit

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The purpose of a butt plug is to gradually stretch the ass open. Leaving the plug in helps this area to relax and stretch. Dildos are better designed for the "In and Out" motion.

Awesome, I actually have both but didn’t know they’re used differently. Thanks for the info!
 

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Awesome, I actually have both but didn’t know they’re used differently. Thanks for the info!
No problem .... I hope you both find them enjoyable. Take your time, try to alternate between dildo and dick... Make it fun....Can I ask how you guys are?