[Help] I need advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Heads_Up, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. Heads_Up

    Heads_Up New Member

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    So here's the story in short detail to save people time.

    I am Bi, but have dated girls all my life. Until recently, I have found that I am attacted to this guy. He's great and all and we've been talking for almost a year now but it got to a point where we liked each other alot and started sleeping together a couple of times. His story: was in a uh domestic relationship or that term that's used for "married" same sex couples. After 4 years as he told me they had decided to part ways. So I guess he was married, anyways, when I first met him back in Jan, he had told me he was gY and had a partner. But he didn't tell me he was like married.

    So I knew that he was having trouble with his partner and his partner had been cheating and had left with some way older guy, btw their aged 22 & 23 ans I'm 19.

    So throughout this time we've talked and done stuff together & I happened to like him a lot and he had told me the same thing. But, like every relationship that ends, time is needed to recuperate to move on. I understand that because I've broken up and time was needed to move on. So what my problem is that I don't know if I should continue talking to him and just ending everything.

    He's single now and has all his friends all up on him and I guess trying to sleep with him. I don't really care all about that since it's his business and not mine. I still feel bad about this one situation that happened to where I went to his to watch a movie & he invited his friend over for drinks. I didn't think much of it so I had a couple of drinks and was out for a while until I was woken up to get ready to sleep in for the night.

    We all shared the bed and I didn't think anything was to happen but i found out after it all happened, no sex btw just a heavy make out session and when I woke up he, the guy I talk too, well call him Mark, was down in his drawers ans his friend was naked.

    I was startled 'cause I has never slept in a bed with 2 guys were named. But I guess nothing happened between them because I woke up with 2 huge nicked that I had to hide for a couple of days

    So what i want to know is would I want to start a relationship with him? He says he wants a relationship but because I'm not experienced dating other guys that I would want some more and leave. But I don't understand why he said that because it happens either way if your straight or gay.

    He doesn't talk to me as much as he used too so I'm assuming that he's distancing himself from me... About 2 days ago he had asked me if I was ever in love. I had told him that I had not but I thought I was now. So what turned up to be a discussion about love turned to something ugly and he had stopped talking to me.

    I think he's great and I could see myself with him but because he cheated on his partner with me, btw he felt it wasn't bad because his partner would cheat on him too, and that's the only problem I have. I wouldn't know if HE would be the one that would want something more with someone else.

    So any advice?
     
  2. VeeP

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    Sounds like a big bundle of warning signals to me. If you don't want to get hurt, keep it at arm's length until he figures out what it is that he wants.
     
  3. D_Doe_Ray_Mi

    D_Doe_Ray_Mi Account Disabled

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    I think you've answered your own question. From what I read here, it seems that monogamy rather than an open relationship is the type of partnership that you are looking for. If that is accurate, this guy isn't it. Not that that makes him bad or wrong, just not right for you at this juncture. You are young and exploring and seem like a gentle soul. This seems like a very vulnerable time for you and this guy is on the rebound. Take care of yourself.
     
  4. Heads_Up

    Heads_Up New Member

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    He says he's not ready for a relationship at the moment and that is understandable. My definition of a rebound: hooking up with someone after a break-up. His definition: starting a relationship after a break up....

    So that's that.. as of now I'm just not caring about him as I used too and that's what had upset him.... So I don't know what he wants... So I'm thinking I should just move on...
     
  5. helgaleena

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    The only thing that can iron this out is time. Tell him you want to stay fwb for a while until you both have lived to be a bit older! Goodness, you are not even 21 yet and even if you found 'the one' man or woman, you need also to think about things like career and saving the world and that type of thing, not just sex and romance. Mr or Ms Right might need to have the same life goals as you in order to make it all work for the long haul. Neither one of you are ready for that until your bread and butter are under control.
     
  6. Heads_Up

    Heads_Up New Member

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    Your right Helga. Time is what is needed to iron out this out. I know I don't plan on settling down just yet... He wants a long term relationship and I want that too but at the place where is he at and I am at, I think waiting would be good.
     
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