Help! I have a Depressed "Boyfriend"

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by gcbenji0, Oct 11, 2010.

  1. gcbenji0

    gcbenji0 Member

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    Help me. Okay I met this guy at a gay pride thing on Wednesday. He bought me food that day. Thursday we went to a club then spent the night together (no sex, just some dick rubbing, no cum).

    Friday night we had sex. Saturday night we had sex. Didn't see him sunday. We just had sex just now (today is monday).

    I saw his facebook status that said "so happy my life is changing. no more depression" posted at Friday at 3 am..... which is while we were in bed together. He was tooling around on his phone during that time. And his relationship status is "in a relationship." I asked him about these things. He said the "relationship" is referring to me. But I told him unequivocally in no uncertain terms that I am his friends who is a boy who enjoys his penis. That's it. No boyfriend status. Honestly, I feel like I'm done with him. I've had my fun and I've lost interest.

    But I am afraid that if I don't talk to him anymore he might be depressed again or something. In light of recent tragedies I really don't want another gay suicide.

    Maybe I need to help him find a dude that's right for him.
     
  2. bigbull29

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    You friend needs to realize that most sex is just that -- sex. I can like a million dudes out there, and 99.9% will just use me for my big fucker and move on; and that's fine if we all see it the same way. Unfortunately, there are those who like us in a more profound way, and the feelings are often not reciprocated. All you can do here is make that very clear (I can only hope that you never led him on that you liked him also in a more "profound" way.) He will have to just accept then that you don't like him for any other reason than sex (very common for people just to be consensual sex objects to each other, and he should know that and deal with it, unless he's mentally ill, possessive, etc).

    I've been used many times, and people broke my heart. No, I have a nice barrier up, and very few get into my heart. I'm still, though, very big-hearted and loving, but folks don't manipulate me anymore, or use me as a means to an end (you know those "friends" who seem so sweet and kind and you feel sorry for, and who just end up being not the person you so perceived them to be at the beginning).

    Emotional distance is very healthy at times. Never get taken in fully by "surface" friendliness, either, no matter how genuine the person seems. Be kind and loving, but let time show the true side of someone. That said, you don't need to be paranoid and friendless.:biggrin1: You gotta play "middle of the road" (it's all about moderation, baby!)

    Peace:smile:

    (I so miss Jason_Els right now, as he'd have something much more interesting to say than I...he was just a brilliant dude!!!)
     
    #2 bigbull29, Oct 11, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2010
  3. HeBop

    HeBop New Member

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    Wow! We've fucked now I'm done with him. Nice. Maybe you shouldn't have spent five days with him. A one night stand is a one night stand. If you spend a week with someone chances are they might start to think that a relationship is forming. I know I would. I understand that sex is sex sometimes but going out on dates spending the day together and sleeping together is not just sex.
     
  4. Bbucko

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    That may be true, but five days aren't a long term relationship, either :wink:

    To the OP: I think the guy jumped the gun, but it also sounds as if you two had very different motives going in. There's nothing wrong with what I refer to as "casual intimacy" (that closeness you can suddenly feel with a total stranger of a few day's acquaintance), but it's gotta be seen as the illusion it so obviously is. The guy in question obviously didn't understand that.

    BTW: if you now feel "responsible" for his sanity or happiness, you're being manipulated. That's fair warning.
     
  5. avg_joe

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    LMAO !!! Are you joking? You have to find a guy for him? I don't think so.
     
  6. avdude19

    avdude19 Member

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    hmmmmm, one question. Is he cute?
     
  7. avg_joe

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    You stole my words. Super Naughty spy. NSA or FBI?
     
    #7 avg_joe, Oct 11, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2010
  8. avg_joe

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    NSA or FBI ?
     
  9. avg_joe

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    FBI or NSA? Tell me, I want to know who you are.
     
  10. DiscoBoy

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    That is none of your business. He made all his own assumptions.

    Anyone whose "depression" is "cured" after deciding to be in a relationship with someone they've known for less than a week has a lot bigger issues to deal with than whether or not said "boyfriend" shares the same feelings.
     
