Help, I have the problem everybody wants

Stephenmass

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As someone said a bit above, and I don't know if you are or not, but if you are on any antidepressants or anything for blood pressure, etc., you become "superman" in bed which is not always wanted because while it is great to go on and on there does come a point where you and she wants you to cum. It can be frustrating. If meds are on your plate, a discussion with a doctor regarding your meds may be in order. I have no idea if you are on meds or not...but if you are, check with your doctor!
 

D_Jurgen Klitgaard

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As someone said a bit above, and I don't know if you are or not, but if you are on any antidepressants or anything for blood pressure, etc., you become "superman" in bed which is not always wanted because while it is great to go on and on there does come a point where you and she wants you to cum. It can be frustrating. If meds are on your plate, a discussion with a doctor regarding your meds may be in order. I have no idea if you are on meds or not...but if you are, check with your doctor!

A-D's were my super secret weapon.
 

Crex

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I had the same thing happen the first couple of times. Nowadays I can come any time I'm ready, and have to work more than ever at fighting it off. My partner seems to have crazy control and since I like to finish at the same time, I sometimes get a little frustrated at his stamina. But so long as this isn't a medical issue, I say enjoy knowing that you can be unselfish and satisfy her even if it means having to finish yourself. Perhaps with more practice you'll find a sure-fire way she can make you come every time. Good luck!
 

Cockmo

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Your story sounds exactly like my first time. There are a few factors involved. A lot of it is in your mind. I'm presuming this was your first time. If so, things will probably settle down as you get used to sex with something other than your hand. It feels completely different from what you're used to for one thing. Focus on the sensations you're feeling rather than worrying about how it feels for her. Think about what you're doing and how good it feels. Don't worry about your technique. I remember I used to worry so much about whether I was doing it right that it distracted me from how it felt for me.

Maybe you're one of the guys (and girls) who needs a little extra stimulation now and then. That can be anything from talking dirty to role playing or any number of little things. Talk about what you want to do to each other beforehand. A bit of flirting and teasing works wonders.

Another thing you could try is to stop wanking for a little while. Make love to your girlfriend, but don't touch your cock with your hands. It could just be the difference in sensation between your hand and her pussy and everything will sort itself out with practice as you get used to doing things differently.

Totally agree here. You have to literally punish your dick. Don't cum until you cum in your girlfriend - your dick will soon learn when it is going to get rewarded. I mean don't masterbate or cum unless it's with your girlfriend. This goes for gay sex, also. Believe me, it works!!
 

ibostyle11

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There are a lot of factors that could be causing this. Is this the first girl you've been with? If not, did you have this problem with other girls?
 

petite

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It could be an anti-depressant such as Prozac or another SSRI. About a month after I was put on Prozac, first it was difficult for me to orgasm, then I couldn't orgasm at all. I went off it and I never went on another one again.

Gripping yourself too hard during masturbation could be it also. Dan Savage says that the solution to that problem is to stop masturbating altogether and only have penis in vagina sex until you regain sensitivity.
 

wildwestend

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This is my advice for you. I feel what your going through exactly, and although I can't tell you if this will work for sure, I can tell you that it probably will work, and I ca give you an update in a month or so because I'm in a long distance relationship so I havn't had sex since the same problems that happened to you happened to me.

At first we just started dating, so I didn't totally feel safe with her (trust, her thoughts, etc...) We had sex many times but I couldnt cum. I came once from doing it myself after sex, I tried to do it myself on 3 other occasions after sex and I still couldnt come. While having sex with her, I was only thinking about her, and if she was enjopying it, if she was happy, if my dick was good enough, if I was good enough, whats in her mind, etc... She even told me to just relax and stop trying to be better everytime and that its all in my mind. Because of my past, I have a fucked up mind, so I always think about stuff. When I go to see her soon, Im very confident none of this will happen again. I feel safe with her, I trust her, and most importantly I'm working on my mind. So, in conclusion, I'm 100% sure that its all in your mind. Just enjoy.

Now, more information that may help. There have been comments taht you should stop masturbation, but that infact effects the mind alot. It didnt work for me. Before going to see her I didnt masturbate for 2 whole months, and after having sex with her I still couldnt come, so stopping masturbation is not the answer. You may ask why not? Well, because you are telling yourself I need to stop masturbating in order to come, so infact you are worried about not being able to come when your with her, and your sort of preparing yourself for sex, which you shouldnt do, its not a game, its not a battle, its fun. Don't think about sex, dont prepare yourself for it, just go do it and have fun. So by stopping masturbation I dont think you will help yourself, because the mind is the strongest sex organ. I didnt masturbate for 2 months, and after much much sex, still no orgasm. I would continue life as it is, but if you do masturbate, maybe not as much, and differant methods. I just masturbated 3 times before writing this post, each time with a condom on, each time to my GF's picture, the 1st time I had a medium grip, the 2nd time (10 minutes after) I had a very loise grip and the 3rd time (an hour after) I had a very loose grip again. Each time I orgasmed. Why? Because of my mind. I was enjoying myself, it took no longer than 10 minutes to orgasm to my GF pictures with a LOOSE grip. I can't stress enough how loose this grip was, I can only say that it felt like throwing a sausage through a hallway. Now, more important info, you may want to begin working out if you havnt (I do every single day), and eat healthy, more importantly things that are good for sex. Eat asparagus, just trust me on this one. Also, if you want take a pill of zinc everyday, I do once a day, but this isnt a MUST. So, the steps I've taken I have told you (healthy foods (sex foods), masturbate with a loose grip with a condom on, clear your mind, excersise, don't think about it; enjoy life).

