Help! I Wrote The Worst Personal Ad I've Ever Read

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jason_els, Dec 25, 2006.

  1. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA
    Hey all,

    I know NOTHING about writing personal ads but I'd like to get out there and maybe start dating seriously. My problem, as you will see... well, there are a lot of problems. I re-read it and even I would run from it. :tongue:

    I've posted here a lot and I hope I've given some insight into what I'm like because I AM what I post. There are a lot of great people here who seem to know how to get lai-- er, romantic involvement.

    Any thoughts would be appreciated.

    Merry Christmas!


     
  2. viking1

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2006
    Messages:
    4,706
    Likes Received:
    5
    I don't think I would mention penis size or employment status.

    You want to attract someone so don't mention anything that makes them think you are being negative about yourself or are insecure. That's been my problem...downing myself too much and for no good reason.

    Tell them your interests and what you want in a mate and nothing more.
    Never let anyone see your insecurites...we all have them by the way.

    Good luck!
     
  3. VeeP

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2005
    Messages:
    1,787
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    I agree with Viking1, you should focus more on the "positives". Ax the parts about your dick (definitely), quitting smoking, and being unemployed. These are all things that will tend to come out if/when they need to as you get to know a person.

    OK, Take 2, with "negatives" redacted and a more "positive" tone overall:

    I'm a single bi male, 5' 11", 245 lbs, with salt and pepper hair. I'm starting my own e-business soon and considering a parallel career in panoramic photography and a new kind of exercise video. I love kids and have thought about having a family some day.

    I like reading, writing, movies, cars, exotic restaurants, museums, travel, dogs, home theater, and like to grow carnivorous plants. I love dogs but I'm highly allergic to cats. Falling in love is difficult for me but when I do I'm as unfailingly loyal to my mate as I am to my closest friends.


    Still you, isn't it? Best of luck to you, buddy.
     
  4. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,460
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,559
    Location:
    United States
    I actually recognize you from another site. I'm a long-time fan of your posts.

    Having said that, here is the problem with your ad: T. M. I. !

    Too Much Information!

    Keep it simple. What are you like in person? Are you funny? Let it shine! Are you energetic? Make that come through. The problem with your ad is that you are trying to sell the whole steak, when all you need to do is let people buy the sizzle. Sell the sizzle, not the steak. And don't talk so much! Make an outline of the 3-5 most important points, and just hit it, and quit it. In, out, done. Hmm... writing a personal ad sounds almost like a one night stand. The ad itself is to be an overview: It's not meant to weed out every single person who isn't quite right, and no matter how explicit you are, it won't do that anyway. So go on, speak in general terms, and cast a wide net.The first very short paragraph gave a humorus description of my ideal date. I described the physical, as well as the mindset. But I was brief! I'll sent it to you privately, so you'll know my advice comes from experience.


    Without being a close friend of yours, and without knowing what to bring accross as your personality in your ad, here is my re-write:

    I'm looking for the man or woman of my dreams. For the right person, I will be loyal and passionate as we discover and rediscover the secrets of this urban jungle, NYC.

    Are you ready for a life of love and culture, cuddling and cuisine? I know I am. Can you handle a free spirit who is on the cusp of something great, someone who has decided to completely overhaul every aspect of his life from the ground up? Do you want to be in on this adventure with me from the beginning? I'm looking for you! Unless you have cats.

    I am 5'11, 275 lbs, with salt and pepper hair. I'm trying to quit smoking, and am very allergic to cats.

    There is so much more I want to tell you, and even more I want to discover about you. Let's be in touch soon.


    This is by no means how you should re-do your ad. It's just a frame for you to work from. A suggestion, based on your current ad.
     
  5. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2006
    Messages:
    4,005
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Boston,Mass.
    Hey jason els,
    Yeah, I think you are definately giving way too much info !
    I met my current partner (Mr Ed in Mass.) on match.com. I think you might want to also keep that your "bi " to yourself until you know someone better. The same with being unemployed and living at home.
    The people on the sites ( I found) tend not to be terribly honest about alot
    of things. I think I would also submit the the ad under both men & women
    "headings". I hope you'll find the person of your dreams!! Both of those rewrites were excellent and perhaps you could use a variation of them.
    Happy hunting & Happy Holidays to you!!
    Miki & Ed
     
  6. yhtang

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2006
    Messages:
    1,565
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    170
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    South East Asia
    I much prefer AlteredEgo's version. Since it started with you seeking either a man or a woman, it alludes to your bi tendency - and honesty with yourself.

    May all things work out positively for you.
     
  7. diamond

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 13, 2006
    Messages:
    598
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    67
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA, California
    Verified:
    Photo
    Hi,


    I have to agree with the guys on this site...concentrate on the positives, write a short ad, and be honest in what you seek. What I would state is your preference in whom you want long term with ie) man or woman. The logistics how you want to work the rest out shouldn't be included in your blurb.
    I posted my personal ad several weeks ago, and got blasted from several members for being a bit too direct and shallow. Looking back though, it was the best thing I could have ever done, since I met someone really special off LPSG.

    Good luck on your post, I hope you find someone that lights up your life.
     
  8. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2004
    Messages:
    10,576
    Likes Received:
    25
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Warwick, NY, USA
    Thanks for the suggestions. I was thinking that the best thing would to be honest as I don't want to attract people under false pretenses.

    Do they have such a thing as LGBT partnering services/web sites? Like say a lesbian wants a kid and a gay man would like one too so they decide to have one together, each sharing in responsibilities of child rearing? I was just thinking, that might not be a bad idea.
     
  9. Bryan_Lyte2

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2006
    Messages:
    1,630
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    CA, between Rosamond, and Palmdale
    Ah the joys of e-dating, or lack thereof. Dude, keep it short. Never give too much about yourself in your profile. You'd like something to talk about when you're on a date right? Also, I noticed that you wanted to be upfront and honest, or at least that's what I gathered in your profile, but some things are better left unsaid. Try this, it's your same profile with out any added wording.

    Hi!

    I'm a single bi male who would love to have a wife, OR husband, and kids, but am having trouble finding a man, or woman who would be ok with me having sex with women, or men on occasion.

    I'm 5' 11", salt and pepper hair, I smoke but am trying to quit.

    I'm starting my own e-business soon and considering a parallel career in panoramic photography.

    I'm unfailingly loyal. I like reading, writing, movies, cars, exotic restaurants, museums, travel, dogs, and home theater. I love kids, dogs but am allergic to cats.

    Anything else left out could be a converstion piece if used right such as:

    "What do you think about the rent around this area?"
    If you are asked you can respond with
    "I think the prices are astronomical", and not a word about living with your father.

    OR

    "Name something interesting about yourself?
    If you're asked you can respond with
    "I grow carniverous plants", but don't bore them with the detail unless they are interedted and ask, and even then limit it.

    Key to remember? Don't open a can of worms if can be avoided
    :cool:
     
Draft saved Draft deleted