  11. B_Nicodemous

    B_Nicodemous New Member

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    Any bolded emphasis is mine:

    Ok. I have a few questions. Did you make it plain that you were only looking for a NSA or FWB type engagement? Did he call you for the future encounters, or did you call him? If he called you then it would behoove you in the future to establish right off the bat what you are looking for. Not casting judgement, just offering advice. If you had called him those times, then your culpabillity in this mess went up. How old are you and the dude in question? What the hell were you doing looking at his facebook page? Did he offer it up to you to see? Or did you go snooping? And if you did, then why? And did he specifically say or make any indication that he would harm himself if you left the "relationship"? And that does not mean he got mopey or looked sad about it, cuz that would be a fairly natural reaction. Did he seem to accept it? Do you You do understand you are in NO WAY responsible for his future well being, don't you? But you understand how to aviod this in the future, don't you? By making your intentions clear from the get go? I don't even know how to respond to the "had my fun, but have lost interest" line. Is that a result of his jumping the gun, or are you kind of callous that way?
    I agree. I would have taken it to mean, well, if not a relationship then something more than a one night stand. At least a definite interest.

    Again this is why the age of the two would be helpful to know. Very generally speaking, jumping the gun like that sounds like a rookie mistake a very young person would make. Or an older person just coming out. Casual intimacy can be great. But all parties need to know that that is what it is. Thats why my questions of who called whom would be helpful if they could be answered. If the OP was the one calling the dude, it COULD be misconstrued by a novice. I will agree with the manipulation if the guy in question has said anything remotely like the following, "I just don't know what to do. I was so happy. I can't believe you'd do this to me. I don't know how I can handle this. It's your fault if anything happens" If he instead looked sad and shocked? Then it sounds as if the OP is projecting his guilty conscience onto his little paramour.

    I hope that the OP didn't lead him on either. And the guy he was with needs to grow up a bit and realize that not everyone a person sleeps with is going to be in it for more than a fuck. Sadly there are some pretty mentally unbalanced people out there. The OP needs to be aware of how to weed them out and avoid intimate relations with them. More work on his part? Sure. But that's part of being a responsible adult.

    I hooe you do get back to this and fill in some of the blanks. I don't mean to sound harsh, but until some basic questions are answered I feel hesitant giving any advice what so ever. Hope to se a post soon.
     
  12. maxcok

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    I think you're being overly dramatic. Maybe him too. Takes two to tango.
     
  13. Stephenmass

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    Why don't you just talk to him about it. If you "could be" interested over a period of time, make that clear. If it is a FWB or whatever, make that clear (as painless as you can) also. If he can separate the two, and still want to see you and you enjoy his company, anything wrong there?
     
  14. Chase1600

    Chase1600 Member

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    More than true, significant.

    I don’t see your finding him someone else working. Were you guys able to become buddies, you his wingman, checking dudes, maybe it would be cool; if my read of your post is right, I can’t see it in the cards.

    Nicodemous76 offers good insights about behavior. There’s skill to how we do things. When guys fool around after the first night, it’s keen to get a sense about where the other guy’s head is moving. Regardless, I don’t think this is a “right –wrong” thing. So what? You made a mistake by not assessing the mistake he was making; mistakes were made; you ain’t married are you? You haven’t bought a house together?

    Clearly you do not want a relationship with this guy. Doesn’t matter why. He can have a ten inch dick, trust fund and Brad Pitts face, if he’s not the guy, he’s not the guy. Whether you should have established better limits and sent signals is now immaterial. You must not permit yourself to be “guilted” [if I may coin a word] to any sort of ill-fated relationship.

    Be truthful and respectful. Don’t break contact unless he becomes exploitative. If you made a mistake permitting him to assume more than he should, as politely as possible admit your mistake, but do not admit to future responsibility for his well being because he wishes to impose such a thing upon you.

    Were a situation to arise in which the guy might actually come to harm, you may have to seek help or even call 911. If he attempts to manipulate you bring us up to date. There would be other advice.
     
    #14 Chase1600, Oct 12, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2010
  15. helgaleena

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    It is not your responsibility to find him someone else. It is however your responsibility to treat him with politeness and respect even if you don't want to be romantic with him. Somebody who posts this sort of thing on Facebook is into drama, possibly more than you are, but it doesn't mean you have to feed into that drama.
     
  16. helgaleena

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    Your grammar appalls me more! :rolleyes:
     
  17. avg_joe

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    I hope you are not a part of the ring. :rolleyes:
     
  18. avg_joe

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    If anyone wants to challenge my statement, send me a PM.
     
  19. gcbenji0

    gcbenji0 Member

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    neither.
     
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