I hope I helped. I was sceptical about posting at first since I'm no expert, but I remember a while back I asked the same question as you and would hav eloved any sort of reply. I hope all goes well with your girlfriend. Just don't think about it, the more you do the more it will hurt you. When you have sex, tell yourself in your brain, or even better talk to your girlfriend while your fucking her and say "Im going to fuck you for so long, I dont want to come, please I hope I dont come". You are telling yourself to come that its nto going to happen. Its the same as telling your dick to get hard, its not going to happen. Let everything happen naturally. After experiencing the same thing, I went to a doctor asap, he said my body is perfectly healthy, I'm not low on anything, my blood is fine, everything is fine. He only told me I lacked some Vitamin D which wasnt serious (we get it from the sun), I take 1 pill a day now of Vitamin D, but this doesnt ahve to do with the sex. He suggested to me that its all in the mind, Im forcing myself to come and its not happening, and that I should ease up on masturbating. He told me nto to think about it and just let everything be. When you are having sex, dont try to force an orgasm, I tried several times and I pissed, although it felt good, but it was piss! If you have any questions, just ask, but the main points are: continue life as it is, eat healthy stay healthy, dont think about it, its all in the mind, dont be scared. Take care and Good luck! I'm in the same boat as you, I mean its good to make your GF come 3 times, and hear her say noones made her come like you have, but I know what your talking about in regards to the confidence part and just akwardness, beleive me. I'm going to be fucking all day every day next month, and I know Im going to come, but I don't even want to come!!! Peace.
 

L_egit

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If it isn't a chemically mediated desensitization, I would suggest edging and storing 2-3 orgasms prior to having sex. Not only will you be excited because you have something special to give her, but the increase in penile sensations is off the charts.

Once you can reliably cum using this sensitization method, sex becomes far more reliable as your method of orgasm, which reduces performance anxiety and reduces your need to masturbate (which itself, as noted above, desensitizes over long periods).

If, by contrast you are taking a chemical agent which interferes with your libido or sexual function, see a doctor and check what you can do to get around it.
 

champ111

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How you masturbate could have an effect as well. If you use a death grip to jerk yourself off you can desensitize yourself to the more subtle sensations of intercourse.

i do the death grip to jerk so i can last a long time but sex still feels amazing during that time so im not complaining.
 

LargeInLife

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Danny,
This is a really interesting situation you have described. I have used your post as a prompt on my blog, to which I have provided some advice I feel might be helpful, and also a bit tooo long for an LPSG response.

I hope its helpful

Large In Life: Lasting Too Long?
 

sbat

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Hello,

Long story cut short, I have only recently started having sex with my girlfriend (or soon to be) and things seem to be going smoothly. However, I have come across an issue I never even imagined could be considered a problem. Simply put, I seem to last too long in bed, or can't actually ejaculate without doing it myself. She put it best:

"You have the problem everybody else wants"

I always imagined my first time lasting 10 mins at best, not an hour and half until she climaxed 3 times and I had to finish myself off lol. Now personally, I do not consider this a huge issue and won't until I want a child, but there are ways get around this "problem" of mine.

Where it becomes a problem is here. Any decent person during sex wants to make it as good for the other as possible, and if you feel like they weren't satisfied you feel like you under perform, which hits confidence. While I have persuaded this girl that it is not her, it is very much my own issue, I cannot help but feel like she still feels inadequate almost. This is very frustrating for me and puts me off the idea of having sex quite a bit, even though I do enjoy it and by no means do I mind finishing myself whenever were done.

I have done a bit of "research" into this whole delayed ejaculation stuff, and i know it isn't because I am gay. What seems to happen is when the foreskin drags back the head becomes numb as it is so sensitive. Sex feels amazing at first but I lose the good feeling as I go on, which is why I believe it goes "numb". I'm not sure what I should do next, it isn't really an issue in the relationship at the moment, but any way to overcome this without counselling would be nice.

Thanks in advance,
Danny

This thread is mistitled. I don't want this problem
 

LargeInLife

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This thread is mistitled. I don't want this problem

I don't think its at all a mistitle. There are Millions of men who suffer from premature ejaculation, (ever wonder why there are so many different types of de-sensitizing products for men, theres gotta be a big market for it). I'm sure if you asked all of those 'minute-men' types if they would rather last too long, or not long enough, they would probably choose the former.
 

luckyp

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I have this, somewhat. When alone I can masturbate myself to orgasm within 3 minutes if I rush it, and I usually take no more than ten minutes, but with a partner it can be very difficult. My current boyfriend is the only person who has ever managed to bring me to orgasm without me masturbating and our sex has been great, but it has taken a lot to get there. We worked a lot on basically "teaching" him how to give me a technique that I find pleasurable.

Being relaxed and comfortable with the person is probably the most important factor. You might want to try and change your masturbation technique and train yourself to cum from a technique more similar to penetrative sex than masturbation. I have always used a jackhammer death grip but I've slowly learnt to get off from a much slower, longer stroke.

And don't be ashamed to talk about this with your partner. My boyfriend took it as something of a mission to make me cum. He really wanted to work with me on it and I felt a lot less embarrassed and ashamed after talking about it.